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Welcome to Happening in Henderson, the weekly show where hosts Mark and Joleen serve up Henderson’s news with equal parts insight, cynicism, and sharp-edged humor. From local headlines and community events to crime updates, school district drama, weather forecasts, sports highlights, and brutally honest restaurant reviews, nothing is off limits.
Whether you’re a lifelong local or new to the 890xx life, this is the place to stay informed… without falling asleep.
MARK: Welcome back to Happening in Henderson, the only podcast that celebrates the fact that we're basically living in a glorified retirement community with better lighting. It's Tuesday, March 3rd, 2026, and if you haven't been blinded by a rogue LED streetlight yet, you're doing better than most. I'm Mark, and I'm currently wondering why I pay property taxes for a city that seems to be one giant orange cone.
JOLEEN: And I'm Joleen, your ray of cynical fucking sunshine. We've got a hell of a show today because apparently, Henderson decided that 2026 is the year we just spend billions of dollars on pipes and bagels while pretending our schools aren't falling apart. It's a vibe, honestly. If you want to tell us how much you hate our voices or suggest a better place to get a taco, email us at henderson@thehappeningnetwork.com. We probably won't respond, but it makes us feel important.
MARK: Seriously, hit that subscribe button, leave a comment, or just scream into the void. Either way, we're here to talk about the 'Centurion' project because God knows we needed another mixed-use development in Inspirada. I'm sure the residents there were just dying for more traffic and six-story buildings blocking their view of the dirt.
JOLEEN: Oh, for fuck's sake, Mark. People in Inspirada love a good 'live-work-play' environment, mostly because they're too tired to drive anywhere else. Sansone Companies just had their groundbreaking ceremony for this 24-acre monster at Via Centro and Via Inspirada. They're calling it Centurion. I assume that's because it'll take a hundred years to pay off the mortgage on one of those apartments.
MARK: They say it's going to have nearly 80,000 square feet of retail, including a Sprouts. Because nothing says 'I've given up on my bank account' like paying nine dollars for a pint of organic blueberries. But they're also cramming 600 apartment units in there. The developers are bragging that it's the highest density project of its kind in Henderson. That's just code for 'you'll be able to hear your neighbor's Netflix through the walls.'
JOLEEN: It's hilarious. They've got these 'micro' and 'studio' units which they're branding as 'affordable upscale housing.' That's a fucking oxymoron if I've ever heard one. It's like calling a dumpster a 'compact urban retreat.' But hey, Mayor Michelle Romero was there with her shovel, looking thrilled. I guess when you've got a massive fundraising lead, you can afford to look happy about more traffic on the south end of the valley.
MARK: The retail part is supposed to be done by the end of the year, which in construction-speak means next July if we're lucky. They spent 15 million on the land back in 2020. I love how they mentioned the pandemic delayed things. It's 2026, we've moved on to new crises, like the fact that the Southern Nevada Water Authority is about to spend two billion dollars on a pipe.
JOLEEN: I saw that. The Senate just passed the Sloan Canyon Conservation and Horizon Lateral Water Pipeline Act. It sounds like a real page-turner. Basically, they're digging a tunnel through Sloan Canyon to put in a second major water line because right now, 40 percent of the valley depends on one single pipe from the nineties. If that thing pops, we're all going to be drinking out of the communal puddle at the District.
MARK: Two billion dollars, Joleen. They're saying it could go up to 2.7 billion. For a pipe. I'm in the wrong business. I should've been a tunnel-boring machine operator. They're adding 9,000 acres to the Sloan Canyon Conservation Area to make up for the fact that they're basically lobotomizing the mountain to put in a 120-inch diameter tube. That's wide enough to drive a truck through. I hope they're planning on using it for secret underground drag racing once the water is flowing.
JOLEEN: The irony is that they keep saying it won't increase the amount of water we draw from Lake Mead. It's just a 'redundancy' project. Only in Nevada do we spend two billion dollars to make sure we can still get our five gallons of water a day when the main line inevitably dies of old age. And guess who's paying? We are, through connection fees and infrastructure charges. It's the Henderson way: if it's broken, charge the residents until it's slightly less broken.
MARK: At least we have water. What we don't have is a golf course that isn't being terrorized by teenagers on e-bikes. Did you see the news about Legacy Golf Club? A group of little shits on electric bikes decided the greens were their personal motocross track on Saturday. They caused thousands of dollars in damage. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: e-bikes were a mistake.
JOLEEN: God, I hate those kids. They zip around at 20 miles per hour with no helmets, looking like a low-budget version of The Lost Boys. They tore up multiple greens at Legacy. The management is furious because that's a public course, and now they've got to spend a fortune to fix the turf. I hope their parents have to pay for it, but let's be real, they're probably too busy posting on Nextdoor about how their precious angels would never do such a thing.
MARK: On a more serious note, Henderson Police just released the critical incident briefing on that second officer-involved shooting of the year. It started as a domestic disturbance call and ended with a suspect dead. It's grim, but I'll give HPD credit for the transparency. They're actually showing the bodycam footage and explaining the timeline, unlike some other departments that treat their records like the nuclear launch codes.
JOLEEN: It's a tough situation, but speaking of domestic issues, SAFE House just hit its 30-year anniversary. It's Henderson's first and only domestic violence shelter. It started with six beds and now it's a massive resource. They're reporting that while calls for help are up, the actual shelter population isn't rising at the same rate, which is worrying. People might be too scared or financially trapped to leave. It's one of the few things in this city that isn't a joke.
MARK: Absolutely. It's good that we have those resources, especially when our other public institutions are such a goddamn mess. Speaking of messes, did you see the latest from the Clark County School District? They released a report yesterday about 'optimizing' school buildings. That's corporate-speak for 'we're going to close some schools because nobody is enrolling their kids anymore.'
JOLEEN: Optimization is just the coward's word for 'the ship is sinking and we're rearranging the deck chairs.' They're projecting a drop of 33,000 students over the next five years. They want to convert some elementary and middle schools into Pre-K through 8th grade buildings. I can't wait to see the chaos of an eight-year-old trying to navigate a hallway filled with thirteen-year-olds who think they're in a music video. It's going to be a disaster.
MARK: The Board of Trustees is hearing the report tomorrow. They're also talking about replacing eight existing schools over the next four years because they're basically crumbling. The average age of a CCSD building is 29 years old. In Henderson years, that's ancient. I've seen more modern architecture in a Lego set.
JOLEEN: And yet, we're celebrating 'Nevada Reading Week' and 'National School Breakfast Week' right now. It's like, 'Hey kids, look at this book while the ceiling tiles fall into your eggs.' I love the performative nature of it. Let's celebrate social workers this week too, because they definitely aren't overworked and underpaid in a district that can't figure out how to count its own students.
MARK: Well, if the kids can't read, at least they can eat a decent bagel. Have you been to Jeff's Bagel Run yet? It's over on South Eastern, and people are acting like it's the second coming. They're scratch-made, boiled, and baked in-house. I went last week, and I have to admit, it's actually worth the hype, which pisses me off because I wanted to hate it.
JOLEEN: Oh, Mark, you soft-hearted bastard. I went too. The 'rosemary salt' bagel is better than anything you'll find at a grocery store, but the line was out the door. It's like a cult. Everyone's standing there at 7:00 AM in their Lululemon, waiting for a hot circle of carbs. But hey, it's locally owned by Marvin Simeon, and they're hiring locally, so I'll stop being a bitch for five seconds to support a small business.
MARK: It's a good spot. Much better than the 'bagel' you get at Starbucks that's basically a piece of cardboard with a hole in it. But speaking of things that are sometimes hard to swallow, let's talk sports. The Raiders finally announced Klint Kubiak's full coaching staff for the 2026 season yesterday. It's the usual suspects, but fans are hoping this is the year we actually remember how to play offense.
JOLEEN: The Raiders' offense is like a Henderson construction project: lots of noise, very little progress, and everyone's angry at the end of the day. But at least we have the Golden Knights. They're in New York right now, playing the Buffalo Sabres as we speak. Then they're heading to Detroit tomorrow. It's a long road trip, but they'll be back at T-Mobile on Friday against the Wild. I'm just waiting for them to clinch a playoff spot so everyone can start wearing their jerseys to church again.
MARK: The Silver Knights didn't have such a great weekend, though. They lost to the Colorado Eagles 4-3 in a shootout on Sunday. They were up 3-2 with ten minutes left and just completely choked. It was painful to watch. Raphael Lavoie and Ben Hemmerling scored, but in the end, they couldn't close the deal. They've got a chance to redeem themselves tomorrow night at Lee's Family Forum against Coachella Valley.
JOLEEN: Lee's Family Forum is such a weird name. Every time I go there, I expect to see a guy in a suit trying to sell me a used Kia. But the arena is nice. It's where the Harlem Globetrotters were just at too. If you missed that, you missed seeing grown men do things with a basketball that I can't even do with a remote control. It's depressing.
MARK: Let's check the real estate market, because apparently, even in 2026, people are still buying up Henderson like it's the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Hamilton Zanze just sponsored the purchase of Fairways on Green Valley. It's a 320-unit community right by the Legacy Golf Club. You know, the one the kids on e-bikes are destroying.
JOLEEN: They're calling it a 'fantastic opportunity' with 'resilient renter demographics.' That's just a fancy way of saying 'people who can't afford a house are stuck paying us rent forever.' But the median home price in some areas is still hovering around that 480 mark, even though inventory is supposedly up. It's a balanced market, if balance means everyone is equally stressed out about interest rates.
MARK: If you're looking for something to do this weekend that doesn't involve looking at a mortgage calculator, Bark in the Park is this Saturday, March 7th. It's at Cornerstone Park. You can take your dog and watch it sniff other dogs' asses while you pretend to be a functioning member of society. It's actually a pretty big event.
JOLEEN: I'll be there, mostly because my dog is the only one who doesn't judge my lifestyle choices. There's also a concert at Grey Witch on Friday night. KANNER is playing at 7:00 PM. If you like music that makes you feel things, or if you just want to drink in a dark room, that's your spot. And for the gearheads, Henderson Harley-Davidson is having a 'Customer Swap Meet' on Saturday morning. You can trade your old parts for other people's old parts and talk about how much better bikes were in the eighties.
MARK: Sounds thrilling. I'll stick to my climate-controlled living room. Speaking of climate, let's look at the weather. Today is actually pretty nice for early March. We're looking at a high of 76 and a low of 56. It's partly sunny, which is the meteorologist's way of saying they have no idea if it's going to rain or not.
JOLEEN: Well, they're predicting a cooling trend for the rest of the week. Tomorrow and Thursday should stay in the mid-70s, but by the weekend, we might see some isolated showers and highs dropping into the upper 60s. It's that awkward time of year where you need a jacket in the morning and a fan by noon. It's confusing for everyone, especially the tourists who think they're coming to the tropics.
MARK: One last thing for the commuters: Stephanie Street is still a nightmare. They're doing that year-long construction project that started back in June, and it's basically turned the whole area near Arroyo Grande into a parking lot. If you're planning on going to the mall, just don't. Or walk. It'll probably be faster.
JOLEEN: I love how they tell us it's for 'infrastructure improvements' and then we end up with the same amount of potholes and a new median that nobody wanted. It's like a gift that keeps on taking. But hey, at least we aren't in North Las Vegas, right? That's the one thing that keeps me going.
MARK: That's a low bar, Joleen. A very low bar. But you're right. Henderson is still the second safest city, even with the e-bike gangs and the two-billion-dollar pipes. It's a special kind of hell, but it's our hell.
JOLEEN: Exactly. So, like we said, subscribe to the damn show. Leave a comment. Tell us if you think the Raiders' new offensive line is going to be a total dumpster fire or just a mild trash can fire. We want to know. And if you've got a scoop, hit us up at henderson@thehappeningnetwork.com. We might even give you a shoutout if you're lucky.
MARK: Thanks for hanging out with us on this Tuesday. Try not to get t-boned at a four-way stop today. Apparently, people have forgotten how those work too. Stay sarcastic, Henderson.
JOLEEN: Stay cynical, you beautiful assholes. See you next week.