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That’s Not Very Ladylike is the podcast for every woman who was told to be polite, stay calm, or stop being so dramatic, meanwhile her hormones, boundaries, and sanity were quietly falling apart.
Hosted by Tracey Willingham, licensed social worker and the voice behind That Hormone Girl™, each episode starts with one rule: Ladies don’t…and then they do it anyway.
Together, we unpack the unspoken expectations, the emotional labor, the generational BS, and the hormone chaos modern women are carrying and we get honest about what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to question the rules, trust your body, and stop shrinking to make everyone else comfortable, you’re in the right place.
You're listening to That's Not Very Ladylike, the show where every week we start with one rule, ladies don't. And then we do it anyway. I'm Tracy Willingham and you might know me as That Hormone Girl. In today's episode, we're staying loud and raising a little hell by talking about ladies don't talk about perimenopause, they pretend it's just stress. Welcome back to that's not very ladylike.
Tracey:We're going into episode four and y'all just like last week I love this topic. It's why I quit my job and started my own business. I'm going I'm going to keep it brief because we really could talk about this for twenty four hours. And if you're in the middle of it, you know I'm right. Today, we're talking about ladies don't talk about perimenopause.
Tracey:They pretend it's just stress. So we call it just stress. We might say, Oh, it's such a busy season. It's a new life transition. We might even blame our job, the kids, caffeine, the moon.
Tracey:Who knows? In this stage we do a lot. Some of it's not healthy. But I want you to think about meanwhile your sleep disappears. Your patience evaporates and your brain starts vacating the premises.
Tracey:And what we do is we tell ourselves, well, I'm fine. This is I guess this is what perimenopause is. I'm just gonna I need to try harder. You know what I'll eat cleaner or maybe I'll meditate longer. But then you're in the grocery store in the dairy aisle and you're crying because they're out of your favorite yogurt.
Tracey:I'm not speaking from experience but maybe I am. That's not just stress. That's your hormones waving a red flag the size of Alaska. So let me tell you about my journey into perimenopause. Super brief because all of us have a story and it probably could be two hours long but I'm going to summarize it super fast for you.
Tracey:So I went to my doctor once because my sleep was was gone. I was waking up and man my husband was sleeping so good next to me and I just kept waking up and I looked like I seriously walked through a car wash with my hot flashes. Like one minute in a meeting I'm dry next minute I look like now this is going show my age but I look like flash dance. And if you're old enough to be in perimenopause you know what I'm referencing. And my moods were turning into Olympic events.
Tracey:I mean I could win some perimenopause Olympics y'all. One week I was like Wonder Woman. I got it. I got it. The next week I am seriously on my computer typing in things like how do I disappear but responsibly.
Tracey:And I told my doctor finally hey something feels off like my cycle's weird I'm exhausted my brain feels like mush and they smiled That smile that sets me off, that polite, you silly little female smile and said, it's probably just stress, maybe cut back on caffeine. But to be safe, I'm going give them some credit. They did send me to other specialist doctors. And when I say they sent me, each doctor then sent me to another one. And I went to five different doctors who guess what?
Tracey:All said the same thing. This isn't really my area of expertise. It probably is your hormones, but that's insert another medical specialty that's their area. They were trained in that. So I started thinking like maybe doctors have started this new thing like they've got their own like baseball cards and we are going to now start collecting those cards and trading with each other because my stack of appointment cards looked like an impressive baseball card collection.
Tracey:So just like what I did if you listened last week to my period issues, I got those hormone certifications added with my social work license. I quit my job and I became that hormone girl. Like seriously, that's my branded business. And I have doctors right now who are telling me it's none of my business to talk about things like this. But my response back is if you're not going to someone has to And I'm okay with making it my job.
Tracey:So here's what no one tells you. Perimenopause doesn't start when your period stops. It sneaks up years earlier, and it's going to be happening while you're still paying for tampons and pads and wondering why your anxiety suddenly has a personality and you start questioning why does my heartbeat sound like a drumline straight out of a college marching band? It looks like burnout. It feels like chaos, and it is almost always dismissed as stress.
Tracey:But its true name is perimenopause. So we've built an entire health care system that treats women like unreliable narrators in their own story. And I want to tell y'all recently I got to give a talk and boy I pushed some buttons but I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to apologize for this next statement. My whole talk for perimenopause was on the problem is a system that cannot see women, will not study women, and ultimately does not help women.
Tracey:I said it. I'll say it again and again. That is what our entire health care system is around. We are researched as tiny men. I am not a tiny man.
Tracey:I am a woman. So we say things like we're tired. And they test our thyroids. And then you think it's finally somebody's hearing me and then it's your labs are normal. We say we're anxious.
Tracey:Don't worry, got you, girl. Here's some prescription. We say, My periods are changing. And they ask us in our late 30s or 40s, Do you want to start birth control? What we don't get is a conversation about what's actually happening inside our bodies.
Tracey:And that was the moment I realized women don't get health care when we speak of menopause. We get hormone gaslighting. We are expected to endure chaos quietly for five to ten plus years and to keep producing, performing, parenting while our hormones remodel the entire house without our permission. And the cruelest part of all of this is that by the time most women figure it out, that it is perimenopause, We have spent years doubting ourselves, years medicating symptoms that were messages. So let's talk about how wild this actually is.
Tracey:Okay? We prepare girls for puberty with awkward school videos and, you know, the banana condom demos. I don't know if they're still doing those, but boy, that that trauma happened during mine. We throw baby showers for pregnancy. But when we get to perimenopause, nothing.
Tracey:You just get a sign to hang in your house that says, Good vibes and vitamin D. You wake up one day feeling like someone changed your body overnight. You can even have what I have experienced what is called body dysmorphia where you don't recognize the woman in the mirror. Your sleep is trash. Your skin is super confused.
Tracey:It's like being a teenager again. You can cry, rage, and reorganize your pantry, and that's all before lunchtime. And we've been sold this idea that our hormones quietly retire after 35. Like you start into perimenopause, menopause comes and then you go play tennis and life's amazing on the other side. But no one calls perimenopause what it truly is.
Tracey:It's like a hostile corporate takeover. Estrogen, it she doesn't gently fade out. She flips a table, storms out of the office, and she takes your serotonin with her. And still, no one warns you. And you know why?
Tracey:It's because no one warned the generation before us. Nobody gave it words. Nobody gave permission to research it, address it, and to talk about it. And by the time we do, we've wasted years fighting our own biology telling ourselves we're too sensitive, too emotional, we're too tired. When really we're too gaslit to know better.
Tracey:And it's not just doctors. Okay? I've picked on them. And if you're a doctor and you're still listening, I appreciate it. This culture still markets menopause products in pastel pink like we're fragile and grateful.
Tracey:And meanwhile, men get to have low tea commercials narrated by the most amazing man, Morgan Freeman. So let's consider this for a second. Why are women still learning about perimenopause from TikTok? And why are we more comfortable admitting to burnout than hormonal issues? Because stress is socially acceptable.
Tracey:It sounds hard working. You're noble. But perimenopause? That just makes people uncomfortable, and I'm gonna tell you why. And it's something that runs deep in our society.
Tracey:It sounds old. And in a culture obsessed with youth, being old is treated like being irrelevant. And the truth is most women in perimenopause are running entire ecosystems. We've got jobs, we've got families, aging parents, maybe teenagers who think we're old dinosaurs. And we're expected to do it all while our hormones are doing the ChaCha slide in the background.
Tracey:Right? Y'all think about it. We don't need more mindfulness. I mean, love mindfulness, but I don't need more of it. I need accurate information, hormone support, and permission to not hold the world together.
Tracey:So imagine if we treated this transition like what it really is, a second puberty. But this time, we're not our young selves anymore. We know who we are. We are stepping into this new us and we are ready. We are fierce and we are ready for this transition.
Tracey:So imagine doctors instead saying your labs are normal for perimenopause. Let's talk about what support looks like. Imagine workplace policies that recognize hormone health as part of your mental health. Because when we normalize these conversations we don't just help women we redefine what midlife means. So we stop pretending it's a decline And what we start seeing it as is a redesign.
Tracey:We start calling it these cool names. This is what it should be called: a recalibration, a reintroduction, a reclamation of womanhood. So this week I want you to start noticing something, especially if you are perimenopause. This is for my girls. When you say I'm just stressed, what's actually underneath that?
Tracey:Is it exhaustion? Is it overstimulation? Is it you are changing? Start there and write it down. And I want you to write it down not because you're going to fix it, but because we're naming it as the first act of self trust.
Tracey:So if your heart's racing for no reason, if your patient evaporates mid sentence, if you wake up at three a. M, we all could text each other at three a. M. I think we'd all be surprised how many of us are awake. But if you wake up at three a.
Tracey:M. Thinking about nothing and everything And if you've been there, you know that statement is true. You're thinking about nothing and everything. You are not losing your mind. You are shifting.
Tracey:And that shift deserves support, not silence. And you don't have to wait until menopause to talk about the change. It starts years before in perimenopause. So you know what we're going to start doing? We're going to start asking questions.
Tracey:We're going to track everything because data is power. And you're going to bring notes to your doctor's visits. And if they dismiss you, if they gaslight you, then guess what we're going to do? We're going to get a new doctor. Or you know what?
Tracey:You can just follow your new friend, that hormone girl. I've got you. I see you, and I validate what you are going through. So this chapter isn't a collapse. It's an awakening.
Tracey:And the version of you that used to run on people pleasing and panic, guess what, ladies? That's starting to retire. This version now that's coming out, that's expressing itself, it leads with honesty, boundaries, and body wisdom is arriving. So you know what I say? Let her in.
Tracey:Let her rest and let her rewrite what womanhood looks like from here on out without apology. Because listening to your body isn't weakness. It's not. It's wisdom. It's ancient female wisdom.
Tracey:And speaking up about something, especially something that lasts for nearly a decade and completely shifts who you are as a human being is not complaining. It is speaking in clarity. And that's the most unladylike thing of all. Thanks for joining me today for that's not very ladylike. If today's episode lit a fire, pushed your buttons, or called a little BS on the stories we've been sold, share it with another woman who's tired of being told to tone it down, smile more, or play nice.
Tracey:And help a girl out by making sure you subscribe, leave a quick review, and catch me on Instagram at that hormone girl. And until next time, keep getting loud, messy, and raising hell because being ladylike is overrated.