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We thank everyone else for our success... friends, team, mentors. But when’s the last time you thanked the only person who actually dragged you through hell and back?
YourSELF.
This show is my love letter to the version of you who doesn’t get enough credit. The you who kept going when it would’ve been easier to quit.
I’m pulling back the curtain on what it actually looks like to be 48, building a skincare company, navigating perimenopause, raising a teenager, and refusing to become invisible.
The stuff nobody talks about after 40. And how I’m rewriting all of it.
Sometimes it’s just me. Sometimes it’s founders, creatives, and icons who’ve rewritten everything too. Always, it’s the raw truth.
Nothing filtered. Nothing softened. Nothing for show. Just the truth... and a drink.
Every episode ends the same way: we raise a glass and say the thing most people are too humble to admit: I’d like to thank mySELF.
0:00
Hi friend. I'm Cynthia Garcia, and this is I'd like to thank myself. So here's a fun fact about me. I'm vain, and I have known this since I was a kid, so let's not pretend. And there were two moments that
0:14
really sealed the deal. So the first one was in elementary school. I was in seventh grade, and there was this boy at school that I had a massive crush on. I was obsessed. I thought he was the cutest
0:25
thing since newborn kittens. And every time I saw him, my tummy would do that butterfly thing. You know what I mean? Like where it gets a little Flippity flop. I loved it. Loved that feeling now I had
0:37
zero chill like none. So he knew that I liked him, probably because I sat and stared at him all day in class. I don't know he knew. So one day I'm coming back from lunch, and I see him hanging out over
0:49
here with his friends, right? Like and these boys are laughing and cutting up. You know how 12 year old boys are, right? They're just dumb. So I see him doing that, and then I see him break off from the
1:01
group and start walking toward me, and immediately I freak out. I'm like, This is it? Everything's about to change, like, Finally he's noticed me. Maybe I'll be the popular girl. I'm naming our babies
1:14
already, Alice and Bobby. I don't know I was 12. Just go with it. And he starts walking up to me. And as he's walking up. He says, Hey, can I ask you something? And I probably said something like, sure,
1:25
yeah, whatever, yeah, because that was cool. And he said to me, why are you so ugly? I know what the fuck he actually said that. And his friends, like his boys over in the corner, they're dying like they
1:41
thought this shit was hilarious, right? Like a regular George Carlin or Richard Pryor up in here, and he, like, walks back and he's laughing and they're high fiving and all this stuff. Now some people
1:53
might call that trauma, but for me, I mean, yeah, it stung a little bit, I'm not gonna lie. But also, what I took away from that moment was I really care about what I look like. I realized that that was
2:06
important to me. So that was the first moment. And if you watched the first episode of this show, you know there was another moment that happened right after that. There was a girl in my class
2:16
named Amanda, Amanda who announced to everyone that I didn't have a bathroom or running water in my house, and that was the day that I went home, took my little broken heart with me, and
2:28
decided that I was going to become someone new. Right? If you haven't seen that episode, you can go back and watch it, but this time the boy in the hallway, this is the day that I learned that I cared
2:42
about being seen, I cared about what I look like, and that it mattered, it just mattered to me, and I've spent my whole life since then just leaning into that instead of pretending that it wasn't true. So
2:55
yes, I'm vain. I've been vain since I was 12 years old standing in that hallway, and now I'm 48 and I'm still vain. I still care what I look like, and again, I'm not going to pretend that I don't you can judge
3:10
me, but being vain at 48 is so different. I mean, it takes an act of God. It feels like just to keep my shit together, like I feel like there's always something sagging, bagging or dragging, not even joking.
3:25
So that's why I want to talk about what it actually takes to stay hot at 48 like the good, the bad and the What the fuck. And before we do let's talk about aging itself. Now I know there are a lot of
3:40
different thoughts around this, and that's cool. For me, I feel like there's this whole go gently into that good night group of people, and they are grateful for aging. They say they love it, they love
3:52
aging, and that gets to be okay for them. But for me, I don't love it. I don't No. Aging is fucking horrible. Can we be honest about that? Like, why would you want to age? Why your body starts to
4:11
decline and you can work at preventing it? Sure? Of course I do. But ultimately, you're fighting a losing battle. Your hormones go haywire. Your metabolism is like, Yeah, fuck you. Your brain decides
4:24
to take random vacations without telling you. I mean, you wake up tired, go to bed tired, and somewhere in between, you're supposed to build a business, raise a kid, maintain a marriage, and
4:36
look presentable for the fucking zoom call. Why is aging a good thing? Like, why is why would you want to age? I'm anti aging, and I do not apologize for that, but here's what's important, and I think
4:50
this is the distinction that we need to make. I am pro getting older. Fuck yeah. I love to stack these years up, like I am stacking. Gold bars. I plan to continue to do that, the wisdom, the calm, the not
5:06
giving a fuck about things that I used to obsess over. I love that shit. I love getting older. I love the age. I love running that number up. I wouldn't be 25 again, if you paid me, absolutely not now, I'd
5:25
take the body of my 20 year old self any day, but not that number. I was dumb as fuck at 25 were you like? How were you in your 20s? I didn't know shit my 20s. I thought I did. I thought I had it all
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figured out, like I remember making decisions in my 20s and thinking, this is this is fucking brilliant, and obviously it wasn't. And it's funny, because I realized how dumb I was in my 20s, and now at 48 I
5:57
think I got this together. But I also think when I'm 60 8am, I gonna look back and think, man, I was dumb as fuck at 48 I thought I knew some things I was a dumb bitch. Like, am I gonna think that? I
6:12
don't know. I guess time will tell, and I hope it does. I hope I reach 68 and I look back and I'm like, Oh, honey, honey. So again, I love getting older. I love it. I do not love aging. You get the difference,
6:28
right? You get it. Okay. So now that we've got that out of the way, let's have some real talk. Can we some girl talk? And fellas, you can pop into if you want. There's no judging. Fellas want to look good,
6:38
too. That's cool, and let's talk about what it really takes to stay hot at 48 because it's an effort. And I don't know about you, but I am done pretending that it isn't that I just fucking wake up like this. You
6:53
know how long it took me to get ready today? Do you have any idea? So what I know for sure is that the women who look great at 48 aren't lucky. They work at it. And nobody wants to say it out
7:04
loud because it sounds vain or exhausting, but I will. So let's get into it, and let's start with the cost. First and foremost. Let's just get that out of the way, because this always comes up when I have this
7:17
conversation. So yes, it is expensive, the products, the appointments, the food because you can't eat like you did when you were 20, the doctors who actually listen to you instead of saying it's just
7:30
stress, the skin care that works, the bras that hold your shit up, the makeup that doesn't slide into the creases on your face. Everything costs more at 48 than it did at 28 and pretending otherwise is
7:44
bullshit. And maybe you're thinking, well, it must be nice for you. Cynthia, well, yeah, it is. It is nice to have the money for this. I made it on purpose so I could spend it on the things that make me feel
7:57
good. Yes, and I don't have the time, I'll be honest, but I make the time because it's what's important to me. And no, it's not genetics. I mean, I am essentially white trash. I had to work real hard on all of
8:13
this, right? And look, not everybody makes this choice, not everybody wants to, and that is completely fine. This is what I've decided for me, and you get to do you now. The cost is just one
8:26
part of it. There's also hormones, yeah, perimenopause, menopause. It's like your body gets together with your hormones and your metabolism, and they have this secret meeting, right? They go in
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wearing hoods, and it's a dark room, and they have a secret handshake, and you're not invited, and in that meeting, they sit down, and they just decide that they're going to fuck you up. Now I don't
8:50
know what I did to them. I wish I did, but they want revenge. They are out for blood, like your hormones. They are a force to be reckoned with and sleep. You know the thing that you need, so
9:03
that your skin doesn't look like shit and you have the energy to do the workouts and the meal prep and all the things. Yeah, that's not happening. I will wake up at 3am for absolutely no reason. I'm
9:16
wide awake just staring at the ceiling wondering what I did wrong in a past life, and then the anxiety kicks in with its dumb shit, like, Hey, do you know where your birth certificate is? Fuck no, no,
9:30
I don't. It's probably in the refrigerator next to my phone.
9:35
If you know, you know, and let's not forget hot flashes. I mean, you're sitting in a meeting, you're
9:40
doing just fine. You're professional, right? And then suddenly it's like someone set the room on fire, and you're sweating through your blouse like a whore in church. What is going on? How did we get
9:55
to this point? The bottom line is you cannot outwork your horror. Hones, I don't care how disciplined you are. I don't care how much willpower you have. And again, nobody talks about this part. We all
10:06
just walk around pretending we're fine. Now, despite doing all the things, paying the expenses, managing the hormones showing up on the Zoom call, anyway, there are still days, despite my best
10:21
efforts, that I don't feel hot at all, not even close. Some days, I wake up with brain fog so thick I forget why I walked into the kitchen. And can we talk about the creases on my face that last until
10:38
noon? So I'll tell you a quick story. A few weeks ago, I bought this fisherman's hat, right? And it like comes down on both sides. It has a little flap that goes across. It's like a low brim. You can only see
10:51
my eyes because I decided that the sun is the devil's work. Wine and the sun, they are both out to get me. So I thought I'd be smart and wear this while I drop rain off at school, right? So I put it on, I
11:04
drive her to school, I drive home, so I get home, take the hat off, and there is a line across my forehead. I guess the hat was too tight, fucking obviously it was too tight. That line stayed there
11:19
until I left to pick her up at 1pm that is a true story. So yes, there are days that I don't feel confident, days that I don't feel motivated, I don't feel like I can conquer shit. I sure don't feel hot. I just feel
11:34
bothered. And every day that I feel that way, I have to rewrite that story, remind myself who I'm becoming and move forward anyway, doing the rituals, doing the routines, not because it's fun and
11:47
not because I feel like it, but because it's a choice. And I show up every day, and I make it over and over and over. And here's the other side of that, when you do show up. When you refuse to fade.
12:02
Some people get a little weird about it. They just do when you start putting in the effort and you say, No, I give a fuck. I'm going to show up and I'm going to feel as good as I can. I'm going to look
12:13
as good as I can. It makes some people uncomfortable, right? Have you felt that, that weird energy? Maybe you've heard the little comments that, Oh, you're so lucky, the things that don't quite sound
12:24
like a compliment, right? Someone on Instagram said it perfectly, because I posted about this recently, and the post went wild. You guys really liked it. And someone posted and said, Can we talk
12:38
about the Judgment Part? People not accepting you because you break the rule and decide to stand out, you decide to take care of yourself and decide to be vain, I guess. And yes, let's talk
12:49
about it. Because you're judged if you try and you're judged if you don't. It's like women can't fucking win. I mean, listen, Judge however you want. I don't judge. It's fine. Go ahead and judge, but
13:02
I don't know. It feels like us ladies have it hard enough already. Maybe we could just give each other a break or not. Fuck it or not. Do you? So here's what I want to take a beat and just be really clear
13:17
about. Not everybody wants to make the same choice I have to fight against the aging process, to do all the things and then some, and that is completely fine. I am not judging you for one hot
13:30
minute. You get to choose again. When I posted about this on Instagram, one woman said to me, if you've got the energy and willpower, go for it. For me, I just don't care to impress others or be
13:42
attractive to others. I've settled into the hermit life, and it is so comfy and peaceful. That's what she said. I love that for her. I really, really do. She is completely at peace with her choice, and that's
13:57
really all you can ask for I love that for her, for me, I just don't want to pretend. I don't want to pretend that I don't care when I do. I don't want to pretend that it's easy when it's not. And I don't
14:13
want to pretend that it doesn't cost anything, when the truth is it costs everything. The bottom line is, make your choice whatever it is, and don't apologize for it. Just do you and let that be okay. So
14:30
I've already told you that I'm vain. I know it. I'm good with it, whatever. But there are other reasons why I do all of these things, why I'm so adamant about staying and feeling as youthful as I can. And
14:41
the first big reason is I have shit to do. I'm building something, and I want the energy to do it, not dragging myself through the day, energy, but real energy. I want to feel alive in my own body. I
14:55
want to be healthy, mentally and physically. I want to be independent. Throughout all of my life. I want to be good for my daughter rain. I mean, listen, I envision myself one day chasing my
15:09
grandkids around the yard, picking them up and throwing them up in the air. I want to do that. I want to be present for all of life, not tired, not checked out, not on a bunch of medications not
15:21
running on fumes, and yes, that means it's expensive in all the ways, time, money, you name it. But for me, for me, it's cheaper than downhill mental health, depression and anxiety or prescription
15:36
meds or surgeries or putting my family through unnecessary stress. Listen, the truth is, everything cost something. I just chose what I'm willing to pay for. So on that note, I'd like to thank myself a
15:52
toast. Grab your glass. Do it with me. Whatever you're drinking today, I'm toasting to the girl who got to ask why she was so ugly in a school hallway. She didn't know that she'd grow up to be vain as
16:03
fuck and completely unapologetic about it. And I love that for her, she also didn't know that being vain would somehow become its own kind of rebellion. So this is for her, for me and for you too, no
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matter what your choice, make a toast to who we were, to who we are, and to the icons we are becoming at any age. For that and so much more, I'd like to thank myself. Cheers. Hmm.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai