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What comes to mind when you think about your father? Is it joy, pain, or indifference? Whatever it is, it can reveal deeper wounds that still affect you today. In this journey of healing, Zach Garza invites you to explore topics like generational sin, emotional scars, and the transformative power of forgiveness through the lens of his own story of growing up without a father in the home. By confronting the past, you'll discover how to break free, embrace your true identity, and experience the unconditional love of God.
Chapter 23, become the guide. There was a time in my life when I would have said growing up without a father was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I just couldn't comprehend why the Lord would allow something like this to happen. One thing that is so difficult in following the Lord is the fact that often his ways do not make sense. The Bible even says that what was meant to kill you can actually turn out to be used for good.
Speaker 1:See Genesis fifty twenty. I guess that is why faith is such an important concept in our relationship with God. Most of the time, find myself saying, don't understand this, God, but I trust that you know what you're doing and that you are good. Growing up without a father in the home can produce anger, frustration, and bitterness in you, or it can give you the opportunity to endure hardships, have joy despite circumstances, and forgive those who have hurt you. People who have issues with their father have the choice to believe that God is good and knows what he's doing, or they can choose to believe that God cannot redeem the situation.
Speaker 1:People who have issues with their father have the choice to believe that God is good and knows what he's doing or they can believe that God cannot redeem their situation. People who have issues with their father have the choice to believe that God is good and knows what he's doing, or they can choose to believe that God cannot redeem the situation. I know choosing God in these situations seems simple, but simple isn't always easy. In fact, choosing to believe that God is good despite circumstances and not allowing bitterness and anger to ruin my relationship with God is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and it took me a really long time to get there. One thing I know for certain, there is no way I would have stayed in the game to see God's faithfulness without the help of a few people.
Speaker 1:One thing I know for certain, there is no way I would have stayed in the game to see God's faithfulness without the help of a few people. So many people have helped me in the healing process of my past and guided me into the man that I am today. I am where I am today because of pastors, businessmen, mentors, and friends. Each had a unique and important role in helping me heal from my past. Now it is my joy and pleasure to get to do the same for others who find themselves in the very situation that I once found myself in.
Speaker 1:What an incredible opportunity I have to help others find the freedom that I now experience. And you have the same you have the same opportunity. We have the chance to give away what we have received. Healing and freedom were never meant to stop with us, but are tools that we can put in our tool belt to help others experience the goodness of God the Father. Now that you have experienced freedom for yourself, God can use your testimony to help others start the healing journey in their own lives.
Speaker 1:Go and make disciples, helping others experience the freedom that Christ has to offer. Here is how to start the process of helping others heal from their father wound. Help them identify their wound. When meeting men for the first time, I always like to see if the Lord can use me to minister to them in some way. This isn't a burden or task that needs to be done.
Speaker 1:Instead, it is a joy to try to be a light wherever I go. I always ask the Lord to use me if he sees fit. That being said, I have found three ways in which the Lord can use you to help others identify their need for healing in their relationship with their father. They include leading with your testimony, being curious by asking good questions, and being a good listening ear. They include leading with your testimony, being curious by asking good questions, and being a listening ear.
Speaker 1:Once you've experienced the healing journey yourself, you will start to see others who could benefit from that same journey. You can pick it up when they talk about their past or their family. Easy questions to find out where they stand with their father include, what was your childhood like? Would you say that you're pretty close with your parents? Can you tell me about your father?
Speaker 1:If you find them talking at length about their family but only speaking of their mother, you may be onto something. When I find myself in situations where I can pick up on the fact that the person I am talking to may come from a difficult past, I simply try to naturally incorporate my testimony into conversation with them. I don't try to force it, and I don't keep talking about it if they don't seem interested in hearing it. However, I do pray for an opportunity to talk about my healing journey that the Lord has brought me on and how much freedom I have received from dealing with my past. I know that it is not my responsibility to fix this person, but I also want to see if the Lord opens a door for me to share about his goodness.
Speaker 1:It's not my responsibility to make sure someone deals with their past. It is my responsibility to share what he's done in my life. There is power in our testimony. Sometimes I can share my testimony by asking questions like, so what are you passionate about? Once they tell me what they're passionate about, they will probably want to know what I'm passionate about.
Speaker 1:This opens the door to sharing about my passions for helping others experience what I have experienced. Have you read anything good lately? Have you read anything good lately? Knowing they will probably ask me the same question gives me a chance to talk about a book that helped me in my freedom journey. I can also share when talking about fathering with any other fathers.
Speaker 1:There's always a chance to ask a good question like, did you ever do this with your dad? Which could open up a conversation about their relationship with their father. I have different versions of my testimony. I have the one minute testimony, which is short and simple. Next is the three minute testimony, which adds a little more detail about my story.
Speaker 1:Lastly is the longer one. It's about eight to ten minutes long, which tells my whole story. Here, you probably wanna stick to the one to three minute long testimony. You have the opportunity to share the longer one if you can tell they have an appetite for it. I'll be the first to say that most men do not open up easily about these things, but every so often you will find one who is really interested in learning more about the healing journey.
Speaker 1:You can tell they're interested by the look in their eye and the attention they give you when you share your testimony. If they respond with a, yeah, cool, man, you should probably take that as a hint and stop sharing with them. If they respond with questions of their own or if they can share if they respond with questions of their own or if they share that they can relate, you can continue the conversation. Your testimony paves the way for them to share their own. If the conversation progresses, I have found the best thing you can do is be a listening ear.
Speaker 1:For most men, this isn't a topic they talk about often, and being vulnerable about their past is very difficult. You can show empathy by using phrases like I can relate to that or I know what that feels like, but try to let them talk as much as possible. Once you feel like the conversation is at a stopping point, I always give them the opportunity to connect further. I try to exchange contact information and let them know that I am happy to go out to coffee or lunch to continue the discussion. If I feel like if I feel like I made a connection with them, I will even send them a text or give them a call a day or two after we just met to allow them to chat more.
Speaker 1:If that happens, they will almost always come with questions about your journey. Since it is impossible to since it is impossible to lead someone to a place where you have not gone, this is a fantastic chance to use your testimony to usher them into their own healing journey. Usher them into the healing journey. Usher them into the journey of healing. If you find yourself with a large chunk of time with someone who is interested in learning more about the healing journey, it is often best to share the action plan through your testimony.
Speaker 1:Here, you can talk about the power of going back to go forward and how your past was keeping you from becoming the person that you wanted to be, how forgiving your father and those who wronged you released you from anger and bitterness, How you see God as that has massive how you see God as this has massive implications for your relationship with God, yourself, and others. The difference between seeing yourself as an orphan and walking in sonship. How to trust the process and rely on God's timing, not our own. The importance of surrounding yourself with supportive people who can encourage you during challenging times, celebrate with you during good times, and pick you up when you fall down. Sharing your experience will give them the confidence they need to possibly start their own journey.
Speaker 1:Sharing your experience will give them the confidence they need to possibly start their own journey, but it will also provide them with tools and tips to help them along the way. You can share the things you got right and what you would do differently if you had the chance. You can talk about the people who helped you along the way and the ones who encouraged you to start the journey in the first place. You can share what you learned and how it is positively impacting you and your relationships today. There are many ways one can start the journey of healing.
Speaker 1:Some people find their start at programs such as men's church groups or accountability groups. Others find it a counseling or group therapy, while others prefer finding mentors. Others find it at counseling or group therapy, while others prefer finding mentors and coaches. It truly is whatever they feel the most comfortable with and what they believe the Lord is calling them to. This is where you can serve as the guide to another as they start the healing journey themselves.
Speaker 1:As a guide, you allow the other person to do most of the work. They pick their final destination and the pace at which they want to go. They are the ones taking the steps and doing the hard work. You are simply there to encourage them when things get hard or to use your experience to offer wisdom when they ask for help. The power is in the process of the journey of healing.
Speaker 1:It is a difficult journey to start and an even more difficult one to see through to the end. While you have experience and advice to give the one making the journey, the best thing you can give them is your presence. Supporting from the sidelines. I have a friend who likes to run Ironman races. If you're unfamiliar with the Ironman, it's a 2.4 mile swim followed by a 112 mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run.
Speaker 1:All of this happens in one day. I know. It's as crazy as it sounds. On race days, I have gone out to support my friends, but it doesn't feel like I am supporting them in any major way. I hold up a sign, encourage them when they run past, and maybe give them a small cup of water if they're thirsty.
Speaker 1:The whole process is short lived compared to the long journey they are making. It simply doesn't feel like I did much to contribute to their success. But, and this happens all the time, my friend will come find me after the race and say thank you so much for your support. It really helped me a ton. I couldn't have done this without you.
Speaker 1:My response is always, look. You did all the hard work. I was just on the sidelines cheering you on and supporting you from time to time. When you encounter someone who wants to start their healing journey, you get to be the person on the sideline who cheers them on and gives them water when they're a little thirsty. Even better, you know what it's like to endure the journey because you have gone before them and done the journey yourself.
Speaker 1:You, of all people, know just how long and difficult the healing journey can be, but you also know that the journey is well worth your time and effort. Just like any journey that you go on, it is always beneficial to understand what you are getting yourself into before you start the trick. If you find someone who is interested in starting a healing journey of their own, you get the opportunity to prepare them for the journey before they start. Using your testimony, you can let them know what you experienced so they can prepare their hearts, avoid missteps, or be better prepared for the road ahead. More than anything, they just need your presence.
Speaker 1:Keep up with them. Pursue them. Reach out to them often and set up with them. Pursue them. Reach out to them often and set consistent times to meet frequently.
Speaker 1:The journey is hard. And while your advice and experience are helpful, your encouragement is what will be the most beneficial. Having a listening ear or having someone to talk to can be extremely life giving. They need their tank filled up, and your presence can be the thing that gives them what they need to keep on going. And when you see it becoming difficult and you feel the urge to protect your friend to keep them from experience discomfort, know that God is working in the process and that He is always up to something.
Speaker 1:One of the most helpful phrases I tell myself when I see a friend who is struggling is God loves this person more than I do, and He knows what He's doing. Releasing control and surrendering others to the Lord's process takes a remarkable amount of faith in the goodness of God. So often we want to keep others from experiencing pain, but what if the pain is exactly what they need to have a breakthrough to true healing? Sometimes by taking control of the process, we actually get in the way of what the Lord is trying to do. While we want to be helpful, we are actually doing the opposite.
Speaker 1:This is especially true the closer you are to the one who is embarking on the journey. Those we love the most, we typically try to protect the most. Let's flip the script. Those we love the most, we ought to surrender the most. While some of us may want to go on this journey with our loved ones, it is their journey to make.
Speaker 1:Sure, you can guide and help them when they need it, but this is a solo inside job. The best thing you can do is be there when they need a little support. You can provide blueprints, and you should, but they must pick up the tools and start to build. Tell me, is there someone in your life who could benefit from dealing with their relationship with their father? Do you feel equipped to usher and guide someone through this journey?
Speaker 1:Why or why not? How do you feel about sharing your father wound journey with others?