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If you feel stuck in cycles with ultra-processed food, cravings, weight struggles, and a loss of control, you are not broken, and you are not alone. Hosted by Paige Alexander, this podcast goes beyond diets, calorie counting, and quick fixes to uncover what’s really driving your relationship with food.
You’ll learn how to:
• Break free from ultra-processed food dependency
• Rebuild trust with real, whole, single-ingredient foods
• Understand the science behind cravings and habits
• Heal the emotional patterns tied to food
• Create sustainable weight loss without obsession
This isn’t about restriction, it’s about restoration. In this new chapter of Real Food Recovery, Paige brings a deeper, more personal approach to what it truly takes to find freedom with food. If food isn’t the answer…let’s start asking better questions.
Welcome to the Real Food
Recovery Podcast. I'm Paige Alexander, creator and host of the Real
Food Recovery Podcast. This is a space for anyone who has struggled with
sugar or ultra-processed food, whether it comes from lifelong habits,
grief, trauma, or patterns picked up along the way.
Here we explore what's really driving those behaviors and how real
food, self-talk, movement, sleep, stress management, and nervous
system awareness can help you shift habits in a way that actually
sticks. I'm really glad you're here.
Hi guys, welcome to Real Food Recovery. Welcome
back. We took a short intentional pause over the past month or
so, and today we're stepping into a new season of the
podcast, one that's more deeply aligned, more
focused, and grounded in the full picture of healing.
Moving forward, you can expect conversations that go
beyond food to include grief, trauma, nervous
system regulation, and motivational real-life stories
that offer a roadmap for sustainable recovery. This time
away strengthened the direction of this work, and we're excited to be back and
moving ahead with greater clarity and purpose. During this brief
pause, I was able to complete additional training in trauma and
grief-informed support, which was helpful to
further shape the direction of the conversations you'll be hearing here. It's
deepened my focus on the nervous system and the root causes behind our
relationships with food. So that being said,
I have the honor of being here with Shay today.
Hi to Shay. She is our
resident certified functional nutrition counselor and certified
health and life coach with trauma-informed and nervous system training,
here to help us make sense of our bodies, minds, and stories while aiming
to keep us grounded in real, honest, and raw ways, all the
while staying totally human along the way, which is very true about
her. So today we want to talk about a topic that's been
heavy on our minds, and that is verbal grounding,
or in other words, say it to stay safe,
using verbal grounding in recovery and grief. So I want to
start out by saying that I— well, hello to Shay
too. Formally, hello to Shay. Glad you're here with me today. I
always love being with Shay. She is a bright light. For those of you that
know her will know that to be true. She's always positive and upbeat and
cheerful. So it makes me happier just when I'm in her
presence. So yeah, are you, are you
blushing? I am. I'm going to send you some love. There we go. I'm sending
you hearts. For those who can't see it in my Zoom, there's like little hearts
flying everywhere. So yeah, I know, I love those hearts.
So I recently came across a social media post about this thing called
verbal grounding, like I had mentioned, and it really stopped me in my tracks.
Not because it was new or trending, but I think it was because it described
something I think many of us already do, especially those of
you— of us who have lived with anxiety, trauma, or
emotional healing, but we've never had the language for it.
The idea is simple: when we are overwhelmed, we
name it out loud, what is happening in real time, and it
helps the brain stay calm and not afraid.
And what really hit me was this idea of when we go silent,
That is often when the fear creeps in. I don't know if you've kind of
heard that saying, but, um, you, you want to know where your
enemies are. It's actually better to know where they are so you can keep an
eye on what's going on. But, um,
that's been me so much recently when, uh,
we'll talk about this a little bit more about my husband passing 3 months ago
and me just learning to name out loud what's happening, what I'm
doing, what I'm feeling. And I'll get into that a little bit more. But Shay,
when when you hear this, using your voice to stay regulated, what comes
up for you? Let's talk about, let's talk about that.
Yeah, so glad, Paige. I'm honestly so thrilled that we're talking about this
because, you know, I think our voice is one of the most powerful
things. And when we use our voice, well, it can be
destructive and it can be powerful, it can be healing, it can be all kinds,
you know. When we use our voice as a grounding tool
It directly regulates our nervous system, and I love
everything nervous system talk, you know. So when we speak, when
we're humming— I live in a house that is full of loud, there's always some
singing and all kinds of stuff, so there's a lot of kind of verbal
grounding, I think, that happens here. But when we, you know, when we're doing that,
we sign, we're gently naming what's happening out loud,
we're actually activating the vagus nerve. And that is responsible
for so much that goes on under the surface in our body,
and it activates the social engagement system, which are really
closely linked to safety and connection. Those are
vital, vital core needs in a sense. So from a trauma-informed
perspective, this matters because during overwhelm
or threat, our voice often goes
offline. I'm sure so many of us can, you know, experience it when suddenly we
just feel this, like our voice just freezes, as it were, you know, and
freeze, we go quiet, we feel like our
throat tightens, you know, and bringing the voice back
online helps us restore presence and really importantly
agency. There's also a physiological layer. So that
slow rhythmic vocalization, it
supports calmer breathing, reduces that sympathetic stress
response and cortisol over time. And
it's got huge ripple effects on our digestion, our blood
sugar regulation, and inflammation. So
key, you know, and importantly, it's not about
talking through trauma. It can be as simple as
naming what you see or saying your name. And we'll talk a little bit about
that later. So the power is in the act of voicing,
which helps our body remember that safety, which is really key.
Yeah. I like what you said about humming because
I have really come to understand you're talking about
settling the vagus nerve, and humming
is one of the things that does that. The vibration
can activate the vagus nerve, which is a way
to calm our system. And yes, I agree so much
about the saying it out loud. In our group at Real Food
Recovery, for those of you that are familiar with our online
group coaching system, we have 6
hours of group coaching a week. And one of the things
after my husband passed that I knew that I wanted to ground
myself each day was to get in
and do— act as a member and check in each
morning with Shay saying, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing
this. And did I want to really go do
that? No. But it was a tool in the toolbox, and I knew,
because I want to live in future self, that if I do that, on the
other side I'm going to feel better. And there was something about
grounding myself because the brain only knows what you tell it.
So it seemed like to my brain that I was in
charge, I was in control, I had a plan for the day. And
laying it out with Shay, getting a little feedback, made— I
think has made all the difference in the world as how
I've progressed through grief by
using this verbal grounding tool. Which is why when we heard
about it, I'm like that's actually what was already happening,
and it makes so much sense, and we just wanted to shout it to the
rooftops. So, so good. Yeah, let's
keep going and let's talk about why this really is
biology and willpower. And what fascinates me
is that this isn't just like a coping trip trick,
it's biology. It literally is biology on a
cellular level of what starts happening in the body
as we're performing this verbalization act out loud.
And when we're overwhelmed or emotionally flooded, the amygdala,
which is the brain's fear center, takes over. It's
fast and reactive. But when we put words to our
experience, especially out loud, we activate that
prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that's responsible for reasoning,
decision-making, long-term consequences. Research shows
that labeling emotions can actually reduce activity
in the fear center of the brain. In other words, we're naming
what's happening, and at the same time it tells the brain, I
know where I am, I'm oriented, I'm not lost.
Shay, have you seen that naming things like fear, stress,
emotion changes how intense it feels in the body?
Just that, just the intensity of changing that to where it's more,
I can deal with this, versus complete overwhelm. Yeah,
yeah. Even as you're saying that, I'm feeling like a lot more less
anxious at the thought of saying— honestly, Paige, I see
this all the time in practice, all the time. You know, even with
group, you'll see it when, when folk are sharing. You can see already it
changes. And you know, the moment someone names what they're feeling,
even something as simple as this is anxiety, this
is overwhelm, you can often see a
visible shift in their body. You know, you'll see their shoulders drop there, the
breath deepens, there's this, there's a slowing
down and like this, just this
exhale, you know. And from a
biological perspective, this completely makes sense
because naming activates, as you've said, that prefrontal cortex,
and it helps dial down amygdala activity, which
reduces the intensity of the stress response.
And that's key. And so from a body-based lens,
it also restores, um, orientation and agency again,
you know. And so what's really key is knowing that the body moves
from being in the experience to
witnessing. It's like it distances it. Yes, that's— we're
observing it. Yeah, that's it, that's it. And that feeling doesn't
necessarily disappear, but it becomes more
tolerable, so more contained, less consuming.
So safety is actually felt in the body, not
just a kind of knowledge thing. It's actually felt,
which is vital when it comes to grounding, as it were.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. Even if it's bad, let's say I'm—
yeah, we're going to make this about me. Even if I'm coming in,
it's all about me now. What about you?
Even if I'm coming in to report to you, I'm feeling sad, or
this hasn't been a good day, or I didn't sleep well, there is
something about even Being able to
articulate what it is, that
helps organizing— organizing it, organize it in
the brain to where I know what I'm dealing with, and that
alone makes it less scary, right? I,
I've already done some work there, obviously,
if I can say what I'm feeling. And even
if I'm not quite there, being in a group
coaching setting, like we're talking about having
some of our trained coaches, you're able
to work with someone that can help you also draw it out. If you're
not quite there with the verbal grounding, they can move you in
a direction to where you can get there on
your own with a little bit of feedback. And so I was
also thinking about, it's one thing to be able to verbally
articulate what you're feeling. But there's something
even more powerful doing it in a group setting, or with
at least one other person, that also helps
reduce the fear and process that and makes
it more manageable. Just like you were saying, it takes the overwhelm
out of it, where if you're alone by yourself and, and you're
silent, you might be at a 10. But if you're talking about people,
it kind of normalizes the feeling. That's it. And that
takes the temperature down. Yeah. And you know what, Paige, I'll just hop in
there very quickly. Yes. I call it narrative medicine, or
part of it is narrative medicine. There's a saying that goes, in the absence
of a clear narrative, people will form their own.
And so when we don't have clarity, when we don't have a clear
story, all stories will be made up. Like, anything can happen.
You know what you're working with, as you say. So
yeah, I, I don't know, have you seen this, uh,
Netflix series that out is out? It's Alex
somebody and he climbs the— he scales without a
rope the, uh, uh, what's the name of
the mountain? I'm, I'm just— it's in Yosemite, El
Capitan. It's basically straight up and I'm—
maybe he's the first guy that has done it. He also scaled
110 stories somewhere in Asia
without a rope. But they— we were talking about the
amygdala, the fear center, and they actually did an MRI of
his brain. Because first of all, who would do that,
right? Whose wife would let them
do that? Anyway, uh, it showed he had no activity,
that his amygdala was
inactive. So it's just incredible how that those
parts of the brain Yeah, make an impact
on our perception of what's going on, how we're perceiving
life, the danger that we're in. But
the talk therapy, the verbal grounding, helps
activate, as we've said, the amygdala, or
deactivate it, because we can easily overactivate that
fear center when we're staying silent. And let's, let's talk about that
a little bit more, about silence being a trigger for us. One of the
most important parts of this whole thing for me was understanding
that silence is not always calming. And that can be
counterintuitive because sometimes when I'm really upset, I just want to stick to myself
and just kind of work it out alone, and I don't feel like talking about
it. So we often think that silence equals peace, but for someone with
trauma, silence can actually feel unsafe. It can feel
like abandonment or being left alone with something too big. And for
many people, especially those of us who use food to cope,
Silence is when urges get actually louder,
not because we're hungry, but because those feelings are so
big that they feel unimaginable.
In my house, we just had, um, a
snowstorm here when we're recording this. This is in,
in winter. And I— when my husband and I
first got married, I mean, we had 6 kids here with us, so
we were a house of 8, and now it's just a house of 1. So
I don't think I left the house for 4 days, and that silence was deafening.
So it was a very new experience, easy to spin out
in those days of— it's not only silent, but you're in
solitude a little bit, and you just feel it. You feel like, I mean, I
can't go anywhere, the roads are impassable, and, and you
can easily spin out in that. My, my word
of the year is adapting.
Not, not adapt, because I, I'm not there, but I want to be in
the process of adapting. So that was one of
the things that I recognized was the silence of
being alone. It puts a spotlight on the alone. So I could
have easily, um, gone into a deep dark
spiral, or I started working on projects and making sure I was
puttering around. I got a few extra naps in, which was nice. And
looked at it as an opportunity versus being in prison or
isolation. I was in solitary confinement. So,
so my question for you is, why do you think so many people confuse
silence with strength and don't want to speak up even when it
actually increases anxiety? It's, it's counterintuitive, but it
seems like we lean into it when things are really bad. What are your thoughts
about that? Yeah, so good. I really thought about this one, Paige, you know, and
I think, I think a lot of it comes from
how we've been conditioned to equate control
with strength, if that makes sense. Yeah.
So from a nervous system perspective, silence
can actually look calm on the outside, right?
But internally, it can actually increase threat
for someone with trauma because there's no cue for
connection or safety. There's no cue.
Okay. And so our brain,
excuse me, our brain is wired to regulate in
relationship. That's why I love group community coaching. I love it.
We're in relationship there. And when there's silence,
especially in an already stressed system,
that nervous system can interpret that as abandonment rather than peace.
You know, I mean, that just even hearing that word abandonment rather than
peace, it's just horrible. That's yuck, you know. And that,
and we'll know this now, you know, just kind of in our context,
that's often when urges, including those food urges,
get louder, right? Not because the body needs more
fuel, you know, it might do, but because the system is
trying to self-soothe or resource. Because that's what it's doing, is trying to
self-soothe or resource. So what we often call, and I say in air
quotes, strength is actually suppression.
And biologically, that suppression tends to
increase the anxiety rather than resolve it.
And then we, when we chuck in a whole load of other additional
addictive substances, chemicals, then that just increases,
you know. And so in a way, that kind of silence is actually a
subtle form of self-betrayal and disconnect. Um, so
it's, it's a, it's an a really big impact on, on the, the
kind of depth of us, as it were. I think— don't you think it's
so interesting how— I'm just going to say in a
crude way— that our body can lie to ourselves? Yeah, you
know, you know, in a way that we think we're trying to be safe. Our
automatic nervous system is always— its job is just to keep us
safe. So it's always scanning for safety, scanning, scanning, scanning, scanning,
scanning. And somewhere in there, some wires got
crossed that said, oh, well, I'm going to keep you safe
by you keep your mouth shut. Yes, yes. And, and
think, think about something that's festering and you keep it on the
inside versus extracting it. It just will get
bigger and worse and worse and worse. And what a cathartic
opportunity to get it out. That's it.
And also, when it's learned in the past, when there has been
actual threat and danger, and silence has been the way to
protect it, then learns that this is how we stay safe,
and that just becomes its default, which isn't necessarily— because it will
kind of put that into everything. So you've got to
relearn and rewire that. I agree, and
I'm actually glad you brought that up because
that can happen a lot in children, right? Yes. Yes, where that
conditioning starts from childhood, that you need to be quiet in order to be
safe. Yes. And then the problem is we carry those
patterns into adulthood, and then we build up resentment when
we don't speak up. And then
your silence turns into premeditated resentments that then you
have to deal with then as an adult and figure out how to have relationships
and speak up. Because otherwise people may misperceive, oh,
they're just an easy-to-get-along-with person when they're
a, a ball of turmoil on the inside. And then it
comes out sideways, right? Oh yes, that's the problem, is then
it comes out in a big ball of fire in a sideways that
nobody, even you, were expecting. And like, where'd that come from?
Or even presents in different signs and symptoms of disease.
as it were, you know. It's gonna— totally, it's gonna show up.
Totally. Yeah, you're ending up with high blood pressure or
inflammation or cancer. Yeah, all
kinds of things. Yeah, that's that
silent— you know, that silence is deadly. There we
go. There we go, right there. Yeah,
yeah, that doesn't— that does not come from
nowhere. Exactly. Um, so
let's talk about bringing in a little bit of personal grief to
this verbal grounding. I had mentioned that my
husband had passed away. It's been 13 weeks now at the time of
this recording, and one of the most surprising things I've learned in my grief is
how loud my thoughts can get when everything goes quiet in the house. Like I
was talking about, 4 days alone, you can
really— that can be real easily spun out there. The
sadness The fear, the what-ifs, they
creep in fast when I'm alone in my head. And I've noticed that when I
don't name what's happening, my body can
easily start to spiral. Silence hasn't been healing
for me. Orientation has been healing
for me. For example, I might say out loud, I miss him. I
feel sad. My chest is tight. I'm safe in
this moment. I know he's safe wherever he is. So
that doesn't actually take the pain away, but it
helps me pause before my thoughts and urges take
over. And why that's important is because, again, it keeps me in that
prefrontal cortex where I can have
access to those rational thoughts to
reframe and say what is actually
happening. Because pain shared
softens. So even if I'm saying it out loud
just to me, yeah, it actually changes the
chemistry inside my body on a cellular
level. I can talk— I can easily talk myself into
crazy, or I can talk myself into
calm. And even in addition, with that verbal grounding, for
those of you that can see me, I'm putting my hands on my shoulders
and I'm patting myself saying, good job, Paige, you're
okay, you're safe, it's all going to be okay, you're
safe, he's safe, we're going to work on some
projects now, everything's okay.
That even just that giving yourself a gentle little
self-hug and pat and reassurance also helps
to take that verbal grounding kind of to the next
level almost. So Shay, when you talk about moments
like this, what do you see happening for someone when grief and
quiet collide? Do you think that using words can help them
feel more steady? Have you seen that in your practice?
Yeah, so good, so good, Paige. I firstly
really want to acknowledge, um, you know, you in
for the loss, but just how beautifully
you have tended yourself in this
time by staying connected to yourself
and to us. I really want to acknowledge that. That's made a big
difference. It's not been easy, I know.
Oh.
Yeah, you know, and just how
beautifully you tended to yourself in that time by staying connected to,
to yourself and to us. You know, that's been powerful. I know it hasn't been
easy at all, you know. Thank you. I will share a little
bit more personal, uh, that— oh gosh, I gotta swallow
for just a minute. Um, the night he passed, um, was just
right at midnight, and I left the room about 3 AM. Because
it took a while for the details and things like that to get
finished up. He was, um, we were at a rehab facility. But
when I walked out, I made a commitment to myself and I said,
okay, it's time to find out what you're made of
and be brave. Yeah, I need you to be brave, Paige.
Yeah. So I think saying that to myself set the stage
for, okay, We've got a challenge. How you— you—
we're going to decide how you handle this. It's up to
you. Let's see what you're made of. And I'm
going to pull out every tool in the book,
and, um, you're just going to— yes,
know what bravery looks like. And showing up and talking out
loud has been one of the greatest gifts, and I,
I can't thank you enough for everything that you've done.
Oh gosh, here it comes again. To help me just put one foot in front
of the other and name out loud what, what's happening,
what I'm feeling. So anyway, yeah, I,
I hijacked your thoughts there a little bit.
Hey, we're all about voicing right now, my friend.
This has now turned into my therapy session. This is real time.
Yes. Yeah, but you know what, what you're describing, my friend, makes makes so much
sense from a nervous system, you know, perspective. Because
when grief meets quiet, the brain can
easily tip into threat mode because there's so much
unprocessed emotion and uncertainty there, you know.
And in those moments, the body often loses
orientation, and that's where those
sensations and those urges can escalate
so quickly, you know. And using words the
way you described helps anchor the
system. It's about anchoring, right? Because in
those places, everything is so disorienting. Yes,
everything is so untethered. It's like we're
topsy-turvy is our world, you know. And so that orienting,
it activates, as you've said, it activates that prefrontal cortex,
which then supports the vagal regulation and reminds the body.
And this is where is so key. It reminds our body where
it is, but more importantly, when it is.
Okay, because the grief doesn't disappear, but the body becomes
more resourced to hold it. So the experience
which it's having feels steady and less overwhelming.
We can, we can ground ourselves, bring ourselves into the here and
the now, and then still hold it
as it were, you know. So yes, and I think that's
so important to talk about timing, especially with
grief, because when we're working on
processing, one of the things— one of
a, I guess, a measuring tool is if the grief feels like it
was in the past or if it's happening right now. So one of the things
we know how to measure if we've processed something is time-wise,
where does it feel? Is it current, as if it's happening all over again right
now at that same intensity, versus this was part of our history
that we have dealt with and we're trying to integrate it
into our lives and deal with the pain. Because the pain may always be there,
but the goal for us is how are we going to integrate that and deal
with it. And this verbal grounding is a beautiful
tool because it does tell the brain this was something that happened.
Yes. Historically not like— we were
talking about that automatic,
our nervous system,
autonomic nervous system, that it, it doesn't
know if you're seeing a bear right now or if you're just
worried about a bear, because we don't want our body to continually react
at that high-pitched stress, cortisol-producing
it does no good for our system, and, and that is when
we get sick. Yeah. So yeah, I'm glad you
brought that up about timing. And isn't it fascinating how the body
works together? I mean, the body can really be like your greatest
advocate if you work with it in the proper way. It will
respond just like we talk about with food. If you're eating
single ingredient food, your body and mind and
emotions will all start to fall in line because We're eating
like our bodies were designed and engineered to eat. It makes perfect
sense. That's it. Absolutely. And then the orchestra will play beautifully.
Otherwise, it's chaos. Yes. Yeah,
that's funny. You start hearing music,
literally. That's really funny.
The other thing that I think is so beautiful about verbal
grounding is it doesn't have— it's not complex.
It— I practice it in very simple ways. Everybody—
this is not— it's simple. It's just— it's literally just naming
what, what's happening, saying things like, I'm sitting on the couch,
I'm breathing, I feel sad, but I'm safe right now. And I
want to be clear that this does not take the pain away.
It's, it's a tool. It helps, but I'm
not I, I want to be— I don't want to project that I'm
saying your pain will go away if you just name things, but it keeps the
pain from turning into panic. Yes. Or depression
spirals. It reminds the nervous system that while my heart is
broken, I'm still here. I'm still right here,
and this is what I'm working on. I've got a job to do.
He's got his job to do. Shay's got her job to do. We're all doing
our jobs. And it just brings you right back to the
present. It's great. It's a grounding anchor. Whenever—
Che, do you see the difference between feeling pain and becoming
overwhelmed by pain? Do you want to talk about the dichotomy
there? So, so, so good. This
distinction, Paige, is really important. You know,
feeling pain, it's a good thing because it
means the nervous system is able to stay present. With the
experience. So if we're feeling something, there's a positive— it might not be a
nice feeling, but, but we're present with the
experience. Even though you're alive, okay, yeah, you're
alive, you're present. But becoming
overwhelmed happens when the system tips
out of regulation, and then the pain starts to feel endless
or threatening, okay? And then from a
biological perspective, that verbal grounding
helps again keep that prefrontal cortex, um, and
the orienting systems online, which then stops the
amygdala, that part of the brain which we know is responsible for fear,
threat detection, emotional memory. It stops it from taking
over, as you say, the panic, fight, flight,
freeze. So yes, the pain is still there,
it's real, it's valid, but it's contained
rather than consuming. So I'd say that the difference is
between being with the pain and being
flooded by it, if that makes sense. Yes. And
you know, you said something key right there about tipping out— the pain tipping
out versus just staying, hanging
with it and talking with it, not being afraid of it. I
think whenever we get to that point where things spiral out or your
bucket tips over, it actually takes more work
Yes, to reel it back in versus just saying, you know what, I'm just
going to feel this. I'm going to talk to it.
I'm going to reassure it. I'm going to tell it I'm sorry. I'm
sad for you. This was unfair.
And just bring it in. Like, instead of
pushing it away, bring it as close to you as it can be.
Yes. Like you and the pain are one, and part of your job
is to love on that pain. Until it feels safe,
and then it will pull that pain out of that trauma drive. And so
that tipping over is— and so that's
so far not even an option because you're— it's
something you're familiar with and you're comfortable with. You can talk to people
about it. It's real, and it just— it
just gets smaller and smaller and smaller and knows
that it feels safe. That's it. Absolutely. And we see when,
when we, when it's not navigated well, it starts to
spill out and can cause so much hurt and damage around
so many people because it's not navigated. That doesn't mean we can't be
real, but it's what impact is that deep pain
having on others, you know? Right. And it
goes back to what we said too about keeping that pain
bottled up and getting it to the point where it's tipping over. You're going to
have some bad chemistry going on inside the body. Physically,
that is just not a healthy state mentally, physically, spiritually.
And then it starts impacting your relationships, your work life, your
sleep life. I mean, everything. That's
it. Yeah, absolutely. Talking about impact, we have
just got a huge thunderstorm that has shown up. I don't know if— can you
hear that loud rain in the background? No, no, but I did see that it
got darker in, in your room. That's so,
that's so funny. And I, I— the other thing before we
move on, I want to tell you that once you start dealing
with pain and looking at it, don't you think that it's never quite as scary
as you thought it would be in your head? Once you act, once you start
to deal with it, you're like, okay, this is not as bad as my
brain let me think that it would be. This is, this is okay.
And actually, it feels pretty good. Yeah, it feels a lot better than
what I was doing before. Exactly, because you've named it. Because you're
naming it. Named it. And once you name it, it just gets
smaller. Um, so let's talk a little bit
about what verbal grounding really is and what it really
is not. Verbal grounding isn't just a bunch of positive
affirmations or toxic positivity. That, that's not what we're talking about,
because it's not pretending that everything's okay. It's not talking to your
it's not talking yourself out of your feelings. In fact, it's quite the
opposite. You're almost talking, telling yourself it's okay to have these
feelings, and it's simply just naming reality
as it exists right now. The nervous system doesn't need
reassurance, it needs orientation. So
trauma lives in the then. Yes, like I was
mentioning before, it's historical, but grounding brings us
back to now. Processing is what happens that we're feeling
it now, and it's much smaller, we acknowledge that the
other— the stuff that was painful was in the past. And that's
really what— if you're trying to measure how I'm doing with processing things,
that is one little trick that you can use. Shay, why do you think
people feel pressure to— I'm gonna do air
quotes— fix emotions instead of just acknowledge them?
Yeah, gosh, how long have I got to answer, Paige?
You've got about 20 minutes. Oh my gosh.
You know, friend, I think a lot of this comes
from discomfort, Paige. We're not taught how to sit with
big, strong, and uncomfortable emotions, right? By and
large, we just— yeah, I don't know about you, but my
parents were not sitting around trying to
peel back the layers that— I mean, you just did not talk about that back
then. You just got to work and tried to make a living and tried to
feed your family and it. That was a, a luxury. People just
weren't used to doing that. It's just get on with it. Sorry, I interrupted.
Yeah, no, it's absolutely fine. You know, you just got to suck it up and
get on with it. So that's right, we were only taught— well, I
suppose only even showed how to manage or eliminate them. Like, you know, it's
just like bottle it in, suck it up, all that kind of stuff, you know.
And so, and people died earlier. Well, this is
it exactly, you know. And as you said, like, that trauma
sits You know, it's historic, right? The nervous system,
because it doesn't differentiate between time, it still
perceives it as it's happening. And so from a nervous system and
biological standpoint, emotions aren't
problems— I say in quotes— to fix. They're actually signals
moving through our body. They're kind of like these messengers, you know. They
show up and we get to lean in and listen.
It's about leaning in. And so culturally I think we've learned that
strong feelings mean that something is wrong, air quotes again.
So rush into calm to distract or to override.
Hello, addictive substances. And
they know it out there. So let's just, you know, they
sell you everything for the good life, you know, like this
happy life. Yes, kinds of products, processed foods, this, that,
etc., all to, you know, numb,
disconnect and everything. And so, you know, the irony is that trying
to, I say in air quotes, fix these emotions, it often then ends up
keeping the nervous system in this perceived state of threat and
stress. So it's this continued chronic stress state where
if we just simply acknowledge what's present, we name it,
then that gives the body again this orientation, bringing it into the here and now.
Where am I right now? You know, that it needs to
settle and regulate on its own. And then
most importantly, it's, it's, it has an
ownership and it can take action. That's the key. It can take ownership,
name it, and then take action, as it were. Vital part.
Yeah. I, you, one of the things that you said that really lit
me up is when you said lean in. And I've always agreed with
just look at this with curiosity. That's another
huge trick in taking down the fear
and the worry about it and making it smaller. I'm gonna
just lean in and just be curious about— I wonder what's going on here. I
wonder why I'm feeling that. And it— there's a
sense of empowerment in that as well,
that it— it's— you're taking the power
back and removing all, all the scary monsters
away. It's just amazing. How that can happen. Yeah,
sorry, Paige. Yeah, no, I'm done. On you, it doesn't define
who you are. It's a part of you too. It's just a messenger, you know.
But we're taught that if we don't act strong and brave and keep it all
together, that that's a failure on our part, by and large,
you know. But it's not true. And curiosity gives
you options. Yeah, once you're curious, I've got
options. I can do this with that, or I could do this with
that, or I could do this with that, or I could keep it
same, or I can make a little— a small tweak here.
You learn to eat the elephant one bite at a time, and it just makes
it so much more palatable. So anyway,
let's talk about how, uh, this— why
this matters for our audience that are recovering from the effects
of ultra-processed food. And it matters deeply in
recovery when we're using these ultra-processed foods
because cravings rarely come out of nowhere.
I'm gonna Say that again for the people in the back.
Cravings don't just drop out of the sky
randomly, okay? They often show up when emotions are
unnamed, when stress is unspoken, and when feelings feel
too big to manage, like we've been talking about. Food becomes
one of those ways that we can quiet the noise, but verbal
grounding gives us this other option— naming
what's happening before we numb it. Do you think that verbal grounding
could change someone's relationships with cravings over time?
It's kind of a trick question, but yeah, go ahead and say what you think.
Yes, absolutely. You know, over time, definitely.
I'd say verbal grounding absolutely can help shift
our cravings from something that feels urgent and
automatic into something, you know, that can be noticed and
responded to. Just like you're saying, you know, we can, we can distance
ourselves from it. We're it's not who we are, it's something we get to
do something about. And so, I mean, everyone in group will
probably smile at this if they're listening. You know, what happens here is number
one key: awareness is dialed up. Awareness.
And then curiosity can come in, and then we can lean
into that. And biologically, when we
name what's happening— again, we've said this a few times— we're actually
reducing that stress reactivity Bringing the
prefrontal cortex back online, really key.
And then this gives the nervous system another way
to regulate besides food, because the body wants
homeostasis. It wants to come back to balance,
as it were, that kind of, you know, equilibrium, as it were. And so
it's always trying to find a way to do that. So then what
happens is that cravings stopping the enemy, and then
they start becoming information, just data.
Yes, yes. All it is, you know, a signal
that needs something, needs attention, not numbing. So yeah, with
repetition, the body just learns it doesn't have to reach for the ultra-processed
foods to feel safe or whatever it is, you know, because,
well, there's just another more supportive pathway available,
right? And so that's— you kind of said it, but I'm going to reiterate
that once that we do this and we practice it and it becomes an
automatic default for us, then we've got another tool. And
it takes the fear away from a craving coming up, because once— if that would
happen, we know what to do with it. It's— I don't know about you,
but I mean, when cravings would come up for me, straight to panic.
Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? Am I going to be able
to stop this? How, how big and scary are the monsters that are coming out
of the closet? What if I get into the food? When will I stop?
How will I undo it and make Do I have to over-exercise? Can I not
eat for a week? You know, all that total
psychotic danger, the worst danger. But that— what,
even if you're not using it at the moment, you know in your back
pocket you've got this tool ready to go. That
alone means that you've got this coat of armor
around you protecting you, that nothing can hurt you
because you have this self-trust. Built up that I know how to deal with this
when these situations arise. That's it. That's it. And I think the key
word is that I can do it. You're empowered. You're not
disempowered. You're in control. Yeah. And it's
with you wherever you go. You carry it with you at all times. It's not
heavy. It's not extra luggage. It's just in your
heart, toting it around, happy as a
clam. Happy. Yeah.
Let's talk about a few different
practical ways, and I'll kind of spin through these, and then I'll get
Shay's reactions of what she does and doesn't like
best. And these are all optional, so you don't have to do
them all. But number 1 is a play-by-play narration where
you talk out loud what you're doing. I'm walking to the kitchen. I'm opening the
fridge. My shoulders feel tight. You speak slowly and
notice your breath as you narrate. The second one is sensory
naming, 5-4-3-2-1 method, where 5 things you see, 4
things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing
you taste. And this is something that can bring attention to the present
moment or grounding yourself and pulls you out of those
spiraling thoughts. Another one is
just a simple safety statement that we've talked about a little bit, saying
out loud, I'm safe right now. This is hard, but I can handle it.
That helps you when you keep your voice calm. It
helps maintain peace and
very, very calming to the body. The next one,
narrate your body. My feet are on the floor. My hands are resting in my
lap. My chest feels tight. I'm breathing. This connects
your mind to your body in real time. One
that we've talked about a lot is naming your emotions honestly. I feel
sad. I feel anxious. I feel tired. Naming those
emotions without judgment reduces their intensity.
The next one is combining techniques during overwhelm.
I see the refrigerator, I hear the clock ticking, my hands feel
tense, I feel the urge to eat, but I'm safe. So you're mixing
narration, sensory, and safety statements work best in
those stressful moments. And one more that I'll talk
about is anchoring statements. This moment is
uncomfortable, but it's not dangerous. That's the one thing, because
that's our number one job as humans, is to make sure we're safe. That's what
our body's biggest job is to do. So anything you're
feeling, ending it with 'but it's not dangerous.'
Yes, I can notice my feelings without letting them control me.
These— using these when you don't have time for a full narration, just like
one minute is enough. And this tool does not take long, which is very
helpful too. So any of those strategies jump out to you
that you think someone could start using today, even if it's in a small way.
So good. Yeah, I love these pages. They're all so brilliant. And, you know, for
the listeners, if you, if you think back to those, you'll notice that a lot
of them, to all of them, are about here and now, in the present moment,
you know. And, and honestly, if I were to
think about it, I'd back it all right up and say probably the
simplest place to start is play-by-play narration, you know,
or like you said, like a quick anchor
statement You know, where they're easy, they're
discreet, they work fast because they immediately orient
the nervous system to the present moment. And I think that's right, orienting in
all of this is key. And so for our listeners,
if you're not sure, you've heard us use this word a few times, again, we'll
just kind of reiterate, it's basically noticing here
and now. Okay, so it's noticing the here and the now, turning your
attention to the now, like felt sense of here
and now. Okay. And then saying, oh, I've got fireworks going on.
Oh, that's really funny. There we go. Now
at the moment, you know, and then saying something like, yes, as you
say, I'm standing in the kitchen, feet are on the floor, I'm breathing. All
of that again brings the prefrontal cortex back online,
reduces that stress reactivity without needing a big pause
or kind of perfect conditions. I say in air quotes, You know, so,
so small frequent moments of orientation are
what retrain the whole system over time. And what's really
key here is that consistency matters more than
intensity or doing it right. I say, yeah, I love that point.
And you can actually use it as a, like, preloading.
You could, you could create a habit of that every morning just as you get
out of bed, like, just noticing you're in the ground, feel the ground, so you
can start train yourself to pre-orient. So
rather than getting to do it as a reactive, you start to train,
you know. Yes, that's literally what I feel like I was doing
with you during these past few weeks, is coming in in the morning,
checking in as I'm one of the, the members, and, um,
saying, this is what my day is. Yeah, so that was one of my two—
my grounding tools, my foundational grounding tools.
To as a launching pad for my day. This is what I'm doing. I might
feel this or this, but I know when I do these XYZ, I'm
gonna feel better. And I would name that out loud too. I will feel better
when I do blah blah blah blah blah. And one other thing that I've done
too is if I am really worked up, just stop
and go, okay, I, I, I'm, I'm not bleeding from
anywhere. I'm physically okay right now.
Everything's Everything's fine. I can deal whatever with
whatever's coming. Yeah. And all
of this helps build trust, right? Over time, verbal
grounding builds trust. Trust that you can be
yourself. Trust that emotions don't require immediate
escape. Trust that food doesn't have to carry all the
emotional weight. That was a big one. That's one I want to say again for
the people in the back. The food's job is
nutrition. When you're giving food a job greater than nutrition, you're giving
it a job bigger than it was ever designed to do. So real food
nourishes the body, but real words nourish the
nervous system, right? So food is for the body,
words are for the nervous system, but they all work
together. We're one holistic being. Shay, what do you
see change for people once they realize they can sit with
discomfort without immediately fixing it? This is such a big, beautiful
question. So beautiful. Gosh. Yeah. What I, what I
see most, Paige, um, often is a shift from
reaction to presence, right?
Reaction to presence, you know, a deep sense
of felt— and I say the word felt— safety,
uh, felt self-empowerment, felt
self-governance, and felt self-control, you know, taking
back your power, you know, not feeling that helplessness. And
that's gold for someone that feels helpless and
overwhelmed. It's gold. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, don't you
think foreboding grief is as big as living in the
present pain too? Like, I'm panicked about what might
happen. And that's where I think this helps so much too, because
it's that self-trust of I've, I've managed everything up
to right now. So you can with
accuracy tell yourself, whatever comes, I'm going to be able
to deal with that too, and I'll figure it out. Yes. So
building up that, um, what's the
feedback loop? Yes, that this is,
is my default feedback loop, that no matter
what happens, I'm more— I'm stronger, I'm more powerful, I'm
smarter than whatever is coming my way.
And so far I've dealt everything, and I'll, I'll continue to
do that so you don't have to worry. That's it. That's it.
Absolutely. And biologically, when someone can sit
with that discomfort, the nervous system learns that it
doesn't have to spike into that fight, flight, or freeze
every time feelings arise. You know, that's a big deal, especially when
we're, when we're working and journeying with people who have,
um, had ultra-processed foods as
their source, I say in air quotes, of
discomfort or whatever it is, you know, to, to, of connection, their resource.
To, to learn to feel again can be very scary because we're
starting to come back online, you know. And so over
time, the stress responses become smaller and the cravings
calm, digestion improves, energy stabilizes, and
then emotionally we're able to feel more capable,
more resilient, and importantly more connected to
ourself, you know, less at the mercy of those impulses
and cravings and more able to respond from
choice. Yes. Yeah.
That I, that, yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah.
You're, you're that, that's beautifully perfect way to,
to end this. And because I do feel like
one of the biggest problems is panicking
over the what-ifs. You know, what, what am I going to do if the
dishwasher breaks? Who do I call? What, what if I'm alone for the rest of
my life? What if the electricity goes out? Uh,
what if— I mean, all of that, I could easily go
into a psychotic state worrying about the what-ifs. But
I've got to change that. I'll ask ChatGPT, or
I'll talk to some a valid source, or
I can't figure it out. And that's where that verbal grounding really,
really helps out by keeping you in that
calm state, which is— that's a life we want to live, right?
We don't want to leave in that panicked, rattled state. That's so painful.
So anyway, to sum
this up a little bit, if silence has ever felt louder than
words for you, you're not broken. Your nervous system
learned that safety comes comes from connection.
And sometimes that connection begins with your voice saying,
this is what's happening and I'm still here.
Jay, if someone listening wants to try verbal grounding today, what's
one small moment or one small thing? Where would you want
them to start? What would be a place that they could
easily start? Yeah, yeah, beautiful. Again, I'd suggest
just starting with something really simple and immediate, like notice your body.
Name it out loud. You know, for example, my feet are on the floor,
my hands are resting in my lap, I'm breathing. You know, even
putting your hand over your heart and feeling your heartbeat, you
know, is really, really key. You know, 30 to 60 seconds of just
doing this in a quiet moment, again, you know,
will really help orient your nervous system, bring back,
you know, your prefrontal cortex back online. And just again, most importantly,
reminding your body it is safe. Whatever threat or danger,
actual or perceived— obviously if it's actual, that's a different story,
but you do need to run, okay? You don't need to talk
to your emotions, just run. Just run. Panic, run.
You know, but jokes aside, you know, so it's got to have that
sense of safety. And so bringing back into the here and the now,
you know, this is where we are. And again, the key is consistency, not
intensity or perfection, you know. Paige, I've
learned over years that small repeated moments
build self-trust and a sense of felt safety in our own. Yes.
And that is key. When we've got self-trust and that
self-sense of safety, hey, we can take on the
world then. That's it. Oh, that, that's beautiful.
And to end on nervous system regulation,
I think this is just a beautiful way for nervous
system regulation because we, we do know when you're
activated, you're hyper-aroused, you do need to start by calming
yourself down. And oftentimes that's just with
either breathing or grounding yourself or
connection to others. But I think if you can do it in
tandem with the verbalization, I think
that makes it exponentially more powerful. So that's
why I love this tool so much, is because even
just the verbalization is a
method that can start to calm your body
down as you're kind of doing some deep breathing
work, as you're doing the verbal grounding as well. All of that
just works beautifully in tandem. Yeah, it's so good. Great. Oh
gosh, this— I love this conversation so much. Anything you want to
share before we take off?
Yeah, just again to say, you know, I always say all healing and
transformation happens in community. You know, and that's a really
beautiful place to start. If you're someone that is feeling all kinds of
like overwhelm, start by connecting,
connecting with someone, connect with a community. We've
got a great community here. Oh gosh. You can just come and be,
be you, you know? So that's just my closing
thoughts. Yeah. And if you want to find out more about us, you can find
us at realfoodrecovery4u.com. That's the number 4, the letter U.
And Shay also does private coaching that you can sign up on the
website for that as well. And if you are one of
our community members, she runs the morning hour, so you will have
direct access to her there. As you can tell, she's very talented
with what she does. And if you want to find our book, Real Food
Recovery: If Food Isn't the Answer, What's the Question?, you can find that on
Amazon today. Otherwise, we will see you next time, guys. Guys, thanks so much.
We're glad to be back. Bye-bye. Thank
you for spending this time with me on the Real Food Recovery Podcast. Here we
explore the deeper roots behind our habits, whether that's grief,
trauma, or lifelong patterns, while looking at the full picture of health,
sleep, movement, stress, spirituality, and self-care. Take what
resonates, leave the rest, and be gentle with yourself as you explore new
ways forward. Until next time, take care of your body, your mind, and
your heart. For more resources and support, visit
realfoodrecovery4u.com. The Real Food Recovery Podcast is
created and hosted by Paige Alexander.