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In today's episode we discuss the basics of mentoring. From staying humble to asking good questions, every mentor should regularly come back to these basic principles in their mentoring relationship.
Show Notes
Episode: 6
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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SHOW NOTES
Phrases to say to your mentee often:
- “I really like being around you.”
- “Thanks for letting me hang out with you.”
- “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.”
- “You matter to me.”
- “You’re important.”
Praying for your mentee:
- Doesn’t have to be anything fancy.
- Thank Jesus for your relationship.
- Thank Jesus for loving us no matter what.
- Thank Jesus for always being there for us.
Remember to:
- Pray before you meet up with them. Ask the Lord to bless your time!
- Focus on the positive. Build them up!
- Come to connect, not correct.
- Ask open ended questions
Questions to ask:
- What made you smile today?
- What was the funniest thing that happened today?
- On a scale from 1-5, how would you rate today?
- What is something you learned today?
- What are you looking forward to?Keep the conversation going by asking:
- Tell me more about that?
- Ask 'Why' questions
- Why did that make you laugh?
- Why did that make you smile?
- That’s happened to me, let me tell you about it...
- Ask about family members.
- Ask about their weekend.
- Ask about their friends.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Zachary Garza.
Speaker 3:I love every time you speak. Be sure to subscribe so you can hear Zachary Garza's voice every week.
Speaker 1:So crisp with your confidence.
Speaker 2:I kinda sound like, that character on the Simpsons, Duffman. Any of you guys out there
Speaker 3:watch the Simpsons? Duffman? Duffman. No. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I I just think of, like, monster truck. Like, if you could say Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
Speaker 2:Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
Speaker 1:Have you guys watched that YouTube video, the phone call with the fake John Cena? And he keeps calling this lady back. And he's like, hello hello, ma'am. This is so and so with your car insurance. And then the John Cena music comes in.
Speaker 1:Sunday, Sunday.
Speaker 3:And she's
Speaker 1:like, stop fighting. And it goes on for, like, 20 minutes.
Speaker 2:Zach, you definitely have a lot of voices that are iconic. And one of which I actually want to do something real quick
Speaker 3:with you.
Speaker 2:What's that?
Speaker 3:You have a a motivational coach, like, mode that you get into.
Speaker 2:Here he comes.
Speaker 3:Like, the either the halftime speech or or something. And so Oh. I wanna do something real quick with you. We're gonna do a a Mad Lib real quick. So
Speaker 2:I mean, you do know that I was a highly sought after and successful, 8th grade football coach. Yes. Right?
Speaker 3:Okay. So, Zach, humor me. Yeah. Give me a measure of time.
Speaker 2:60 seconds. That's a long time. I shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 3:Okay. 60 seconds is a minute. Plural noun. Dogs.
Speaker 1:That was good. Thanks.
Speaker 2:I don't know where it came from.
Speaker 3:Okay. Now difficult situation.
Speaker 2:Car breaking down on the side of a road.
Speaker 1:That is a difficult situation.
Speaker 2:Thanks, gosh.
Speaker 3:Good emotion. Sad. A method of communication. Pager. Give me a movie title.
Speaker 2:Shawshank Redemption.
Speaker 1:Great movie. I watched that last weekend.
Speaker 3:So good. Because k. Give me a compliment.
Speaker 2:You are smart.
Speaker 1:You is kind. And now smart.
Speaker 3:Give me an adjective.
Speaker 2:Ran or run.
Speaker 1:And I speak to
Speaker 3:That is a verb.
Speaker 1:That's sweet.
Speaker 2:Do you guys know that I was an English major too? That's good. That's the worst part about it all.
Speaker 3:It's okay. I teach you I was always terrified of someone asking me
Speaker 2:to do a Mad Lib. So An adjective?
Speaker 3:Yes. Yes. Like
Speaker 2:Okay. Smelly.
Speaker 3:Alright. A verb, and we're done.
Speaker 1:Now you can use random run.
Speaker 3:Run. Alright. Okay. I'm gonna text this to you, and I need you to give me your best motivational speech.
Speaker 2:On a minute to minute basis, you have to remind yourself that dogs change lives. You have to trust the process when we get into situations where your car breaks down. And when you fail, don't get sad. You gotta answer that pager when it comes on Sunday. You gotta make sure you remember Shawshank Redemption.
Speaker 2:Never forget whose you are and who you are. You are smart. I believe in you and I am so smelly. You can run.
Speaker 1:How's that? Was that good? Yeah. That was good. Surprisingly, like, half of it worked really well.
Speaker 2:Well, tone. Tone's important. I was a speech teacher for a while, which is funny because I have a speech impediment. I have a stutter. But, I was a speech teacher.
Speaker 2:So, and tone is important. Today, mentors and those people who are considering mentoring, today, we're going to discuss the basics of mentoring.
Speaker 3:The basics
Speaker 1:of mentoring.
Speaker 2:These are things that you have got to understand and remember whenever you enter into a relationship with the kid that you're spending time with. I think the older that I get, the more I, understand that really everything that I need to know to be successful in life for the most part, I learned in kindergarten. Yeah. Seriously. Like, just the power of being nice.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Like, asking questions, smiling, doing all of these little tiny things, those are gonna take you so far in regards to building relationships with people, building relationships with a kid who you mentor. And this is what's so crazy, is they sound so simple. Right? Like, these things that, can really have a tremendous impact on you spending time with the kid who you mentor.
Speaker 2:These things sound so easy. Like, oh, I've got that. Of course, I can do this. Well, duh. Any good adult would do these things.
Speaker 2:But Mhmm. So often, I find myself forgetting, and I don't do them. And it really does have an impact on my relationship with the kid who I'm spending time with. So
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's good. I think just remembering, like, it's easy. It's easy if you do if you do the work. Right?
Speaker 1:Like, it's easy if you if you prepare and if you are willing to be teachable. And these basics are super practical. Yeah. I mean, they're not and they're not they're not hard things at all. But they, Zach, like you said, they are to her they are hard to remember in a moment Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Or in a season even of mentoring a kid, but they are very simple, and they are very, very much just good life things to remember too. We're like, okay. These these are good. These are easy. And, hopefully, just even us speaking these basics will alleviate some pressure that I think sometimes we feel in mentoring to have all the answers, to be able to, like, check a huge list of accomplishments or, abilities or what or skills.
Speaker 1:But in reality, these few things that we're gonna go over are so simple.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's kind of like basketball. If you tried to play basketball without dribbling, like or knowing how to pass, knowing how to set a screen, like, you can work from those basics and create a 1,000 different plays, but if you don't understand the basics of basketball, you're you're playing your own game and Mhmm. Doesn't work out.
Speaker 2:Whenever we talk about these basics, I understand that they are super simple. And so you've got kind of 2 choices here. You can either hear these and be like, oh, I don't need to pay attention to this. I don't need to focus on this. I've got this.
Speaker 2:Or you can say, man, this might be an area that I need to grow in. This might be an area that I do need to focus in on.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going to self reflect and see how my mentee is receiving me, how he is perceiving me. And so we just encourage always, like, the bedrock, the foundation of mentoring is humility.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Is saying, hey. I'm stepping into this, and I'm building a relationship with this kid. And I don't have all the answers, but I'm open to being faithful. I'm open to being available. I'm open open to being teachable.
Speaker 2:I'm going to learn how to become the best mentor possible. And we believe that these are ways that we all can improve in mentoring. Yeah. So
Speaker 3:That's really good as the first point. Be humble. That could be the first basic of mentoring.
Speaker 2:Man, that could
Speaker 3:we didn't even
Speaker 2:put that on our sheet.
Speaker 3:You know, be humble, guys. It's good. I mean, Jesus called his disciples to make disciples, and disciple means you're a life learner.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And so if you're gonna make disciples, you have to be a life learner yourself. Be humble. Yeah. Boom. Can you unpack though how Jesus shows us what it means to be humble?
Speaker 3:Jesus is humility.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. I mean, he had every right to come down on here on earth and just be like, okay, guys. This is how it's gonna be, and I'm in charge here, so you need to do what I said what I say because, I'm Jesus, and I made you. Right? But I just think about Jesus and, like, if you guys have ever tried to describe something super simple to someone and they just aren't getting it, it's like the most frustrating thing
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Ever. Like, why can't you just understand it? It's not that hard. Like, that's that had to be kinda what Jesus was dealing with on a day in and day out basis. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And just his patience. Right? Just to not get frustrated and to stick around and to love them regardless of whether they understood what he was saying or not. The fact that he pursued people.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Like, what business does Jesus have pursuing anyone? We should be pursuing him.
Speaker 3:Shoot.
Speaker 2:Right? But no. No. No. He he went out of his way to find Zacchaeus and say, hey, man.
Speaker 2:Get down from that tree. I'm having dinner at your place tonight. And he entered into their world. That that right there is amazing. The fact that Jesus wants to.
Speaker 2:He desires to enter into our stuff. Yeah. He wants to learn about us. He wants to get to know us. He wants to to find out what what we're into.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Jesus wants to enter into our world whenever it really should be us doing whatever we have to do to enter into his world.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And I just think that that is so it's just the mark of true humility. The fact that he pursued people that could give him nothing because he had everything. Wow.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:So and what an awesome example as a mentor. Yeah. Right? Because in most cases, it's a pretty one-sided deal. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, we are on, like, we are the ones investing into our kids. Now for sure, don't get me wrong. If we are in a mentoring relationship, the lord is going to use that kid in our relationship to completely change our hearts. Yeah. But in regards to teaching and things of that nature, we are the ones who are, doing the majority of the talking.
Speaker 2:We are starting conversations. We are picking them up. We are pursuing them.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And more times than not, they don't, at least on the outside, have anything to offer us. And so I think that's a great, person to model. Yes. Jesus. Surprise, surprise.
Speaker 2:It's good to model yourself after Jesus. Yes. So good. I want us all just for a minute kinda step outside your zone wherever you're at in your car, on a run, sitting in your office, pretending to work. And I just want you to to picture the person of Jesus.
Speaker 2:And I want you to think about how he carried himself whenever he was traveling from city to city. How did he walk? What was the look on his face? Whenever he spoke, what did that sound like? What were his facial expressions?
Speaker 2:I want us to think about the tone that he used whenever he was hanging out with his disciples trying to teach them something, trying to live life with them. What were Jesus' non verbals like? Did he smile? Did he look serious? Did he look stern?
Speaker 2:What was he like whenever he hung out with the tax collectors and the sinners? Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You don't stick around people day and night for 3 years unless they have a great personality. Like, so I feel like the disciples definitely saw something they liked about Jesus, and it wasn't just that he healed people.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. A
Speaker 3:lot of people who see the old testament references to Jesus that the the messiah is a man who is, acquainted with sorrow, with grief, and and all of those things, but miss the part that actually Jesus is, like the king of joy and children are running to him, like, as he's ministering and people are, are saying, no, keep the kids away. And Jesus is like, no, like kids come here. Like, and he relates the kingdom of God to children and and all of those things. And I I think he must have been a very warm person. Yep.
Speaker 3:Made himself so approachable.
Speaker 1:I just think about how many conversations were not recorded, you know, like, in scripture. And we obviously like, scripture is inspired by God and it is good. But I would love to sit down with the disciples and be like, what other conversations did y'all have that are not in here? Because I just I, like, totally imagine Jesus just walking, like, past the Sea of Galilee or something. And then all of a sudden, like, they're like, oh, this is so beautiful.
Speaker 1:And then Jesus is like, yeah. My dad made that. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:See that tree over there? We designed that. We, like just like and what Jesus's thoughts were about, like, this creation that, yes, is broken because of sin, but it's like literally, like, he made it. Like, he made earth. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And I just I just would love to know what he was thinking as he was actually on Earth, you know, being like, yeah, my dad made all this. This is awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, I was hanging out with the Holy Spirit last week, and we're just like, hey.
Speaker 1:I mean, seriously.
Speaker 2:Let's make June bugs.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And, like,
Speaker 1:we're just being like, oh, you don't even know what's coming. Yeah. Because, like, holy spirit hadn't descended yet. So Right. Just
Speaker 2:Like, hey, guys. Takis are gonna come one day, and we made those.
Speaker 1:Like, I think it'd be so fun.
Speaker 2:Orange powder.
Speaker 1:What if
Speaker 3:there was a prophecy about takis in the bible? Who knows? Check the message version.
Speaker 1:Also, Takis, shameless plug, Takis Nitro, the hot Beniera with a little lemon are so much better than the regular Takis.
Speaker 2:I am going to make a chip that every 12 to 14 year old is going to crave at all times of the day.
Speaker 1:And killing cash.
Speaker 2:Okay. Well, so I think Jesus is the definition of love. Yeah. For sure. That is who he is.
Speaker 2:He can't help but be love. Mhmm. Jesus is joy. He is peace, goodness, faithfulness, self control, humility. That is who he is, and we're called to be like him.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. We're called to mirror Jesus who is perfect in every
Speaker 1:way.
Speaker 2:Okay. So that brings us to our second point in the basics of mentoring, and that is this. We work with children. It should be fun.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:I love this one. Fun. It should be fun. This is something that I think it's really easy when we are working, and then we go home, and it's like, oh my gosh. I have to get the kids ready for better.
Speaker 1:I have to prepare for tomorrow, and you get caught in this routine of life, which is fine. Like, we all have a life and have a routine in that. But when we lose sight of the fact that we are working with kids, we totally miss where they're at, and we totally miss, the idea of being present in their childhood. And, like, we can all I think we it would be safe to say we can all look back and remember moments that we had a lot of fun with a parent or someone, a teacher or a coach or a grandparent or whoever it was that was important to us in our life. We can all look back and remember, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:We used to do this, or we did this one time and it was awesome. And as a mentor, you have the honor to be that person for these kids. Yeah. And, like, when we're talking about Jesus, I just I think about Matthew 19 when he's like, let the little children come to me. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Do not hinder them. Mhmm. Like, let them come and sit on my lap and play with me. And, like, yes, let us like like, these parents push their children up to him. Like, please pray for our kids, pray for our kids, you know, and they are begging for that.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure those kids were not listening to what Jesus was saying. Like, they're in the back playing soccer or they're in the back, like, throwing rocks into the ocean or whatever. And then they're like, okay, I'm gonna go sit with this Jesus guy. And, like, I'm sure Jesus is just like, yes. Come on.
Speaker 1:Like, come on kids and played with them and, like, was present with them. And I just think that is so huge when we are mentoring kids because we have to we have to dive into where they're at, and they're so easily entertained. I mean, you do not have to do much to entertain a child.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And when you enter into that world with them, they have so much fun, and they their eyes light up when they see an adult stepping out of their norm and an adult who should be teaching or should be stern or should be disciplining or whatever this child has seen adults be in their life, when you stop that and when you enter into their world, it changes the game. Yeah. And then you have fun. Like, come on. Let go.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Let go a little. Like
Speaker 2:Well and I mean, like, the people who are in children's ministry at church who kids just absolutely love, they adore, are the ones who make them feel special.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They are experts at making kids feel special, feel important. And I think that's how Jesus was. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And I
Speaker 2:think that's how he calls us to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Fun fun is progress. Because I I feel like it can feel like fun is this interruption to the meaningful things and, like, no. Fun is a meaningful part of this relationship Yeah. That our kids have relational wells that when we have fun together, that's filling up and, like, producing something that is so meaningful for the kid.
Speaker 2:Well, and fun creates a safe environment, and a safe environment creates an opportunity where this kid can open up and where trust can be established. And there's nothing more important in a mentoring relationship than trust.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So fun is not just a waste of time, but it's actually building something that's going to lead to the most important thing in mentoring. Mhmm. Come on. Boom. So good.
Speaker 2:Alright. Next up.
Speaker 1:Joyful first impressions.
Speaker 2:That's right, Cash. Joyful first impressions. Okay? So I, man, I have a hard time with this. Okay?
Speaker 2:And I think it's just because I'm a big guy. I'm a serious guy. I'm passionate. Like, if you guys haven't been able to tell on this podcast, I'm super passionate. Like, if I'm trying to order something at Taco Bell, I'm like, I want a number 6 with extra cheese and give me that fire salt.
Speaker 2:And, like, I just can't help but do it. And for those of you guys who I'm getting on your nerves, I'm sorry. It's just too hard.
Speaker 3:The drive thru lady must love you. I I have to believe it.
Speaker 2:But, like so back in college, I used to work for this nonprofit, and we had an event every Monday night for a bunch of kids in high school. And part of our job was to go to the high school cafeteria on Mondays during lunch and try to get kids to come to this thing on Monday nights. And it was the most to this day. I don't know if I've ever experienced something as intimidating and intense as walking into a high school cafeteria not knowing a soul and trying to get kids to come to something. It was like That's brutal.
Speaker 2:It is it is hard. Yeah. Like, that is, like, the ultimate, like, training in how to succeed in life. But I can picture myself. I would drive up to school, and I would sit in my car, and I would just be so nervous.
Speaker 2:And I would have to pray, and I would have to give myself all of these, like, all of these pep talks. Okay, Zach. You can do it. The kids are gonna like you. Smile.
Speaker 2:Laugh. Have joy. Like, do whatever. Lord, please move through me. And you know what?
Speaker 2:It worked. Like, I would walk into this situation where I felt unqualified, and I felt like the biggest bomb. Like, I didn't feel cool at all, but I had the holy spirit with me. Mhmm. And he reminded me, Zach, have joy, have peace, smile.
Speaker 2:When these kids see you, I want them to see me. And it helped me, have confidence as I walked into this difficult situation. So the point that I'm trying to make is this, it's okay to prepare how to make a joyful first impression.
Speaker 1:Totally.
Speaker 2:So, like, there's nothing wrong with whenever you pull up to the school, whenever you pull up to your kid's house or his apartment, sitting in your car, 10 or 15 seconds, 1 to 5 minutes, and praying and just like, okay, Lord, help me smile. Holy Spirit, help me look like a follower of Jesus.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Help me have joy, laugh, do things like that. It's okay to give yourself these little pep talks because it takes 7 seconds to make a first impression. And experts say it takes a really, really, really long time to disassociate yourself from a bad first impression. Wow. So when your kid sees you, every time that you spend time with them, we want to encourage you guys.
Speaker 2:Hey. Make an effort to have a smile on your face.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Be excited. Oh, man. Dude, it is so good to see you. How's it going? Man, I am so glad that we're together.
Speaker 2:I've been I've been looking forward to this all day, man. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. That is so much more effective, and that's gonna create a safe environment as opposed to oh, hey, man.
Speaker 3:Texting on your phone.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Oh, yeah. Woke up. Hey, dude. Right?
Speaker 2:Like Yeah. And it's hard. I know it sounds so simple. I know it sounds simple, but, man, it is hard, especially after a long day, especially after man, I've been up since 6, and I've dealt with my kids, and I went into the office, and I had a hard meeting, and I just got done with this hard phone call. Like, it takes some effort to kinda change change your, change your appearance.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So Yeah. I think that's I mean, a a great basic is to recognize how your mentee is experiencing you.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Like, rather than focus on how you're experiencing them, and to recognize the little things that you are nonverbally communicating Yeah. When you walk up. Yeah. So
Speaker 2:So, like, I'm a big guy. Right? I'm 68, 250.
Speaker 3:You are communicating a lot when you walk up.
Speaker 2:I am. And the Lord showed me last year that, Zach, you don't know this, but every time you walk in with a serious look on your face and your tone communicates that you're either angry or you're unsafe or, like, whatever it is that you're doing, Zach, you're creating fear in other people. And the Lord really had to change my heart on that. And for a season, this sounds crazy. Every time that I walked into a door, every time that I walked into a room, I would have to say to myself, okay, Zach, smile.
Speaker 2:Zach, look happy. Zach, have joy. And it it worked. Like, it changed things. Our work culture changed because I decided to, try to look like Jesus.
Speaker 3:I can verify that every time Zach walks in the front door, he is always, like, screaming some encouragement or is very happy. Yeah. So you're being very intentional trying to do that. So
Speaker 2:I am. Because that's a learned, that's a learned skill because that's not that isn't my flesh.
Speaker 3:It's awesome. That, I mean, leads into our our next basic is when in doubt, smile. Even if your smile is horrible, you've never gone to the dentist, like, your smile communicates volumes to your kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It also, little science nerds out there, literally, like, when you smile, dopamine and endorphins flip to your brain, and your attitude really does change. And if you go into hanging out with your mentee without a smile, you very well, like, literally just chemically may not be able to get out of a funk or out of a Wow. Certain mindset. But when you practice just smiling when you see the kid that you are mentoring, you will start to associate happiness and goodness and joy with that person, which I just think is awesome.
Speaker 1:Like, I just really believe that Jesus just smiled everywhere he went and, like, just exuded joy and exuded a a belief. He he convinced people, both in his words and his actions that I want to be with you.
Speaker 2:Right. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And a smile does that. It eliminates fear. Like, I always say, like, a smile eliminates fear. If you've gone to a doctor's office, I just had 2 very different doctors' experiences. One where the doctor did not smile and did not look me in the eyes, and it was terrible.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh my gosh. This is so bad. And then the other one where the doctor was really, like, smiley and great and made me feel comfortable. Mhmm. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Made me feel safe and made me feel like it was gonna be okay. And, you know, it was, like, not in whatever. But I just think smiling is huge.
Speaker 2:But things like smiling and joyful first impressions and laughing, they can tear down the barriers to a positive mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:They're so important. They sound so simple, but they are so important. Because who doesn't like to be with someone who likes to be with them?
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And our kids have to know that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I I think a lot of a lot of people use humor to resolve tension, and it's like this, I'm like feeling really uncomfortable about this situation. Like and so we're not saying, like, if your kid's having a really tough day, like, okay, just make him laugh. Like, that'll solve your problems. But we're saying we really need to have the mindset of we don't need to be the funny guy, but, like, if there's no laughter in our relationship, we are not building that connection.
Speaker 2:Right. And I guess what it boils down to is we're giving you permission to laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, we don't have to be so serious all the time.
Speaker 1:Right. Right?
Speaker 3:Yes. Seriousness is not a fruit of the spirit.
Speaker 2:That's right. That's good, Steven.
Speaker 3:If I throw my mentee a football and he drops it, should I laugh at him?
Speaker 2:Well, it depends on, you know, it depends on the kind of pass it was. Okay. A good way to help cultivate laughter and joy in a mentoring relationship is our next point. And that is what's important to them needs to be important to you.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:So hey. Look. We get that you might not be all about video games. Like, we understand that you might not think that playing Fortnite is a really good, thing to do. But if it's important to your kid, and then we need to see it as valuable because whenever we value what they value, we're essentially valuing them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Hey. If your kid likes to watch silly videos on their phones, then instead of being like, you shouldn't do that. Instead, you need to do your math homework. Instead of doing that, why don't you try to engage with them? And, hey.
Speaker 2:Why don't we watch this video together? And then y'all can have a conversation about it. And then y'all might laugh a little bit or it might bring up a really important thing that you guys need to talk about. Yeah. So enter into their world by valuing what they value.
Speaker 3:Our next one, is we need to become experts in asking good questions.
Speaker 1:Whether you admit it or not, every single person likes to talk about themselves. They like to talk about the things that they're into or doing or, you know, who they are as a person. And so I think that a lot of the kids that we mentor may not they really may not have anyone asking them questions on a regular basis about them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And, I mean, this reminds me of a song by the deep, theologian, mister Toby Keith. Mhmm. I wanna talk about me. I wanna talk about I wanna talk about No.
Speaker 1:But what I know, my, me, my, what I think, what I like, what I know, what I
Speaker 2:people would like to talk about themselves.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And especially kids. Kids like to talk about themselves.
Speaker 1:And, like, it just when you start asking questions about, like, oh, what did you do this weekend? And then diving into those things, You don't need to start with, like, really serious conversations. Right. But when your mentee recognizes, oh, my mentor wants to know about me. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:It drops the wall for them to be able to start answering the harder questions. And I think I have seen kids at first be hesitant. I mean, you we've all known a teenager at some point that's like, how's your weekend good? How's your math test fine? And, like, those may be the answers for a long time.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But when you continue to push and ask questions beyond, you know, like, performance based questions, I guess, and really get to know them as a kid, those kinds of questions, the answers will become longer. They will be more willing to share because you are building trust that you are continuing to get to know them, and you're not gonna leave.
Speaker 3:Right. Every question you ask is an invitation for them for relationship.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:That's right. And so you keep inviting them to open up. Asking questions shows you're interested
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And it gives them an opportunity to go deeper in the relationship. If you stop asking questions, you're not giving them an opening to know that you're you're a a safe place. And this summer I went to Iraq for a month.
Speaker 2:My mentee is not going to ask me, Hey, how was Iraq? Like, tell me
Speaker 3:how that went like, and so you sit here and you're like, would you like to hear about how my life has been going? Like, yeah. And, and, like, you just feel this sense as a mentor. You're like, he's not gonna ask me. I need to ask him to ask me and all these things, but no.
Speaker 3:This isn't about me. Like, I need to ask questions, not get him to ask questions about me. Yeah. And I think that that's that's the temptation if you don't have the humble piece, like, of being a mentor.
Speaker 2:Like, your mentee is not
Speaker 3:going to ask you the questions you want to answer. Right. You need to ask him questions and allow him to answer and to grow.
Speaker 2:Right. And he's not gonna ask you questions because he's 10. So, but okay. So here are 2 practicals. Okay?
Speaker 2:Whenever you ask questions, make sure that they're open ended questions. Instead of giving them the opportunity to give one word answers, ask them open ended questions.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 2:So being intentional about that. And then the second thing, which we will add in our show notes is this. Whenever our program was first starting, we actually made question cards for our mentors to carry in their wallets.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And it had about 15 or 20 questions that you can ask your mentee each and every time that you spend time with them. Mhmm. And that will be in our show notes, but just simple things. Hey. Tell me about your favorite thing today.
Speaker 2:Tell me about your least favorite thing. Tell me one exciting thing that you're looking forward to. How's it going with your family? Have you and your siblings had any, issues this past week? Things of that nature.
Speaker 2:So those will be in our show notes, so check them out
Speaker 1:It's good.
Speaker 2:As you share our podcast with people. Shameless plug. Okay. Last one. Here we go.
Speaker 2:Mentoring basics. Overcommunicate. Yes. We have got to overcommunicate in all things, whether that's with their guardian, with their mom, with their grandma, with their family. If you're going through a hard season, which as a mentor, it's okay to go through a hard season, whether it's transition or things like that.
Speaker 2:Instead of just not showing up for 2 months, communicate that with the kid who he meant or, hey. Look, man. I just had a baby or I just got this new, I just got this new job. Video game. I am having a, a season where things are just really, really busy.
Speaker 2:I might not be around for the next 6 weeks
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:As much as I have been. But I still love you. Or, hey, it's summer. I'm going to be out of town a lot. I'm I might not text you or call you as often.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean that I don't love you. It just means that I'm busy.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. But
Speaker 2:I'll be sure to get back with you when fall hits.
Speaker 3:Communication in any relationship is so key. And sometimes, I mean, when you ghost on your mentee I don't know what that means. It's it's something that happens in today's relationships where you send a text message and they leave you unread, like, which means they've read the text message, but they haven't responded. And that's what they call ghosting, Zachary. I know you're almost 40, so I don't
Speaker 2:What's that there ghosting?
Speaker 1:Oh, gosh.
Speaker 3:So but I I just think you've made a commitment to be in their life, to be their mentor, and when you are not communicating
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:That is communicating something.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's not good.
Speaker 2:Well and, unfortunately, because some of our mentees have been hurt in the past, they sometimes believe the worst.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. If they send you a text and you don't respond, it's not, oh, my mentor must be busy. He's got 3 kids, and he has a full time job. Unfortunately, it is he doesn't love me. He won't show up.
Speaker 2:I can't trust him. And it's just when you let your mentee just hanging there by not communicating, it gives the enemy just an open door to lie. Yeah. Because that's what he does. Because he's a punk, and he lies.
Speaker 2:And we want to not give him that opportunity because we wanna communicate as much as we can to the kid who we mentor.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And if you think that you've communicated enough, you probably haven't. Yeah. Because if you are an Enneagram 6 like me and you need to feel secure, and you are a loyal person and need others to be loyal to you, and you think that you've communicated, you probably haven't.
Speaker 2:Man, Cash, I I feel like this is coming from, like, a Oh,
Speaker 1:it's coming
Speaker 2:from, like, a personal place. Like, Like,
Speaker 1:I feel like Cash is like, yeah. And whenever you text your boyfriend and he hasn't text you back like last night Hey, Lucas Tidwell. You're out there.
Speaker 2:Probably not
Speaker 1:listening to this podcast. But
Speaker 2:But you better be because Caroline values this, and you need to value what she values.
Speaker 1:Yeah. All that to say, it's important to overly communicate.
Speaker 3:It's a basic relational
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Like, practice. And so we need to recognize for our kid or for a single mom
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:What it means For sure. What she sees. And so intention is different than the impact.
Speaker 1:And you honor her too.
Speaker 2:You for sure honor her. Yeah.
Speaker 1:As the mom being like, oh, the mentor cares enough to not only communicate with my child, but with me
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And to value our family. Like, that's huge. And you just Yeah. Communication's great.
Speaker 2:And here's something that you can take away from this point is whenever you hang out with your mentee, text the guardian before you show up. And then whenever you pick up the kid, tell the guardian, hey. We're go going to go to the park. We're going to go to a game. When you get there, text her and just say, hey.
Speaker 2:We're here. When you leave, text her, hey. We're on our way home. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:then after you drop them off, text her and say, hey. Thanks so much for allowing me to hang out with your kid. Wow. Because when you think about it, these guardians, these moms are allowing us sometimes a stranger
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who they haven't known for very long to hang out, to invest into their most prized possession, their child. It's crazy. And we honor them and we show them worth and them value by communicating and over communicating everything that we do. Mhmm. Because we want to make her feel safe.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Man, I love it whenever my child hangs out with the mentor because he's not only is he being invested in, but I know he's safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It's
Speaker 2:really good. So yeah. Those are the basics of mentoring. Guys, in this podcast, we just want you all to know that we are not we don't have everything down. Like, we are not, the professional know it alls of mentoring.
Speaker 2:We've just been doing this for a minute and we think that we've learned some things. More times than now, we've learned through failing. But we just wanna start this conversation of what it looks like to be Jesus to a kid who's experienced some difficulties, and that is our goal.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We want to show this kid that they're loved, that they have value, that they have potential, and that they're worth hanging out with.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And we wanna show them the love of Christ, and we wanna make them feel like they're worth it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's good.
Speaker 2:So, that's good
Speaker 1:That's a good sec.
Speaker 2:So mentors. Hey.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes. I just wanna pray for y'all right now that if there's anything in your life, if there's any lies in your head that you don't have what it takes, that this isn't working or this isn't effective, I just wanna speak against that and say no. No. No. You do.
Speaker 2:And the Lord is going to use you and your yes to transform a kid's life, because that's what he does. Mhmm. He's all about relationships because relationships change lives. Come on. So share this.
Speaker 2:Thank you all so much for tuning in. Check out our show notes. Tell a friend Yeah. About us because anyone who's mentoring kids, we want them to hear this podcast to learn a thing or 2.
Speaker 1:Also, follow us on the gram, the Instagram, and you can mentor.
Speaker 3:Zach, I love that you know what a minute is, but you don't know what ghosting is.
Speaker 2:God bless you in your mentoring relationship and your own walk with Jesus. We love you. See you next time.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Did we say we were gonna pray for them?
Speaker 2:I did. Kinda it was kinda like kinda like a voice prayer. Like, hey, I'm gonna pray for you.
Speaker 1:Then I
Speaker 2:just kinda went into it.
Speaker 3:Okay. Well, count. Amen. Amen.