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Faith Stories with Pastor Joe Coffey is a podcast about the real stories of real people and the real ways God moves in and through our lives. Each episode shares honest conversations of breakthrough and struggle–stories of faith, failure, drift, redemption, and the slow pull back to Jesus. From seasons of success to moments of darkness, these testimonies are reminders that no one is too far gone, no story is beyond redemption, and Jesus is still in the business of restoring what feels lost.
00;00;00;11 - 00;00;26;43
Unknown
Everyone, welcome to Faith Stories, a podcast about how Jesus can change anything and everything. I'm Joe Coffey, I'm your host, and this is my guest, Matt Erkkila. Matt, thanks for joining us. My pleasure. All right. Let's start with tell us. Tell me about your family, wife, kids, how many kids you have. Where do you live? My wife and I have been married since, what, 2007?
00;00;26;48 - 00;00;45;45
Unknown
We have four kids between the ages of 13 and 9. They. We live in Hudson. They go to Hudson schools, and, you know, we we don't live far from here. Ten minutes. And the family that you grew up in. How many kids in that family where did you grow up? We grew up in Perry, like Northeast Ohio, up in Lake County.
00;00;45;47 - 00;01;09;04
Unknown
There's a nuclear plant there. I was the oldest of. I am the oldest of three boys. And yeah, we had a pretty good life growing up. If we had family nearby, aunts, uncles, grandparents, that sort of thing. Okay. What nationality is Ursula? Finish. Okay. So it's. But you have a big you have a big family that. I mean, my dad was one of three.
00;01;09;07 - 00;01;26;58
Unknown
My mom was one of six. Okay. And so her her family's like Irish Catholic family. My dad's family was, you know, you go for infinite. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah. My mom's family was Irish Catholic, so they were they were kind of the more educated, you know, that sort of side of the family. So. So you grew up Catholic, correct?
00;01;26;58 - 00;01;46;45
Unknown
Yes. Right. But you're kind of a mix with Catholic. Lutheran? Yeah. My my grandpa, my grandpa, my dad's side, him and my grandmother would go every Saturday. And so oftentimes I'd go with them to church on Saturday at the Lutheran Church and then on the Catholic Church on Sunday. We we did that sort of as a family. And, and so I got to kind of see both.
00;01;46;50 - 00;02;09;26
Unknown
So when you grew up, you kind of felt, I mean, you knew something about Jesus, but you wouldn't say that you had a real personal relationship with him. Yes, I would say that's true. I mean, I did all the stuff, you know, all the sacraments went through catechism. I remember we had Father Al and, you know, he was kind of a, a tough priest, sort of, you know, squeeze your cheek until it hurt, you know, that sort of thing.
00;02;09;26 - 00;02;27;13
Unknown
And, you know, but I remember asking questions and being a little bit skeptical and cynical, kind of I probably carried through some of my adult life, too. But, I mean, I was always kind of an inquisitive kid, and so I'd ask questions and then when the answers didn't really line up, I it was, you know, I just kind of sat with it.
00;02;27;13 - 00;02;54;16
Unknown
So and we talked at, at a men's breakfast, just kind of about your journey and how you got to be here. And that involved like a movement kind of away from God or whenever Jesus is not the center of somebody's life, something else is what was the center of your life? Well, like starting college, you go to college.
00;02;54;16 - 00;03;19;24
Unknown
I did my actually, my wife and I met at Case Western, so we went to college in Cleveland, and. But I'd say even before that, I mean, it kind of coincided a little bit with when, like, my Catholic sacrament, like that was done. You know, I was done in eighth grade with that. And then I feel like I don't know if it was as a family, but certainly as me, church didn't have the same priority.
00;03;19;26 - 00;03;43;44
Unknown
Maybe. I guess after that was kind of completed. And and I think the other thing was about the age of 14, I believe I had my first drink of alcohol too. And so that that started to change things as well in terms of, you know, kind of how I interact with my family and, and how my attitude, all that sort of stuff I like.
00;03;43;48 - 00;04;08;53
Unknown
Now, that doesn't seem like a cataclysmic event to have your first drink of alcohol at 14. But tell me what that meant to you. Because if that's a what's a marker? Sure. Well, I mean, I guess for me, I as active as I was in sports and I did fairly well with that and in school and everything, I, I also never really drank in a way that was normal.
00;04;09;05 - 00;04;25;24
Unknown
Yeah. You know, I mean, which I guess I, I look at normal as being someone who goes out to dinner and has a glass of wine and relaxes, and then maybe they have another one the next time they go out to dinner. Or maybe they don't, you know, it's just not a big deal. And and for me, that was never really the case.
00;04;25;36 - 00;04;52;03
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. So what was it for you? What did. It was just it was sort of always an all or nothing thing for me. And. And that started like 14. Correct. When did it become something that was noticeable for you, like life impacting? I remember at the age of 16 telling a friend that when I have children, I'm not going to drink, which is sort of a weird thing to say at the age of 16.
00;04;52;07 - 00;05;11;42
Unknown
Right. And I think it for me, it kind of set a couple things. There was there was drinking in my family and, you know, and, and I guess I didn't really like that. And. Yeah. Now at 16, when, when would you drink? I mean, sort of whenever I could, I kind of hung out with some older kids, you know, by way of sports and things like that.
00;05;11;42 - 00;05;33;26
Unknown
I dated some older girls and you're a big guy. So could you pass as somebody who was older a little bit? I did, I think I had a fake ID by the time I was 17, you know, from a guy who was a little bit older and so I could kind of get away with it and, you know, and so it was generally on the weekends, though, you know, it was still one of those things where during the week, obviously I was still in school and we had practice.
00;05;33;26 - 00;05;52;18
Unknown
And, you know, if you wanted to play on teams, you couldn't miss practice. And so that was kind of a constant. But then whenever I could find time on the weekends. Okay. So when did it become I'd say there was a, there was a real I remember at the age of 19, I had obviously graduated high school. I was going to Case Western, I was playing football.
00;05;52;18 - 00;06;18;30
Unknown
And after that first year I was able to play on the, on the team. And but after that, like things started changing, you know, like by the time I was 19. I mean, I made a choice that drinking beer wasn't even enough anymore, you know? So I got to a point where that just, you know, I didn't really want to have to drink 30 beers or 40, which I know sounds crazy, but, I mean, it was just it was too much liquid.
00;06;18;30 - 00;06;40;58
Unknown
And so from then until the end of my drinking, I decided that, you know, 100 proof was the way to to do what I wanted to do. So when you drank, like, how much would you drink? And you're dating Monica at the time? No, no, that was a little bit later. Okay. So, I mean, I always had an unusual tolerance for alcohol.
00;06;40;59 - 00;07;03;50
Unknown
It was just, you know, it's one of those things I. I mean, I'm certainly not a doctor, but I'm, I'm sure there's a genetic component to it somewhere because it was just it was always a thing that was kind of came very easy, you know, and, and I guess even though I would never talk about feelings, really, because I guess I could always felt guys were either supposed to be happy or angry, but there wasn't really those emotions in between.
00;07;03;50 - 00;07;25;03
Unknown
I was never good at. And so you're not I don't think you're alone. That's an interesting way to put it, though, that men are either happy or angry. Yeah, that was my experience. My experience was that that was what you were supposed to be, right? And it wasn't true, like a lot of things that I thought. But even to this day, I keep an emotion well on my fridge so that I can try to like, right, help my my kids that are a little more like me, I can help.
00;07;25;13 - 00;07;57;13
Unknown
What are you feeling? You know, we can look at that and decide now. When you drank, did you get angry or happy? Or depending, it could be both. It could be both. And. And I'd say towards the end it veered more towards depressive and angry. Okay, you know what I mean. But but in the beginning I, it was I would probably describe it as like a, I think, I mean, I could be wrong because I don't know exactly what normal looks like, but I, I envision normal people drinking and relaxing and then, you know, just take it or leave it.
00;07;57;13 - 00;08;18;06
Unknown
And for me, it was it was sort of like speed kind of, you know, it was kind of like it would energize me in a way that was sort of unusual. So you said at the beginning. So there was an end to that. So what what brought the end? How did you come to the realization of just going, okay, this has got to stop?
00;08;18;11 - 00;08;27;51
Unknown
Well, were you trying to, like, taper at all? Did you ever try to go, oh, you know what? I can handle this. I can.
00;08;27;56 - 00;08;48;24
Unknown
Not. Not really. Okay, I guess. No, not really. I mean, because I guess at that point I just didn't feel I felt like I was going to have to find a way to live with this way that I was drinking, you know, and you asked how much. And it was it was sort of a lot. Yeah. I mean, even even for people that I know today that, you know, have struggle, struggle with alcohol.
00;08;48;26 - 00;09;14;31
Unknown
I mean, I was probably on the higher end of what was, you know, there. And, and I used to think that was kind of a cool thing. And in retrospect, it was definitely not. But so what brought the end? The end was I'd say there was a couple pieces to the end. I mean, one of them at one point, I mean, a fraternity with with a bunch of guys and, and, you know, some of them are doing other things and drinking as well.
00;09;14;31 - 00;09;45;29
Unknown
But, I mean, at one point they actually had an intervention on me. And your fraternity had an intervention. That's right. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. That's that seems like a sign. It certainly was. Yeah. So they. So you're fraternity as an intervention. They say, Matt, you have a problem. It wasn't quite that simple. They've been trying to get me to come down to cases like campus, where there was a psychologist who kind of helped with those sorts of things, and I kept putting them off because I, you know, obviously, I, I didn't know exactly what they were trying to do, but I didn't want to be a part of it.
00;09;45;29 - 00;10;02;23
Unknown
And eventually they, you know, it just worked out. And so I figured how many there were I think there were 7 or 8 of them that we went down and they they talked about it. And so that I think that started I think that started the point where I actually started to look in the mirror. Right? You know, so during that time you're going to school playing football.
00;10;02;23 - 00;10;24;10
Unknown
That's still going okay. After my freshman year, I quit football, okay. My parents got divorced, I joined a fraternity. I started working, you know, got a job in a Little Italy getting making cash, you know, getting paid, that sort of thing. And so basically, my lifestyle was starting to make decisions for me that weren't necessarily the best. They weren't all bad.
00;10;24;12 - 00;10;42;45
Unknown
Right. But but it was. That's also an interesting way to put it, that your lifestyle was making decisions for you. I didn't know it at the time. Right. But looking at it now, I mean, I wouldn't have made the same decisions, right? For sure. All right. So at the beginning was the was the first attempt at intervention by your fraternity brothers.
00;10;42;47 - 00;11;09;28
Unknown
Then what happened? And then I just kind of kept going and and I feel like at that point I became much more isolated. You know, I was living in a house with 30 some guys, but I was I still felt pretty alone, you know, and I and I was drinking even more and it sort of affects my mental health and, and, you know, the way I was able to sleep and eating just all the parts of my life that that even allowed me to pretend I was somewhat normal or functioning.
00;11;09;28 - 00;11;36;53
Unknown
Well, you're old at this point. I'm 21, so you're finally legal drinking age. By the time I'm 21. Legal drinking, it's. I mean, yeah, I'm it's been a while since I really had much control. Okay. So at 22 was when I stopped. So, so and there wasn't a DUI anything like that that that precipitated the cold stop. No.
00;11;36;55 - 00;12;03;48
Unknown
Okay. So you decide you're going to stop. How do you do it? Well, I mean, I, I had there was a couple run ins with, with, you know, some people that gave me suggestions how to do it. And I really wasn't interested in listening to them. And but then eventually I had a friend who's whose father had been sober for a while, and I remember calling him and saying, hey, what should I do?
00;12;03;48 - 00;12;34;53
Unknown
And so I met him and, and and that's when it sort of started, you know, I it basically started my path in recovery to, you know, start living a different life that, you know, I just I really had no, no real understanding of it seems like people who have become sober are usually really helpful to people who are looking for help, like when you called your friends dead who've been sober.
00;12;34;58 - 00;13;07;17
Unknown
It's my experience that those guys were absolutely like, if you you if you're serious. I'll help you. Oh, right. Without question. Okay. So then you get you start getting involved with people that are being sober. Correct. Right. All right. My guess then would be that that group is going to be like 20 questions. Is that group meet. They they meet together at different times.
00;13;07;17 - 00;13;36;08
Unknown
And you're probably introduced to a system of sobriety right. Like a how to how to do how to become sober. And part of that, at least the most popular program that I know talks about a higher power for sure. Okay. And I remember when I, when I started doing this and, and I remember thinking, like, I wouldn't even tell people I was doing it because I wasn't sure it was going to work.
00;13;36;11 - 00;13;54;41
Unknown
Right. And I was scared. And and I remember this, this old guy that to my knowledge, he wasn't particularly spiritual, but I remember and him and Tony, you know, my my friend's father, they said, you're going to hit your knees every morning and you're going to ask God for help, and you're going to hit your knees every night and say thank you.
00;13;54;42 - 00;14;13;41
Unknown
And I thought, well, I'm not sure that's going to work. You know, like, I didn't really believe it. I didn't particularly want to do it. And and they were like, well, that's okay. That's what you're going to do. And I said, okay, and you're 23 years old. I guess I would have been 22, 22, 22. And I'm 45 now, right?
00;14;13;48 - 00;14;38;04
Unknown
So you start that right. But somehow you make the transition from it being a higher power to being God to being Jesus. Tell me about that journey. I mean, that took a while. I mean, for me, it was I mean, I think initially and like a lot of the things I thought it was, it's true. Wait, I missed something.
00;14;38;06 - 00;15;00;57
Unknown
So when in this process, do you mean Monica? She actually she was there towards the end of my drinking, so we met. I think we had met briefly before, but I think we kind of started being friends and being more, you know, a little more serious, I guess, when I was 21. So she was there kind of towards the end of that.
00;15;01;01 - 00;15;31;14
Unknown
So then if and then you guys started getting serious when I mean, I guess I don't know how serious anybody could be if you were drinking like I was. I mean, in full, you know, just being transparent. It's obviously I cared about her, but I just I had a lot of my own baggage, you know, and so I, I'd say once, once I got past that part of it, I think it was easier to be more serious about our relationship.
00;15;31;16 - 00;15;58;10
Unknown
But she had to see she saw that happen. Sure. Yeah. And then she had a front row seat to the old mat, the new mat, and then trying to figure out. Okay. She also couldn't be. You couldn't. I wouldn't think that you could get serious and date somebody who was a social drinker at that time. That's true. I mean, because I remember I remember telling her I was like, hey, if you know, if if you want to go out and have fun, that's that's okay.
00;15;58;12 - 00;16;27;43
Unknown
It's just that's not going to be able to be part of my life, right? At least not now, you know. And and she understood. Okay. All right. Now back to the question. You're making the transition from higher power to Jesus. Yeah. And I mean, it did. It took I think it took a little bit of time initially. I, I, I mean, growing up, I well, I guess I'll say as I was trying to think about stopping, I really kind of believe that God had more important things to do than to help me stop drinking.
00;16;27;53 - 00;16;56;51
Unknown
I just thought God was bigger than that. Like he had real things to worry about. And like, like a lot of things, I was wrong. But I just came to find like, the only reason that this has all happened in my life was God, you know, and so that it just became abundantly clear pretty quickly. Yeah. But that's interesting to me, though, because that means for a while, just thinking of it like there are a lot of people who believe in God who don't know Jesus, right?
00;16;56;54 - 00;17;25;34
Unknown
Who don't. Sure. Right. So the system that you're working with is working. So what made you find Jesus? You know. You know what I mean? Because, like, the hole hit your knees in the morning, hit your knees at night, and it's working. Your sober, your life's coming together. You marry Monica. Your. I mean, everything's going well. How does Jesus break in now?
00;17;25;37 - 00;17;48;21
Unknown
Because that's another kind of break in. Sure. Yes, definitely. And I, I mean, I think for me, it's probably that I think God just kept seeking me, you know, during the process, like he kept nudging me and pushing me in a way that I mean, that God that I grew up with. I had always confused me when I was a kid.
00;17;48;23 - 00;18;05;22
Unknown
Right. And I remember I think I was probably 33, I guess. And I remember pretty clearly just telling God, I'm not going to fight it anymore, like, like I, because I knew I didn't know all the stuff, but I, I knew the gist of Jesus and I just said, I'm not going to fight anymore, like I believe it.
00;18;05;22 - 00;18;23;57
Unknown
And I remember saying that to myself and thinking, all right. And and Monica had had become Catholic since we had been married and done all this stuff. And I remember telling her, we're going to start coming to church here. And, and she was like, why are you doing this? And I just and and you know, for me, I don't, I don't, you know, I had no problem with the Catholic Church.
00;18;23;57 - 00;18;45;19
Unknown
I just my experience was that it I was kind of missing the point, and the point was to find Jesus and I just I hadn't done it. And so how did you find this church? I mean, I mean, it was sort of a big church, and and it was down the street from my house, and I and I knew it was a Bible based church.
00;18;45;19 - 00;19;23;11
Unknown
And I thought, all right, well, this this is what we're going to do. We're going to see how it goes. And then basically as soon as we started coming here, we just we kept coming. Very cool. I love the story of how you have gone from kind of dependance on alcohol to depends on Jesus. And, and part of the reason that I love that story is my dad was the youngest of six kids, and he ended up coming to Christ when he was actually when he was playing football with a couple of football players, led him to Christ in high school, and then he ended up becoming a minister.
00;19;23;16 - 00;19;50;41
Unknown
His two older brothers died of alcoholism. Uncle Charlie died of cirrhosis, I think, at the age of 44. And uncle Bill died when he drowned in his bathtub at the age of 46. My brother, when he was getting his master's degree in psychology, was trained with the MMPI. That's the Minnesota Multiphase Personality Inventory, and it's like 660 questions.
00;19;50;43 - 00;20;09;09
Unknown
And he had my dad fill it out, and he took it to his professor. And the professor looked at the results, asked my brother, it's a Ball State University. He said, who is this? And he said, this is my dad. And his first question just from looking at the results is, is your dad and alcoholic? And my brother said no.
00;20;09;09 - 00;20;30;10
Unknown
And then the professor said that he must be very religious because there's there's only two options. I just think that that was kind of your two options. You had something was going to be lord of your life, you know, and for a while it was the bottle. And now it's Jesus. And I love that. So and I know that we talk some about your family history.
00;20;30;12 - 00;20;47;26
Unknown
You want to share a little bit of that? Yeah. I mean I mean, I remember as a kid, you know, a lot of people in my family drank. And then as I got older and, and wasn't drinking anymore, I mean, I've had five uncles and a father that have passed away, you know, much younger than they should have.
00;20;47;28 - 00;21;20;20
Unknown
And, you know, some of them were very directly related to, to alcohol. And, and it just it reminds me I can really I mean, I just can't be grateful enough because that easily could have been my story. Right? Right. And what's interesting is that I think for my dad, he changed the trajectory of generations now, of my generation of them, my kids and my grandkids, all because Jesus pursued him and became his Savior.
00;21;20;20 - 00;21;46;36
Unknown
So that's great. I love looking up, looking down the field now at your kids and your grandkids and your great grandkids. And it it makes me happy for sure. Now, when we when I first started to hear your story was we were we have I sat down with you at a men's breakfast and you were doing with Pastor Zach the whole Bible in a year, which was pretty aggressive.
00;21;46;40 - 00;22;12;07
Unknown
And you just seemed like you were pumped about that. Like, tell me just about how you have grown now in your faith and in your understanding of Jesus and how it's impacted your family and Monica and your marriage and all that. Well, I mean, that was I feel like part of the process of my life changing has just been, I mean, not only but part of it has been developing some better routines and some better habits.
00;22;12;07 - 00;22;30;18
Unknown
And and that was just a new habit that I was able to put in my life because all these other men were doing it. And so I thought, well, if they could do it, I can try, you know, and, and and it really was a good experience and the way that I mean, I had read plenty of the Bible, I remember taking the Old Testament classes in college and being interested in even then.
00;22;30;18 - 00;22;50;50
Unknown
And but this was different in a way that I could, you know, really, really read through all this stuff that I had never, you know, any of the hard books I would have skipped, you know, and but but this time it was nice to have so many people. I'd see people at the gym and I know they were reading to.
00;22;50;50 - 00;23;07;22
Unknown
I'd be like, oh, did you read that? And I'd be like, I'm like that. That was a hard chapter. No. And but it was it was nice to have so many people that like kind of in my sphere, like all doing it at the same time. And, and we'd be in the car. And I specifically remember being out of town for, for lacrosse.
00;23;07;22 - 00;23;21;43
Unknown
And I was like, man, I have to read four chapters, kids. I was like, we're gonna have to listen to at least one on Spotify. And then they'd be like, which one is it? You know? Right. Because they knew some of the ones that weren't as fun, you know, and so they kind of became part of it to the kids.
00;23;21;43 - 00;23;46;22
Unknown
So. Well, Matt, so glad that yeah, I love your story. I love the I don't know, the pursuit of God for you through everything. And I feel like you just exude the joy that we want people to find in Jesus. So thanks for spending the time telling us a little bit of your story and glad you're here. Glad you're part.
00;23;46;27 - 00;23;48;03
Unknown
All right. Thanks. Thank you.