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Gav and Dan lend their unique perspective to horror films and the world surrounding them. With Gav's unique perspective as a filmmaker and Dan's peculiar perspectives, The Podcast on Haunted Hill offers a fresh view of horror cinema!
The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
I saw this when I come.
Hello, and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill, episode 160.
My name is Gavin.
My name is Dan.
We welcome you to a very hot and spicy episode.
Sticky.
Sticky, sweaty, smelly.
No, it's just really the location of the recording of Dan and I.
It's a very hot time at the moment.
I mean, no, proper.
So, Poltergeist II and III is not really hot movies, but they are kind of summary films, I guess.
Yeah.
Well, there's a lot of ice in the third one.
But there is actually, it's more of a Novembery movie, I guess, actually.
First one, though, definitely got the summer vibe.
Which we're not talking about.
Anyway, how are you?
I'm good, thanks.
Just so you know, we're experiencing a weird heat wave in the UK at the moment, where it's approaching around 30 degrees celsius, if you use British terminology, pounds in celsius.
I still know Fahrenheit is used a lot at other places.
But yeah, so we're very hot at the moment.
Gab's sat in a pair of pants.
Just drinking a massive glass of water.
I'll take him tomorrow, because it's going to get hotter.
I've got an iced cold Coca-Cola Zero out of the fridge.
Oh, good.
But a hot coffee on the other side of the table.
Yeah, I had a cold coffee, I couldn't do that.
And I'm sat in my basketball vest and Gav's sat in his pants.
So just to paint the picture for you all, like I was Bob Ross.
That's what's going on.
I'm not going to sit in my pants.
I'd feel like the listeners would be able to hear me in my pants, rather than in my shorts.
So, you know.
There's no sounds like that.
It's just the worst thing is I'm the one on the leather sofa.
You are, you get stuck to it.
Yeah, I've had that before.
Anyway, yes, episode 160 is fantastic.
I'm very well, thanks, Gav.
Apart from it being very hot.
Before we get into what we've been up to and all that kind of business.
It doesn't smell of shit, though.
Yes.
Just to conclude the last episode, I found out the next morning that actually there was a pair of slippers with shit all over them, which had been in the room.
And that's why I kept saying the whole time, going, it still stinks.
That's why.
Just to put a pin in it there, if anybody didn't listen to the last episode, you're probably wondering what on earth Gav's talking about, shit covered slippers.
Basically, he's dogged shit all over the flat.
And in the last episode, he powered through four or five hours worth of recording with me with the smell of shit.
He lit candles, he lit incense, cleaned it all up as best he could.
I found it under the desk as I turned the computer on to record.
That's how fresh it was.
It was fresh.
But then you find the next day that there was still more, still doggy doo doo on the slippers.
I had to throw some slippers away.
And you sent me a horrendous photograph of the...
Well, that was the photo.
Well, I had to show it to you.
This is what I found.
I was eating chocolate spread at the time.
That was under my nose when recording last time.
Oh dear.
So that's just to fill anyone that didn't catch the last episode.
That's what Unearthed Gab's talking about there.
There isn't just randomly a pair of slippers in his house with shit on them.
But as is tradition, before we get into our jovialities and general nonsense, this is a franchise episode.
We're finishing off the Poltergeist franchise, as you mentioned just now.
We'll be covering Poltergeist II from 1986, followed by obviously Poltergeist III from 1988.
We'll be talking about those two movies.
We will touch briefly on the remake and briefly on the TV show, but we're mainly going to be reviewing those two films.
Do you know, I've got Poltergeist I like in the big box VHS tape here, and then I've got another copy of that.
So two exact replicas.
I know this story.
Oh, you do, because I've said it before, but the real on one of the copies is Poltergeist II, which doesn't make any sense unless they were printing out the film at the same time, making copies, VHS copies at the same time as part II.
And the tape reel just got on to it.
It's weird.
Those kind of mistakes are worth a lot of money, aren't they, on the VHS collector market?
Yeah, I imagine it is.
I haven't looked into it, but I was watching it once and just like, that's so weird.
I don't even know why I picked up a second copy, just because it's so cool.
Why wouldn't you?
If you saw Big OX VHS and Poltergeist, I've got two copies, but yeah.
Well, talking of VHS, what are the things I've been up to since we last recorded is, my attic has now been boarded out into proper storage.
So we put about 50% of everything we own up there.
So the house is nice and clear now.
There's not shit everywhere.
This house is clear.
This house is clear.
Did you say that to Alice?
I didn't say that, no.
What the fuck?
You would be useless in an 80s action movie after you've killed someone.
But I did have a lovely afternoon up there of putting all of my DVDs into chronological order and then did the same with my VHS tapes.
So now I have easy access-
Nerd, nerd Elwin.
Not chronological, sorry, alphabetical.
So now I have easy access to all of my library of shit, which is fantastic.
And I've even got my-
I've organized it so nicely up there.
And Alice won't go out there because she's like, oh, it's too high.
Dude, projectors are so cheap.
You can get projectors like 40 quid.
You can get a basic screen for about 30 quid, and you can get rocking chair for about 10, that's second hand.
Get yourself up there and have a ball.
I'm not-
this isn't National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.
Get the fuck up there and dress like Chevy Chase.
No, it's really hot up there because we've got so much-
our house is so hot.
And obviously heat rises.
When I go up there sometimes, just to like grab one thing.
It's like-
I lived in a loft for like three years.
You did.
And I couldn't work on the computer because I'd have to have the fan on the computer.
So it wouldn't break.
So, yeah, no.
But that's one of the things I've been up to.
I've also been on holiday.
Had a fantastic family holiday, Gav.
Yeah, I'm on holiday next week.
You are?
With the kids.
It's always good to have a break.
Joy Ski Slope next to our accommodation.
Joy Ski Slope?
That sounds like a euphemism.
Not really.
Not with my children, not with me on holiday.
Well, no.
But, I mean, you know.
No.
Well, anyway, on my holiday, Gav, I thought you'd like to hear about this.
I went to a caravan park, very traditional British holiday in Devon, which is down on the South Coast for anyone who doesn't know the United Kingdom.
And it was me, my wife and the children, no in-laws.
Thank God.
No in-laws and nobody else there.
Except for a fucking stalker.
Do you want to hear about the stalker?
Oh, you didn't tell me about this.
You kept it for this, haven't you?
Yeah.
So we were there, you know, probably day two.
Can I very quickly, before you get into it, there's an Only Fools And Horses episode called Friday the 17th.
And they decide to go a steel trail down in Cornwall.
And they go down to the house on the way there, they're like, please stop them.
They're like, oh, what the fuck?
Stay quiet, stay quiet.
And they're like, oh, there's an escape lunatic.
Be careful.
Oh, God.
Okay.
And they go to the house.
Have you seen the episode?
Yes.
I remember this episode.
So good.
And they go to the house and there's someone at the door.
And it's, oh, I'm just checking out.
I see if you're all okay.
But that's actually the escape lunatic.
And he's wearing the clothes of the person he knocked out.
Is this what happened to you?
No.
So it was a bit weird, really, because I ran back to the caravan to grab something, leaving Alice in the amusement arcades with the kids, who were having the time of their life, pumping two pence pieces into those little penny pushers.
And when I came back, she was chatting to this lady, who, I think she was 35, 36, she told us, about the same age as my wife.
And she had a little boy, and he was about four or five.
And his name is Ben.
I said, oh, my brother's called Ben.
That's a good name, making light conversation.
My children were playing with her son.
She then revealed her name was Allison.
Okay, my wife's name is Alice.
That's funny, how strange.
Chat, chat, chat.
Anyway, then the kids wanted to go outside and play on the big pirate ship, playground thing outside.
Okay, so she came out with us.
You know, when you're on holiday, you have these conversations.
So when you're a parent, you have these conversations with other parents.
That's fine.
I sat down and she was with her elderly mum.
She was on holiday with her elderly mother, who turns out was born in exactly the same village as my mum in Rhodesia, in Zimbabwe.
And around about the same time.
Where is this going?
And it was like, well, this is too coincidental really.
Then I found out her family was originally from Scotland, same village as my grandma, my mum's mum.
This is all too weird.
It was almost like they were doing that confidence thing where people sort of pull the information out of you.
But anyway, that was fine.
After about 25, 30 minutes of chatting to them, our kids wanted to go and get a nice loli or something.
That's fine.
Let's go.
See you later.
Oh, we should meet up.
We should all go to the beach tomorrow.
I said, oh, maybe.
She said, well, give me your number.
So we swapped numbers.
And she said, what we'll do is we'll message you tomorrow.
We'll all meet up.
I said, oh, all right.
So anyway, I'll walk you back to your caravan.
Oh, back off.
Leave me alone.
So we'll walk back to the caravan.
Oh, look, I'm staying three caravans away from you.
How funny.
Now we know where you're staying.
This is funny because I go on some of these holidays sometimes and it's generally the kids that meet other kids and this happens.
Yeah.
Not the grownups.
Well, then the next morning, I said to her, I don't really want to meet up with her.
And she said, yeah.
If we bump into her, we bump into her.
That's fine.
So the next morning, it was very early in the morning, like seven a.m.
and she was jogging past our caravan.
Who jogs on their holiday?
This woman.
No, no, no, some people do.
And she said, oh, you guys, are we all going to go to the beach then?
I said, actually, we've got our own sort of plans today.
We're going out into a different village, which we were.
Oh, that's a shame.
All right, well, maybe we'll see you at the disco later.
Anyway, we got back from our day trip to the next village over.
All got in, sat down, you know, cooling off because it was very hot.
What's all going on outside?
On our private bit of grass outside, this woman and her elderly mother and her son had appeared and had set up a picnic on our private bit of grass.
I stuck my head out and said, Hi, are you all right?
She went, yeah, we're having a picnic.
Now we know where you are.
Do you want to do you want to sit with her?
So my kids immediately like, yeah, you run out, sit down.
They're getting given food.
They're having dinner in a minute.
Don't give them crisps and chocolate.
No, the kids, you can't say to the kids, no, come back.
They don't understand anything.
Then I said to her, well, look, I said to Alice, look, we'll give her, because you get a complimentary bottle of wine with the caravan.
Now me and Alice don't drink anymore.
So I said to this woman, would you like this bottle of wine?
You're tempting fate doing that.
She said, oh, I'd love it.
Thank you so much.
That's the equivalent of sending a dick pic.
I said to her, we don't drink.
She said, I know, Alice already told me, don't worry though, some of my best friends.
No, she said, don't worry though, a lot of my best friends don't drink.
And I thought, are you putting me in with your best friends?
Are you labeling me within your circle of best friends?
No.