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Unashamed Unafraid is a show dedicated to being unashamed about sexual addiction recovery and unafraid of coming unto Christ for healing. Pornography and sexual addiction are not something you are stuck with to manage your whole life. We share real stories of recovery, the best resources, information from experts, and answer anonymous questions with those who know. All to help you on the path of being 100% healed from pornography and sexual addiction.
Sam: Welcome to another episode
of Unashamed Unafraid.
We are unashamed as sexual
addiction recovery and unafraid
of coming unto Christ for healing.
Chris has got his I Love Jesus socks.
We've got Joshua in the house.
And we're ready to record another
Live Unashamed episode . what
are we talking about, guys?
Chris: Story.
The impact of story.
Sharing your story.
How we connect with story.
Sam: This podcast originally
started on the idea that sharing
a story helped combat the shame
that drives sexual addiction.
That's what we are.
That's what we do.
Unashamed Unafraid is a story podcast.
And the reason why that matters is because
when you don't tell the honest story, the
true story, the raw vulnerable story,
shame creeps in things that are taboo
in society are just things that no one
tells their story about Things that have
shame surrounding them in society are
things that no one tells their story about
Chris: yeah
Sam: They're things we keep quiet
because it's easier Not to share.
And so when someone will come in and
just rip that tag off and just say
it how it is and tell their story.
Yeah.
The courage and the authenticity and the
vulnerability, it breaks that shame yeah.
Chris: People will feel disconnected.
When they're not sharing the story when
they're not talking about it because
that's how we connect to each other Right
when we get together, what are we doing?
We're always telling stories, right?
We're talking about these epic adventures
that we went on like I just got back from
hiking down to Bryce Canyon and the cool
adventures down there and it's like 29
degrees and me and my wife are out there
until midnight snapping photos in the
frickin dark and she is scared to death.
Right?
We're talking about all these like
stories and we're, everybody's
like interested in and hearing the
stories and that's how we connect.
Sam: Yeah.
Chris: Right?
And when we're looking for ways to,
get out of shame ways to find recovery
. Sharing your story, sharing your story of
like, Hey, this is, this is where I'm at.
This is what's going on for me instead
of being isolated I'm just going to
keep it to myself and just be alone
and then I'm going to feel disconnected
and then wonder why I still act out.
Joshua: Listening to you guys,
I had a thought that the shame.
The reason we don't tell our
stories is because we've been
listening to the lies for so long.
Chris: Yeah,
Joshua: and we believe them.
But if you sit down and go
over your story, you see,
the truth in a different way.
And you can have grace for yourself
to look past those shame scripts and
see things for how they really are.
Sam: The point where everything
changed for me in recovery, where I
actually felt like I started making
progress , it was almost three years ago.
It was January of 2023 when I sat down
Over the course of three or four months,
and I wrote out my story, and I wrote out
everything that had ever happened to me.
And those things that I didn't
want to put down on paper are the
things that I especially included.
Joshua: Those are the things, the
things that are the hardest to write
down are the things that have the
highest potential to help you heal.
Sam: Yeah.
And so I included all that stuff and I
just, I started going and then I would
miss one thing and I would go back and
I would edit that section and I wasn't
consistent about it at all either.
Like, I mean, I'll tell you, , I spent
20 minutes a day, but really I spent
like three hours every other week,
you know, I just was not a consistent
person at that point in my recovery.
Right.
A little bit more so now, but
not definitely not back then.
But I was just doing the best I could to
get it out so that I could process it.
And that's what's cool is like everyone
has to get in touch with their story at
some point because God puts that inside
of You like if you think from the very
beginning you go back to adam and eve.
Why did god command prophets to write
that in scripture so that we can have it?
Because of the power of story we
need to know where we came from.
We know what happened to us We
didn't know where we're going.
Those things are freeing.
They're healing.
They change us and they give us hope
That's what started to happen to me as
I got this all out on paper I remember
just sitting in the the byu library
The bottom floor Like tucked away
in a corner just sitting there at a
computer typing and just like sobbing
Because I just hadn't ever actually
told anyone these things out loud.
I don't do 12 steps anymore.
It's not really my chosen, method
of healing, but at the time I was,
I was, I had a sponsor I was working
the steps and it was, it was so
helpful for me that that portion of
recovery, I really needed the steps.
And I called my sponsor.
And I asked him Hey,
can I read you my story?
So we scheduled like one Saturday
and it took an hour and a half.
And then we were only halfway through it.
Dang.
And then the next Saturday we
started again and it took an hour.
So it took me, it was two and a half
hours straight of me telling The story
of how I became who I became and the
sexual shame and the experiences that
defined my relationship with others
and my relationship with God and my
relationship with myself and The fear
and the pain and the sadness and the
reasons why I felt like I couldn't be
myself and why I felt like I wasn't free
to be a kid and how I learned to numb
instead of You Fighting for emotional
safety in my life and I remember
at the end of that conversation the
second conversation my sponsor was like
Dude no wonder you became an addict.
You didn't
Joshua: stand a chance.
Sam: Yeah, you didn't stand a chance.
And that's no excuse to live in
addiction the rest of my life,
but it was freeing because I
understood what had happened to me.
That I didn't have to take on the
identity of being a problem anymore.
It was like, no, I'm not a problem.
I just experienced things that I
didn't know how to deal with as a kid.
I didn't think there were other options.
I was thinking with a 6 year old kid
brain when that thing happened to me.
And I decided what that meant about my
long term identity with a 6 year old brain
. Or a 10 year old brain.
Or a 13 year old brain.
Chris: So I got, I got a cool
thing to thinking about Your
story and having that lined out
with the all the pages and stuff.
Do you still have it?
Yeah Did you do another in a
timeline kind of or can you put
Sam: in a timeline?
I mean, it's in themes, right?
Like sexual shame, but like those
are themed by time period of
life because certain things kind
happened between those periods.
So it's like early life, adolescence.
Early twenties, stuff like
Chris: that.
I'll invite anybody that's
listening to do this as well.
when I did this it was super powerful
If you've ever done your four step
inventory, and you really nailed down
your whole story of all the details
for like a full disclosure or whatever
that is, laid out on a timeline you
lay that on the bottom half of it and
then on the top half, then write in.
What were the positive things
that happened to you in
your life during that time?
What were the good things
that, that happened to you?
Because what, what it does is it
helps remind you that there's still
good things that happen to you.
And cause you can look back on your
life, man, I, I had a shitty life.
I had a hard life growing
up and everything.
And I could look at it that
it was a shitty life, but I'm
like I loved my childhood.
I still had an awesome childhood.
My wife, my wife is looking at me
going, how can you think that this
is all this stuff happened to you?
And I'm like, it's my
perception of how I see it.
Yeah.
And so going and doing that.
And so the top part is just, just all
the positive things that have happened
to you in that, that, that lifetime.
And dude, it's really cool to see
how it, And how they interact.
I noticed that right after my dad took
his life, I got really deep into, my
addiction with having sex with women.
Obviously, I was 17, right?
And so, when that happened, I didn't
realize that it, like, got really
deep right after my dad did it.
Took his life.
I had no idea that I got deeper into
it until I laid it out on the timeline.
Then I looked at like all the positive
things that were happening at the same
time and throughout the whole thing.
I mean just opened up
my eyes to to so much.
I'm like, man,
Sam: I could
Chris: see God in every single aspect
of my life, even when I thought it
was like horrible and the things
I was doing and, and, and he hates
me just being able to see that.
I was like, wow,
Joshua: God's still got you even
when it don't feel that way.
He
Chris: does love me and
it's so fricking cool.
So I'd invite you
Sam: and
Chris: anybody else to do that.
That'd be cool to hear what
your
Chris: experience would be.
Sam: For a while, I beat myself over
the head with the parts of my story
that I thought were the only true parts,
which were the positive parts, right?
I think that's a way that shame would
try to beat me, because If my childhood
really was that good, and my, , I
really did have that much support and
that much fun and I was, you know,
such a high achiever and all that,
then what's wrong with me, right?
And so I had to let go of that
piece to get out , that part of
my story that I couldn't tell.
For a while, but now I'm in a spot
where I'm like, dude, I would love that.
That would be so helpful for me to
finally integrate those two stories.
I think that's part of my
recovery that Have left to
do how do I get the full story?
I finally got out the part of my
story I couldn't talk about and I
started healing it and now I can
see the full picture I don't know
that I've ever really gone back.
It's funny We've
Chris: never even talked about
that on this podcast like I've
never even brought that up ever.
Sam: Yeah
Chris: So man,
Joshua: Joseph's does say to do
to write the good and the bad.
Yeah, you do tend to You
do tend to lean towards the
bad . Yeah writing that out You
Chris: So Josh, why have you
decided to share your story?
Like, I know we had you on the
podcast , you and your wife and,
and I know your story touched a lot
of hearts in that, a lot of story,
you and your wife and everything.
So, I mean, just, just hearing from
meeting with guys at bootcamp and
they're like, man, Josh's story
was so dope and it was so good.
they're like crying.
No, I'm not kidding, man.
Dude, I get this stuff all the time when
I go and they're like,, this is who.
Impacted me.
I've had guys walk into my office, dude
ready for a coaching session and they're
like that podcast that Josh just did
And they start crying and they're like
you're gonna make me cry right guys
And they're like he's just In fact,
I know one of the guys he walked in
and he goes I never got to that point
Where I wanted to die like Josh did
and it just just got me and he just
starts bawling your story Impacts
people right and that's why we share
stories is it can provide hope for
other people So for you man, like
what why should why share your story,?
Joshua: So I found this podcast
Because my neighbor was the audio
guy you told me about it And I just
fell in love with it right away.
Darth
Chris: Vader Of audio.
Joshua: Call out to Jason, my boy.
And, uh So I've told this before,
but I loved listening to it.
And it was funny.
I recognized one day I was like, you
know, I could tell you probably 80 percent
of everyone's story before they say it.
Almost everyone who comes
on to tell their story.
I mean, we all have sexual addiction.
Almost all of them are
members of our church.
Almost all of them grew up and
saw something when they were
on the internet, whatever.
You know, I could, I
could tell you the story.
They thought that they was going to
get better when they got married.
It didn't, they tried to clean up
before they went on their mission.
You know, it's all the same.
And I was like, why do I love it so much
when every story is like, The same thing
beat for beat, but I just listened to
it all day ten hours a day I was working
ten hours a day listening non stop and I
loved it and Then I was like it's cuz it's
my story, But theirs has a happy ending
and that's what I said to myself over and
over and over and one day I was at work
with a friend of mine who We had this
super open, vulnerable conversation about
recovering from pornography addiction.
And I was telling him about this podcast
and I just told him that same thing,
that same message that I'd been telling
myself, I love, I love this podcast
because their stories are like my
story, but theirs has a happy ending.
And then the spirit just smacked me
across the face and said, so does yours.
And I just started crying and
then the guy I was working with
was like, Why are you crying?
I'm crying now.
What's going on here?
And I was like, dude, I just realized
that my story has a happy ending too.
And, uh,
Yeah, man, the hope that comes
from, from being vulnerable and
sharing authentically with people.
The hardest parts of your
life is, uh, So healing.
It is so powerful to be able to
share that with someone or to
have someone share that with you.
Changed my life.
This podcast has totally changed my life.
And it's a podcast of stories.
Chris: Changed my life too.
Just being on here.
It's something that when temptations
come in, I'm like,, that's not for me.
That's not who I am anymore.
I'm different now and our
listeners deserve better
for me and I deserve better.
Then to act out.
So I'm like, not for me, it's sharing
my story, not just on the podcast, but
sharing my story across the world has been
something that, that has absolutely helped
me continue to find sobriety over and over
again playing that all the way through.
And I'm like, no, I can lose so much.
I don't want to lose what I've got.
And I want to be able to provide hope
because God like, he changed me.
He made me who I, who I became, who
I am now, and he changed my life.
Everything about me and helped me guide
me Into to finding the sobriety that I
needed to finding recovery finding the
people putting people in my life over and
over again when I just felt like I was
Worthless and why why send anybody to me?
Because I don't deserve this and
he's like no I got people for you
and you're gonna share your story and
Be a facilitator of changing hearts.
I'm like, what?
What are you talking about?
Like, I don't have any sobriety.
He's like, no, there's, I got,
I got some, some stuff for you.
And, um, when I had the opportunity
to be able to share my story.
LDS.
org asked us to, to go on a video
that was going to go worldwide.
And I was like, Yeah.
What are you talking about?
They're like, yeah, there's
not going to be any anonymity.
It'll show your face.
It'll be your voice, everything.
And we're going to use
it around the world.
And we're like, I don't know about this.
And I called my brother and , in
the scriptures in, um, the
LDS culture, we have scripture
called doctrine of covenants.
And my brother read a scripture in
there and it talked about, , How
great is it that you bring one person
to me, but, , How great is your
glory, or something along the lines
of like, How great shall be your
Joshua: joy with them in the
kingdom of my father, If you
should bring one soul unto me.
. Chris: So, he reads that to me.
Joshua: If you bring more, right?
Chris: Yep, so he reads that to me
on we're just talking on the phone
And because I was like I have this
opportunity to be able to do this and he
reads that scripture to me because I'm
scared I'm like No anonymity like what
the heck and he's like Chris You will
never know the hearts and the people
that you change He's like you're good
until you get up to heaven And you'll
be sitting there and somebody's going
to come up and wrap their arms around
you that is across the world and they're
going to say, you changed my life.
He's like, I don't know about
you, but I think this is something
that God's calling you into.
I'm like, God helped me this far.
I can do what I'll do
anything for, for him.
And so I was like, okay, here we go.
And I was scared, man.
I was so scared to have that
and have my face out there.
And then, um, the response that we got
from people, because I was just scared of
like, what is this going to do to my kids?
Are they going to be shunned?
Are they going to, you know, I'm scared
to death of what people are going to
see, how they're going to see me now.
The response was unbelievably
awesome ever since.
Been absolutely amazing.
People will stop me have stopped
me in the store and they're like,
Hey, were you on this video?
You know and it's just happened numerous
times and it's been so awesome and
i'm like God I would do anything for
you because of what you did for me
Just in changing my life and helping
me and autumn get to where we're at.
I mean in march I get to celebrate 29
years with autumn Back then, if she
would have literally said, I would
divorce you, I'd have been like, okay.
Would have walked away.
But God had other plans.
He's like, I got you.
And I'm going to take you places.
And he has.
And just, just trusting God.
We just did an episode of trusting
God and that was just one of the
things, just trusting God and,
okay, I'm sharing my story, God.
Here we go.
I don't know what's going to
happen, but let's see what happens.
And he did.
Sam: Sometimes you just need to know that
there's someone else who has a similar
story as yours, except there's had a
happy ending and that means yours can too.
Dude first 12 step meeting I ever went
to Chris Bennett, he's my facilitator.
I Remember you told your
story you're at that place.
You're 18 years sober now at that
point You were eight years sober.
So this is 10 years ago when I met
you You're like, yeah, I'm eight
years sober This is what I've done
to achieve recovery You This is
the kind of person I've become.
These are the kind of rules I live by.
This is the kind of discipline and
discipleship that I have in my life.
And there's just something
different about you.
I was like, I could be
like that guy someday.
I could.
It gave me a lot of courage to keep going.
So it's, it's the hope in the story, man.
It's the hope in the story.
That's why we tell the stories
and my story is not finished yet.
Joshua's story is not finished yet.
Chris: My story is not
Sam: finished yet.
Chris's story is not finished yet.
Chris: There's some massive parts
of my story just beginning, you
know, and for, for anybody out
there listening to this right now,
there's a happy ending for you too.
It's up to you.
You can build it.
You can design it however you want.
But I suggest you don't do it alone
Joshua: anything's possible with two
people as long as one of them's jesus
Chris: I love that
Joshua: shout out to joshua stover.
That's his phrase.
Sam: Thank you Guys we want to hear your
stories if you're if you're in a spot
right now where you feel like you you're
in recovery and you've experienced some
healing and and you feel like You have
something that would bring hope to people.
We want to hear your story shoot me
an email, sam at unashamed, unafraid.
com and we'll get you on the podcast.
If you're at a point in recovery where
you haven't talked to anyone about your
story, you haven't shared your story,
you haven't written down your story,
do the work to get your story down,
Chris: send Us Your story.
Even if we're not putting it on the
podcast, if you just need to feel like
you need to share your story with.
One of us, like, shoot us an email.
Sam: I'd listen to your
story.
alright.
Guys, thanks for watching.
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And until next time,
continue to live unashamed.