We Never Smiled in the 90’s

Kevin shows Harley a short film that makes her cry. Harley has to give steroids to the Moo Man. Plus: The first female detective in the Newark PD!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is Beardless, D*ckless Me?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

00:00:23
Speaker 1: Welcome to beardless, dick less me.

00:00:25
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith, Quinn Smith.

00:00:29
Speaker 1: All right, So you know, sometimes I don't know if you know the things I've done or not, so I'm just gonna always proceed going like she probably doesn't know. I years ago I made a movie called Clerks. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. How many times do you think you've heard the word clerks in your life? Like since you came out of the woman shit like doctor and s your ass.

00:01:00
Speaker 2: It was just like Clark basically, yeah, clerk, that's a good metaphor for my life, to be honest, But you would literally you literally used to tell me you're the best thing I did in color, therefore insinuating that Clerks was better than me. I think that was because it's in black and white. I just want everyone to take a moment to understand how that would affect a child's mental health and perception of thyself.

00:01:37
Speaker 1: Kid can't take a joke, I can't. But if that one does not pilar the other me going like, you're the best thing I ever did in.

00:01:44
Speaker 2: Color, it's just like some cool like you want to do.

00:01:48
Speaker 1: In black and White's Clerks. Literally one thing I've ever done in black and white.

00:01:53
Speaker 2: And you're saying it's better than me.

00:01:55
Speaker 1: That does not But I don't see how Like I'm honestly, I don't hear that when I say you're the best thing I did in color, No we're not. But it's like, since I never quote unquote did you in black and white, you can't possibly be on that.

00:02:09
Speaker 2: But I guess then the question lies. It's really just a color and black and white on par with each other of importance.

00:02:18
Speaker 1: What a great question to me? I would always go with color is what everybody wants. Color is what the world.

00:02:28
Speaker 2: Of a hole right now?

00:02:30
Speaker 1: I have no idea, isn't it? Is this something that you literally brought up with the therapist.

00:02:34
Speaker 3: Going like why am I not blacking? Why you want to be monochromatic?

00:02:38
Speaker 1: I mean, number one the show, you're the best thing I did period. But saying you're the best thing I did in color lets people go like what does that mean? And then like black and white? You may so any look, hey, sis, you're part of the operation. Any any easy jokes I could score off of you, you got to take the hit up.

00:03:00
Speaker 2: My whole life is a joke.

00:03:03
Speaker 1: I share something with you. Yeah, so this is fucking dope. We'll get back to the other thing. Remind me because I sometimes forget. So you're aut Virginia, which sounds so weird for me to say because I had an ant Virginia and she is definitely.

00:03:20
Speaker 2: Not texting you.

00:03:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's passed, has passed. But first female detective in the police.

00:03:29
Speaker 2: Depart Oh, I didn't. I never did I ever meet did she? She's like, she's really fucking cool. Honestly, we should we are moving. You know, you're not wrong, She's fucking cool, can.

00:03:42
Speaker 1: I I'm like, I'm in order to tell the story, I have to say a word. There's a trigger fucking morning to anybody out there's the R word. But she was on the R squad.

00:03:49
Speaker 2: That's what Yeah, don't say the word.

00:03:51
Speaker 1: I said. Yeah, that's what they called it. Like that was the the name of it, before they called it vice or before they called it undercover. It was just yeah that her and like her buddy would go out and.

00:04:08
Speaker 2: Try to catch people.

00:04:10
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah. The only way you can catch those people and stuff by being that's so, that's like, I'm sorry, this woman was so like you'd never know.

00:04:23
Speaker 2: What a legend I feel like this is probably like one of the proudest people of the Hard section of the Smith's.

00:04:32
Speaker 1: Descent is adopted. So this is our older sister, but you know, by adoption. Yeah, so Virginia was like twelve years old.

00:04:51
Speaker 2: Oh wow, So this is just someone I'm just to be related to, but not even by blood's.

00:04:58
Speaker 1: Oh my good see you were raised. You were raised by me, and you could tell all because my dad was like blood is thicker than water. Grace, it's that fucking stuck with me, and like forever.

00:05:09
Speaker 2: You always do say by like.

00:05:11
Speaker 1: You, I make a differentiation, yeah, which is so weird because like because I'm always I'm doggedly loyal to my home clan so much more than even like now at this stage in life. Periodically when I'm like, well, I'm going home, like Jennifer will be like you live in California, I'll be like, I'm bad where I grew up. I mean home, because yeah, but I said enough where books are like that. But but I you know, for for me, like it's like I've known Nana. Nana is Harley's grandmother, Jen's mom who I call Gail, but we call her colloquial and colloquially nana because that's what Harley's called her whole life. But I've known Gail forever mm hmm, not forever, but for as long as I've known your mother, so twenty six years. Yeah, never call their mom.

00:06:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever do that.

00:06:19
Speaker 1: But others do. Yeah, but not others in our family, but others, like live.

00:06:24
Speaker 2: Your life, I guess, but I I to me, I would never. I would never do that.

00:06:30
Speaker 1: This is the thing that's only get that's one mom, one dad, And I'm not being prejudiced, like you can't have more than my.

00:06:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, world please, No, it's not a judgment, just my personal preference because wait, I forgot the rest of my thoughts.

00:06:47
Speaker 3: I don't know kids period.

00:06:52
Speaker 2: Oh like if you have a child and you're referring to like, how like how nan and Paw refer to you as mom and dad when they talk to me, which is the reverse I guess of what we're talking about, Or you would call them nanon pop.

00:07:04
Speaker 1: I call them nan and pop whenever you're around. Yeah, when you're not around. I would never say to like, Jen, what do you think Nana Popp are up to? Unless ironic I use their real names, Gallen, Yeah, but you would never use their unless you were being ironic to be like, well me and Gallen Bier.

00:07:21
Speaker 2: Whenever Pa calls Nana Gail, I'm always like Paw. I'm always like, I don't know, I don't know Gail.

00:07:28
Speaker 1: Gayl Nana n Jenny. Do you think that? Like, think about it, You're like, you better call her fucking nana. Pop. I'm like, I like to think of her as a hotpi, as an ass bro. Nana is the name of an old goat or a dog in a Disney movie or someone's grandparent. Popes Nana in a very specific way. So when he calls her Gail, you know what that means. He's ot for teacher. And when you forced him to call our nanny's we're old.

00:08:02
Speaker 2: You have to do the two steps.

00:08:06
Speaker 1: He's lifted as well.

00:08:10
Speaker 2: Mam lely callback.

00:08:13
Speaker 1: So here is speaking of mom?

00:08:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, so.

00:08:18
Speaker 4: Ma.

00:08:18
Speaker 1: But in Virginia side oh yeah, pretty damn press first, yeah, no doubt and family probably like free. I don't have to pay for that story because.

00:08:28
Speaker 2: It is yeah, and does someone have like it would be probably be Journals of the Sword.

00:08:36
Speaker 1: We make up the rest. Crime is hard in the city, we can in relatives already righting the ship, he writes itself, what was that?

00:08:45
Speaker 2: What was the first line?

00:08:46
Speaker 1: Crime is hard in the city.

00:08:48
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, I'll screw winner.

00:08:51
Speaker 1: Look, this is it, this is our moment, this is our our.

00:08:54
Speaker 2: I have her really really cool cigarette holders Virginia.

00:08:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, she had classy.

00:09:00
Speaker 2: Takes and not just shows. I wish I knew this person, bro, you never would.

00:09:06
Speaker 1: Have known she you want to talk about Hannah Montana separate fucking life because at home she was like, you know, fucking queen or like fucking silks from Japan and ship like that she loved like.

00:09:18
Speaker 2: Wait did she actually where Yes? Yeah, oh my god.

00:09:24
Speaker 1: She would wear her hair with a fucking first person ever met tire her hair back and put a stick through it, like way before anybody else. I mean before cavemen, but first human I ever saw. Yeah, chopsticks and chopsticks like that you would use. But it was just this like secret.

00:09:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, it's.

00:09:41
Speaker 1: Just not what you know most people. Her ship was everything was like really classy, well done. She had a really nice like living room set and ship like that good dining room set. And when we went to visit her. She would like she wouldn't come down right away because she was coming home from work and work was like fun in hell. She became one of the first female detective in the North Police apartment. Her and her partner Ellie, were eventually put on youth division. And I don't mean like juveniles who I ain't going to school today, Detective Caddillo. That was her name originally, Rary Cardilla. We're talking about like this baby was battered to death.

00:10:25
Speaker 2: Oh my god, happened to children.

00:10:29
Speaker 1: That's what she spent her days doing, dealing with the most depressing shit on the planet. So we would go up there for spaghetti's on Wednesday night, right, spaghetti night. You get up there and hanging out downstairs like Gerard and Rosemary. Her kids are my very Jersey hang out with Uncle Jerry and stuff like that. Washington TV and Virginia be nowhere to be seen because she'd be upstairs fucking decompressing, like taking up fucking bath wash in the fucking filter.

00:11:01
Speaker 2: They can only imagine.

00:11:03
Speaker 1: And then just be like, think about the horrible things she had to carry and she had to like leave him in the bathroom which had a bidet. Mind you, that's how classy she was.

00:11:13
Speaker 2: I was held it all together.

00:11:14
Speaker 1: Was this water fountain I drink out of my No, I was like, why is this tastes like a vagina? So she'd finally come down and this is my be like that's how she would That's how she would greet the room, come here. Oh my gosh. That was She was so like a buoyant honestly, like I mean, I don't mean this is any just like she could have honestly been a fantastic dreg Like that's how she dressed, and she.

00:11:53
Speaker 3: Was larger than life.

00:11:55
Speaker 1: And just like, come on, let's go eat, like just fucking.

00:12:01
Speaker 2: Like glamorous, yeah, like super glamorous, like.

00:12:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, but not like I wanted to be alone, but just like the hotels.

00:12:08
Speaker 2: No, no, not that type of glamor Matrod the drag type of glamorous.

00:12:12
Speaker 1: But she, you know, on her job, was the opposite.

00:12:16
Speaker 2: That's so interesting.

00:12:18
Speaker 1: She may have fucking shot people, like, but she didn't talk about it, and you'd never I wouldn't know. I have to I would have to dig deep and ask Rosemary. And I doubt Rosemary would know. My godmother mom might, but I doubt she even shared that ship with mom because she put that ship in a lock box and then went down and you know, pretended like that she didn't hear the most horrible things in the world. So and Virginia, why don't even bring her up? Wonderful person? But she, uh my Virginia, my sister always named.

00:12:49
Speaker 2: For Oh my gosh, we really went down a hole. And now I'm just like thinking about her life and just like really, really, you know what.

00:12:57
Speaker 1: We got to talk to is your epigen my sister, because she knows a.

00:13:01
Speaker 2: Lot about how well I mean, how does she know.

00:13:06
Speaker 1: This that her godmother, Yes, because Donald's godmother was Anne who just passed away, and uncle Wayne is her his godfather in Virginia. Her godmother, I believe is in Virginia, I forget and her godfathers.

00:13:21
Speaker 2: May Virginia is friends with like also do other like more of our relative. She does a good job.

00:13:28
Speaker 1: Like my sister Virginia.

00:13:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, she just does a good job keeping up, She.

00:13:33
Speaker 1: Keeps the she's yeah, she she has taken on like the even though she you know, she lives abroad and has lived abroad forever. She's the very like she was an expat for a long time. But now they're moving back to the state. So anyway, she's home. She is when I stay home, I mean back in the States. And when I stay home, I mean she's at Mama Ley's right now, right now. So what I'm going to be doing is Thursday kicked the kick off the Mycastle film.

00:14:02
Speaker 2: Fas is my cousin here no.

00:14:07
Speaker 1: Smartcastle film Festivals. On Thursday, we have a thirtieth anniversary of the screening of Clerks happening that night.

00:14:16
Speaker 2: Cute.

00:14:16
Speaker 1: Then the next day I'm going down to see Momley going down to Florida. It's Jerry, my brother, Donald's husband's sixtieth birthday that night, so what he's turning? What? And Virginia's in town. So Mike, my whole family is living family on twenty one Jackson Street, because you're my living family as well. Family I grew up here. Yeah, the ones that are left, they're all give me the same place at the same.

00:14:41
Speaker 2: Time have gone.

00:14:43
Speaker 1: I mean, but this wasn't playing. I was just like, well, I'm gonna be up there, and I've got two days bere you know where I could go down and see mom. So and then it turns out all the ship's going on, so Virginia's there right now, And so Virginia sent a video of mamally listening to beardless. What do you think that?

00:15:17
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, is she crying?

00:15:31
Speaker 2: Oh no, she was itching.

00:15:35
Speaker 1: Wait.

00:15:35
Speaker 2: First of all, I've never heard the show because I'm so scared to hear my voice. It sounds like everybody's some certain people have their things to say about the audio. But that sounded very clear. But two, but too, it's so crazy to hear her voices. I guess this is.

00:16:01
Speaker 1: The funny part. So Virginia wrote, mom is enjoying your podcast, and then she wrote the following script, Mom, he's so funny. He could have a show of just him and her me. Uh, that's what this show is, just Kevin Harley. So there's a second video. I don't know what. Let's find out. So I can't sing.

00:16:39
Speaker 2: Oh, she's so cute, She's so so cute.

00:16:43
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

00:16:43
Speaker 1: She did get emotional. She's like, I can't wait to hear him come and sing as if I'm gonna go there and be like mom.

00:16:53
Speaker 2: And someone has got to film it and send it to me.

00:16:56
Speaker 1: You have to are singing that. She would rather have me singing Likearry Manila Her name was Lola. She was a show girl. That's what her like Alexi is whenever he walks in, She's like, Alexa play Parry Manila, and Alexa's playing the best hits of Harry Manela.

00:17:13
Speaker 5: You do it.

00:17:14
Speaker 1: Her name was Lola. She was a show It was a very big disco song. So mamily at home listening to the show and having a blast. Because Virginia, my sister, she sent me something about it the other day. I think she said, like, I was listening to your fucking show and it was great.

00:17:33
Speaker 2: Really yeah, Oh my god, I can't believe people listen.

00:17:37
Speaker 1: To you, I said, how are you? She's tired and sad to be leaving Europe, but looking forward to arriving in Orlando with see Mom and apparently you two. I meant to tell you that I listened to the Beardless Stickless podcast in which you sing like Father Dave and talk about Lavernon Shirley. I was in tears from laughter and nostalgia. I'm so loving this podcast. Oh that's awesome. So we know who's listening my sister.

00:18:00
Speaker 2: Okay, hey girl.

00:18:05
Speaker 1: Okay, So I mean this is weird to do because we just like showed a video of my mom but at least we heard it and stuff like that. But I there's a story attached to this. So Steven Fraser, who works at the office at the podcastle our vegan friend.

00:18:31
Speaker 2: He's vegan, yes, oh, yes he is.

00:18:35
Speaker 1: He found, like you know, a year or two ago in the basement of the stash, I found this box of leftover work print from when we were making clerks. In order to cut back in the day, you took your negative, you spit out everything or your select takes, and that's what you used to cut. And what you use to cut was then taken to the negative so they can match the negative cut to it, and then everything that was left like the short ends and shit like that and just left over. Right, we had it forever at RST Videos that's where we cut clerks, and so it was in like three garbage bags full of all this like work print film, no sound on it, just sixteen millimeter film that you put on the thread for the steambeck and use that to cut it. So one day I go visit Miss Topper and as after clerk's been picked up and traveling the festival circuit, and I saw the bags in the garbage, like up with the work print. I was like, what's this. She's like, oh, I threw it out. I thought it was garbage. I was like, oh no, god no. So I put in the trunk of my car and then I brought it back to a had a condo. At that point, there was there in the garage Dancy Dance in Red Bank Tower Hill Comes. I bought with the look at you.

00:19:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was living fat man, you were damn. Now you literally sleep.

00:19:51
Speaker 1: In a close I do now when I'm home in Jersey, I sleep in a closet.

00:19:56
Speaker 2: Still dead, like not even an exaggeration. It's the closet stopped. Like I'm not saying like it's a small room. It's like literally intended to be a utility clause.

00:20:08
Speaker 1: It's a clause.

00:20:10
Speaker 2: After damn, Okay, you've done great about it.

00:20:15
Speaker 1: So I found this footage and then it sat around like the apartment above the movie theater for like a year. Then when all this stuff was being moved out, Steven saw it and he was like, I'm like, what the hell is this And he's like, I think it's from Clerk. And Stephen looked at it. He's like this sixteen milime.

00:20:36
Speaker 2: That's crazy, that's so crazy.

00:20:39
Speaker 1: What we had done for years though, with that bags of I can't.

00:20:43
Speaker 2: Believe, just fucking suck us like sign sold it off.

00:20:47
Speaker 1: So we did this thing for years, because this is all stuff that wasn't used in the movie.

00:20:51
Speaker 2: You should ask for it, right.

00:20:52
Speaker 1: Can I get all of the backplace. So we would take the workprint and just clip off ten frames at a time, sticking on a card. I'd sign the card and stuff, and we sold them for like ten bucks a pop, so bucks. It kept the secret smashing a lot for years. Ten bucks for ten frames of sixteen milimeters work print, which again, if you ever wanted to strike, you just need to go the negative and do it. It's not impossible. So we sold it off for years and years and years, and all that was left, honestly, it was one you know, shopping bag from a food store full. That's it footage. Yes, and wisely, so this was ship that was going to get thrown out, but we made money off of it.

00:21:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I just.

00:21:35
Speaker 1: Wanted this a little pile that was left. Like Stephen was like, would you mind if I got this digitized? And I was like, oh my god, that'd be great. Yeah, So Steven got digitized and he gave me the file and I had the file for two weeks before I could pop it in and I had a chance to edit. So I put it in the other morning and it was fifty six minutes total, and it talked about all footage from the making of Clerks, stuff that we haven't seen in thirty years.

00:22:06
Speaker 2: May ask a clarifying question, absolutely, how roughly like to second? What is the second to frame ratio? Like how many.

00:22:18
Speaker 1: Twenty four frames a second a second?

00:22:23
Speaker 2: So ten frames.

00:22:24
Speaker 1: Would be half a not even a half second, half a second of work?

00:22:30
Speaker 2: Okay, period, I know. I feel better about that.

00:22:34
Speaker 1: So I was like, we made a lot of money.

00:22:37
Speaker 2: I didn't I didn't realize how many? How many?

00:22:40
Speaker 1: And again I don't regret it. I'm still cool as totally very clever. Use cycling if you will.

00:22:48
Speaker 2: Oh, and I'm so proud of you. Wait when did you do that?

00:22:52
Speaker 1: We started the moment we started selling things online, which was even before we had a secret stash.

00:22:57
Speaker 2: I think, oh my god, really you're like a business man. Look at you.

00:23:03
Speaker 1: So how we sent you to practice school. I'm showing ten frames at a time. What was that called? Again? I know you hold on, let me try to remember it.

00:23:15
Speaker 3: Hold on, are you archer that.

00:23:18
Speaker 1: It took me a second. The one before that, well i'm talking about archer.

00:23:22
Speaker 2: Oh you're talking about the one.

00:23:24
Speaker 1: Wasn't as expensive as archer. Archer.

00:23:26
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, no, don't say the prize please.

00:23:28
Speaker 1: Well I'm not. But when I saw both, I'm like, wait, when did they start charging for school? Because I went for free and just everybody, I mean, so happy to go to.

00:23:38
Speaker 2: So grateful, so so grateful for the level of education. Of course, but I would I would have been fine. This was not my choice, is not my choice.

00:23:52
Speaker 1: But you know because of the people those frames paid for everything. That's this house was built on those fronds. Honestly. Wow.

00:24:04
Speaker 2: So that wait, So there's fifty six minutes.

00:24:07
Speaker 1: Fifty six minutes of footage, which again I haven't seen since we were working on the work printed movie, and some of it I never saw because me and Scott cut separately. So you know, I wouldn't go over things that he went over. If he was like, well, we're not going to use this take, I would not be like, well, let me see it first. And so like, there's some ship. I didn't really and what it is in order to sync up your dailies, your film footage with the sound you know, that's why there's a clapper and stuff. So you would have to roll the fucking sound of the sound head to hear the root snap, you know when it hits. Yeah, and then mark on a with a grease pen on the work print where the actual clap board hit. And then it was nuts, bro, Like, now it's all digital, you can do the show. It was pretty cool.

00:24:56
Speaker 2: That's like magical.

00:24:57
Speaker 1: It was crazy. It was actually working with.

00:24:59
Speaker 2: The tools so cool.

00:25:02
Speaker 1: Lots of the footage of the fifty six minutes is this, it's it's not even this, it's just after the clapper.

00:25:12
Speaker 2: Then you're.

00:25:15
Speaker 1: In the footage. Yes, Well, first off, before we get there, just seeing images from this era that I have not seen for the last thirty years is a mind fuck because you got to remember, there are only certain amount of pictures other than the movie itself, a certain amount of pictures behind the scenes. We weren't shooting. We didn't think it was going to be a thing, so it wasn't like we didn't document anything.

00:25:38
Speaker 2: And are they are they all takes or are there is there like footage of you guys like in between.

00:25:45
Speaker 1: Takes, all takes, but sometimes more than just the yeah yeah, like you'll see life happen.

00:25:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:25:52
Speaker 1: What was crazy was seeing like you know these are number one. We did more takes than I ever imagined, because in my head I was sometimes we didn't. There's one thing we got to eleven takes on a low budget movie and.

00:26:05
Speaker 2: I was like, do you know didn't that one guy in the in the Batman movie. It's a guy that played the Riddler. Didn't he take like a hundred takes?

00:26:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, that has no bearing on Don't give a fuck about that guy.

00:26:20
Speaker 3: It's not in this movie, not a Clerks.

00:26:22
Speaker 1: But talk to that Affleck. He was in Chili. He'll tell you the story about how Marty Brest made him and Jennifer Lopez do one hundred and twenty fucking takes. I said that as if like it was a life lesson take that take that he told that story, and I was like, what he did. And by the time we got to take one hundred, we were like, Marty, what are you looking for? And he was like, just keep going. And when he finally got to the place he's like, that's the one. Ben was like, what we what was to be fair? He goes, I just wanted you guys to sound tired.

00:26:58
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a little psychoic, but.

00:27:02
Speaker 1: Process.

00:27:03
Speaker 2: I also did like one hundred and two vocal takes of this one section of a verse the other day, so although it would take much longer, Well, actually, no, I guess I'm just as crazy as that guy.

00:27:19
Speaker 1: There is no wrong unless you're hurting somebody physically. But in a world where it's like we're going to do as many takes as it takes, you know, it's not my way. I had to bail a long time before that. But like, that's so true.

00:27:33
Speaker 2: We are different in that way. I feel one or two take out you're like happy, Yeah, I know. Well I guess it's just because I have OCD and you don't. Maybe that's just a difference.

00:27:45
Speaker 1: Well, I'm the director and you're not.

00:27:48
Speaker 2: Right there.

00:27:49
Speaker 1: When you direct a film, come back and tell me.

00:27:52
Speaker 2: I just.

00:27:54
Speaker 1: Sing.

00:27:56
Speaker 2: You're still talking about I just want about like music to I don't know, just as many tis whatever.

00:28:02
Speaker 1: I know you were compared directing and I was like, when did you.

00:28:05
Speaker 2: No no directing to like singing?

00:28:07
Speaker 1: Takes.

00:28:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know anyways.

00:28:10
Speaker 1: But getting back to the main fucking point here, I'm seeing this footage I have never fucking seen before, and there is baby Dad who took us on the journey, and he is not happy. He is in all the takes.

00:28:27
Speaker 6: He's like, it's he closes the clapper, He's like, just no excitement for he really your dream's coming true?

00:28:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's that's nuts because I was on logic set and every take he was.

00:28:42
Speaker 2: Like, wow, boy, which is now?

00:28:45
Speaker 1: Which is like me now? Yeah?

00:28:46
Speaker 2: Which is you now?

00:28:47
Speaker 1: But like it's crazy, and as my dreams are coming true, I'm not. I'm like, I'm I think it's fear. I think I'm like, I'm I'm in so much debt and I don't know what I'm doing here. I asked Anderson. He's like, oh my god, he's gone. You're terrified that every fucking dime you sank into this movie is gonna be tanked by the chucklehead you're working with. I was like, I don't know that that was it. However, the most telling story in this fifty six minutes of footage, and you know, it's like alternate takes of Lisa who's passed on and stuff. So it's kind of moving and whatnot. But mister fucking nineties, like, hey man, this is a serious business. You could tell. I don't think of myself as a comedy filmmaker. I think of myself as a filmmaker, and I'm serious as a filmmaker. The only time I smile, the only time I break and I laugh and I seem to be having a good time is with Jason.

00:29:46
Speaker 2: That's really beautiful.

00:29:47
Speaker 1: It is kind of sweet. So there's us standing next to each other and I'm breaking up. Although there is a moment where I talk and I put it in this thing I was working with cutting the footage.

00:29:57
Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you were just about to cry. I was like, oh my gosh, she's so.

00:30:00
Speaker 1: Move So I saw like this thing where I talked to him. I'm leaning backwards in a way that I didn't in the movie, and I talked to Jason, and I was like, oh, that's going in. But then I looked at it real closely and I saw what I say. I go. I turned to him and I go, act motherfucker.

00:30:20
Speaker 2: Oh Chad, he goes.

00:30:25
Speaker 1: He starts to line again. I mean, it was the first film but he was. He was just kind of reading the lines. And that's when I was like, ah, beer.

00:30:35
Speaker 2: Can I guess no camera can see the photo behind you of Jay wearing lipstick after he just kissed you. But it's just he's staring at me right now.

00:30:46
Speaker 1: I sent you the video, but you didn't get to see it, right No, So I'm gonna let you watch it. What the fuck? Corruption problem? No? No, no, yeah, that can't that can not be. What the hell?

00:31:06
Speaker 2: Wait? What does you What do you mean do we need to stop the show?

00:31:10
Speaker 1: But oh my god, all right, no, I got it. It works now you watch it. You press the little thing in the middle. This is gonna be.

00:31:25
Speaker 2: Do I show the camera or no?

00:31:27
Speaker 1: They can watch it online.

00:31:29
Speaker 2: But can you hear it though, Oh.

00:31:30
Speaker 1: They can hear it? Pointy, Wait until you see how fucking young everybody is.

00:31:51
Speaker 2: Oh no, why am I gonna cry?

00:31:54
Speaker 1: I don't know. Watch. We'll keep your eyes on it. Don't take your eyes off it. It's all quick though. It's all very quick shot, so you can't take your eye through.

00:32:10
Speaker 5: M it's so bad.

00:32:18
Speaker 1: So I'm laughing.

00:32:27
Speaker 7: You don't cry.

00:32:29
Speaker 1: Watch Jay?

00:32:40
Speaker 8: So, oh my god, it's so it's not so it's crazy, right, Yeah, that one.

00:33:04
Speaker 2: Is that Jay in the hot room doubles Jersey.

00:33:07
Speaker 1: No, it's at half second. Oh my god, you guys are so little. Look how little we are.

00:33:17
Speaker 3: Oh, Roy, you're so little.

00:33:24
Speaker 2: You're just a pig.

00:33:26
Speaker 1: I know I'm younger than you are right now, like I was twenty three.

00:33:35
Speaker 2: Gun I say something?

00:33:36
Speaker 1: Yeah good, I don't want to say go ahead.

00:33:41
Speaker 2: Jeff Anderson was kind of when he was scared?

00:33:44
Speaker 8: Was he?

00:33:44
Speaker 3: He was young?

00:33:46
Speaker 2: Okay? We recreated so much of these things and rebood.

00:33:57
Speaker 1: Like and clerks through as well. That the car.

00:34:07
Speaker 2: I love the car.

00:34:10
Speaker 1: M This is the real emotional part right here. Oh why because she passed away?

00:34:22
Speaker 2: Oh shure, No, it's not right.

00:34:25
Speaker 1: It's about to be here.

00:34:29
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's so sad she passed away.

00:34:39
Speaker 1: She was young too.

00:34:41
Speaker 2: Oh I'm so sorry.

00:34:43
Speaker 1: She's one of us.

00:34:46
Speaker 2: This is such a sad podcast.

00:34:48
Speaker 1: It is. But then gonna kick in, it's gonna be fun. Well, it gets fun again.

00:34:58
Speaker 2: We're just fucking fry. Who's said, Oh wait, I forgot this alternate ending. I was like, who the fuck died? Smell so serious?

00:35:18
Speaker 1: Ah, here's where he cracks me up about.

00:35:29
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, look you're smiling.

00:35:31
Speaker 2: You Never smoke?

00:35:44
Speaker 9: Oh j I wish I.

00:35:48
Speaker 2: No, I actually no, I don't. I wish I knew Jay when he was a kid. Never mind, Oh wow, everyone was getting their chance at the clapper.

00:36:33
Speaker 1: M just so little you left.

00:36:48
Speaker 4: I was really good.

00:36:50
Speaker 1: I did the other morning. Thank you something cry seek knew?

00:37:00
Speaker 2: What videos? Can you expensive?

00:37:08
Speaker 1: Kid? Isn't it wonderful? What I love about it? You're really good. You're used to seeing that movie for thirty years, and it's suddenly because of that. There are moments where they turn to look at you, like look at the camera and they break character. And that's something that nobody has ever seen, but something that I even forgot, Like, you know, I knew we would be like cut and people would break and look and stuff like that. But those moments and little baby Jay, and that was the other thing, Like Number one for those who are like, what is this, It's a short film called We Never Smiled in the nineties.

00:37:49
Speaker 2: When are you going to put it out?

00:37:51
Speaker 1: We're showing it in the beginning of Clerk's the thirtieth anniversary screening at this Macastle Film Festival. And then I think I'm gonna put it up on the YouTube channel because I think for the thirty anniversary Clerks, because I think like people would dig it, like that movie is now part of the fabric the pop culture, and it's like suddenly, this is like seeing the movie from this perspective and like, oh my god, look at the kids who did it and stuff. So I mean, I'm not regretful, but could you imaginef I'd had that when we were making Clerks three, like holy fuck.

00:38:24
Speaker 2: Oh. But I think when they're in the movie.

00:38:27
Speaker 1: Theater, Oh, it would have impact others the same way it impacts, like it was more meaningful. I think to use clips from the actual movie Clerks in that moment in Clerks three, because people have an affection or center that's so true.

00:38:44
Speaker 2: That's actually for this they would.

00:38:46
Speaker 1: Have been like wait, what is that? What is that? But for anyone else, like I showed Mom, and you know, Mom's pretty fucking cold fish. But Mom was like mom, like when we got some Lisa parts, she was like, Jesus Christ, what a gift this is and she started crying. She was like but not for like young me, she was like whatever, But when she saw Lisa, she was like, this is incredible. I was the shit I love her, and it made me. I sent him a video where I was like, bro, I just watched like footage I've never seen of the making of fucking Clerks, and I am so fucking serious throughout it, Like I almost look like I'm having a bad time, but I know I'm just trying to be Yeah, I'm just trying to be a serious filmmaker. And ship I said, but the only times that like I'm laughing or having a good time is when you and I are together, you know. And I was like, and that's why, probably why I've always like kept Jason around or always put him in things, because he's always the good time. But he's also like, you know, in my memory of it, like Jason was barely there, but that footage proves that he was there was multiple days, not just he's.

00:40:00
Speaker 2: A credit what you did to my face.

00:40:06
Speaker 1: He stopped doing the makeup before you come on the show. Okay, if anyone's sitting at sitting home listening, going like, what do you mean, how can I see it? If you go to that Kevin Smith club, you can actually see the video. Yeah, join that Kevin Smith club and watch beards, watch the kid cry. I knew it too. As as soon as I handed to you, I was like, she's probably gonna break. It didn't take you very long since you saw what else?

00:40:30
Speaker 2: Did I recently cry.

00:40:33
Speaker 1: Out?

00:40:34
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know why. Hearing about you from.

00:40:43
Speaker 1: The past, you why, I don't know.

00:40:46
Speaker 4: I don't know.

00:40:49
Speaker 2: I'm just like, he was just such a baby.

00:40:52
Speaker 1: It was I was a total baby.

00:40:54
Speaker 2: It was just a little guy.

00:40:57
Speaker 1: Oh that little guy. Just start a little guy.

00:41:02
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's so crazy. I got it, and the show come on.

00:41:07
Speaker 1: All right? Well, you know how we on the show we have to passion or ration it ration?

00:41:14
Speaker 2: You fucking making me cry like this I show.

00:41:18
Speaker 1: I didn't realize it would take that. I thought you maybe nostalgic.

00:41:21
Speaker 8: I have you fuck.

00:41:23
Speaker 1: Nostalgic for something you weren't alive.

00:41:28
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:41:30
Speaker 1: We never smiled in the nineties.

00:41:32
Speaker 2: I just wish I was alive.

00:41:35
Speaker 1: But isn't it? Is it weird too? You know this is a thing that you've like interacted with across your life. You were in clerks too. You're in clerks. I've been in so many of the movies and stuff. Clerk's paid for a lot of your ship. You saw clerks like your whole life.

00:41:49
Speaker 2: B Yeah, oh this is where the fucking question at the beginning. Oh my god, we made a full circle.

00:41:55
Speaker 1: You made me cry. Fuck you teller always knows where things are going.

00:42:04
Speaker 2: I was so bitter at the beginning, like how many times I have heard chorus.

00:42:09
Speaker 1: But perhaps more time.

00:42:16
Speaker 2: He was so lit all oh my god, full of so much not happiness, just.

00:42:25
Speaker 1: I mean, but that's the thing. It's like, I was not unhappy person. I was trying to be so serious, like I'm a serious filmmaker man, Like you saw it when I was on the John Store Show. I'm like, yeah, man, it's crazy. I gotta make movies. Man, it hurts to be an artist, be a happy artist, even though even when you're singing songs where people sound sad, just make sure you're.

00:42:50
Speaker 2: Like yeah, okay, passionate, ration, fucking rah me crying and looking like this, you.

00:43:03
Speaker 1: Don't look bad. Did you have something to do after this?

00:43:08
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:43:08
Speaker 1: We're going I fucking did. We're going only a really.

00:43:14
Speaker 2: Important fucking thing where I'm going to a studio to check it out and meet with that can.

00:43:19
Speaker 1: Still, it's not like they're going to decide whether or not to let you record there based on how your makeup looks. So you're okay, that's really they're going to walk in. They're going to be like, we can't have her here a cry baby. We'll be doing multiple takes.

00:43:34
Speaker 2: It's more like her eyeliners. Even that's.

00:43:38
Speaker 1: Like crooked cat. That cat's got crossed us. What did you say?

00:43:45
Speaker 2: Look at this cat?

00:43:47
Speaker 1: I know that's that's the cat. Is a photo of cat I never met the cat you never met, but you still feel affection towards by virtue of the fact that it is a cat that cat walked. So that fucking move Man could could take steroids? You want to tell him what's going on with.

00:44:07
Speaker 5: I got many? Put me on the Royds road rage. I'm sorry, Ryds?

00:44:18
Speaker 1: Why are they giving them steroids? Move Man? For those who are like, who the fuck is that? He is one of Harley's nineteen cats four.

00:44:27
Speaker 2: As for the legal women.

00:44:28
Speaker 1: And man's nickname, no mo is, his name is officially Moon.

00:44:33
Speaker 2: Now is his name?

00:44:37
Speaker 1: How many names as he had? Motherfucker? He's got more fucking hate.

00:44:40
Speaker 2: He started as mouse and no, no, no, every honestly he has the least amount, right, Yeah, he went from mouse to move Is that too complicated for you. Carl went from Minnie.

00:44:53
Speaker 1: To Carl, Lucky went from Lucky to Lucky.

00:44:56
Speaker 2: Linus went from Prince to Linus, making him the cat formally this prince.

00:45:03
Speaker 1: How was he for prince?

00:45:04
Speaker 2: For like a few weeks when I got him, I was like prince, and then I was like.

00:45:12
Speaker 1: The big leap between.

00:45:13
Speaker 2: And Tea has had the most. Now she's wieners.

00:45:17
Speaker 1: She's had wieners from tea.

00:45:21
Speaker 2: I'll bring you along on the journey.

00:45:23
Speaker 1: You can have a cup of tea. You have.

00:45:28
Speaker 2: Mama Cita Ceda tea winners, yeah, mouse, yeah, and now and.

00:45:39
Speaker 1: Then by all right? So why is he on steroids?

00:45:44
Speaker 3: I gotta big get bigger rips.

00:45:47
Speaker 2: Oh he has osthma.

00:45:48
Speaker 5: I gotta I gotta win at the Nationals, my Ris, I love you, my man.

00:45:56
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be an f week.

00:45:58
Speaker 2: He's just a country Asma.

00:46:04
Speaker 3: Put them roids in my but mammaid, put the right bear my butt.

00:46:09
Speaker 5: I'm gonna get shredded with my maid the next storal schwarz leg He's shredded.

00:46:15
Speaker 2: Why don't you get what if you gets shredded.

00:46:27
Speaker 9: I'm screaming, screaming, I come back from rginrmumm why you give me them rods?

00:46:42
Speaker 2: And oh my god, movie comes the hog.

00:46:48
Speaker 1: Just like I have anything sarcastic, let me say.

00:46:54
Speaker 2: That, may I didn't don't have anything to say about this.

00:46:58
Speaker 1: He's pretty marble.

00:47:03
Speaker 2: Holy fuck, that's Susan.

00:47:05
Speaker 1: What does he called Austin?

00:47:08
Speaker 3: Does he bubber daddy in my male?

00:47:15
Speaker 2: Bomber Mommy pauper fee five four fun, mommay.

00:47:26
Speaker 3: You got any the roids in your purse?

00:47:28
Speaker 5: Mommy, I wasn't adding now, bro, this is scene.

00:47:37
Speaker 3: From me, Get me beer, some macan cheese.

00:47:42
Speaker 2: Move my size and this not like has he grown to be my fucking bag?

00:47:46
Speaker 1: He's bossing around telling get him a beard's maga cheese.

00:47:49
Speaker 7: Tell you what mommayats plus some ham in that maga jeese.

00:47:54
Speaker 3: But what I'm thinking, mommie, you will be what I tell you to be.

00:47:57
Speaker 1: Bomber.

00:48:03
Speaker 2: We're ending the show. This show's over.

00:48:07
Speaker 1: Why did I give him those raids?

00:48:12
Speaker 2: Because he has fucking asthma.

00:48:14
Speaker 1: So they're like instead of being it's like that comic book ad from when I was a kid, like tired of having sand kicked in your face, Like tired of being a pip squeak with asthma.

00:48:23
Speaker 3: Get on the roads.

00:48:24
Speaker 7: Ma mercy, No one's gonna make fun of my asthmadic body ever again. Mammy Mama, here's the head of a man that once made fun of me for having asthma.

00:48:37
Speaker 3: I left the body in the middle of the one oh one.

00:48:41
Speaker 2: I'm quite literally speechless.

00:48:44
Speaker 3: Oh this is me.

00:48:48
Speaker 2: I just don't even know how to feel right now. Oh my god. He's literally just a little guy, just like you.

00:49:01
Speaker 1: In the video. He's climbed to the top of what's that tower that you want to live in with, Jane.

00:49:07
Speaker 2: George, Hollywood Town.

00:49:09
Speaker 1: He's climbing and your cat's climb at the top of Hollywood. No, he's not there. He's at the top of the Capitol.

00:49:18
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, mob regular Dale, Yeah yeah. I'm like, there's some steroids.

00:49:35
Speaker 1: Moomsh knocks the needle off the top of the building.

00:49:40
Speaker 2: People like, well, we get in. He was like, awesome, he's mob.

00:49:49
Speaker 1: Juice and off he is juice. Oh my god, how do you give him his roids?

00:49:56
Speaker 2: I have to give him a pill.

00:49:58
Speaker 1: Oh he's got to somehow eat it. It's more like a yeah pository.

00:50:06
Speaker 3: No, never mind, No, it's not.

00:50:13
Speaker 2: I just you're going to do I'm leaving. You're taking a lot of funny comments about my son's medical condition. That is your living.

00:50:34
Speaker 3: Through signs, she says. Bucket me, my stir.

00:50:42
Speaker 2: I'm out out.

00:50:44
Speaker 1: I got muscles on my muscles.

00:50:51
Speaker 2: He's literally just an innocent boy. Please get themorids, please leave them alone.

00:50:57
Speaker 1: And it's like he went on a rampage man my slash mommy, and everyone's.

00:51:04
Speaker 2: Just oh my god.

00:51:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like like you have to stop him.

00:51:10
Speaker 1: Only one person gets stopped.

00:51:11
Speaker 2: And he's just a little move Just.

00:51:17
Speaker 1: Shoot him with this track gun.

00:51:20
Speaker 2: Now I'm officially out of this podcast.

00:51:24
Speaker 1: You don't track him. They're like, the government will take him down. He's at the top of the records. Come down to mom has gone way past. Like he's a fucking monstrous freaking thing. No, no, is Godzilla, modern day Godzilla.

00:51:40
Speaker 2: Down from it. He'll come down from it.

00:51:42
Speaker 1: That's what they all say.

00:51:43
Speaker 2: He'll come down.

00:51:44
Speaker 1: Sounds like the mother of an addict right there, ladies and gentleman, he'll come down.

00:51:49
Speaker 2: I'm gold that was.

00:51:53
Speaker 3: Never covered down anyways.

00:51:55
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us on Weirdless Dick Liss. You're a dick me.

00:52:01
Speaker 1: Wait wait, how long is getting on steroids.

00:52:04
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:52:05
Speaker 3: I didn't tell you.

00:52:06
Speaker 2: I have to go pick pick them up after this.

00:52:08
Speaker 1: So do you think he'll take them every day for like thirty days? Yeah? Probably he's going to be musty stop.

00:52:24
Speaker 2: Is not even gonna believe that this happened.

00:52:27
Speaker 1: But this conversation, all right, In order to get off this, we have to passionate ration.

00:52:32
Speaker 2: Oh my god, passion ration, steroids, steroids. I'm gonna go ration, I like my little man. No passion more, please, no, please, all.

00:52:49
Speaker 1: Right, passionate ration. Let's see what's going on.

00:52:51
Speaker 2: Dopple gangers.

00:52:53
Speaker 1: Okay, dopple gangers. Ration. I don't want another hard enough being me with another one period passion irration.

00:53:02
Speaker 2: Period like the dot a sentence.

00:53:06
Speaker 1: No using it the way people do know the way.

00:53:08
Speaker 2: You Oh, I say period all the time.

00:53:12
Speaker 1: So passionate irration sounds like.

00:53:14
Speaker 2: It's passion for me. It just comes out of my mouth. I don't even know what's opting, but yeah.

00:53:21
Speaker 1: All right, passion irration. The veterinarian's office.

00:53:26
Speaker 2: Oh huge, I mean huge gratitude, huge gratitude, but also huge rationing because the pets are always so.

00:53:35
Speaker 1: So upset to be that I took lucky to the doctor today. Doctor Kamar has been like the doctor for all of our dogs. And because she had this, I felt like a lump under and so he put a needle into it and he was like, well, liquid came out, so it's not really toma or something. Basically it wasn't cancer.

00:53:55
Speaker 2: I was like, thank god, oh right behind me with the of.

00:54:00
Speaker 1: A shaved neck. For all he's been covering it. Yeah, Bertie keeps looking at it. Lucky what Yeah?

00:54:08
Speaker 3: I like you, where'd you go? What's wucky?

00:54:13
Speaker 1: Cover up?

00:54:13
Speaker 2: I'm just a baby, That's what. That's what Bertie said.

00:54:18
Speaker 1: Close my eyes and see if it works.

00:54:19
Speaker 2: I'm just a baby. I Lucky.

00:54:21
Speaker 1: What's up? But that last you? Lucky? That?

00:54:28
Speaker 4: Yeah?

00:54:30
Speaker 1: Yeah? Goodbye?

00:54:31
Speaker 4: That?

00:54:32
Speaker 2: And walk He's like you're no, you're you do wucky walk. He's like the girl, the girl move a country bear.

00:54:40
Speaker 1: Walkie is like girl e or it's okay, yeah, that's so they just fall off again.

00:54:47
Speaker 2: Anyway, that's a thousand percent true.

00:54:49
Speaker 1: She is girl. Or he's like she's laying on the floor like I'm girling you. Yeah. I know.

00:54:57
Speaker 2: That sounds like Birdie, which.

00:54:59
Speaker 1: One say, Hey, Lookie, it's Thursday. Hey, lucky.

00:55:06
Speaker 3: It's Thursday.

00:55:08
Speaker 1: You gotta be even more amazed though.

00:55:11
Speaker 3: Hey Thursday, Hey Lucky's Thursday.

00:55:16
Speaker 1: Right there? My god. Now I want to animate the dogs.

00:55:19
Speaker 2: I want to animate move so bad. No, I want to me. I want to animate. Take a bag. I want to animate.

00:55:28
Speaker 3: Carmated mess would be the best maniac.

00:55:36
Speaker 2: We're not We're done with move on steroids happen next? So done with mo on steroids.

00:55:43
Speaker 3: By Moosh.

00:55:48
Speaker 1: Telling me I'm trying to find.

00:55:55
Speaker 2: But I was crying into the.

00:55:56
Speaker 1: Mary if anyone had, you're the one letting liquid out of your face.

00:56:00
Speaker 2: Someone thinks this.

00:56:03
Speaker 1: All right, man, there it is all right? Yeah, feeling it. It's under an hour, That's all I asked for, trying to get to under and out.

00:56:11
Speaker 2: How many minutes?

00:56:12
Speaker 1: Fifty seven? Right now we get out. Now we pull the rip. It's time to go before people like they ever stayed there.

00:56:18
Speaker 2: Welcome, No, I have five more passionate rachet.

00:56:21
Speaker 1: Do you have a good time kids? Of course? Like, what do you mean have a good time? For most of the show, we listened to her watch something literally what a podcast? What a time?

00:56:29
Speaker 2: Man?

00:56:29
Speaker 1: I saw? What a time? You get what you paid for? You can see that video probably on my YouTube channel by the time you hear this next week. It's not up yet.

00:56:39
Speaker 2: But your YouTube channel you mean that Kevin Smith Club.

00:56:43
Speaker 1: No, I put it on my I want everyone to see it.

00:56:45
Speaker 2: You put it on the YouTube too.

00:56:48
Speaker 1: I will. I haven't.

00:56:50
Speaker 2: Oh my god, these videos.

00:56:52
Speaker 1: No, just that clerk's video, not this fuck.

00:56:59
Speaker 3: This is what the show's up an hour. I need the last twenty to come on the previous forty Fuck you.

00:57:06
Speaker 2: My name is Harley Quinn Smith. Pants dick asthmas poo poop bitch ass, have.

00:57:14
Speaker 1: A good time. Bye bitch ass, coming at you, bitch ass, and the kidden poo poop dick as and poopoo pants coming at you.

00:57:22
Speaker 3: Live case smitty.

00:57:26
Speaker 1: There it is because there's your beardless dickless me for this week. If you want to hear more, if you want to hear beardless dickless plus or watch beardless dickless me, go to that Kevin Smith Club. Join up, you can watch it. You get to see it.

00:57:40
Speaker 2: Is it over an hour now?

00:57:42
Speaker 1: We're still under are about to make it so for bedless sickless me.

00:57:44
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith, I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

00:57:46
Speaker 3: Have a beardless diickless day more.

00:58:01
Speaker 1: This has been a podcast production some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now