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“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child.
This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.
Good morning everybody, shavua tov u'mevorach. The month of Teves is sponsored by the Aaron family in memory of Lillian's abba, Levi ben Yosef, by the Silvers in memory of Bas-Sheva bas Yisrael. The week is sponsored by Brandon and Elisa Beer in memory of שפרה רבקה בת אברהם יצחק, anonymously for the refuah sheleimah of Hila bas Ilana and עליזה חנה בת נעמי, and by the Deutsches for the refuah of Hallel Tiferet. I think it's Hillel, I mean Hallel Tiferet, Hallel.
Hallel Tiferet.
הלל תפארת בת חיה אילנה. That's your granddaughter? Yeah. She should have a רפואה שלמה בעזרת השם.
And that is, that's it for this week. I also just want to add on for the refuah sheleimah of a very special boy, Yisrael ben Adina, and for the refuah sheleimah of שושנה יונה בת אדום, we're going to add that on as well. Okay. You can pass these around.
We're starting a new chapter today in our learning of Da et Yaledcha, Perek Bet. This is a chapter, at least the beginning of it may seem, it may seem, it's not for sure, but it may seem that it's things we don't have to learn. We don't have to learn this stuff. This is not something we have to learn.
It's something that is already planted in us. We have it, we know it, and thank you so much, and you'll, I think we'll see that this thing that we think we have under our belt, that we have already, that we're holding, is mamash lo kach, it's not as simple as we think it is. And that is the love for our children. It's a very basic, very basic concept, the love for our children.
Why do I have to have a Torah, why do I have to learn about loving my children, what could, what could possibly be taught to me about loving my children? I, it's my whole life. Everything, everything about life is loving my children. What are you going to tell me? What could I possibly need to know, and I don't want, I don't want vortlach. It's got to be natural.
It's got to come from the most natural place. We're going to be seeing today and it's going to, it's going to continue, he builds this up in a very, very mesudar way, very orderly way, Rav Schwartz is looking at this concept of love for our children a little bit of a different way. I don't want, this is not a shiur that's intended for us to start to really get deeply, with a deep introspection and start wondering, do our kids really know that I love them? That's not the point of it. It's to strengthen that which, which already is.
It's, it's to strengthen that which already is, which I know already is. Now when it comes to this topic, you could never say, I don't think I need to work on this. Like when you really learn it like this. Even if things are great and wonderful, this is one of the topics that is constantly a beautiful invitation for growth.
And that's how I want us to approach it, okay? So with having that short hakdamah, I want to jump right inside.
ברוך אתה אדני אלהינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. Amen. Okay.
Ahavah l'yeladim, love for our children is mazon l'nefesh, nourishment for the soul.
חשיבות האהבה בין הורים לילדים, whoa, slow down Eric. You're jumping ahead, Mendy.
חשיבות האהבה בין הורים לילדים ידועה היטב.
The importance of love between parents and children is obviously well known. Ulam im zot, nonetheless, עניין זה נתפס אצל רבים בצורה שטחית בלבד. By many people, this is understood and internalized on a very surface level.
על כן נשתדל ללבן בשורות שלפנינו את הנושא באופן פנימי ויסודי.
So therefore, what we're going to attempt to do in the words before us is to go into it in a much more foundational and inside way of understanding the importance of love between parents and children. So techila yesh l'varer, we have to clarify something for ourselves first of all.
מהי תכליתה של אהבה זו? What's the purpose of this love?
ולשם מה ההורים זקוקים לאהוב את ילדיהם? For what, why do parents need to love their children?
כלומר ידוע לכולם שהקשר בין הורים לילדים חייב להיות מושתת על אהבה הדדית. So it's clear that the connection between parents and children must be founded on mutual love.
Ulam aleinu l'laben. Ulam aleinu l'laben means to clarify. Ma hamatara shel... If I would ask you right now what's the purpose of the love that you have for your children? Maybe you'd say I don't even think about the- what do you mean purpose of love? It's what I feel.
It's what I know they want. It's what's needed. And I love them.
מה זאת אומרת התכלית? What does that mean the purpose of it? What do you think he could possibly be saying over here to us about answering this question התכלית של אהבה זאת? What do you think could be the purpose? Yeah? When things get challenging you can go back to that and say like I really love them even though blah blah blah.
So therefore it's to strengthen the foundation for shaky times. I'm not- I don't want- I'm not changing what you're saying I want to understand that's what you mean. Okay. Seder gamur.
What else? Anybody else have anything? Or it's- it's too foreign of a question even? Yeah I have a hard teenager and there's moments where I'm like I love him I love him I love him because it's really really really hard and it's not such a simple... So it's what she said. Yeah when they're like mean and you're like okay I still love him. I think it's also on the flip side.
It's also so that they know they're loved and in a whole manner of... Very chazak. So- so the purpose of the love is that they walk around with a sense she'ohavim otam. That's the purpose of the love? It's part of their growing.
That they- that's one of the foundations that they need in order to be able to... For them to grow they have to walk around with the notion of them of of love that's coming from their parents. Yeah right and I'm just wondering what you're feeling that's it. Anybody else before we see how how he develops this or we go forward? Let's go forward.
Achen bapnimiyut inside תפקיד האהבה בין הורים לילדים הוא להוביל לתכלית הבריאה. He says on the most inner foundation inner level this role of love between parents and children is to bring people to the purpose of creation she'achdut bein kulam which is oneness and unity between everyone as we all know ahava begimatria echad love is the gematria of one 13 dehainu and obviously when love meets love what number do you get?
יהוה right? So this is on a pnimiyut level that's obviously what's going on. He explains דהיינו שבעקבות אהבת הילדים יהיה קל יותר להשיג את אהבת ישראל הכללית. We all have these aspirations we have these very beautiful holy dreams big dreams of ahavat Yisrael klalit as we learned a few months ago in this sefer the pasuk the mitzvah ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha is also on our children.
Here he says that in order to reach this big aspiration that we all have which is ahavat Yisrael klalit this big picture of ahavat Yisrael it can you could say it start and it stems from a basic relationship between two people parent and a child.
אולם כעת איננו עוסקים בכך and he's saying that's not how we're dealing with it in this sefer right now ומטרתנו היא לברר את תכלית האהבה במסגרת הבית. Our purpose here is to clarify the purpose of love in the framework of the home.
עד כמה האהבה נצרכת לחינוך הילדים.
How much love is needed for educating children? Hasiba hashorshit second to bottom paragraph the rooted reason לכך שנצרכת אהבה בין הורים לילדים מקורה מאותו צורך של ההורים לתת לילדים לחם לאכול בגד ללבוש מים לשתות ספרים וילקוט לבית הספר וכדומה. He's saying love falls under a category of another thing maybe it's the most important thing but it's something that you must give your child. The examples he gave was food clothing drink water and basic books and the tik for education just the most basic things that that there are there. So that fall- you want to tell me that falls in the same category? I give my child I have to give my child food I have to give my child water I have to give my child clothes and I also have to give my child love? So that seems very- that seems pretty shallow no? What do you think? I think it's number one before all this.
Even if it's number one does it fall into the same category of these things we have to give our children that essential things that they need? Maybe for them. It sounds like I made up such a question like it's so shallow, right? It's actually not shallow at all. It's there's something very essential here, very rooted here that I want us to see inside. He uses that word shorshit, right? Hasiba hashorshit like the rooted, most grounded reason has to fall into the category of essentials that children need to receive.
Pashut. As simple as that. Bottom paragraph. Alana says the physical baseline and emotional baseline.
If you want to build anything else on top of that, you need that to be set. With both. Betach. So here we have both together.
Both nachon? It has to be. It can't not be there if you want anything to grow from it, then those things can't not be there. And we're going to explain this now a little bit more in depth. It can't not be there.
So neva'er devareinu, let's explain our words.
נפש האדם מורכבת מגוף ומרבדים פנימיים יותר. The soul of a person is made up from a body and from and also sorry from the body of deeper and deeper layers, layer upon layer upon layer. You ever looked at your child and after being sure that you knew them for five years, 15 years, 25 years, you look at them and you say oh my God I really I still I know that I love you but I had no idea that this is who you are.
So that's very threatening. No parent wants to parents that are bold enough to come to that realization and admit that are the healthiest parents in the world. Parents that are under the assumption their kids are theirs, they know their kids, they know them better than the kids know themselves, and they're the same kid that five, it comes up a little bit different at 15, 25, same thing. But we're made up of so many different layers, layer upon layer, and as the years go by there's another peel that comes off, another peel that comes off and you reach it it's not just who you see in front of you vezehu.
There's a lot, there's a whole world in front of you. A whole world. So again neva'er devareinu, נפש האדם מורכבת מגוף ומרבדים פנימיים יותר.
וכשם שברור לכל אב ואם שעליהם לספק לילדיהם אוכל, just like it's clear to every mother and father that they must supply for their children food.
Bigud, clothing, וכל צורכי גופו הבסיסיים, and all of their essential physical needs.
כך צריך להיות ברור לכל הורה, it's got to be clear to every parent, shelo pachot mikach, not anything less from that, ובעומק אף יותר מזה, and really even more, יש צורך לנפש הילד שיאהבו אותה. The soul of a child has a need to be loved. It's not an ego thing.
This is not a negative quality. It's not a negative trait. Oh, I need love. Let me look at certain people when they're older and they're needy and it kind of pushes us like God they need so much love, they need to be loved.
A child, the most essential need, like the child needs food, the child needs love in order lehitkayem. In order to exist, in order to function, in order to grow, in order to be healthy.
וכשם שהגוף ניזון מהמזון הגשמי, just like the body gets satiated from actual materialistic nourishment, כך האהבה היא סוג של מזון לנפש. Love is nourishment for the soul.
And you can't go on in life without it. If you don't get that nourishment for the soul, there will be a lot of damage. Milvad zot, aside from this, יש צורך לנפש הילד אף להעניק אהבה, which we'll get to. I think this is what you brought up, Danielle.
There is also this need for the soul of the child to also give love. It's a need that kids have. They actually have a need to give love. Here we're still focusing on the receiving end but just we'll get there.
That the child I don't know what age this is more clearer, lo yodea. I think it's like this from a very young age, that a child has an essential need to also give the love as well, not just to receive it. Ulam techila, however at first, נעסוק בהענקת אהבה מצד ההורים לנפש הילד. First we're going to speak about the way that love comes from the parents to the soul of the child.
Okay. Kol horeh. I know we're doing a lot of text today, just this is very much this is not such hard Hebrew and we could flow with it. If anything's unclear, please please stop me.
But we're okay so far, right?
כל הורה חייב להפנים. Every person has every parent has to internalize שילד או ילדה שאינם מקבלים בבית את האהבה מהוריהם. Any child that's not receiving love from their parents in their house, what is it like?
דומה הדבר לילד שלא אכל ארוחת בוקר. It's like a child that didn't have breakfast.
You have to look at it like that.
וכאשר האהבה אינה מוענקת במשך כמה ימים and if this love is not given, is not being expressed for a few days, הרי זה כילד שמלבד ארוחת בוקר אף ארוחת צהריים וארוחת ערב אינו אוכל. It's like a kid that not only did not eat breakfast, they didn't have lunch or dinner either.
ואם הדבר קורה יום אחד suppose this happens one day, that there's one day in a child's life they don't receive love from their parents, ייתכן שהילד יוכל להתגבר על כך.
It could be you can make it through one day of living like that.
אולם כאשר נמנע ממנו מזון במשך כמה ימים. But if for a few days a child's not getting breakfast, lunch or dinner, הרי שהוא עלול להיות חולה. He could you could get sick וחס ושלום לבוא לידי סכנה.
You could reach a dangerous spot.
וכשם שכל הורה מבין את הצורך להעניק את המזון הגשמי של גוף הילד. Just like each parent understands the need to give physical materialistic mazon, nourishment to the body of a child, כך יש להפנים שאף את מזון הנפש שהיא האהבה צריך להעניק תדיר לילד. You have to internalize that the mazon of nefesh, the nourishment of the soul which is love, needs to be given to the child all the time.
Okay, so let's let's unpack this for a little bit. On a very simple level, on a very pshat level, I can walk out of a day of parenthood and I can be like okay, I had a shvach day today, but you know what? I got my kid to school on time, they had something to eat, they had clothes, they have all these things that they need in order to make it. And he's saying here, ze lo nachon. It's not true.
nachon, it looks like that because those are things that you can see, those are things that you could put your finger on and say check, check, I did it. They didn't go to school hungry, they didn't go to school not wearing any clothes, and whatever and they have a backpack or whatever it is that they need, right? And yet we could still fool ourselves to think that if there was a day where they didn't feel love or the love wasn't felt and wasn't given, beseder, they had what they need in order to make it through the day. And he's saying that's not true. ze lo kacha.
A child without love on one day like a just like a kid that's not he doesn't eat for one day, it's horrible, but you try that for another day or two, it's the worst thing in the world. We're not even speaking about the ramifications, the mental ramifications that will then that can happen to a child that grew up in a home without love. Forget about that for a second. We're not even going there.
Not even going there. Just on a basic understanding of a parent's role, ha'im anachnu mevinim, do we understand that a child not receiving love on any day is like not giving them a meal. Now, it's weird because we're comparing love to food. In this context yes, but is it clear why? bidiyuk.
Like basic nourishment. I could say but look at me, I spent eight years growing up in a house with a mother that couldn't stand me and my father was never around. And I was okay, I made it I made it out okay, I mean I know plenty of people that could have that tayna. Plenty of people that have that that could that could say that.
So many. So is that proof? Because it happens to one person that they were able unfortunately they had to come up with all the all of these different survival techniques in order to make it through a day, in order to make it through a year, in order to make it through a few years. Is that enough of a justification to say my kid will be okay, it'll make them tough. The world is tough, it'll make them strong.
shtuyot. lo bichlal lo. We don't bank on those things. Did it does it happen? Do we have examples of people like that? Yes.
Maybe even in this room, I don't know. Usually there's people like this all over the place. That they didn't grow up with saying they you can't ask them tell me growing up, did you feel the love from your parents? They can't always say yes. The people that can't, that that say, I knew somewhere deep down inside I'm sure they loved me, but more than that, that it was expressed, that it was that their souls were nourished from it, plenty of people.
I see faces now. I'm gonna change the subject fast, this is not gonna—can I ask a question? Yeah, I just want to say, let's just say it exists, but we don't bank on it. That's what I want to say. That's very important.
Yeah. I don't know if I missed this in the beginning, but how are we defining love here? Because like you were saying, feeling the love isn't enough, I think parents generally feel love for their children, but when it's not expressed properly, it doesn't provide that nourishment. So he didn't define the love, but it's definitely on a level of expression. Let's just say it like that for now.
He didn't define what that is, what that looks like yet over here in this perek, but having love versus expressing love are two completely different worlds. Versus expressing it in a way that's nourishing for a child? That's a shlav we'll get to, a hundred percent, and each child in their own way, a hundred percent. You've you just joined the חנוך לנער על פי דרכו club with having your second kid, that it's not, yeah, so it's a whole, it's like, oh, I thought I had—not saying you, I'm saying other people they have—we know how to love our kid. Yeah, you know how to love that kid, right? B'ezrat Hashem and this kid is going to bring out another world of love from lo dama.
The point over here is that, and what you're bringing up is very important, what type of love and how to express it we'll get to. But the basic thing here is that it's not enough that we feel love for our children, it has to be expressed. Sarah, this goes back to what you know, I know a lot of this stuff from that Ilana gives over. These are very, very essential pieces here in parenthood.
The child needs to feel it, they need to not just like have a—have like this cosmic, spiritual, mystical connection with their parents and the parent will meditate with the kid and say, okay, do you feel it now? That's not what we're talking about. Did it reach you yet? Did it get to you yet? We're speaking about expression. Now, in the healthy way, and v'chulu we'll get to, we still have a lot to cover, but it must be expressed. Now, this is where it gets very hard for people, because the example that I want to give, but that I gave before, comes up over here as well.
I knew my mother loved me, she just didn't know how to express it to me. So I know my children love me, I know that my children know that I love them, and they know that I'm not from the expression, I'm not from the more expressive people, but I know that they know that I love them. Okay, that could be true, they could know that you love them, but we're speaking here about the word that he used was ha'anaka, giving, giving it over. There's an act, it's an act, it's a giving over of something, it's passing something on, and that has to be the basis over here.
Just like a kid can't say, I know that my parent really wants me to have breakfast, I know it, they really, I know they really want me to have breakfast, they know that I know that they really want me to have breakfast. Chevra, if they don't get breakfast, mah ze meshane all this knowledge and all these feelings inside the stomach? It has to be given over, it has to be passed down. How are we so far? Besides depressed? Not depressed, right? Okay, okay, I want to make sure. Is he ever going to get into anything intergenerational or reframing? Zot omeret, working with your 40-year-old kids? No, no, no, no, no, p'shita.
That's another, no, that's another. But they know that you wanted them to eat the breakfast. I have no idea, but I don't think he's going to be getting into that. Yeah, like my question.
Yeah. I try to give my, my one of my daughters is giving me hugs and giving her hugs back, and then I go try to hug the other daughter and she's like, get away. I'm trying to give her love, but she doesn't want it. Does that count? Love languages.
Does what, wait, wait, what's your question? Does what count? If I try to give her love that she doesn't want, does it count? So here we go into the shayla that we brought up before. The pasuk says you have to have חנוך לנער על פי דרכו. What may be what may work really chazak for one kid could be the worst poisonous food for another kid. So who's the avodah on? Who's the work on? You or the kids? It's only us.
Yeah, the, I know it stinks, I know, but you're saying, was I yotzei, zot omeret like Was I no. No. Yes. I think in one of the earlier classes you spoke about the idea of matim here like all the love the parent has to give doesn't matter if it's not being channeled properly into...
Aliza, you're very sharp because he's going to come back to this and go back to the dugma of the funnel. That's why he started the whole sefer on it. Exactly. Exactly.
This... Jenny, were you here in the beginning when we were speaking about the funnel, the funnel system? So this is mamash what it has to do with is that when the funnel is created and it's healthy and it's an individualized funnel for each child, right? And generally speaking, there's love flowing there. Even if you have bad days, the kid still knows that there's love being expressed. And then they can make it through a day that you're not on your best, but they know that the bigger picture of things, the bigger picture of things, I always compare it to a soundtrack, right? I always compare it to a soundtrack.
Like I always want to know what my children are going to say when they're out of the house, because all my children are still in the house, right? But be'ezrat Hashem one day they'll be out of the house in a good situation be'ezrat Hashem yitborach. And they'll... I'll ask them, what was the soundtrack? If you had to choose a soundtrack for what it was like growing up in the house, right? It's one of the most petrifying questions that I will ask my children, right? It's a crazy question. And I've thought about this since I became an abba mamash.
Tiferet is over 16, so this has been my thought, right? So even if let's say a kid would say, you know, be'emet, like the soundtrack was like We Are the World. Can you imagine that? Right? Mastuma? But some days it did feel like whatever some song... I have a certain song in my mind there. But if the general soundtrack was like We Are the World, We Are the Children, We Are the One...
stam as a dugma. I have no idea why I thought about that right now, right? Whatever it is. Good one. Yeah.
Classic. It's like this clean, I mean everyone there that was singing was high as a kite when they when they recorded it, but they were gone, but but the song itself, this is like a... you know, the words are pretty deep. There's a choice we're making.
If that's the general soundtrack, and that means the funnel was there, the love was there, but there were off days. There were off days. There are going to be off days. You could still have a way of transmitting and expressing love even on off days.
To the extent that when your child grows up and leaves the house, when they say, when they're asked, what's the soundtrack? They'll still go to whatever your equivalent is of of We Are the World. I don't know, whatever the niggun is, whatever the song is. That's why we can't freak out too much either about these things on a very mamesh like every... it's got to be a wide, mamesh a wide range, a wide lens of a bigger picture of what's going on over here.
So this is a lot he's unpacking over here and we started off with asking the question, why do we even have to speak about the purpose of love in the home? Because this is an essential, essential need. The child needs to feel and when it doesn't receive it, the soul isn't nourished. And when you come up to shamayim and they're going to ask you, tell me something, do you think... do you feel like you took care of your child? And if you...
all you answer is I fed them, I did, you know, I started creating savings accounts for them when they were born, and I made sure they had everything that they need. And then they'll ask us, everything they need? Yes, everything they need. Really? Was... were their souls nourished? And I would like to believe that be'ezrat Hashem the world that we're living in and the homes we're building and the chinuch that we're trying to convey to the home is that we could say, yes.
Yes. Everything they needed. To the best of our ability. And then they'll ask us mi'shamayim did you ever davven and ask for help in this matter, or did you feel like it's something you're supposed to know how to do it on your own? I know.
It's tough. I'm sorry. I avoided it, but we're strong enough to get through that. Yocheved, this is not something that you're supposed to know how to do just because it's an innate feeling you have of love towards your child.
It's something that must be davvened over. It's the most... and it's a very humbling thing to davven over something that you're under the assumption that you have, that you do, that you already know how to do. There's no way in the world that we could really really know how to nourish our children's soul, we're talking about Olam HaNeshamos, unless it's davened over and cried over.
There's no other way. Ee efshar. Now he's not getting to that, at least now, but this is a very important yesod in understanding the purpose of love. The purpose of love between parents and children is to extract from you a פנימיות דריבונו של עולם.
Forget about the kid for a second. One of the purposes of this love is to squeeze out of you the clear need to call out to Hashem and say, אין לי סיכוי פה לבד. I can't do this alone. There's no way.
What stops us from asking Hashem that tefillah? Like we see with everything, the root of most things that stop us from doing something chazak and important almost seems to be gaiva. I just want to say here it's subconscious gaiva. It's not something it's not like gaiva like we're so full of ourselves. It's mamash a subconscious thing that happens that takes place in us that we think this is something I should know.
You were never a parent before. How you supposed to know how to do something you never did before? And you know what, you were never a parent for this kid. Exactly. And you were never a parent for this kid.
How you supposed to know? How you supposed to know how to do things you never did before? Well what do you mean I grew up in a home and it was great. Yeah, that was your parent and your soul. Now it's you as a parent and a completely different soul. But they look just like me and my mother and no it doesn't work like that.
It doesn't these things don't work like this, yes. What about my children are already you know oldest is 41 so I think about that one child in particular like so I'm constantly having to fulfill that place you know like what's the needs of this this child and it's it's really difficult because he's already out of my house he's already has his own family and so the avoda is even double. So who asked a similar question before about this? You asked this Mendy a little bit later yeah yeah yeah yeah so look when we when we first publicized this shiur we said it's for parenting of all ages and it's true. Obviously the way that it's approached to let's say a mother in her whatever and a child at 41 will be different to a mother in their 30s or 40s to their children that are either toddlers or or younger children.
It's a different obviously it's everything's different. But in the shoresh hadevarim it's not different at all. A child forever forever is a soul and a soul forever wants to be nourished forever doesn't matter what age. What if they can't? I just want to share with you one more thing.
I've sat with many different parents of ages that you're speaking about and they come in saying the damage is already done it's been like this for 25 years that happens quite often v'lo me'at. My kid won't even want to receive anything that I want to give them. And that's something that doesn't necessarily have to be the truth when we're speaking about neshamos, about souls. The soul is ageless, it's timeless, it goes beyond these these things.
The question you have of what if you never found the tool to be able to express that over, Baruch Hashem you're still alive, your child's still alive, אין ייאוש בעולם כלל. No, but I gave it over but you know it's still it's a constant be davening that. Yeah but apparently you didn't give it over in the way I'm not judging I'm explaining though you can't say well I gave it over they just didn't receive it. No, no, that means it doesn't work like that that means that the funnel is not intact and that's why he started this whole shiur on the dugma of the funnel because you could have the most gevaldige things to give over to your child, such amazing love and ratzon v'chulu all these different things משל לא משנה מה.
And with the wrong funnel it you know what happens to that love? They find it by their friends. My parents love my friends more than they love me. Why? Because there was a there was a hole in the funnel and it reached people that were close to you but it didn't reach you. You know how often that's happened? I've had a lot of situations like this where children are mamash under the assumption that their parents love their friends more than them.
It was rooted though in real loving for their kids it just they didn't know how to give it over to the kids properly so whoever was sitting around close by was able to maybe that kid the friend needed it more wasn't receiving it from home either and it went into there. Yes. Yeah. I would just say that it's never too late.
For sure not. For sure not. Never give up, never never too late. It's just that the mechanisms are I guess the approach maybe would be different, there's different approaches as to how to look at this parsha when like we said, the children are much younger versus to when they already have their own set of ideas and constructs and emotions.
Definitely. Ayn yeush mapitome.
ממש אין יאוש בעולם כלל. Chas v'chalila.
No way. Because the soul is timeless and the soul will forever our souls always need to feel nourished. Always. You know, I always this comes up a lot in the shiur but I don't know why because it's a it's a wrong example but it's a m'tzius like just to share with you.
You know, I don't understand my father at all at all in like in the holiest way. My father, those of you that know him is a bucket of love, okay? He just loves and like it's hard for me to even express like what it was like growing growing up. My my dad was just he's just this shining light of love always, just giving love and and I don't understand it because he didn't have that at all. It's a pele.
In the Tanya they do speak about this a little bit about some neshamas that come out a little bit differently than what you think they'd come out. My father's father, who I'm named after, was married with two children in World War II they were killed and at the age of I think fifty, mashu kaze, fifty-one, met my grandmother who was married with a baby they were also killed. My father has three step siblings from before the war and they were all killed. Or not step, half, right? Half siblings.
They meet, they decide to get married and choose love, which I I'll never understand where that came from. Have my uncle and my father. Flee Poland, move to Argentina. My father's father was a broken, broken person.
We have we have very few photos of him. The war is all over his face. All over his face. My grandmother too.
My grandmother lived many years, wasn't close to her because she was always in Argentina. Wish I was. But somehow to say that my father's soul got nourished from the love he felt from home would not be true. Did he know in his heart that his parents loved him? Yes.
Was the expressions there? Very minimal. Now that's also true about that whole dor. It's not just my father's story. That whole generation was like that.
Many of you your parents or grandparents, it was the same zach, was the same thing. If you ask them and you find out about these things it's very this is the way it was. And somehow it's a pele to me. But he's not an example and that's why I'm bringing it up.
Because we don't bank on situations where we say, hey it's possible, look. These are not examples. Love must be expressed. In order to find out how to express the love properly, I have to daven over it and I also can't kill myself if there was one day that I didn't give my child breakfast.
The equivalent of that. You understand? I should have bigger issues though if I didn't give them lunch or dinner either but if there was one meal that was missed you could walk out of the shiur and say, mama I'm mamash I'm I'm what's the word? I'm malnourishing my children like and you start to go through a whole sugya and a whole balagan in your head and all these negative thoughts. Lo lo lo. Not not all that.
Does he go into the different types of love? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a whole world here. There's a whole world in this sefer.
But I'm like b'chavana like trying to put this dagesh over here to show us that when it comes to things that are most essential without them being davened over it's a very, very hard to understand how to do. You could read every book on parenting in the world and you can hear every series and every topic on the matter that covers all grounds. But I believe b'emuna shleima until our hearts cry over this which we feel is most essential for our children we won't really be zoche to that unique giluy, the unique revelation that can only come through this relationship of me as a parent and this child as my child. It never came down before and it never will come down again.
I'm not chalila negating the need for for learning and experiencing and hearing stuff and because l'chora I could say to you what are you even doing here coming to a parenting shiur? Just go and cry in the woods and you'll get the answers. No. Everything in its context. Everything's everything's legamre together.
So this is the... You know, I'm going to pause here. Is that okay? I know we're ending a little bit early. I'm going to pause here because now what he's going to do is take us to the world of chinuch, of actual being mechanech with our children.
We're going to see some parallels between that and the Piaseczner Rebbe in Chovat HaTalmidim, which is a very very important sefer in any learning regarding chinuch. Because yeah, sometimes you have to know when to stop. Here he really, he if we start here you'll be here till 12:30. So we'll pause here, Be'ezrat Hashem we'll continue this, yeah, next Sunday Be'ezrat Hashem.
It should be a strong week filled with good news everybody. Amen.