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Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst, founder of Gay Man's Coaching and former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
00:00
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Game Man's Coaching podcast. The podcast for gay men who want to grow, evolve and be the best version of themselves. I'm really, really excited to get into this episode because we've got one of our GMC clients in here, Lee Brooks, who has had a fantastic journey so far with GMC. The changes that he's made have been incredible and I can't wait to discuss those with him.
00:30
He's one of the guys who kind of came in at the lowest possible entry point to GMC and has realized just how much value there is there and worked up and it's paid off for him. He's completely changed his life, but we'll get into that in a little minute. uh Just before we do get into it, a couple of announcements. We are doing a GMC retreat again. We're going to be doing it down in Cornwall in August. The tickets for that are now live.
00:58
If you're a member of GMC and you want to get involved, then head over to the hub. There are only 24 spots and half of them have already gone. So you need to go to the in-person events section in the hub and check that out. And the hike this year, we're to be doing a coastal hike along Cornwall. That's going to be happening the day after the retreat finishes. So whether you come into the retreat or not, and you want to come on the hike, you want to see a beautiful part of the UK, spend some time together, walking along the coast. Then you can get yourself down there as well.
01:28
There are no drop in sessions this week as I am in going to be in Tenerife with the kids. It's our last little holiday before Taylor goes on an adventure to the US. But Chris and the coaches are going to be taking over the online sessions as always. We have got an incredible quarter two coming for you this year with the events, with the sessions and everything that's got going on. And I know the world is in a bit of a shit state at the minute, but now more than ever.
01:57
is the time for you to build your community, build your tribe and double down on yourself because there is so much noise, there is so much distraction and it's easy to get caught up in that but ask yourself what is the alternative? Because you really are at a crossroads. It's either get caught up in the noise, focus on everything else, attention goes everywhere else, feel crap, consume crap, feel crap or you curate your own environment, create the content that you take in.
02:27
and you double down on investing in yourself time, energy, and money to build the life that you want because while everybody else is panicking and everybody else is losing focus, you can steal a march on them. You can be more confident. You can be happier. You can build the life that you want, but you're going to have to stay focused because that's what this is now. It's a game of attention and where your attention goes, energy flows. So it's really, really important that we nail that down and Lee.
02:53
who we're going to talk to now is a prime example of what happens when you streamline your focus, you double down on yourself and you go all in. without further ado, let me introduce Lee Brooks. All right, Lee, welcome to the Game Man's Coaching podcast. Thank you for joining us. Really looking forward to chatting to you. Do you just want to give everybody a little intro, who you are, where you are, what you do, just so we've got an idea about you.
03:21
Yeah, sure. Yeah. So my name's Lee. I, um, I'm 44 years old based down in the Southeast of England. Um, career wise, I work as a finance director, um, freelancing, um, working for a number of different clients. Um, All right. And you've been with GMC for how long now? Uh, I joined at the end of last year, um, end of, end of March last year. Um, so coming up what nine, nine, 10 months now. Yeah. And
03:50
talk us through where you were at when you joined GMC. What was going on in your life? How were you feeling? uh What did life look like for you? Yeah, sure. So I got to a of a stale point in life really where everything became predictable, safe and a bit limited. And I just, knew I needed some help and direction. So I followed your content for quite some time.
04:17
And I even reached out, I think it was shortly after COVID, but I don't think I was in the right frame of mind at the time. And um I got to a point where I just needed to take some action because life had changed a lot. I got divorced, I'd had a health diagnosis of epilepsy as an adult. And yeah, I was feeling quite caged at the time and just needed some help making some steps to get my life back on track really.
04:45
And what did you feel the problem was back then? What did you feel like you needed help with the most? Yeah, there was a lot. There was a lot. So like the big things for me were what to do first, like keeping it simple. Everything seemed really complicated. So I was I was really struggling with what was the first step to take and where should I put my focus? My career was taking up a huge amount of my time and I wanted to change that.
05:17
My ability to trust people disappeared. So I had a very small number of close friends that I stuck with. And I just couldn't accept when someone was sort of showing me interest in terms of, you know, relationship or even sometimes friendship. So there were lots of issues that needed addressing. So I was going around in this loop of where do I start? I don't know what to do. So that's the point that I thought, right, I can't do this alone. So I need to...
05:45
need to get some help in how to start moving forward. And what was, what was like, because I know we'll touch on this because of how much your identity has changed and how you see yourself and where you're at. What was the identity that you were operating from back then? Like what did Lee believe about himself or the world then? I just didn't think I was good enough in, in probably every aspect of my life. So in terms of
06:13
physically, I was in the worst shape I'd ever been in. In my career, whilst I always got positive feedback, I never believed it. So it was almost like I always needed to do better. So there was that perfectionism that we talk about quite a lot that was always there and I was always struggling to do more, which probably fed into the loop of doing too many hours and just constantly, you know, my mind was just constantly on. And then
06:43
Yeah, there was the physical health diagnosis that just, I don't know, had me sort of worrying all the time that something was going to happen. Because there was no, it was like a ticking time bomb and I knew I could hear the clock, but I didn't know how much time was on it for when I was going to next have a seizure. So it's like, you know, the warnings were limited. I didn't have much in terms of kind of a regular pattern of seizures. There was no real reason behind them.
07:11
they would just occasionally happen. yeah, it was just, there was just a lot, a lot to kind of deal with at the time. Yeah. And then obviously we started working together and you, I think, you you've touched on it quite a few times there. was a big thing for you. like, where do I start? How do I start? I want to do this, but I don't know how to do it or where, you know, do I need to do big changes, small changes? So talk us through.
07:40
you know, what you started doing in those initial weeks and months that allowed you to start seeing change and build some progress, like logistically, what were the things that you actioned? Yeah, so I kind of made an agreement with myself that I'm just gonna surrender to the process, right? I'm gonna listen to my coach do everything they tell me and trust in them as the expert that they're gonna...
08:09
point me the right direction. And I didn't really go for Big Bang. And I also made an agreement that this was a long-term plan for me. So it wasn't something I was going to do for six months, get fit and then disappear. It's a permanent fixture in my budget. It's a permanent fixture in my lifestyle and my actual life. So it was a real long-term change. So the speed of the change didn't really matter too much to me, but it was all incremental changes. I would amend something one week.
08:38
add an extra workout in a couple of weeks later and just gradually add to it, tweaking my diet as I went and just getting advice, talking to my coach all the time and really just committing to the process. You know, there's stuff in the workshops that you've done that don't necessarily relate to the fitness. was like the career workshops, but it's the one thing that sticks with me is the next smallest step to make progress. And I apply that in every aspect now. So it's eating,
09:08
uh relationships with people, it just spreads across. So it's how do I make that next smallest step to go in the direction that I'm traveling? Yeah. And I just want to, on that point, because I think it's so important for long-term successes, making these changes part of your lifestyle, part of your identity, seeing it as this is not just something I'm going to do for six months and then go back to my old ways, because then you're going to get your old results, right? So what
09:38
What do you think it was that helped you make that commitment to yourself and that promise where you said, I am going to do this for an extended period of time, I'm gonna make this a fixture. What gave you the impetus to be able to do that and be able to invest the time, effort, energy, money in yourself?
10:06
over it, because a lot of people say, I'm going to do this for six months, I'm going to do a bit of a sprint and then I'm just going to leave it. And then ultimately they, they don't make long lasting change and they end up back and it feels like a waste of time and money for them. So what was it that allowed you to have that shift early on, which has then set you up for so much success that you've had? I think it was learning from past mistakes because I'd, I'd done it a few times, like go, go hard, do big bang changes and then
10:34
just became too much. So I just like throw the papers up in the air and walk off from it. So, so I thought, I can't, you you can't do keep doing the same old thing and expect a different result. So I thought I'm gonna, I'm just gonna follow what I'm do what I'm told and follow what I'm told to do, and trust the process. And by doing that, it allowed me to see the positive output, which is cemented that
10:59
the decisions that I've made. it's, it's kind of fed into itself as we've on. Yeah. Um, and it's again, happened across every aspect. Um, I mean, the physical, the physical changes happen very well, very quickly, really once I completely kind of got into the rhythm, um, probably after, well, it took me a couple of months because of some, some stuff that was already in the diary and just getting all that stuff cleared out and reprioritizing.
11:28
And then I found my rhythm and the weight just started dropping off. The muscle definition started to show through a bit. The clothes were fitting better. The belts were going down in the loops and you know, I had to go shopping because my clothes were just hanging off me. So it's a nice reason to go and do some shopping and spend some money on yourself. Tell us about, tell us about physically, like what, what have you achieved physically over, over the, you know, not even a year yet. No, yeah. So I'm, I'm down.
11:58
what 15 kilos in a year. It's been a nice steady process. So it's fitted exactly within what you tell people is going to happen. I lost about 0.75 a week, 0.75 kilos a week, which is banging the middle of what you guys say, like half to one kilo. Some weeks were more, some weeks were less. But all within that, I've also managed to still have a life and have social activities, go out and see friends and
12:26
you know, part of the meal planning process, as you guys say, if it's in the plan, it's not off plan. So I always like bank some calories in the week if I know I've got a social at the weekend. Physically, I think the best thing I did, even though it was painful at the time was take photos at the very beginning and put them on the app because I love the compare function on the app. So I'll always go back to my first photo and look at where I am today. Yeah. And it's like someone else's body.
12:52
Um, cause there was a period where I was cutting my head off for the photographs cause I just, you know, I didn't want to associate with them. A lot of people do that, know, on your own. And then, and then I started adding them back in cause actually I'm, I'm now feeling and I'm not ashamed to say I'm feeling proud of what I've achieved. Yeah, you should do. Yeah. Um, I know I'm not anywhere near, uh, kind of, well, there is no end to this process as such. It's, I say, it's a commitment. I've made to myself for the longterm. Um,
13:20
but there's going to be more changes coming. um, something, something I've done with, um, Chris and yourself on, on my success group is setting sort of mini targets. So rather than thinking of everything really long-term, we've also set miniature goals in between. my first milestone was yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So my first, my first milestone was the Kavila and I wanted to get to a certain point before going there. That's the, that's the retreat, right? GMC retreat. Yeah. The retreat, um, which was epic.
13:50
Um, I can't talk highly enough of it. I've even got some kombucha with me today as a, as a little memory. This is the first time I'd had it. So, um, you know, it's now a feature in my fridge. Um, transformative. Yeah, yeah, completely, We've, we've those, we've that then. So obviously we've talked about the physical, like what changed. Cause you said that you've been trying to do this for while. You'd done boom and bust. You try various different things. So you've.
14:19
been able to stick with this, you've seen progress, it's become a positive feedback loop. What do you feel changed internally before it changed externally?
14:34
That's a tough one because I almost feel it's happened in the reverse order. Okay. So I had the discipline to, so I've done martial arts for years and that discipline transferred into the gym, but I started enjoying going and working out at the gym, which I haven't done before. Yeah. So the fact I was enjoying it and finding it challenging and there was some rotation in my workouts and things like that, it really helped me to keep going and keeping the
15:04
desire to be there, even if motivation wasn't there, right. So it was part of the plan. Obviously, the workshops that we do as well around, you know, motivations fleeting, so make it part of your, your routine as such. So go even if you don't want to. yeah, I guess.
15:24
guess the showing up for myself at the gym, even when I didn't want to go, definitely helped eh in terms of changing my attitude towards how I look after myself. Yeah. I think that that is one of the most fundamental changes that we can make in our own makeup of how we see ourselves and what we believe about ourselves, because every single person on this planet can train when they want to train. They can eat well when they want to eat well. They can...
15:53
you know, saying no when they want to say no. But doing those things when you don't want to do them is such a big vote for the person that you want to be, even though it's not the easy thing and you don't feel like it. And that's translated into other areas of your life, right? Because obviously you've had this physical success. Talk us through the successes you've had away from the physical side of things. Yeah, so I changed my...
16:22
working situation, I had a, you know, a good nine to five job, underselling it, right, as it was a great career. I'm a qualified accountant by trade, and I was working for one of the top accounting firms in the finance department. But as I say, the like the hours that I was putting in was slowly destroying me. So I have a friend who had gone self employed a few years back. And she was like,
16:49
you know, giving me the elbow, come on, come and join me sort of thing. So I dipped my toe in the water and I thought, actually, let's just go for it. And again, part of being GMC has helped me take that leap, have faith in myself, back myself. And I mean, it's going amazingly right now. Strictly speaking, I'm six months in, right, into it. And I keep having best months of billing and like I'm hitting
17:18
records regularly. And I'm even now looking at expanding slightly and subcontracting some workout because I just don't have the time to do everything that people are asking me to do. It's amazing. Sorry, I was just going to say it's amazing how it impacts all areas of your life. A rising tide, lift all ships. mean, just going through that process, the changes that you've had physically, the changes you've had in your career, and then you've had changes in your relationship and how you feel about yourself in that arena.
17:47
What do you believe about yourself now, that you didn't believe about yourself before? I can do what I want, really. The only person stopping me is really me. I mean, there are some external factors, but...
18:06
try it and if it doesn't work, move on, know, get off the train before you stay on past too many stops where you wanted to go. So it's, like that analogy in that if you're going in the wrong direction, get off and change quickly because otherwise you go too far and you have to course correct and that takes a long time. So there was something I'd been thinking about for years and it was, it's a side hustle that I've actually now set up. when I say years, it was like six years plus I've been deliberating and
18:34
did the ring about whether to do it or not. And I finally took the plunge around November last year. And I'm now starting to invest some time to really get that going. And it's a case of like, I can sit and carry on thinking about it for another few years and not do anything about it just wonder what if, or I can do it, see if it works. And then if it doesn't move on, if it does, I've got another business, another stream of income, and it was a passive form of income. So once it's set up and put some investment in,
19:04
hopefully won't have to touch it that much, know, a quarter, something like that. What an amazing transformation to go from being a person who doesn't believe when people tell them that they're doing a good job, who doesn't think that they're doing enough or being enough or am enough to then sit here on this podcast and say, I'm okay with trying something and failing. I'll just move on. Like it doesn't impact how you feel about yourself. You know, the fact that you've built up that internal
19:34
uh system that can say, you you're enough, you're okay, you're doing a good job is an incredible shift. And I think, you know, we've, we've talked about, you know, all these amazing changes. I think it's important we keep it real, right? Cause not every day is sunshine and lollipops and we have challenges. So what's, what's one area that you're still building, still, still working on? Yeah. So I, um, I still have some, uh, I think should we call it baggage or stuff from the past that I'm working through with John?
20:04
and the resident psychotherapist, I have sessions with him outside of GMC as well. And I can't advocate for that, that extra internal development work enough because it wasn't really until the physical had started to improve that I realized actually, the issues weren't all about my appearance. eh And there was actually some internal work that I needed to do. I reached the point
20:33
probably, I think it was around the end of October last year where that became a real spot in time where I needed to get drafting some extra help, you know? the no nonsense, straightforward talking approach that John has is perfect for me because you can't shy away from a conversation and stuff like that. it's really helped to turn around that.
20:59
internal dialogue as well. sometimes days are going to be rubbish. As sure as the sun rises, you're going to have a crappy day every now and then. But that's, you can't have the good times without having the crap times. So I mean, a couple of weeks ago, I was, I was on such a high on Saturday, I was like, for a moment, I thought to myself, what's going to go wrong? It was almost that expectation that because things are going good, something crap is going to happen. But actually, I just decided to ride the wave for a change. Let's not worry about that. We'll deal with that.
21:28
if or when it happens. Right now, I'm going to embrace the moment of joy that I've got here about relationships going well, I'm feeling physically fit, strong. My sciatica has disappeared since around July last year. I've not needed to see anyone about it or take any medication for it, which is part and parcel going to the gym and looking after myself. My career is going great. Yeah, so everything was
21:55
in a great spot at that point. I'd started with a couple of new clients in January. know, January's usually a bit rubbish for people, but I've actually had a stonking January. So really chuffed. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. When your perspective shifts, your outlook shifts. I mean, what do you think then has been, cause you know, this has been an amazing experience for you, but you've tried things before. And I know everybody's answer to this question is different, but what do you feel has been the secret sauce in GMC that has
22:25
has made this work for you? Putting into practice what I'm learning as I go. Yeah, implementation. Yeah, don't try and do everything, but take away at least two items from each workshop that you attend and work to implement it. So as I say, they can transfer across different aspects of your life. So that next smallest step.
22:54
as I said, like, it hits into several different facets of life. It is the implementation, but being consistent with it as well. Because like do something once not going to make a difference. But if it becomes a habit, then yes, it takes a bit of conscious effort to implement things. But if you want the change, you need to put the work in. And therefore, once you start seeing that positive feedback, it becomes almost addictive in a way, in a good way, you know,
23:22
Cause there's no reason not to do these things then. Absolutely. Absolutely. so, so for you to go from Lee, where, know, when we first started working together to Lee, you're at now with all these abundance and opportunity ahead, what would, what would be the three bits of advice that you would give to that Lee, you know, early March last year who's struggling with all these things, like what would be your three bits of advice that you would give to him? Yeah. So, um,
23:53
Ask if you need help or support or guidance. Yeah, asking for help is not a weakness. Absolutely not. We'll need it now and then. And it's actually a sign of strength if you realise that you need it before you get to a crisis as well. 100%. Don't be afraid to talk. Take action because you've said it to me before, you can't think yourself out of a problem. So you need to, you need to do something about it. And some of the action can be asking for help.
24:22
You know, some of the action can be just taking that next smallest step. um And the third one is to be kind to yourself and think about the words you're saying to yourself. Would you say that to a friend? Yeah. Because we often talk to ourselves a lot more harshly than we would to one of our closest friends. Absolutely. And if you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself. Yeah. I think that's such an important point. Our language.
24:51
the language that we use. And you can think about this like in just really throw away things, know, when you can, something bad goes wrong and you go, this is a disaster. This is a catastrophe. That's like such an emotionally loaded word as opposed to, this isn't ideal. And I think the way that we talk to ourselves is it creates our identity of what we believe about ourselves.
25:19
It feeds into the stories that we tell about ourselves, who we are, the world, how people see us, and just really little shifts in our language of changing should to could. There's so many tiny little things that we can do that have, as you've talked about throughout this podcast, is they don't make a massive difference in the immediate, but they very quickly compound.
25:47
and then lead to having a big impact. But, honestly, it's been so good to see your progress and your growth over the last few years. And I think what I particularly love about your journey is you joined, I mean, the academy doesn't exist anymore, but you joined GMC at like, you know, the kind of lowest barrier to entry got like engaged. And then we're like, do you know what? I'm gonna give this a go and stepped up and stepped up and.
26:14
you know, got into the main program and really invested in yourself, the time, the effort, the money, the energy. And something I'm really passionate about helping people doing is extracting the value out of GMC. I want everybody, you know, as a bit of a, you know, for my own ego, I've worked really hard on GMC to build these systems to help you guys and, you know, the team that we've got and the...
26:40
And I want you guys to be able to extract it. And you are someone who epitomizes that, know, coming to the live events, asking for help, asking, how do I get this out of it? You know, that is the way to go. And you're absolutely right. Asking for help is, I know I wouldn't be where I am in my life if I didn't ask for help. ask for help often. And you you're a great example of what you can do in a relatively short space of time. Cause people overestimate what they can do in a year, over, sorry.
27:08
They overestimate what they can do in a month and they underestimate what they can do in a year. And you you're not even on a year yet and you've already, you know, smashing records, know, completely changing your life. So mate, should be really proud of yourself. I'm incredibly proud of you and how far you've gone and you know, being a big, part of the community. So yeah, mate, just a big well done from me. No, you're very, very welcome. Guys, if you've enjoyed this podcast, you know,
27:37
Obviously if you're part of GMC and you want to reach out to Lee and pick his brains, please feel free to do that. If you're not in GMC and you're interested in what Lee's done, the contact details are in the show notes at the bottom. can email me and we can have a chat. But mate, honestly, such a big well done. Guys, thank you for listening. Stay safe, look after yourselves. Don't eat and drink and behave at the expense of how you want to look and feel. And I will see you next week.