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Join feminist coaches Taina Brown and Becky Mollenkamp for casual (and often deep) conversations about business, current events, politics, pop culture, and more. We’re not perfect activists or allies! These are our real-time, messy feminist perspectives on the world around us.
This podcast is for you if you find yourself asking questions like:
• Why is feminism important today?
• What is intersectional feminism?
• Can capitalism be ethical?
• What does liberation mean?
• Equity vs. equality — what's the difference and why does it matter?
• What does a Trump victory mean for my life?
• What is mutual aid?
• How do we engage in collective action?
• Can I find safety in community?
• What's a feminist approach to ... ?
• What's the feminist perspective on ...?
Becky Mollenkamp (00:00.72)
Hello, we're back. Just you and me, we were gonna have a guest, they had to postpone so that will be coming soon. Instead today it'll be just you and I and we were thinking, one, because so many folks have checked out our video from a couple weeks ago about, or our episode a few weeks ago about micro actions or small actions of resistance and how to sort of fight back. And two,
Taina Brown she/hers (00:01.806)
Hi, we're back, we're back.
Becky Mollenkamp (00:26.532)
just because there are some things that we've been doing that are different or that we haven't talked about or that we want to revisit. We thought maybe we would do that. And also because like the world feels on fire. It always does. But I swear to you, feels like it just keeps feeling like, cause things keep stacking on top of each other where every time I'm like, no, this feels like as bad as it could get. Sadly it's not.
Taina Brown she/hers (00:38.328)
But more so.
Taina Brown she/hers (00:45.727)
Yeah, every time you think you can get worse, there's another press conference.
Becky Mollenkamp (00:50.282)
then someone else gets illegally deported or yeah disappeared or yeah million other things that are happening. I don't want to focus on all the negative because I think there's enough of that. I don't know you think but I feel like there's enough of that there's enough people talking about it responding to it but we could like one thing I think is we could first share this is not something I told you beforehand so if you don't want you don't have to but
Taina Brown she/hers (00:54.432)
disappeared. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (01:15.416)
I would like to share at least a couple of the places I go when I want to actually stay up to date on what's happening without overwhelm. Because here's one thing I will say. One of the ways I'm protecting myself is I'm doing far less social media. I'm down to pretty much the only place I go is Blue Sky. I don't look at Instagram. I really don't look at TikTok. YouTube I'm only using to produce content, but not really look at content. So for me, the only place I really go is Blue Sky. I prefer written words, so that's why.
Taina Brown she/hers (01:21.474)
that's good, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (01:28.365)
Hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (01:45.51)
and I don't want to be on threads or that other site anymore. And even there, I find it overwhelming because it's just one political story after another and it's too much. So I really stopped checking a lot of social media and instead I'm using podcasts a lot for myself and I guess some combination of YouTube because sometimes I'll watch the live streams of some of these during the day. So for me, I really like bulwark.
Taina Brown she/hers (01:55.595)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (02:02.028)
Hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (02:10.786)
even though I know they are a bunch of Republicans, and there may be people who come at me for that. I find it reassuring in a way because these people who consider themselves more conservative and have left the Republican Party because of Trump, when they're like saying the world's on fire, it makes me feel a little more a little less like, it's just the people on the fringes that are thinking this way. Because sometimes when I'm too in tune with only left wing things, I think
Taina Brown she/hers (02:31.819)
Yeah, yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (02:37.222)
Maybe this isn't how everyone feels. so, bulwark has been helpful for me in feeling like, okay, if the conservative, the former Republicans who would buy now by Republican standards are liberal, but in the old days were conservatives, if they're thinking things are cuckoo bananas, haywire, then I'm not alone. Like, this is real. And so, I love that as a source. watch Tim Miller, who I like and sometimes don't.
Taina Brown she/hers (02:57.002)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (03:02.946)
and Sarah Longwell, who I mostly don't like and sometimes do. And then JV, I can't remember his name. Sorry, JV. But anyway, those three on there are pretty great for me. And also what I like is that they have the bulwark hot takes or bulwark takes or bulwark shorts, something like that on podcasts. And it's little like 10 to 15 minute snippets on a specific thing. So I can go and be like, OK, I'm curious about this thing, this thing, and just listen to those. And it's not like a two hour podcast about.
Taina Brown she/hers (03:22.122)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (03:30.694)
everything or all the stuff. So I highly recommend that. I sometimes listen to Minority Report, but I'll be honest, those are so long that sometimes and the same for David Pakman and Midas Touch, although I listen to that less now that I've learned a little more about their folks and that maybe they're a little bit grifty. But those are all a lot longer. So I really I've been really leaning on bulwark that takes and just doing short things.
Taina Brown she/hers (03:31.027)
Yeah, yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (03:56.548)
on specific issues that are happening so that I feel like I have at least a cursory knowledge of what's going on, but also I'm not diving in so deep that I'm inundating myself with the news. So that's kind of my spot. Where do you go when you wanna just like say, I wanna know what's happening, but I don't wanna be overwhelmed? Nowhere? That's okay. Okay, so you're getting it there.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:01.587)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:06.439)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:15.408)
Nowhere, nowhere. I'm on social media a lot. So I'm getting a lot of just like quick sound bites from social media, but it is beginning to become overwhelming for me. So I am in the beginning stages of trying to figure out how to manage that. And then my wife likes to watch the news in the mornings. Yeah, she's a CBS girl.
Becky Mollenkamp (04:40.425)
that's right. She's mixed. Yes. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:44.625)
So every morning, it's CBS mornings plus local news. I think I prefer the local news more than the general news, just because it's things that are more related to how it will affect our day to day. But even then, I try not to watch it too much. So if she has it on, well, first of all, she gets up much earlier than I do. But if I happen to be up and it's on,
Becky Mollenkamp (05:06.128)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (05:14.831)
I'll usually will be reading or something while the news is on. So I'm not like too focused in on it. Also, I'm not quite awake yet. Like I'm still working through my coffee. So I'm like hearing every other word. Exactly.
Becky Mollenkamp (05:22.234)
Yeah. And that's not the shit you want when you're not awake. Yeah, you don't do not take on news without caffeine. That is just a generally good warning for people.
Taina Brown she/hers (05:33.037)
Yeah, yeah, if you're a coffee drinker, definitely, definitely don't. But but yeah, so that's I mean, that's kind of where I'm at with like my news intake these days.
Becky Mollenkamp (05:42.598)
used to be a news junkie. I I watched MSNBC hours a day in the past. I used to watch evening news every night with Lester Holt, followed by my local evening news on NBC, I know. And all of that, have stopped since the election. And then I've been reducing all of my political commentary and social media intake really since inauguration. So now I'm down to truly, I usually do maybe
Taina Brown she/hers (05:47.558)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (05:52.281)
Lester.
Becky Mollenkamp (06:07.91)
Like maybe three of those bulwark takes like maybe 30 minutes or 45 minutes at most a day where I feel like I get more than just the like headline and I get some more contextual knowledge because I do love that, but I'm not overwhelming myself. So I feel like my first little tip for people who are trying to think about how do I handle what's going on in the world right now is like reduce your consumption of news.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:11.782)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:17.541)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:21.359)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (06:33.082)
figure out one or two sources that you really trust and like and just turn to them and how can you do it in the least amount possible. The other thing I didn't mention is I do watch Channel 4 news, meaning Channel 4 from Britain. And that I do that a couple of times a week, maybe, or once a week maybe. And I love, love that. I highly recommend turning to international news sources right now, especially.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:47.076)
Hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:56.42)
See ya.
Becky Mollenkamp (06:56.72)
whether that's Canadian news sources or British news sources or other European news sources or anywhere really, because almost all of them are going to give you a more sober idea. Yes, and sober view of what's happening. And that is another place that helps me feel better when I see how Europe is responding to America. It's like, okay, they know, like they get it and where things are bad. Okay, so that's my first thing. Secondly, I wanted to talk
Taina Brown she/hers (07:07.662)
contextualized.
Taina Brown she/hers (07:19.694)
No. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (07:25.763)
The body.
Becky Mollenkamp (07:26.458)
the body. And I think you'll love this because you're a somatic coach. The other thing I'm noticing this year is my body is telling me, and I'm not alone in this, every person I'm talking to is having the same thing around noticing how their body is like reacting, like physical manifestations of all of the stress that we're under. And I have definitely been having that of noticing that my body is just, I mean, I'm going through paramenopause. So that's a big part of it.
Taina Brown she/hers (07:38.402)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (07:52.568)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (07:52.794)
But I think my symptoms are far more exaggerated and I've had some depression and things like that. I'm dealing with vertigo the last two days, which is related to paraminopause, but also related to stress. So I think all of these things, like we need to listen to our body. And I am using this year as an opportunity to visit my healthcare providers more often. I'm privileged enough to have insurance. So people who don't, I understand that is a privilege. It shouldn't be, it should be a right, not a privilege, but in the
Taina Brown she/hers (08:05.548)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (08:22.352)
world we live in now, it's a privilege. But if you also share that privilege to have access to healthcare, I think it's a great idea to revisit some of your healthcare providers and just have honest conversations with them as honest as you feel you can be. I also know there's some challenge there because of concerns around privacy and things, but to try and get some assistance.
Taina Brown she/hers (08:35.948)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (08:44.282)
disregard that pain that you're having or that weird feeling or that like even that nagging feeling that maybe something's going on. Our bodies do speak to us when we're under stress. And I think that we need to pay attention to that and seek care and help for those things now as much as ever, but even more so. So that's one piece for me. I don't know about how you feel about that as a somatic practitioner.
Taina Brown she/hers (08:50.463)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (09:01.172)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. If you do, if you do have the privilege to be able to go see a healthcare provider, take full advantage of that. You know, as, long as it's within your capacity and your means to do so. yeah, I have definitely noticed changes in the way that my body is responding to the stressors. So, I am
feeling a lot more generalized pain, which is part of having fibromyalgia. for the most part, it was pretty under control because I've been on medication for it for years. But lately, it's not. And what that does is it creates exhaustion and brain fog. And so it creates this.
homeostasis of just like not really being able to function at 100 % both physically and cognitively. And so it's been really challenging the past several months to just kind of just get things done. And I'm having to re-gauge what a consistent pace looks like for me, right? So before it might have been, you know,
maybe four hours of work every day or five hours of work every day, but now it feels like it's half that. And so I'm now having to reprioritize and re-figure things out and things are slipping through the cracks more often. And so I've been trying to lean into some of those somatic practices more. so the good thing or the silver lining is that it's peak gardening season.
So because it's spring, right? so spending, yeah, free therapy. So I've literally been going outside to touch grass, which has helped to just kind of feel more stabilized and grounded. And I think when we're really stressed out because of all the ambiguity that's happening, everything feels destabilized. And what's going to help is anything that helps you feel grounded, right? So whether that's gardening, whether that's
Becky Mollenkamp (10:55.984)
your therapy.
Taina Brown she/hers (11:22.296)
yoga, whether it's going to the park, whether it's visualization exercise, right? You can just sit at home and just visualize your feet just kind of getting rooted into the ground for a few minutes. You can also, there's a tree right outside my window that I'm looking at now. And so just like.
letting my eyes rest on that tree or listening to the birds or the fucking squirrels that keep going through my garden beds looking for seeds, you know, but just like any kind of connection to nature helps us to reorient and helps us to, regulate our nervous system and feel like more rooted and grounded. And so I'm trying to do that in like bits and pieces and
The interesting thing is I've never had, for the most part, I've never had trouble really tapping into that, but it's a struggle lately. Lately, I know that that's what I should be doing, but there's a part of me that's like, what's the point?
Becky Mollenkamp (12:26.928)
my God, everyone, I know some people feeling that way. It's like those say the things that we know will help us the most are the hardest for some reason to access when we are not in a good place, right? Like when you're in a great place, it's really easy to do the things, to do the movement, to eat the nutritious foods, to do whatever the things are that you know, to get more sleep. And then when you need it the most, it's the most difficult to do. And that is so normal. So I think it's good to normalize that as well. And I think that's kind of like,
Taina Brown she/hers (12:37.82)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (12:51.878)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (12:56.248)
Another thing is having more grace with ourselves to think about, like, can I just allow myself to see that this is challenging? instead of, I guess for me, grace in some ways is like, can I reduce expectations on myself? Can I stop expecting that it should look different? Because as soon as I can, yeah, that it's supposed to be easy, that I should be able to do this, that I should, or judging, comparing myself to some former version of myself,
Taina Brown she/hers (12:58.94)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:07.035)
See ya.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:13.083)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
that it should be easy.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:25.583)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (13:26.182)
That's not the person that's showing up right now. That's not the person I am today. The person I was pre-Trump isn't this person because this is not that time, right? Like we have to be honest with ourselves and give ourselves that grace to say, I can let go of those expectations. Because I find often for me and a lot of my clients, I'm sure you see too, is the expectation is the problem more than anything. And once we can free ourselves from the expectation, often we can get back into action because the action could look very different.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:33.573)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (13:52.814)
It doesn't have look like getting 20 things done today can be like, can I do one thing today? Normally, when we think we've got 20 things and our expectation is all 20 have to get done, one doesn't even feel good. So we say, why bother doing any? Right. One is as bad as zero. If you can free yourself from the expectation and say, if I do anything today, even if I do nothing today, I'm so worthy, I'm so amazing, I still love myself. You know, this day I'm going to love myself no matter what. Then it's like, OK, if I get one thing done, that's amazing and it feels great.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:57.082)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:04.085)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:14.499)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (14:22.224)
But even if I don't, it's okay. But it's a very different way of looking at the tasks ahead of you and your days and your time than when we go into it with all these expectations that we put on ourselves. so that is so much easier said than done. And I know that, right? Because capitalism makes us want to be these machines. But I do think right now, wherever you can, and again, a lot of that relates to privilege, wherever you can,
Taina Brown she/hers (14:28.474)
Hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:33.283)
Yeah.
absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (14:49.626)
giving yourself permission to release expectations around productivity, really expectations around anything. Just be like, can I just be okay with just me surviving today? And then it's like, at minimum, can I at least say I'm okay with just doing the things I absolutely must do to survive? Whatever those look like for you and based on privilege, those probably look different for different people. But I think that that's really, really helpful and really, really hard.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:55.982)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:01.225)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:09.997)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:14.318)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:18.985)
Yeah, yeah, it is. It brings me back to the book by Casey Davis, the struggle care psychologist, how to keep house while drowning. And so in her concept of like breaking down tasks, so they're more manageable. So like if you say I have to do laundry, well, laundry is actually a series of tasks. It's not one task. so breaking it down so that way you don't have to do
Becky Mollenkamp (15:26.768)
Mmm, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:48.429)
all the laundry task in one day, right? Like maybe the first task is just getting the laundry bin to the laundry room, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you're, yeah, absolutely. And so then you're making this like incremental progress. So that way it feels less overwhelming, but you don't feel like you're stuck doing nothing. And so
Becky Mollenkamp (15:58.17)
or getting all of collecting all the laundry from all the different rooms if you have more than one person right and just getting it in one space right then sporting and then yeah yeah
Becky Mollenkamp (16:11.748)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (16:17.624)
That's kind of the approach that I usually fall back on when I do start to feel overwhelmed about a task or when I start to feel like, what's the point? It's like, okay, this is one thing, but what are the little steps to make this happen?
Becky Mollenkamp (16:37.51)
So other big thing that she talks about that I love, and I know she's not the only one, but it probably wasn't the first one, but this is where I learned the concept, was the idea of reducing, eliminating moral judgment on things that are not about morality. The ways that we attach all this moral judgment to having a clean home.
Taina Brown she/hers (16:49.342)
Mm. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (16:55.735)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (16:56.224)
cleanliness is somehow more moral than not being clean or being organized is more moral than not or being more productive is more or more moral than not. Like the way we make it a morality assessment and we do it to ourselves and others. And I really think part of it is then can I start to practice it by releasing it for others? Because if we're still doing with others, we're not going to be able to do it for self. For some people, it works the other way. It's better when they can release it for themselves and then they're able to release it for others. So I think test it for yourself and see what works.
Taina Brown she/hers (16:58.444)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:15.35)
Great.
Becky Mollenkamp (17:22.384)
But I know for me, it becomes easier when I start to be able to stop doing like, if I can stop judging other women on how they look, then I eventually get to the place where it becomes this real cognitive dissonance where I'm like, well, how do I keep doing that for myself? I'm saying to all these other women, I think that they're beautiful exactly as they are. And I mean it. Well, why can't I do that for me? And it becomes more challenging when you have that kind of cognitive dissonance. So finding that for you, whether it's releasing it for yourself so that you can do it for others or for others. And then eventually it comes back to yourself. But I think like,
Taina Brown she/hers (17:34.55)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:40.361)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (17:51.92)
Who says that we need to have all our laundry clean all the time? Who says it's wrong to have piles of laundry? It's almost impossible. There's only like one time a week where you have no piles of laundry or one time, one moment in time when you've just finished the laundry. And even then, unless you're naked doing your laundry, the clothes you have on are now dirty laundry, right? So like there's no way to not have dirty laundry. So I think we need to like just allow ourselves to say, what do I need to survive? If that's where you're at, then it's like, what do need to survive? And maybe that just means this week I just need to do.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:54.855)
Yeah. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (18:08.037)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (18:20.454)
a minimum of like some pajamas and like a few pairs of underwear and then I'll be okay for X number of days. Like one load. just, and I don't have to separate and I don't have to do all that. Like I'm just gonna allow myself to just, I never separate. And guess what? My clothes are all fine. I just make sure I buy clothes that can be washed away. I don't dry clean. I don't separate. I don't do any of that stuff. So yeah, like what is the minimum you need in like a clean house? it, would it be wonderful to have a clean house? Cause it feels so great. Of course.
Taina Brown she/hers (18:24.817)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (18:29.286)
Yeah, just store it all together.
Becky Mollenkamp (18:47.746)
Is it always possible in the reality of the way you live, you who's with you in your home, the time you have, the capacity you have, your energy levels? Like, no. So what is the bare minimum to be able to survive? Maybe what you need right now is just to be able to have a path that allows you to get to the places that you need to be in the home to function. And can you do that and then release the judgment and the expectation that it needs to be different until your capacity changes? This stuff is like really hard to do, but I think it's so much of the morality that we attach.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:03.603)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:09.501)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (19:16.352)
to stuff that creates the shame and that's what keeps us in that place like that stuck, paralyzed kind of place.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:16.83)
yeah, for sure.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:22.991)
Yeah, yeah, 100%. One thing I picked back up also to just kind of help give me some focus and some grounding. Huh? No. No. My sourdough starter. Yeah, and so I had put it up for, gosh, a few years now, actually. And I picked it back up about a month ago. And...
Becky Mollenkamp (19:31.622)
Boy, it going to be Adrian Murray Brown? Adrian Murray Brown? OK.
Becky Mollenkamp (19:40.289)
nice.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:52.002)
I'm still not to the point where I'm super consistent with the feedings and managing it, but I'm doing what I can. so having something that I can get, it's the same as gardening for me. Having something I can dig my hands into that's tangible, that produces something delicious after. It just feels really good to be able to do that, to create something from scratch.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. so right now, I'm trying to manage how much I'm feeding it because it does get quite expensive because you have to use a lot of flour. So.
Becky Mollenkamp (20:21.644)
can be nice hobbies, the kind of thing that actually like you have something at the end, a tangible thing that can always feel really nice for a lot of people anyway. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (20:44.966)
I'll tell you what, the way I hear people talk about sourdough starter is just like having another goddamn kid and I'm telling you, that's not for me, but I'm glad you enjoy it. I already have enough responsibility. I don't need this like organic matter yelling at me too. Right? But I love that you love it.
Taina Brown she/hers (20:49.073)
you
Taina Brown she/hers (20:57.585)
Feed me, feed me. Yeah. So that's, and it's also something that's just like, it's just pleasurable. Like it's a pleasure. It's a joy. It's a bright spot in an otherwise sometimes really dark day. So, so I'm enjoying that.
Becky Mollenkamp (21:15.344)
Well, and wonder too, like with gardening and your sourdough starter and those kinds of things, I wonder if part of the feeling, because this is something I've been speaking with a lot of my clients lately who are women, especially, who are feeling the same overwhelm and stuff, is this feeling of disconnection from self. Like, especially when you're a parent, but even if you're not, like just with all the responsibilities that we all have and the weight of the world and everything else going on, it's so easy to lose that sense of like, that's right, there's Becky.
Taina Brown she/hers (21:25.552)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (21:30.96)
Hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (21:44.666)
Like she's still here, right? Like, and I wonder, think sometimes it's finding those things. For some people it's like, can I just get back out in nature of clear all the noise so I can be there with my own mind or an activity that I used to love that brings back that feeling of here I am. But figuring out things, I think it can be hard because we feel like with everything going on every minute, like, especially when there's economy troubles, like you start to think every minute needs to be put towards trying to find something that pays the bills or doing things that pay the bills. And when things feel really heavy and awful, it feels like
Taina Brown she/hers (21:44.816)
Hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (21:56.868)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:09.195)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (22:13.958)
There can be some guilt that comes up of like, am I to be going and enjoying myself when there's all of this pain happening to everyone else? Or I need to always be like the activist part of us. I will just be fighting and doing something to change things. But we have to sustain ourselves. And I think part of that is remembering who the hell you are, which can be really, really hard to do.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:28.015)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:31.991)
Yeah. Yeah, it can. It can. I was thinking about that earlier today, actually, while I was cleaning up my dog's mess. And because we went to see the movie Sinners last night. It's good. It's an experience for sure. I'm still mentally and emotionally unpacking and processing. yeah. Yeah. It's.
Becky Mollenkamp (22:45.538)
how was it?
Becky Mollenkamp (22:51.878)
processing. Yeah. Maybe we can talk about it later if I see it or something. I don't like horror, so I don't know if I'll see it, but anyway. Okay. I feel like that's what it's been classified as. Okay.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:59.534)
It's not really horror. I wouldn't classify it as horror. I wouldn't. It definitely fits into that genre based on the story and all of that. it's not the same as watching it. There's some jump scares, for sure. yeah. But no, I was thinking about that because I don't want to throw any spoilers out there. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (23:15.12)
But does it look scary?
Well, I'll think about it. But anyway, go ahead.
Becky Mollenkamp (23:26.49)
Don't give up, please, yeah, please. It's still too soon, I think.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:28.775)
I'm going to try my best not to throw any spoilers out there. I'm going to try to be really intentional here with my language.
Do you know, what do you know about the movie?
Becky Mollenkamp (23:41.382)
I know more about the story of Ryan Coogler and his massive, like, the way he protected his IP rights in all of this. I don't know if you've heard that part, that and I'm like, massive, you go vibes around that of like sticking it to the man and protecting creatives. That piece I know as far as the story itself, I just know there's twins. And that's and I know there's some stuff around like white passing or something that I've read a little bit about. But beyond that, I don't know much and I don't really want to know too much.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:49.92)
Mm-mm.
Taina Brown she/hers (24:05.493)
Okay.
Taina Brown she/hers (24:09.288)
Yeah, yeah. So I will say music is a really big theme in the movie, music. And it takes place during the time of Jim Crow. So there's sharecroppers. And yeah, and when blues music is really big. We did just talk about it. We did just talk about it. And so.
Becky Mollenkamp (24:25.702)
I didn't know that too, yeah.
Which is funny, because we just talked about like blues and...
Taina Brown she/hers (24:36.639)
One of the things that I walked away with from watching the movie last night was that there's this insidious way that oppression, like systemic institutionalized oppression, whether it's racism or fascism, authoritarianism, That all the isms, right? That it's all the isms, they...
Becky Mollenkamp (24:56.58)
al the isms
Taina Brown she/hers (25:05.919)
Their main purpose is to take, right? To consume. To consume from us as much as possible, right? They want to take everything from us. And the one thing or one of the things that they cannot take from us is our ability to like laugh. Our ability to enjoy life. Our ability to take pleasure in things. And so I feel like that was a really big theme in the movie.
Becky Mollenkamp (25:09.136)
extract. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (25:35.434)
And I was thinking about it this morning because I was thinking about how like, I don't know if it was yesterday or earlier this week where they were talking about how like Caroline Levitt just kind of like lost it over Amazon's thing about like posting had the differences in price based on tariffs. And they were like, this is like, I don't know what, but, and I was thinking about the conversation that we had.
Becky Mollenkamp (25:51.578)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (26:02.698)
an episode a few weeks ago about how being someone like her or someone who believes what they believe has to be a really miserable existence when you live that small. You're just fucking angry all the time. There's no joy there at all.
Becky Mollenkamp (26:21.466)
could say the same. Be careful here, Becky, because I don't mean the same. But I can also see where the argument is similar to people on either end of those extremes. So the same for people who spend entirety of their days just hating everyone on the right and being angry about everything all the time also. So yeah, I agree with you. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (26:26.282)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (26:31.826)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (26:41.616)
Yeah, no, and that's where I'm going. That's where I'm going with this, right? I think that is one of the defining differences, I think, that we really have to lean into as people who are trying to resist this kind of authoritarianism, this kind of overconsumption of our lives. One of the ways that we can resist that is by remaining joyful, right?
holding on to the ways that we can enjoy life, that we can engage in pleasure. And I know we say that all the time, but it bears repeating. It's one of the things we have to say all the time, because we need to remind ourselves. Because if it's not anger and frustration, it's sadness and despair that we're contending with. And we have to throw joy and pleasure into that mix as well in order to
balance things out and sustain us for the long run. Because otherwise, we're going to become just like them. We're just going to be these miserable people leading these miserable lives with no sense of vision, of no sense of imagination, no sense of what comes after. Because we're just going to be stuck in this moment of just like fight or flight mode.
Becky Mollenkamp (27:50.022)
Right.
Becky Mollenkamp (28:08.836)
Yeah. Well, and we have this one short and precious life and how do we want to use it? And that is not to say that you need to positive, toxic positive your way out of it, right? And there's a difference between toxic positivity and self care, self preservation, being able to stay in the fight and joy and pleasure are part of that. We have to have joy and pleasure.
Taina Brown she/hers (28:18.916)
Yeah, for sure.
Becky Mollenkamp (28:34.806)
And next week, I'm premiering my new, well, yeah, next week, the 13th, so next Tuesday, I'm premiering my new podcast all by myself called The Signed Reading. I know, Taina, I'm cheating on you. My third podcast, which I don't need to be doing it. I know, well, you're gonna be a guest. And yes, I know I don't need to add more to my plate. However, that is part of my joy. Like, it's the kind of, these conversations that we have bring me immense joy.
Taina Brown she/hers (28:47.686)
I'm not rolling my eyes.
Taina Brown she/hers (28:55.302)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (28:59.218)
And getting to have more of those conversations with more people brings me even more joy, right? I want to multiply all of that because it's what feeds me and sustains me. It's my type. As a big nerd, I love talking about big issues of whore small talk, but I can talk about deep shit all day long. And like it fills me. I feel more energized afterwards or during and afterwards. So next week, one of the first episodes that's coming out is with Jordan Maney talking about an essay called Joy. Yeah. And I'm talking about an essay called Joy by Zadie Smith.
Taina Brown she/hers (29:16.838)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (29:23.77)
Yay, Jordan. We love Jordan.
Becky Mollenkamp (29:29.22)
And it's really a beautiful conversation in that reminder about the light that we need to find in these hard times because it's what helps to sustain us and that it is an act of activism and rebellion and resistance to do that. And when you were talking about that movie, I haven't seen it. So, but I will draw a parallel sort of to a movie. One of the few movies, I'm not a crier at movies generally. I'm not emotional at things that aren't real. However, life is beautiful. If you remember that movie from
long ago. you may be too young. don't know. But it was about the Holocaust. And it was exactly that similar sentiment of finding joy even in our darkest hours. And that they can take everything, but they can't force that out of us, right? Even when they try. We have this human capacity. If we look for it hard enough to find light, to find joy, to create pleasure, to create joy. And it is gut wrenching.
Taina Brown she/hers (30:00.505)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (30:17.867)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (30:29.072)
but beautiful and there are people and it's a, can understand a valid argument where someone could say that is a really toxically positive message about something so horrendous. And I can also understand and see that and be with that message and also say exactly what you said, is, but it's also.
an act of rebellion, of defiance, of resistance and of saying, no, this is what the human spirit is about. And we can't let them take it. Even when we know we're being marched to the end, like we can't let them take that from us because that's when they really win. That's what they want to do. They want to crush us. Right. And so how do we resist that? And it makes me think like I went to that protest on April, whatever it was, fifth, sixth, the ones, the big ones across the country. And it was, you know, a
Taina Brown she/hers (30:54.626)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (31:02.284)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (31:12.226)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (31:15.428)
We're fighting, we're all out there with signs and angry about what's happening. But what happened in the community and the spirit of all these people who gathered together was not negative. There was nobody pumping their fists with anger or whatever. It was joy. It was these people coming together to say, care about each other. We care about humanity. We care about people. We care about love. We're all here to show up and let you know that in a joyous way. There was music, there were people ringing bells. There was...
Taina Brown she/hers (31:29.098)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (31:44.048)
people screaming like with delight and people honking in support and everyone cheering. And that was so, so good for me at a time I really needed it. So if you're like in that depths of despair part, which is very valid and real, finding some joy is like really a powerful antidote.
Taina Brown she/hers (31:53.1)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (32:05.439)
Yeah, yeah, 100 % agree. want us, they definitely want us broken. They want us struggling. They want us desperate, right? Brokenness creates desperation. And not that what a lot of people are facing now isn't a means or isn't enough to make people desperate. It definitely is. But that's not the only thing we should be, right? I think
Becky Mollenkamp (32:31.28)
Both and, speak to the both and.
Taina Brown she/hers (32:32.213)
Both and, yeah, both and. think when people make the argument that frivolous joy, quote unquote frivolous joy or pleasure is useless or doesn't have a place in resistance, that's a very limited viewpoint. And it constricts.
how much we're capable of, right? Because what you're really saying is we are only capable of hating. We are only capable of fighting in this moment. We don't have the capability to laugh until tears roll down our face. We don't have the capability to have some of the best orgasms we've ever had while we're fighting and resisting, right? And that's not the case. Like, we are complex.
human beings, we have the capability to hold all of that. And it goes back to that conversation that we had a few weeks ago about that sense of expansiveness. And that's what true abundance looks like, being able to hold all of that within ourselves in a way that helps us realize who we are in the moment and will also sustain us to become who we will become after the moment is done.
And so I think I, and yes, there is such a thing as toxic positivity, but the toxic positivity is basically, it's gaslighting, right? It's saying what's happening is not as bad as it is. We'll get through it. We'll be fine, right? It's trying to sweep things under the rug. It's trying to denying reality. It's trying to make light of what's happening. And that's definitely not what we're doing here. Like, we're not making light of what's happening at all. Like,
Becky Mollenkamp (34:09.936)
Great.
Becky Mollenkamp (34:15.888)
denying reality.
Taina Brown she/hers (34:27.166)
the issues are real. Like, it's fucking terrifying out there. I, I, every day I'm like, are we going to wake up tomorrow? And like,
and the world is gonna like literally be on fire. Like it feels like that now, but what happens when the world literally is on fire, right? When the fire department is not working and cops, however awful they are, right? Are not working and it's like basically walking dead, right? Level type shit out there, you know? Like I wake up every day thinking about that.
When is that day going to be here that I wake up and it's like literally every person for themselves? It is fucking terrifying out there. I get it. But also, some of my flowers are popping off in my garden and I'm not going to ignore that. I'm going to pick some of those flowers and put them in a little vase so I can look at them every day and I'm going to water them so that they can produce more flowers. I'm going to tend to my shit.
Because what else is there?
Becky Mollenkamp (35:36.494)
and you and your partner are gonna hug and kiss and make love and you're gonna watch shows that make you laugh and you're gonna have conversations with people you care about because also that's about building community, right? It's hard to build community when you are living in a hole, right? A self-created hole that I, and I say this as somebody who spent months in one earlier in this year of like, and still often feel that pull to like, I just wanna cocoon and hide from everything, right?
Taina Brown she/hers (35:39.203)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (35:46.033)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (36:03.344)
but it's hard to build and sustain community when you're like that. And when the shit hits the fan and you need community, need, you know, that's something we have to be fostering over time so that we are there for you. And it's funny you mentioned Walking Dead, because I just spent the weekend watching the entirety of it, because I had never seen it. I fast forward through a lot of the zombie stuff. And truth be told, it's not my favorite show, but I watch it because I love Pedro Pascal and I'll watch anything he's in. And he didn't disappoint. But anyway. sorry, I meant The Last of Us.
Taina Brown she/hers (36:11.132)
See ya.
Taina Brown she/hers (36:16.922)
The entirety of it? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (36:28.06)
Wait, are you talking about The Walking Dead or The Last of Us? That's why I was like the entirety of it?
Becky Mollenkamp (36:32.282)
I said Walking Dead, Last of Us. no, Last of Us, it's much shorter, I suppose. Yeah, no, no, no, sorry. I've never seen Walking Dead either. I'm not a big zombie person. And I gotta tell you, the Last of Us zombies are, it made me laugh. I'm like, they're so stupid. anyway, that's the point. The point is, literal end of the world, crazy shit. It's as bad as it can be, right? And yet, I thought it was important that they did show these moments where there's community. So much of it is, like the survival is about community.
Taina Brown she/hers (36:53.369)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (37:01.508)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (37:01.97)
whether it's a community of two, Pedro and what's her face, Bella, or community where there's like entire towns that have been forging, like people working together to create safe havens. And even within those communities, there's still moments of joy, right? They show that there is like the whole world's burning around you and it's terrifying. And yet life goes on. People are having babies. People are falling in love. They're having moments of like watching a movie and things like that because
Taina Brown she/hers (37:10.574)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (37:16.73)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (37:30.926)
Otherwise what? Otherwise what? We sit and we cry until it's over? What life was that? What life was that? So yeah, I love that you mentioned it, because I just totally made me think of that. And it's like, yeah, we still have to find the joy because it's the only way we have community. Like community, yes, we find community in sorrow, for sure. That's what funerals and things like that are about. But those things happen after so many times of spending joyous moments together. I feel like community is forged out of joy.
Taina Brown she/hers (37:32.516)
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (37:56.026)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (37:59.908)
and strengthened out of sorrow, right? Like we find our community through all of the great times we have together, and then we turn to it when we need them, when things are feeling impossible.
Taina Brown she/hers (38:02.266)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (38:09.741)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, joy is the foundation. It's the foundation. then once you have that, the structures for support for grief or mutual aid, things like that, it's easy to build. You can't build up those structures if there's no foundation. What's giving you joy lately? I have a specific story I want to share. It's really quick, but I wanted to ask you first.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:13.967)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:30.181)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:36.078)
You share yours then, because I'll have to think about what's bringing me joy.
Taina Brown she/hers (38:39.948)
Well, I don't know if I mentioned this on a podcast before, but definitely I've mentioned it to you. Like I've just been down like a fanfic rabbit hole and that's like, that's really been bringing me a lot of joy lately. And a lot of sleepless nights, yes. So I'm doing better. I'm not staying up as late reading, being a little bit more disciplined with myself, but I was up a little late the other night reading in bed and Melo was sleeping.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:47.006)
my god, have you ever?
Becky Mollenkamp (38:51.002)
and a lot of sleepless nights.
Taina Brown she/hers (39:09.76)
As she sleeps, she sleep talks sometimes, not as much as she used to.
Becky Mollenkamp (39:14.372)
kid does that and it's the cutest thing. I love sleepwalkers. then most of the time, at least with my kid, I can't actually understand it. It's just like, and then you're like, I always going like, what'd say? What's that? Hoping they'll repeat it because I'm so desperate to know what they're saying. But it usually doesn't work. But I love it when it's something I can actually understand. It's so cool.
Taina Brown she/hers (39:15.914)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (39:22.22)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (39:32.593)
Yeah, she does some of the mumbling. Usually it's very clear though. It is usually very clear. so because it's clear, sometimes I'm not sure if she's awake or if she's sleep talking. But I can usually tell when it's because of how, well, actually I was going say I can usually tell because it's something ridiculous. But even when she's awake, sometimes she says really goofy, ridiculous things. But anyway, so the other night I'm reading.
one of my Jermaini fanfics and it's probably like 12, 30 in the morning. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to finish this chapter. I'm to go to bed. And then like, she leans over to me and she goes, if you don't, if you don't go to sleep in the next 10 minutes, you're It just like rolls back over and goes back to sleep. And I was like, does she really just say that to me? And so then I was like, wait,
Becky Mollenkamp (40:20.462)
Did you say I don't think it's gonna matter?
Taina Brown she/hers (40:29.078)
Is she awake or like, is she awake and like teasing me or, cause one of the things that she always does when she is awake that she teases me when we're around other people, she's like, oh, well, know, Ty's not gay. She's pansexual. She loves bread. You know, like that's like one of her favorite jokes. So then I was like, is she just like making fun of me? But no, she was, she was dead asleep and you know, I asked her about it the next day and she was like, I said that I was like, yeah, you did. You did. So now it's like this joke.
Becky Mollenkamp (40:58.212)
Right. If you don't clean the house, you're gay.
Taina Brown she/hers (40:58.538)
between us. Yeah, yeah, she's like, if you don't do this, you're gay. I'm like, okay, so I'm gay.
Becky Mollenkamp (41:05.905)
And just for any listeners who are not a part of the queer community, that's not a joke to use amongst your friends. Yeah, but I it's funny and I'm sure that brings you joy. Well, I'll say two things that are bringing me joy. One, again, assigned reading my new podcast that's coming. Not truly, not just because self promotion, but I just recorded one with Pageworthy today. sometimes you go into something like I'm having some vertigo. I'm freaking just lots of.
Taina Brown she/hers (41:12.569)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (41:32.442)
paraminopausal issues in the last few days that are not making me a happy camper. keep texting my husband all day. I hate everyone and everything right now. And so I was like, you you go into something, you're like, I don't really want to do this. And it's amazing to me how that goes away so quickly when I get into these conversations, because it's about stuff that I give a shit about and I'm excited about and I get lost in it. And I'm like, by the end of it, I'm like, my God, that was so I didn't even think I was going to want to do this. And it was just so great. And it feels so good. So
Taina Brown she/hers (41:51.655)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:01.028)
That's definitely bringing you joy. And the other thing is the first part of this isn't, but the second part is there's lice in my son's school. So that's not bringing me joy, but I kept him home today because of said lice, because I don't want to risk it. Even though I can't come out for the rest of the year, I don't know what I'm going to do. But today when I found out it was not just in his school, but in his grade and they're all, all those classes are, you know, they do all their recess together and everything. I only know of a girl right now who has it, but it'll spread. So I was just like, you know what, let's just stay home today.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:07.559)
No.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:12.957)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:19.904)
gosh.
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:26.983)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:29.712)
So he's been home and I've been making him do an hour on screen, an hour off. And so he'll do reading or whatever. And he was just outside using his scooter. And it just brings me such joy how he'll like, he wanted to do something and then he'd look back to see if I was watching. He'll blow me a little kiss when he sees I'm watching or give me a thumbs up and he'll come back and be like, mom, look at this or watch this. And part of me is like, because he's been also asking for snuggles all day, which I mean, come on, he's not going to want that much longer. But there's this part of me that's like, I got to work, leave me alone.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:46.237)
that's sweet.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:58.086)
But I'm trying really hard to tap into the part that's like, I don't have much more time with this before. It's like, oh my god, mom, and I'm gonna eye rolls and leave me alone. And so that's today has been pretty, even though so much feels shitty about my body, it's been really joyous getting to like, just remember my, I have a great kid and I'm so lucky and he's so sweet. And I get to do these great things, even if they don't pay necessarily that I love. And that I have those outlets for expression and creativity.
Taina Brown she/hers (43:22.149)
Yeah, yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (43:27.642)
Like I think those are things too along the lines of the gardening or whatever, because it can look different for everyone. And I'm not, I don't like gardening. do. I am working on my rock painting because that's my little hobby. I'm trying to take up. and I am trying to do more walking outside and that does feel good when the weather's nice. But honestly, for me, like some of what actually fills my bucket is like deep conversations, which may not, for a lot of people may not look like I'm doing self care. Like recording a podcast may seem like work, but the truth is.
Taina Brown she/hers (43:33.361)
See ya.
Becky Mollenkamp (43:56.088)
We aren't getting paid for this podcast. I'm not getting paid for the other podcast. And so far, I don't think it's led to anything that does pay. And I don't care because it is for me, it's what fulfills like fills my bucket so much. So I think everyone needs to find the thing for themselves that does it. And don't think it has to look a certain way because that's, think, a big thing that's happened with self care branding. Like self care has turned into self care has to look like something that shocker of all shockers results in somebody making money.
Taina Brown she/hers (43:57.339)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (44:05.531)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (44:10.531)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (44:15.441)
Yeah. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (44:23.788)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because that's what I going to say. It's like we need to really talk about what self-care really is. And for me, self-care doesn't always necessitate the spending of money. Like it doesn't always necessitate like some kind of commercial exchange, right? Like I think the biggest acts of self-care that you can do for yourself is engaging in things that are aligned with your values because that's what's going to make you feel like.
You're like you see yourself like you're nurturing those things about you. And so this podcast, like you said, you know, spending time with your son, like gardening for me, like it's physically exhausting, but it's so aligned with my values, with who I am, that it feels really nurturing, you know? And so obviously there's a trade off there, you know, that you have to consider. But whatever it is for you, like find out what those values are and what are the activities, what are the things that you can do?
Becky Mollenkamp (44:58.0)
exactly.
Taina Brown she/hers (45:23.929)
the people that you can engage with that are going to feel like those values are being put to use, being acted upon. And that's what's going to make you feel like you're nurturing yourself in the most holistic and precious of ways, I think.
Becky Mollenkamp (45:42.18)
Yeah, because I do. To me, it feels like it's the things that make you remember you have a body, you are a person, you exist. There is a you outside of all of anything else outside. Like no matter who receives it, appreciates it, validates it, whatever that it allows you to remember. That's right. I am whole. I am worthy. I am loved all from myself. And so whatever gets you to that, I think is so beautiful. And for some people, work can do that, like at least portions of your work. And that's OK, I think, as long as it's doing that.
Taina Brown she/hers (45:51.951)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (46:07.673)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (46:12.056)
and not draining you, depleting you, making you feel bad about yourself, making you judge yourself. it's that to me, self-care is the stuff that feels expansive. Like do your shoulders go back and down when you're doing that thing? Do you feel yourself exhale and breathe out and feel lighter? Or are you feeling that like tension and the rolling in on yourself and getting smaller? That to me is always a really good, like again, going back to that somatic part of this is good. Watching for those things to know is what I'm doing right now, really in service of me.
Taina Brown she/hers (46:20.45)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (46:29.568)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (46:35.009)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (46:41.466)
my truth and what I need or not, right? And so like doing things like volunteering where it's not about you can still be that if it gets you back to that something that you really value that you care about that lets you feel that like, yeah, here I am again. This is how I wanna show up in the world. That to me is what self care looks like. It is not like, I mean, but by the way.
Taina Brown she/hers (46:52.269)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (47:03.652)
Sometimes it does involve money and it can involve money, right? Like I go to a hotel once a quarter for two nights by myself. And that is by far for self care because it gets me to remember who I am without my family, without any responsibility, just like, that's right. Here's Becky. She gets to have this spaciousness and this quiet and the solitude that she craves and I'm giving it to her, right? And like it helps me feel that. And it costs me money to get that hotel. So it's not free. And I'm using points and things to try and help with that. But that it can cost money, but it doesn't.
Taina Brown she/hers (47:04.95)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (47:14.859)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (47:23.767)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (47:32.787)
It can, yeah. Yeah, but it doesn't have to. Exactly. It doesn't have to. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. You have to figure out what that looks like for yourself. It can't be prescriptive. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
Becky Mollenkamp (47:42.022)
And I think a lot of us don't know.
I think there's many people who are so out of touch with that that they don't really even know anymore what brings them joy, what makes them feel like themselves. And then when you add in the heaviness of the world, it can be even harder to access or find those things like you were talking about, right? And so that is a challenge. And so like, it's like, can you find a small thing today instead of the expectation that you have to do it all today? Like, I love that. Like, I think a lot of the things we talked about can add up to, so what next? Well, like, can you release the expectations on all of it?
Taina Brown she/hers (47:56.457)
Yeah. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (48:01.626)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (48:12.874)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (48:13.456)
on what you need to do, what you should be doing, what it has to look like. And just ask yourself, like, what's one thing, no matter how small, that I could do today or right now that would make me feel more like me? And that could be the smallest thing.
Taina Brown she/hers (48:28.232)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually have a values guide for, yeah, so we'll link it in the show notes. It's a free guide that was part of my email list sign-up thing. So we'll link that in the show notes, and it'll take you through some journaling prompts and exercises to figure out what those things are that.
Becky Mollenkamp (48:36.55)
Oh great, can link to that in the show notes.
Taina Brown she/hers (48:54.538)
that are integral to who you are as a person so that way you can take action on those things and figure out how to align your life to focus in on those things.
Becky Mollenkamp (49:06.438)
Yeah. You had mentioned earlier about things that we had said we were going to do and checking in on those. Do you have any recollection of any of those things? Because I'm like, I don't know, other than I know like mutual aid things we've talked about. But was there anything specific that you know that we've talking about? Okay.
Taina Brown she/hers (49:14.27)
Hehehehehe
Taina Brown she/hers (49:18.203)
Yeah, yeah, there are two things for sure. So one is I did end up getting a library card here at the local library. Yeah, of course, I've just I've just I've just been reading fanfic online since that. But but I have the library card. So so whenever I want to, I can go or like, you know, reserve books online, etc. So I'm excited about that. The library was gorgeous. So beautiful.
Becky Mollenkamp (49:26.886)
Yay! We love the library!
Becky Mollenkamp (49:46.006)
nice.
Taina Brown she/hers (49:47.048)
And then the other thing is our mutual aid community circle is going really well. We have like bins of just like extra like supplies and like staples and things like that that that we've been storing up in case anybody needs it. And so that's that's going well. So I'm thankful for that.
Becky Mollenkamp (50:11.182)
don't remember any of the things I said I would do, so who knows if I did them because that's how my brain works and I'm going to give myself grace about that and say I don't know. But I do know that I've been having lots of conversations with my child about a lot of things and that feels really good. And I am using Libby and so highly recommend for your library card if you like audiobooks. I am burning through books. I have read 15 books in April, which is wild for me because that is not normally my
Taina Brown she/hers (50:17.295)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (50:35.228)
wow.
Becky Mollenkamp (50:40.326)
would I how I show up in the world. And it's just amazing to have done that. Like, well, I'm on my 15th. I don't think I'll quite finish it tonight. So 14 fully completed books. One did not finish, which was Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. I 10 out of 10 do not recommend that book because I had heard so many good things, but it glorifies violence and abuse, in my opinion. So I was out in two chapters. I'm like, no. But anyway, so I don't know what I said I would do. Hopefully I've been doing it.
Taina Brown she/hers (50:49.788)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (51:01.842)
No.
Becky Mollenkamp (51:09.114)
I feel like right now what I'm doing more than anything is just trying to listen to my body, give it the care it needs so that I can stay out of the funk I was in as I have well documented here because I have really, I'm feeling myself very much come out of it, which is great. Like I have finally, like as you may see, I'm sitting at my desk instead of in my recliner as I was doing for the first three months, four months of the year. I'm now finally like sitting back at my desk. I'm having more energy. I'm talking as fast as I used to.
which is maybe not good, but how I naturally show up. So I'm feeling much more myself. And so think right now my goal is like, can I maintain this and do what I need, listen to my, continue to listen to my body so that I can give it what it needs so that I don't fall, you know, regress backwards. Because I am like, the seasons are changing. I need to get into a place of allowing myself more joy because I fully recognized in March, I'm like, this is unsustainable to stay in this pit of despair.
Taina Brown she/hers (51:50.978)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (51:59.183)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (52:05.818)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (52:07.002)
for the next four years or whatever. I can't do that. I can't do that. have, I can't do that for my family. I can't do that for myself. can't, you know, it just, doesn't work. figuring out how am I going to navigate the years ahead in a way that allows me to be aware, allows me to feel like I am taking action where I can, but also allows me to protect myself and that my sanity, my health, my peace, that's the piece that's meeting the work right now.
Taina Brown she/hers (52:08.527)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (52:14.725)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (52:28.751)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (52:34.53)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in summary, today's episode, manage expectations, right? Self-manage expectations, give yourself grace. And what's the next small step, right? Like what's the small thing that you can do? Not the big thing, not the end goal, but what's the small thing that you can do to get some self-care, tap into joy and pleasure, right? Maybe it's...
If you don't have a doctor, maybe it's researching doctors or calling your insurance company to see what's covered. maybe it's if you have a doctor but you haven't been in a while, maybe it's just looking at your calendar to see when you have availability before even making the phone call. Maybe it's taking a walk outside. Maybe it's some self-love and having an orgasm.
Becky Mollenkamp (53:31.174)
sending a text to one friend, getting that library card, whatever the thing is for you. I feel like the episode we did two weeks ago about small actions that you can take of like resistance, I think some of that was inwardly focused, but I feel like a lot of it was outward focus, external things, actions you can be doing like around building community, mutual aid, that kind of thing. I feel like this is more about, it's almost step one before you get to that, which is the internal piece first, because if you're not...
Taina Brown she/hers (53:44.608)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (53:52.216)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (53:55.792)
If you are not at capacity, if you don't have enough energy, if you're not resourced enough internally to do those external things, there's no point in those things. Don't do those, because you will just continue to burn yourself out. So I feel like listen to this person, then go back. And then once you feel resourced, OK, then how do I start to think about external actions at this time? But I think keep coming back to this advice, this episode on whenever you're starting to feel that overwhelm and that burnout by the world, because it's not... I mean, we have...
Taina Brown she/hers (54:02.349)
Yeah. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (54:21.091)
See ya.
Becky Mollenkamp (54:25.218)
more time ahead of us. And so we need to keep coming back to this because we have to do like it's the old trite oxygen mask for yourself first. And we've got to do that. it's, they say it for a reason. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you as always for these conversations because again, they actually like fill my bucket and I always feel more energized afterwards. So thank you.
Taina Brown she/hers (54:26.401)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (54:35.107)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (54:39.305)
Yeah, yeah, 100%. Thank you for this conversation.
Taina Brown she/hers (54:48.033)
Yeah.