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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad Tired podcast. If you're brand new here, if you just stumbled your way upon this podcast, we're really glad that you did that. You found us. Uh, we're just a bunch of guys who are trying to figure out what it looks like for us personally as men to fall in love with Jesus.
And then we wanna help our families do the same, so we don't take ourselves too seriously, but we do take Jesus seriously. And, uh, sometimes it's hard to find guys who are like-minded in that way. And so we just want to connect you with other guys, give you a bunch of resources. To help equip you to be the man God's called you to be.
Speaking of resources, we have a bunch of like books and conferences. We do one day conferences, retreats, all kinds of fun stuff. But we do have a brand new book coming out next week called The Dad Tired Mixtape, where we address a bunch of questions that guys are typically asking, and we just wanna look through these questions in a gospel centered, Jesus centered way.
And so we actually have an audio book chapter from that book that we're gonna play for you today. We're specifically talking about what it looks like. For you to lead your family in prayer, specifically how to pray with your kids. And so if that's something that you want to grow in, you figure like I, you know, you probably know I should be praying with my kids, or I want to be better at praying with my kids, or more consistent, or whatever.
But you feel stuck in that. This episode hopefully will be helpful for you on your journey in that way. Also, if you're brand new. And you want to get a better idea of what we're all about. On December 12th, 2022, we recorded an episode called The Fight that changed everything. If you go back and listen to that episode, it will give you an idea of what we're all about as a ministry, kind of the heartbeat behind everything we do over here at Dad Tired.
So go back and listen to that again. That was December 12th, 2022. Called the fight that changed everything. But anyway, I love you guys. Thank you for coming back and listening every week. I just ran into a guy yesterday. I was at the airport and I was running to the gate and some guy yelled my name out, uh, which startled me, but he was a dad tired listener and got to talk to him for just a minute and just so cool, man, that there's like guys all over the world who are trying to figure this stuff out.
Just a bunch of humble guys who are like, I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm not willing to give up. I really do want to be the husband, the father, the disciple that God is calling me to be. So really fun to be on this journey with you guys. I love you. Uh, hope this episode is helpful for you.
Track four breakfast table prayers. How should I pray with my kids? If you're a dad, you probably remember the day you brought home your first child. Wasn't that a crazy feeling? I remember the hospital staff handing me my son and telling us we were free to go home. Don't I need to pass a new parent test or something?
I asked the nurse, she left. No, I'm serious. Are you really going to send us home with this baby already? Do you have a brochure or something? When Layla and I arrived home, the chaos of our new reality immediately sank in. Most of those early days are a blur to me, but I do remember not leaving the house for the first couple of weeks.
On any given day, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what day of the week it was, what time it was, or even the last time I ate or showered. Everything blended together. We were merely trying to survive. I'll never forget one night after we had been rotating feeding and diaper changing shifts all day, while the other person tried to sneak in a few quick minutes of rest.
We were absolutely exhausted. Layla had just finished nursing Elijah and putting him to bed for the night. I remember praying quietly in my head, asking God to give us at least two or three solid hours of sleep. My prayers quickly led to me dozing off and falling into a much needed sleep. I couldn't have been asleep more than 10 minutes.
When I woke up to the sound of crying, I quickly sat up thinking it was my newborn son until I realized the sobs were actually coming from the other side of the bed. Babe, are you okay? I asked Layla putting my hand on her shoulder. My simple question to her opened up the floodgates. She began fully sobbing.
At this point, I started to become genuinely concerned. Did I miss a death in the family or something? I wondered. I had no idea what was going on. Hey, babe, what's going on? I started to rub her back. She turned her face into her pillow as the tears continued to flow. For several minutes. I waited anxiously for her to compose herself.
Finally, after what felt like in eternity, she was able to get these words out. I just, I just, I don't know. I just feel like we're failing our son. She said through the sobs, my heart sank. Was I failing as a dad already? What do you mean? I asked her, I mean, have we even prayed with him? Does he even know Jesus?
Are we even raising him to be a godly young man? I'll be honest at this point, I was just confused. Whoa. Pregnancy hormones are crazy. I thought, truthfully I wanted to laugh, but the timing didn't feel right for that either. Hey babe, I just wanna make sure we're on the same page. We're talking about our two and a half week old son, right?
I asked in the most non condescending way possible. Yes. She quickly responded, we need to be praying with him more. She was raising her voice a little. I highly recommend not doing what I did next, but I couldn't help myself at this point. I immediately burst into laughter. Babe, I love you so much, but I think we're doing okay so far.
He's just a couple weeks old. We haven't slept in days, if not weeks, we'll get this whole thing figured out, but for right now, we should rest. I continue to rub her back. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and almost immediately fell asleep. Well, that was weird. I thought before joining her for some much needed rest, I.
Since you're reading this chapter, you most likely feel like you have room to grow when it comes to praying more with your kids. Maybe not to the point of crying yourself to sleep about it, but I'm sure it's crossed your mind a time or two. If that's true, you're not alone. I recently asked the guys in our dad's tired community to honestly assess how they're doing when it comes to praying with their kids and how often they do it.
Here's some of their answers we don't. Part of it is I've never felt comfortable about praying. Another part is this was never modeled for me growing up. Another said, definitely not enough. Probably because I don't pray consistently myself, not very often as I work late and they're in bed before I get home.
The problem is prayer has not been a very big part of my life. I think my wife does more than me, so it is a letdown in that way, not like I should. Seems like I did more when they were younger. Why not? Sure. Other than it just not being intentional. Can you relate to any of that? I know I can. For some guys, the thought of praying with their kids feels totally foreign because they were never taught how to do it as children.
They never had a dad who sat and prayed with them, and now they feel completely uncomfortable at the thought of trying to pray with their own kids. It simply feels forced or awkward, or maybe both. Maybe you can relate to the comment about not praying enough by yourself. Trust me, it's hard to model something that you have little experience in.
There are very few things guys hate more than feeling incompetent. For many of us, we don't know how to pray out loud with our kids because we spend very little time praying alone by ourselves. You may feel like it's something you don't necessarily need to be intentional about because your wife seems to have it covered.
She's better at praying than I am. You think to yourself, so you just let her take the lead. No matter where you land on the spectrum, the reality is this. Your family desperately needs a father who will lead them to the better father by praying out loud with them and doing it often. As dads, we know that our primary role is to raise disciples who love and act like Jesus by the time they grow into adulthood.
Ultimately, we must trust their spiritual journey to the Lord, but to the best of our ability. We want to train them to learn and walk in the ways of Jesus. So whenever I feel stuck on a certain parenting or discipleship issue, I try to always go back to the ultimate disciple maker, Jesus himself. If we want our children to be like Jesus, we must know who Jesus really is.
I recently read through the Gospels again, specifically looking for all the ways Jesus prayed. I've read plenty of books on the topic of prayer. I've listened to countless messages on prayer, but I wanted to hear from the king himself. How did he pray? The first time I encountered Jesus praying was in Matthew 14, right before the famous story where he feeds a crowd of 5,000 men plus women and children with five loaves of bread and two fish.
His disciples were trying to convince him to let the crowd go so they could find something to eat, but Jesus had other plans. Jesus said, they need not go away. You give them something to eat. They said to him, we only have five loaves and two fish, and he said, bring them to me. Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass and taking the five loaves and the two fish.
He looked up to heaven and set a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to his disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds and they all laid and were satisfied, and they took up 12 baskets full of broken pieces left over. Those who ate were about 5,000 men besides women and children.
Matthew chapter 14, verses 16 to 21. The second time we see Jesus pray is almost immediately after he feeds the crowd right before his next miracle of walking on water. Take a look immediately. He made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.
When evening came, he was there alone. But the boat by this time was a long way from the land beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night, he came to them walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said it is a ghost.
And they cried out in fear, but immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, take heart. It is. I do not be afraid. Matthew chapter 14, verses 22 to 27. Okay, so if you were reading the gospels in the order they arranged in your Bible, you would see in Matthew 14 that Jesus seems to pray right before and right after performing some of his miracles.
In fact, all throughout the gospels we read about how often Jesus prayed. We learned that sometimes he prayed in front of his disciples, giving thanks for the food, while other times he broke away from the crowds to spend time alone in prayer. At this point, we're learning a little bit about Jesus's prayer life, but there's just one big problem in our research.
Even though we know that Jesus is praying, we don't know what he's praying. I wanted to hear his words. What was he saying as he talked with his father? To answer that question, I had to dig deeper, and as it turns out, there are only a few short records of Jesus's actual prayers. Here are a few. When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven and said, father, the hour has come.
Glorify your son that the son may glorify you. Since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him, and this is eternal life that they know you, the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom you have sinned. I glorified you on earth having accomplished the work that you gave me to do.
And now Father, glorify me and your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed. John chapter 17, verse one through five. Father glorify your name. John chapter 12, verse 28. Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around that they may believe you sent me John chapter 11 verses 41 and 42.
Going a little farther, he fell on his face and prayed saying, my Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will. Matthew chapter 26, verse 39, and finally, he said these prayers while he was dying on the cross, Jesus said, father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Luke chapter 23, verse 34, about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice saying, ally, ally, Lama Shahani, Ani. That is my God. My God. Why have you forsaken me? Matthew chapter 27, verse 46. Then Jesus calling out with a loud voice, said, father, into your hands, I commit my spirit. And having said this, he breathed his last Luke chapter 23 verse 46.
Okay, I can already hear you saying, Jared, where are we going with all this? I know we jumped all over the place, and I know that was a lot of scripture to listen to at once, but I want you to catch something important after reading through the gospels. Here are some conclusions I've made about the way Jesus prayed.
His prayers were short. His prayers were spontaneous, and his prayers were authentic. I point this out because if you're like me, or like most of the men in our dad tired community, it's hard not to notice that the way Jesus prayed was often the opposite of how we pray or how we believe we are supposed to pray.
Let me put it another way. Have you ever found yourself hesitant to pray with your kids because you don't feel like you know exactly what to say? Or maybe you get paralyzed by the thought of not being consistent with a good prayer time routine, or maybe you just don't feel like praying because your prayers have become robotic.
You feel like they're lacking genuine authenticity, and you say the same prayers time after time. If you can relate to any of that, let me give you some good news. Spiritual leaders lead and pray like Jesus. How did Jesus pray? Well, first, his prayers were often short. In fact, after reading every recorded prayer of his in the scriptures, you'd be hard pressed to find one that lasted more than 30 seconds.
I guess he was serious when he told his disciples not to pray. Long-winded prayers when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases like the Gentiles do for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them for your father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew chapter six, verse seven and eight.
Do you wanna be an obedient spiritual leader and pray like Jesus? Stop worrying about how long your prayers are. Instead, pray short and simple prayers with your kids. Second, when studying the scriptures, we learned that Jesus's prayers were often spontaneous. Too many of us dads get paralyzed from being intentional with our family because we are afraid we can't stick with new rhythms and habits.
I don't even want to try to implement prayer times with my kids because I know eventually I'll fall off the wagon. You might think you've been convinced that it's better not to start than to start and fail. Here's the good news. Yes, it's true that Jesus broke away to be alone in prayer, but most of his prayers that we see in scripture were spontaneous.
He prayed before he ate. He prayed before miracles and he prayed to teach disciples how to pray. There was no magic formula or model to follow. Instead, we often see Jesus spontaneously going before the father. Last week we had some friends staying at our house for a few days during breakfast. One morning, one of my friends was sharing with us how she was really struggling mentally.
Repeatedly getting stuck, believing the lies of the evil one. She had been convinced that she was invaluable and no longer had a purpose on this earth with tears filling her eyes. She looked at me and said, please just keep me in your prayers. I'm really struggling. I will absolutely continue to pray for you, but I'd like to pray with you right now if that's okay.
I said I looked over at my son who was eating a bowl of cereal. I could tell he was sensing the weight of the conversation happening in front of him. Come put your hand on her. I said, let's pray. Now, my son, my wife, and I each laid our hands on our friend and began to pray God's truth over her. By the time we were done, we were all emotional as we sense the peace of God with us at the breakfast table.
Now, let me tell you, I've prayed dozens of prayers with my kids before we've eaten a meal or gone to bed, but I can assure you that this spontaneous prayer, along with the many others that we have shared as a family, will stick with them much deeper than those said during our routine prayer times. Yes, brother.
Pray with your kids before meals and before they go to bed. But don't forget to be like Jesus when it comes to praying with your family. Pray spontaneously. Pray when they least expect it. Go to the Father when they get hurt, when they're scared, when they're stuck on a problem. And when you sense God's goodness on display right in front of you.
Spiritual leaders pray spontaneously as often as possible. Finally, as we study the way Jesus prayed, we see that his prayers were not only short and spontaneous, they were also authentic. Jesus prayed when he was scared. Matthew 26 39, Jesus prayed when his enemies were against him. Luke 2334, and Jesus prayed when he felt abandoned by the Father.
Matthew 27 46 Don't fall into the trap of thinking that your kids need to only hear you pray neat, clean, and fancy prayers. They don't. In fact, they need to hear a dad who is desperate for God to show up. They need to know that Daddy isn't the hero of the family Jesus is, and that even Daddy needs help.
Obviously, it goes without saying that we need to be sensitive to what our children can handle and at what age they should be exposed to certain things, but I promise you, you'll raise disciples who look a lot more like Jesus when they have a daddy who prays authentically with them. Many of the best prayer times I've had with my kids have come when I've said Daddy doesn't know what to do right now.
Pray with me that God would give us wisdom. Brother, I don't know what lies you're believing when it comes to praying with your kids, but I urge you to come back to the truth of the scriptures. Follow the ways of Jesus. Like him. Keep your prayer short, spontaneous, and authentic. If it was good enough for him and his disciples, it is more than sufficient for you and your family.
Questions to consider, number one, what prevents you from praying more often with your kids? Number two. Stop and reflect on your life right now. Where are you desperate for God to show up? Do you need him to provide for your family? Give you the courage to confess a sin, help with overcoming a habit or addiction?
Take those things to the Lord right now. Number three, do you find yourself praying more during specific times, mourning, dinner, bedtime or spontaneously? Do you feel comfortable spontaneously praying with your wife and kids? If not. Is it something you'd be willing to try this week?
Hey guys, as always, I hope that episode was helpful for you on your journey of becoming more like Jesus and helping your family do the same. Uh, if you haven't picked up a copy of the Dad's tired Mix tape, hopefully this chapter was helpful for you and you want to read the whole book. We'd love for you to do that.
You can get it wherever books are sold, whether that's Audible for audio books or wherever you get your audio books. Uh, or Amazon's always a great place. You can pre-order now and it'll be sent to you the day that it's released for the best price. So go pick up a copy of that. It means the world to us, and we hope that it is helpful for you.
On your journey. Love you guys. We'll see you next week.