Anastazja Gajkowska - Broken Mirrors: Love’s Narcissistic Reflection

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🎙️🎙️🎙️Today, we have the honor of welcoming the multifaceted Anastazja Gajkowska to our channel. Anastazja is the CEO of Expose Network, a psychologist, filmmaker, bestselling author, and actress, based in Los Angeles, California. Her extensive background and diverse talents have made her a powerful advocate for individuals seeking to break free from the chains of toxic relationships.

At Expose Network, Anastazja is dedicated to creating a community of support and empowerment for those who have suffered the trauma of unhealthy relationships. Her mission is to guide individuals towards a life filled with happiness, fulfillment, and good health. With a profound understanding of the emotional, physical, and mental harm caused by toxic relationships, she offers invaluable insights on how to recognize harmful patterns, set essential boundaries, and ultimately move forward to a healthier future.

Join us as we delve into Anastazja’s expertise and learn how her work is making a significant impact in helping individuals thrive beyond the confines of toxic relationships. Welcome, Anastazja Gajkowska!

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another edition of the True Life Podcast. I hope everybody's having a beautiful day. I hope everybody is living the dream and got to wake up next to the person you love the most. And if not, I hope that you realize there's a little bit of a miracle waiting for you. I have an incredible guest today for you. The one and only Anastasia Gajkowska. And... She's a multifaceted, talented individual whose work spans psychology, filmmaking, authorship, and acting. As the CEO of Expose Network, Anastasia is dedicated to creating a supportive community for individuals who have endured the trauma of toxic relationships. Her mission focuses on offering valuable insights into recognizing toxic patterns, setting healthy boundaries, and moving forward from unhealthy dynamics. based in Los Angeles, California. She's also affiliated with Expose Productions and the Universitat Oberta de Catalunya. I probably butchered that. I'm sorry. Anastasia is committed to empowering others through her varied roles, underscores her impact as a psychologist, a storyteller, and a documentary filmmaker. She's done a lot of cool stuff. She's got books, documentaries. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Anastasia. Thank you for being here, Anastasia. How are you? I am amazed of your Spanish skills. That was awesome. You did a great job. Thank you for that. Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. And I think that you have equally done a good job in helping people begin to understand the nature of some toxic relationships. And, you know, I didn't give you a whole lot of a background. I wanted to save some space for you to give an introduction into, you know, what your documentary is about, what your book's about. And how do you want to introduce this idea of relationships, this narcissism and these relationships that's going on? You know, it's very simple, I think. We make it complicated, but it's all about love. And loving means being good to yourself. And the movement is, hey, if you had a story, like there was a chapter in your life, you allow somebody to hurt you in any way, emotionally, sexually, physically, financially. then you have a story and your story is a message and the universe waits to hear that message um so it's really simple if you are sounds simple but it's a lot of work That's why I provide the community. We have Facebook group and you are invited to join. So you don't have to do it alone. What I found really helped me in my healing journey was being around another woman who experienced what I experienced. And that's the only woman like Crystal Beha. She's amazing. You have to, you have to woman like Marisa Rico. That's another, um, author and many other women. woman of the pivot who made it easier for all of us. So, and easier, easier doesn't mean that you still have to do the work, which means all those, you know, I'm here on the show, but I have my ups and downs and I work a lot of through my shadows from feeling inferior and not good enough. And, um, it's just kind of playing with that a little bit and, um, celebrating it when it comes. And that's why I feel like having the tribe and the group and the movement, like you can see those faces, those are the people who actually did share these stories, 88 people from six continents. And, um, I asked them five questions. And I need to get a sip of water. Yeah, handle it. It's getting hot here. Yeah. And as well, experts, that's what I wanted to say. We have Elisa Romano. She is a worldwide expert in narcissistic relationships and healing, codependency. And Alexis Nee. She's a relationship coach. And Flora Ong, she's a dating coach. And many others' names. Experts who are talking about the healing of your body, the healing of your psyche, the energetics as well in it, and the healing of your sexuality. And then thriving, that's my favorite word, which what it really is, it's, you know, it's what you make it. It can mean many things, but for me, in my perspective, it really truly means being able to share your story and release that shame within it. and allow yourself to receive the love you craved when you were, you know, back 10, 20 years in that situation when nobody came, when nobody cared, when nobody was there for you, when you were so much disconnected from who you were that, um, you are able to almost go back to that moment, embrace that part of yourself who was there left alone and connect with her or him. And you can experience another layer of the healing. Yeah, you bring up so many incredible themes. In the documentary, I've seen some shorts on your YouTube channel, which will be linked down below. It really dives into the depths of different perspectives and understandings. And I love that you have weaved your own sort of experience in there, because I think there's some real truth that comes from the person who has the lived experience of it. And in a previous conversation, you had mentioned that on some level, You think that there is an attractiveness. On some level, the person who feels they're not enough attracts the narcissist into their life. I was wondering if you could maybe explain that to people. Yes. Thank you for this question. So I had to learn this as well. And first, when I heard it, I felt like a lot of resistance. And I like... I want, what I want to say is that pay attention when you feel resistance to like what makes you like, uh, no, because that many times it's something what, um, you might wanna really pay attention more towards. So, um, when I was doing the documentary series, um, Someone mentioned to me, hey, being in narcissistic relationship, it awakes you. It is like the calling of the universe to be the best version of yourself. and part of me was like hmm interesting because if you take and here I'm getting thirsty again if you get if you take all that attention on what they did to me how did they hurt me what did they do did to my child which is all valid I don't question that. I don't question that. I don't. But if you take that attention for a minute just to play on yourself, not to blame yourself, opposite, to kind of own it. Like, how much did I allow them to, you know, to take over my body? How much did I allow them to take over my feelings, my emotions, that actually I allow them. So you have that power. You had that power back then and you are owning it as you are, you know, looking back. And, you know, that's a question for the audience. Did she or he had some peace in her or him, which you deeply appreciate? dream to have or like embody it maybe that charm maybe that charisma maybe that confidence maybe some part of them which you felt so drawn at the very beginning which you long so much to be more of Yeah, it speaks to seeing what you want in yourself and someone else. That's probably the foundation of attraction is seeing something in someone else, whether it's a dream of what you want to be or a dream of what you want your child to be or a dream of a life you want to live. I think it... it speaks volumes of who we are by what we see in other people. And it's a difficult situation though, because the relationship you have talked about in your documentary and the people you interview, like you get a lot of different perspectives on the narcissistic relationship. What was one of the things that you learned by talking to other people, whether it was the dating coach or whether it was a guy in a narcissistic relationship? What are some things that you learned talking to people, making this documentary that maybe you didn't know of before? You're such a great at making questions. What's the one thing which I learned? Yeah, or probably many. Yeah. We are all the same. I think that's what I learned. We have so much in common. When I say the same, it's, you know, outside we can have a longer hair or, you know, bigger boobs, smaller boobs, whatever it is you want. But on the inside, we have so many similarities we want to be loved and we want to give love and it's you know as I i really had this reflection today and it's kind of miracle I can talk today because yesterday I had eye infection and today my eye is perfect um but I had this reflection this morning that I would like to actually invite you to go back to the moment when you were a child, to close your eyes, if you can, for a minute. Take a deep inhale. And long exhale. And if you want, you can keep your eyes open or you can keep them closed. I want to invite you back to the moment when you were two or three years old. If you can go back there, or the earliest memory you had. And see that child. And... Could it be that that part of you, all what it wanted was love? To be loved. And something through the years of being on this earth disconnected you from that conditional love and somewhere We thought maybe it's stupid. Maybe love doesn't exist. So I get to take some drugs, take alcohol, have sex, do something to fill up that need. But what if that need is too Be connected. And that's where I would like to invite you to see yourself as the part of the earth. And that's the love, the earth. And when we are deeply connected with the earth, which was before we were born and will be after we die, that's when We see ourselves as everyone around us, different parts of us in them. It's beautiful. It makes me, takes me back to a time when I was a kid and it definitely makes me think that we're all part of the whole. when you you realize that you're part of the whole you're able to on some level get out of the the narrow view that you matter so much and maybe that's what narcissism is is a desperate need to want to be loved on some level and that's why you only love yourself is because you've never been loved before is that too far of a bridge you think Say that again, that you only love? Yeah, how do you define narcissism? On some level, that makes me think someone that has been without love for so long, they can only love themselves. Do they really love themselves? Maybe they don't know how. What do you think? I think it's a good question to ask somebody who in some way identified themselves with that. But I'm not really an expert on this topic. So I don't want to say something what others can perceive like this is the truth. And this has to be like this. But I can say that any personality disorders has been created because of some trauma, some disconnection. And as a result of that, we have the what you call histrionic or bipolar personality disorder, or schizophrenic, or paranoid, or you mentioned narcissistic. And the research shows that many of those adults, they had really tough childhood when there was a lot of expectations And they couldn't meet those expectations or the opposite. There was a lot of praise. But there wasn't really unconditional love, which is like, no matter what you do, I'm going to be with you. That factor wasn't there. So they created their self-worth based on either earning it or finding it as the extension in somebody else, just like their parents somewhere. So you have this kind of persona, this kind of persona who we see on the outside as, of course, they love themselves. They look like. you know, that's the human brain and how we create biases, you know, based on there's this phenomenon called first impression, right? Like based on we meet somebody and we create right away the feeling if we like them or we don't. And then there's something called cognitive dissonance, which basically two beliefs cannot exist together. So if I see somebody as great, charming, then if they show me a little different side, then I will be more into, oh, maybe he had a bad day. Or she had a bad day. So your question, if... somebody who's struggle with maybe being a little more on the narcissistic side, if they love themselves, it's questionable because we can ask them, but also in my perspective, they, they never experienced unconditional love as a children. So, yeah. Yeah. On some level, like it brings up the idea. Yeah, go ahead. There is this, I know this picture when people talk about narcissism, like the flower, right? Like they look at the mirror and they like are so much in that love and it looks like it's love, right? But that's another question, you know, the conditioning, all that glamour, all that facade to which social media and, you know, Disney and all those things, they really brainwash us and our brain thinks this is love. So what's love for you? What does it mean to love yourself? Maybe I ask you that. That's a great question. On some level, I feel like the words we've been using for the last few millennia, maybe not millennia, but the last few generations are evolving. Our ideas are evolving. We use the word love, but it might as well just be called magic because we don't really know what it means. For me, love is... the willingness to sacrifice yourself for the wellbeing of someone else in times of tribulation, in times of stress and willing to do things for them in hopes that it will be reciprocated. And you can't always know, like maybe a lot of marriages fail, a lot of relationships fail for a lot of different reasons. And sometimes people talk about falling out of love or falling in love. But for me, it's, it's, it's almost a feeling that you get when someone sacrifices for you as much as when you sacrifice for someone else. And it's being part of something bigger than you, but you know, that that's, that's not even a, that's still kind of a messy definition. You know, I just, I don't think that there's, the accurate linguistic pathways to describe what it is. And so we fall into these traps where maybe we love someone the way our family taught us to, but they don't reciprocate it because they were never taught that way. Relationships are messy and they're hard. And so a lot of relationships fail. I've lived in the United States my whole life. I've toured to different countries a little bit, but I haven't lived in other countries for more than a year. What do you think? Are relationships different in different countries? You've lived all over the world and you speak multiple languages. And have you encountered different cultural ideas of love in different parts of where you've lived? No. No. no the answer is no next question Well, you've interviewed lots of people from different walks of life, right? And what are some – I know that you've spoken a little bit about grooming, and I've seen some of the shorts that you've been putting out on your YouTube channel, which I think are phenomenal. Not only is the style in which you're dropping the documentary phenomenal, but the – the actual sort of information in that documentary is amazing. And I like listening to the individuals talk about what's happening to them. And part of, I don't want to give away too much of the secret sauce, but they talk about grooming and there seems to be something similar in everyone's story about the beginning of a relationship that kind of grooms them to be in this dysfunctional relationship. Maybe you could speak to that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to attach some answer to your previous question. Yeah, of course. You know, of course there are some cultural differences, but just as the core, as I live in different places, it's just the same need of love. It is very simple of giving love and we all have that need. Regardless, what I thought is about changing the environment. So that's why, you know, I went to Spain when I was 19, because I felt like, I think it was just a fight and fight mode, me trying to survive. and there's this fake belief we might have that the different culture might bring something up um oh hello we have with us uh crystal and yes crystal alani thank you for chiming in we love you ladies thank you for doing all that you two do yeah cheers for you both ladies because of you I can be here both of them actually connected me with you so Cheers. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. If that answered that question, that... I had this fake idea that I might go to Spain or live in Denmark. I was living there for a while trying to get my design degree. I thought I would be a designer. So it all was just kind of desperately me, myself trying to find meaningful life, you know, and it's nothing wrong with traveling and having those experiences, but as I moved to States five years ago, um, And I had still the needs, okay, now what the next? Maybe I should move to Australia. Maybe I should go to New Zealand. And it was almost this like four years and that's it. I need to shift to different place. Like I couldn't put my roots. There was something there around that, you know, searching like Victor Frank talks about searching for some meaning outside of me. when, uh, you know, truly all of those experiences opened my eyes in many ways, because I came from a little village, you know, less than thousand people in Poland. So I grew up around animals and pets and I had no fun until I was, I think, 14 or 15, which I think is a blessing for me. Um, so it really opened my eyes on how life can be and who I am and who we are. But under all of that cultural things and religion, how people express love differently, it's really simple need of being loved and giving love. So, and about the grooming, you asked me about the grooming. So yes, we have 15 episodes and each of those episodes focuses on different topic. The first one is around grooming and where I, me and those 88 individuals from six continents are, some of them had experienced what we call grooming. Oh, Crystal says, I always get distracted. I have ADHD. You are my amazing beautiful soul sister who is changing the world. Oh, Crystal, thank you. Well, I am you, you are me. So I'm taking you through those five stages of grooming in that first episode. which the first one is targeting. The second one is creating, gaining trust and control. The third one is filling up a need, which is like you might need some validation or you might need friends. If you are in a new country like I was, I just needed a friend. Or you might be out of some really bad divorce or some breakup and you might just need a soulmate, what they call soulmate. So whatever you crave and you are in this mode of like desperation, that's when the groomer comes and like, um, that's the stage number four, which abuse starts. I'm trying to make it more playful because it really is horrifying when you are inside of it. And I do remember talking, you know, just shortly when I was in the therapy, my therapies made me to see those five stages, like how actually groomer targets targeted me from the very beginning. And I was just one of many, and that really changed my perspective later on, on trust. But that's, you know, The idea of creating 15 episodes was to really take you through what does it take to heal those different parts. Like if you leave the abusive relationship, there's a part of you who doesn't trust people. So in the episode number six, we are talking about healing those beliefs and, you know, scarves. from what happened to your mind. And then episode seven talks about the healing of your body, how the body keeps the score. And this is just the first, this is, those 15 episodes are just for you to try and taste it and see if it works for you. So I'm not the guru here. I'm just trying to provide something, some resources, which I wish when I was 19, lost on those Barcelona streets, trying to just be nice and good. And I wish I saw this documentary series back then somewhere and to be exposed to it. That's why the title is expose. And it's just, you know, you cannot really unseen what you saw. It becomes some part of your, some part of your nose. This has a name. This is not me being crazy. This is a gaslighting. So it really, that's my purpose with the documentary series to educate. And because of people like you and Krystal, and so many beautiful women and men. And as well, I actually opened me and another person, David English, who is not today with me. we open a non-profit behind it which the purpose is to support survivors of domestic violence with a therapy and educational videos um so that if that how does it lands you have yeah I think it lands beautifully. I think that there's something to be said, not only for someone who lives through the experience, but finds a way to tell the story. And I think you're an excellent storyteller. When I watch the documentary, when I watch the shorts, not only does your message of overcoming the situation come through, but you talking to other people, like I can see both of you learning at the same time. And I would point that out for anybody who goes and watches the shorts or the documentary. You can see in real time, both yourself and the individual with whom you're speaking, reliving some situations and learning. Like I think that it, it sort of transcends watching something. Like I feel when I'm watching it, like I'm part of it. Like I really get to feel both of your stories. And I think it's therapeutic in some ways. And I, maybe that should be part of the nonprofit. Maybe someone that, that comes to the nonprofit or maybe a part of therapy for people that have been in tough situation is making a film about it or reliving it in a third person point of view, because now it's, you're giving a new awareness to the situation one that you can see without shame and one someone can experience without shameless it's almost like a whole new form of communication and I it's very unique to what you're doing and from the way you've dropped out each series in shorts to the meaningful communications you have behind it like I think you're a phenomenal storyteller and I i hope that more people will go and watch it because I really think that more people can learn from it so yeah you totally answered the question what do you do you think it's therapeutic have you found it therapeutic to go and make this documentary and has it changed the way you see relationships yes on so many different levels yes you know I didn't I actually started this documentary for my selfish reason on finding the truth, like how can I heal and be happy after heartbreak, after my heart was broken, even if it was abusive, I was in love. I discover that doing it all together, it just brings this, like witnessing someone else and seeing, going through what you went through similar stories and seeing yourself it almost in that story somewhere it almost allows you to create more space for the compassion and it's easier it is easier for many of us to have compassion for others than to ourselves when you have been through some neglect and your tech giver wasn't able to give you that compassion then Then I say hello. I was there too, and I'm still some many times there. So doing it in a community of another woman and man, it's the exposure of that. I feel like it can change everything. For me, it did. I just realized it's okay. I'm going to leave it. And it's not just me, okay? Me listening to their stories. There were moments of them crying and them sharing, oh, this is my first time ever I'm sharing my story. So it was all raw. And I had no idea how am I going to really put it all together, which at first I thought it would be one episode, but then it was, you know, it became something else out of it. But to answer your question, I feel like it's very therapeutical and we should do it more and more often and more often. And because it's like us doing that, it creates that space for another or someone else for them to allow themselves to be vulnerable and to be raw and to cry or to scream or whatever it takes to get it out. And when you were a child, probably that anger wasn't allowed or you couldn't get too excited or you couldn't get too angry because there was some punishment. So being able to do it all in a tribe with the, you know, I'm here, like connected. Yeah, that's the movement which... I say it's not my movement, it's our movement. And that's the movement I invite all of you to join if you have experienced... If this message resonates with you and you have experienced some trauma, and you would like to share it in a safe space and really being... not just celebrated, I'm looking for the right word, but I think you have to experience it when you are really with your tribe. It changes in your brain something. I do think that there's probably some research behind that. Because trauma, what it is, it's really... It happens when we are isolated. So something happened and there was nobody around us to help us to... um raise it in the moment so when we are I almost feel like I had this picture when we come to the tribe and we share our story we kind of relieve relieve that moment and now we get to release it because we have the tribe we have the support so I do feel that's therapeutical yeah i I think so too. Lonnie's got some great points in here. For anybody who hasn't, yeah, for anybody who's not aware of Lonnie Ray, she's like a 25-time best-selling author. She's helped so many incredible people. And she is incredible when it comes to behavior. And she's helped so many people get their stories out. She says that it literally changes the brain, whether you're you're making something you're writing something you're creating a documentary you're reliving the experience was there it seems to me one thing that happens when I was talking to some people who have had this trauma or some people in the documentary That there's a level of shame, like people don't want to tell their story because they're afraid maybe of how people are going to judge them or maybe they're afraid of how they feel or they feel shameful for letting it happen to them. How did you overcome that? Was there a period where you're like, I'm not going to tell anybody about this? And how did you go from that period to like, you know what, I'm going to tell everyone about this? I just want to also celebrate Lonnie for being here. And yes, so good. You are with us and thank you for all what you have done. Yes. And all your, actually it was last week when the rattle awake has been. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's such an accomplishment. Incredible. So yeah. So to answer, say again. The idea of abuse, whether it's being in a bad relationship, substance abuse or physical violence, sometimes things happen. So did I feel shame? Yes. You know, I haven't told my mother or my family anything. what happened until one year or two years after my therapy because of the shame. I actually shared my story to strangers because it was easier. And, you know, shame, Brené Brown talks beautifully about shame and I think it's the they say it's the worst feeling ever to have but I feel like hmm maybe it's the best one maybe it's the one you get to play the most and expose it and it's not going to feel good when you do it in the wrong environment so I remember you know sharing my story when I was actually in a court in Spain when I was I took it to the court, that case, and I was trying to make statements in Spanish to explain what happened. And I do remember the lack of support, like them not really being emotionally or trauma informed or emotionally with me. And You know, I didn't have the translator, so I was really left there with another type of trauma now, because here I was explaining all what happened to me to even more traumatizing environment in front of the court. And that's, you know, a deep topic. But what we really, you know, I have an offer. What we can do with shame is, yeah, play. like maybe um if you don't want to share your story write it and make a chapter for the next rattle awake yeah you know you don't have to say it loud yet or I don't think I don't know if that's you know there are layers of word how the shame gets to be transmuted but if you are an artist make a painting out of it or somewhere you want to transmute that energy of feeling like what well what I lastly say what you don't want is that that shame becomes you like I'm bad because this and this you don't want that that's the ultimate no no no we don't and I have done it many times and I still do that you know but later on with a community and support that's why um you know you don't have to join exposure you can create your own movement I i really want you to know that it has to happen in community and you need to have people who are there emotionally for you so uh and then you start to you know one day you start to have awareness, like yesterday I had this awareness. I was with my partner in the kitchen and I have sometimes this impulse to open some package like very like rapidly. So he found that package and he's like, oh my God, I can't believe it, you did that. And I feel like, I feel so much shame now and I start to play with it. I start to play with it and we both laugh. And like, oh, I love you anyway. Okay. So it was just the moment where I just allowed that. And it really is like us allowing ourselves to feel it and play a little with it. And it transmutes. It goes. It's like a wave kind of like every emotion comes and go. But But I do understand that it can make us stuck. And that's why we need community and people around us to, we can open up and say like, hey, this and this happened. And sometimes, you know, it just opens some possibilities when we feel like trapped in that train. because I do know, you know, I understand why people don't talk about domestic violence because I was there too. But those are the steps, baby steps we take toward expressing. You don't want to keep it. That's the idea. Express it. Get it out. Go and... dance, shake it, use your body to get it out of that nervous system of like feeling it, like it's me, like having nightmares and not being able to, you know, eat and sleep normally as we all should have, should have, you know, ecstasy, feeling more of that instead of that, you know, holding that inside of us. Do you think it's a learned behavior? Like when I look back at my childhood, my parents got divorced at a pretty early age. And I remember having some difficult situations where like I was molested as a kid. And I remember like my parents not doing anything about it. And I had to carry that with me for a long time. And to this day, sometimes it still bothers me. They didn't do anything. Do you think that when poor things like that happen to people, that is something that they now look for in a relationship on an unconditioned level? You've been conditioned to... to realize that there's no consequences for you when something bad happens to you? Do you think that that plays out in adult relationships? And that's why a lot of people maybe seek out relationships that are maybe not the most healthy? Well, first of all, I want to celebrate... you for sharing it because you as a man it's so hard for men to talk about sexual trauma because you're supposed to just man it up and don't talk about it and just be cool and come on you know so there's even more I feel like I'm happy I'm a woman it's kind of easier for us to talk about right now we to be in that role of um like yeah Yeah. It happens to everybody. I think, you know, and the more people that talk about it, the bigger we are. Yeah. So to answer your question as the ultimate and only one answer in my perspective is that, um, now you as a child, so, so something and experience what should never happen and nobody reacting to that. Um, That probably, that was horrifying. That was horrifying. And that might create this belief, I don't know the English word for it, but basically that this is okay. This is okay for me to be disrespected, for my body to be disrespected. disrespected and me telling someone who's supposed to be there and say, no, this has to stop. Get the fuck out of my child. And what do you need now? How can I make you feel safe? I'm sorry. The lack of that as we grow up can actually, just like you mentioned, make us to be more attracted. Not attracted, I would say if someone tolerating in some way, because it feels familiar, it fucking feels familiar somewhere. I almost feel like it's just goes back there. Hey, I took it as a child. I can take it now as I'm adult. It makes sense. It feels like home almost like you, you know, unconsciously and it happens before we even know it. Yeah. I think that happens to a lot. It doesn't have to be that form of extreme of abuse, but those things that happen to you with a child, they build a familiar foundation for those cycles to repeat later in life. And unless you get to a point where you can talk about it, you're aware of it, you can confront it, then that cycle will repeat unconsciously. It's imperative. And I love what you said about... paying attention to resistance because it's so true. Where you find resistance is where you need work. The same way we use resistance to build our muscles, so too is the resistance we find in life trying to help us overcome situations. But you have to be willing to confront it. You have to be willing to be like, okay, there's resistance here. What is the problem? Is it me? Is it the relationship? And you have to ask the difficult questions. Sometimes that difficult question is can blow up a family problem sometimes that difficult question will force you to go back to being five and reliving difficult things or sometimes that question will force you to go back and revisit things but that's where the growth is right like that's where the growth is yeah And as you do that, you will experience, you know, people ask why, like, it almost makes you feel like, oh my God, this is so much work. This is so much work. Like, oh my God, this is so much work. Going to all those moments. But maybe that's why we live so many years on this earth to really release that. You know, you live, you are here. You know, you are here. You get the chance. to release that. Not just, you know, from the perspective it's for you. It could be really selfish. It doesn't need to be for my children, their children, which of course it's going to be. But for me, so I can have a more ecstasy and more joy and more, you know, all, all that what's behind the shame, what's under the anger, what's under the rage, what's under the hate. It's all welcome. And it's all, um, has, you know, it will come up like a storm. And, and now you are adult, you have the tools. Um, or if you don't have the tools, you can learn them. And, um, And even if you fail, like fail, oh my God, I just got triggered and I didn't even realize all the years of therapy for nothing. It's still, you know, you just, you take it all. You just take it all and allow yourself for, you know, for any errors, mistakes. And I had to learn that really too. It's okay to make mistakes. And I feel like it's all almost was, you know, a year ago, I was trying to release this documentary series and I hired, I trusted the wrong person with it and it failed. And I had such a big, like heartbroken. My heart was for like, I wasn't on online anything for 12 months. I was grieving. I was crying. I was like, fuck, this is horrible. Like I work on this, you know, for the four years. And this is not just my story. This is those 88 people. And, and then, and then, uh, And then I realized I had some, you know, expectation how things should be in life. Like I thought I could control. Right. And that surrender of like, you know, just I wish I could be more playful back then and just having more fun when things weren't going good and just taking extra vacation and just having more enjoyment. Yeah. but also feeling all of that you know it's necessary because it just was coming up some parts of me of that you know child who fought um she could um somewhere control everything around her, which, you know, as we get older, it's really the balance between that surrendering and knowing that you are in the perfect time, in the perfect place. with the perfect people around you. And here I see Crystal saying it was heartbreaking. So proud of you for sharing about this. So I think that's why we need each other. Because just so we can remind each other. Now that grounds you. I feel almost like sharing your story in a tribe and doing what we are doing today. It grounds you. in some way yeah and then we have Lani saying oh go ahead go ahead yeah I think that having the courage to say things out loud calls the people to you that can help right because that's you're sharing your story when you do that you're you're kind of declaring to the world like this happened to me and only when you say it out loud can you be given the answers? Like if you want an answer, you got to ask a question, right? And sometimes you have to vocalize that question, but you have to get through the difficult parts. And that's, again, that's why I think the documentary is so great at achieving the goal of releasing shame from poor relationships. It's a real factor in helping people come to terms with, hey, I'm not perfect and nobody is, but we have this unrealistic expectation that we should be. yeah that we should be where do you think that comes from I like how you are intense I should make more push-ups before this interview right well conditioning the whole you know We came to this world as we came from the womb of our mother. We kind of had to agree for many things which nobody asked us for. We agreed to believe certain religion, nationality and things which we didn't choose. We didn't choose. And, you know, certain way of of being brought up, like you should be perfect, like you mentioned, which I relate with as well. And it's all kind of designed to keep us kind of in a box almost, right? and where we get to suffer alone and eat dinner alone and cry behind the doors with nobody knowing. And it's that separation, which I feel almost like a little bit, it might be related with not enough women to bring in the world. And when I say women, I'm talking about, you know, the female energy of, uh, deep care and why we do what we do. Um, So I have just, sorry, I just heard ice. I mean, I have here every hour, almost every hour. Ice cream truck. Ice cream truck. And I'm like, ice cream, ice cream time. So, yeah. yeah those ice creams are tempting yeah right brings us back to childhood right there we are again so that conditioning it's you know now we have a choice we're adults we can see it we can name it it has a name we get to play with it and kind of play with the reality that's what it is that's you know we all do all of us has this reality which thinks that's the way everybody feels and thinks and they have to agree with me of course my thoughts are but like this is the I you know I lived here for 60 years I worked so hard to make sense of this and now you know the world is uh you know maybe it's not of all maybe it's in the shape of the heart I don't know have you seen it So it's a really calling I feel like nowadays of the female energy to come back and connect with the earth and all of us, like you invited me today, just being together. And I feel like that's breaking the conditioning, you know, of me. Like, I should be perfect. All those kind of beliefs which are designed to keep us a certain way. So I believe we are supernatural human beings. Like, I believe we were created to be heroes and goddesses and goddesses. You know, all of the trauma and sabotage, it just kind of steals away our natural light. You know, when you look at the children, they are like naturally smiling and you feel like, oh, my God, like it feels so, so beautiful to just look at the child. And we, you know, once in our life, we all were there in such ecstasy and love. And this, you know, I don't have children myself, but. Anytime I see children, I'm almost jealous of this ability to just express themselves without anybody, excuse me, giving a fuck. That's why I feel it is important for us to do those exercises, either it's sharing your story or... make a tantrum in your house, in a safe environment, express that anger. When was the last time you gave a tantrum yourself? Get the pillows and just get it out. I do that many times, actually, when I feel like that's what I need. And I think we all should find those ways. to circulate the energy so it doesn't have to keep us, you know, like stuck and kind of zombie mode. What's next? What's the next thing somebody else wants? It becomes like, what do I want? What do I want to do with my time? And it's just... You become... That's what I call superheroes. We all truly, I believe, we all are... Oh, yeah. Did I switch on something? I think I did. Did you? Oh, no, no. I had another... Sorry, I clicked it. Actually, I had a trailer of Exposé. It was coming up. But I can put the link later on for those who would like to see it. So I hope that answers your question somewhere. Yeah, of course. I just wanted to say that I'm also writing a book, actually, A Woman's Way to Heal. And I'm sharing there more about... you know, what I today shared a little bit about. I'm sure I'm going deeper there. For those who would like to, or just are curious, you know, to get to know me more and what I'm doing in the world. Here I got shy. A little bit. Yeah, what... No, it's beautiful. I think everybody watching should, if they find themselves curious about relationships or generational trauma or just becoming a better version of themselves, they should definitely go to the links below and check out the YouTube channel, check out your book, definitely check out the documentary. I think you've done an incredible job on it and we forgot to, you know, you've, you've done so much of the editing yourself with, with your own tools. And I think that it really expresses a, a angle of life that not a whole lot of people get to see. And you do it through 88 stories and you have all these really cool individual people from different walks of life, sharing their experience, which I think brings the whole documentary to life. And I work in, where can people go in and find it? Maybe you can tell us a little bit about, um, where they can find it, what you got coming up and what you're excited about. Hmm. So I would like to be on Oprah show. Yeah. Um, so that's where I'm going. You can go to expose a network.com. Um, Yeah, exposernetwork.com and there you'll see the trailer and the trailer goes to YouTube and please subscribe because one of my dreams and many others is to get 1000 subscribers. Yeah. And so it really helps. This is just the first expose. I want to continue creating documentary story series. And that will be great. Just click it. So you can continue watching other episodes and other series. Just stay connected. Yeah, I agree. I think that this is the first of many documentaries. And I think that people will truly enjoy it if they go down and check it out. Go to the YouTube channel, like, share it, subscribe it. Thank you to Crystal. Thank you to Lonnie. Everybody should be checking out the Rattle the Wake book series. Phenomenal. And hang on briefly afterwards. Anastasia, I still want to talk to you briefly, but to everybody else, thank you so much for hanging out with us today. And I just wanted to add it that I started it with absolutely... With what? With no camera. I use Zoom. Most of my interviews were, this girl is crazy. She used Zoom. Of course she did. She was resourceful. Yeah, of course. But later on, so I'm sharing this because you can make your own documentary too. You can use your iPhone. If there's a certain topic you want to spread awareness, that's actually... For a while, I was trying to do this in schools around me, like teach children that they can share their story. I mean, make a documentary. But I wasn't really... The doors were closed for me because those... Maybe they will be open later. Maybe when I have more... The public schools are maybe more... open for some different things. I don't know for one. This kind of is unconventional way of I feel like helping children to express themselves. So in one point I really want to go back to schools and do those workshops and show them how they can make their own documentary. So that's another thing which I would love to do in one point. Kudos to your documentary. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. I think you're doing it. The tools are out there. It's nice to have an incredible team of people behind you doing editing. It's nice to have a team of people behind you that are producing and promoting. But there's something that's even more incredible about the authentic nature of someone trying to make a difference. And I think that is what separates your documentary. And some people that I talk to is that These are individuals on the front line without a budget making their own message. And I think that that is not only inspiring, but it's powerful and it's authenticity. Authenticity is vastly more important than a big budget. Big budgets are nice, but anybody can do it with a big budget. Try doing it by yourself. Try creating a team around you. I'm proud of you for that. I think that that's why your documentary stands out. It's like you built this thing and people come to it. Like you've shined this light and people are moving towards it. It would be nice to go have a multimillion dollar education. It wouldn't be nice to have all that, but you can do it without it. And I want to encourage people to follow your light and do that. Like it's beautiful. And that's what makes it beautiful. So thank you for having the courage to do it. My pleasure. And more to come. More to come. Absolutely. Thank you for ability. I mean, for the time and space you gave me today and so much kudos to you. And I'm looking forward to supporting each other in the future. Of course. Thank you all for listening and for your generosity. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, that's all we got for today. I hope you have a beautiful day. Aloha. Aloha.