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What She Said is a gathering place for women and their stories. Each episode features real conversations about love, friendship, motherhood, reinvention, aging, work, purpose, loss, joy, and everything in between. Host Angie Birky sits down with women from all walks of life to explore the lessons, challenges, and moments that have shaped who they are—and who they’re becoming.
Angie (00:00)
I'm Angie Birky and this is What She Said, a podcast about the things women talk about when we're finally telling the truth. Let's get into it.
Angie (00:12)
Good morning friends or good afternoon or good evening wherever you're listening to this. But for me, it is early and if you are watching you might be able to see behind me that it's not even quite fully light out yet today.
But I woke up ready for this conversation and here we are. I've been trying to get myself ready for it for a few days now, pumping myself up and thinking through what it is I want to say. And the reality is I know that my best time of day is the early morning when I feel the most grounded into myself and the day hasn't really started yet. And I just feel fresh and I feel authentic. And so I thought, what better energy.
To bring to this particular episode, then first thing in the morning for me. So welcome. Before we get into the conversations that are going to be coming up on this podcast, which will mostly be probably with another person on the other side of this, I wanted to start with something a little bit more personal.
I've been spending some time lately, even the last few months, trying to answer a really simple question, which is why this? Why what she said? And why now? Why another podcast? There are so many amazing podcasts out there. But the answer that I keep coming back to is that what she said isn't really about a podcast at all.
It's it's about what women have taught me. And over the last twenty five years of adulthood
I'm recognizing that women have shown up for me in ways that have changed the entire trajectory of my life. And so today, this morning, as we sit here together, I want to share with you five lessons that women have taught me and why those lessons ultimately became what she said. And the first one of all of these is that when life falls apart, women gather.
I learned this lesson the very hardest way, sitting on the kitchen floor of my old house crying and feeling as though I just didn't even want to get up. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. That was during my first divorce. And unfortunately, I've had a couple of those where I've had the opportunity to learn this lesson again. And I just remember
laying there thinking I would never feel okay again. And it was a moment where I wasn't just sad, I was entirely shattered. I was staring at a future I had never planned for, and I was trying to figure out how I was supposed to want to keep going. And then women started showing up.
My closest friends that were as shattered by this breakup as I was, because they were the closest to it. They were hit by the most shrapnel and the hardest. They were there for me in ways they had never had to be, and I had never hoped to have to have them be, but they were there. And there were others, right? My my friend Amanda, who has been one of my very closest friends since our college days. In fact
We actually grew up going to summer camp together and we reconnected in college and she flew across the country and picked me up off of that kitchen floor and she cried with me and she told me to get up and she took me to get a tattoo and we really just sat in the trenches together over the course of that weekend and figured out one step at a time how I was going to
start coming back alive again. There were my law school friends who saw me wasting away, not taking good care of myself, and they showed up with groceries and they sat with me and cried with me at my kitchen table.
And others, myriad people, sat with me around that table. They listened to my sob stories for the 50th time. And it took me years. But those women, they held me and they listened every single time, not because they had any answers, but because they just wanted to bear witness and be there and hold space for me.
I can remember too during that time how my girlfriend Griffin knew I was like struggling. I had to pack and get moved out of my house. And I just didn't know how I could keep doing the thing, packing one box at a time. And so she hired some amazing women to come help me pack up my kitchen and pack up my house so that I could do the hard thing that had to be done to get me out of there.
And I think about that still, not because of the boxes, but because of what they all represented, right? She saw that I couldn't carry that load alone and decided that I shouldn't have to. And we often women are feeling that way, that we're carrying our loads alone. And I feel as though if we could just show up for each other, whether it be in story or in writing or in person.
That those loads would feel a lot less heavy. And I realized during this time, but even more profoundly afterwards, that I didn't know the true meaning of sisterhood. You know, I grew up with two brothers, I was the youngest of three. I desperately wanted a sister growing up, but I didn't have one. And I had lots of friends, you know, lots of girlfriends, so I understood friendship.
But sisterhood was something that did not come alive for me until I was in my 30s and even more so in my 40s. And divorce and hard times have taught me sisterhood. And those lessons continue to show up for me over and over and over again. And in fact, one of the women who showed up during that difficult season is actually helping me get this podcast off the ground today. And that kind of leads me to another lesson, which is that sisterhood.
sisterhood does not always look the way that you think it will.
Amanda and I met during my first divorce. We were working together at the career center at the law school. I had left my law practice at the law firm for a couple of years, knowing that I needed a transition. And so I was a career counselor at the law school. And I met Amanda there. And she came on board right about the time that I was hitting the skids in my marriage and things were falling apart. And I remember coming into work one day and just feeling like
Like I had no business being there, but I needed somebody to talk to. And she was the first person that I saw, and she was kind and she smiled and she was sweet. And I said, Do you have a minute? And she came into my office having no idea what she was getting herself into. And I probably promptly started crying and just sharing with her what was going on. Because another thing that I learned during that time was that I needed people in my corner who weren't connected to the relationship.
Yeah.
And damn if she did not show up just amazingly. She's ten years younger than me, we're ten years apart. And our friendship has now gotten stronger and stronger, and she's been there for me over the last fifteen years through everything, right? So we are at different ages and different stages and different everything. And on paper, there's no reason why we should have become best friends. But life had other plans. And she has now seen me through all those things. She's seen me through
Two divorces, a failed live-in relationship that only lasted seven weeks. Career changes from one place to another, moves, my assault a couple of years ago, the aftermath of all of that. And now she's helping bring what she said to life. And, you know, she's not the only one. When I think about
All the women who have changed me. I think about my family too. I think about my mother. I think about my aunt who I'm very close to. I think about my sisters-in-law and my nieces. All of these women are at very different stages of life, you know, maiden, mother, crone. And they have all walked with me through so many seasons of life, just like Amanda has.
And family holds a special place for you that others can't because they have seen you at every age and at every stage. And then there's the women that I have met in later stages of my life. You know, I've mentioned my law school friends, my closest friends that I went to college with that are still around here.
And even yet in my forties I've been meeting so many amazing women on retreats. Just last year I went to Bali with a group of predominantly women. There were some men in the group too who were incredible. But the sisters I met on that trip also in many different ages and stages of life. And we we cried together.
We laughed together, we hoped together, and we started weaving together our stories in ways that I know that these women will be walking with me for years to come. And we just know that people show up in our lives at the ages and the stages in which we're ready for them and they're ready to meet us.
I think about another sisterhood that I actually helped create in my 40s, and women who showed up in that sisterhood from ages 20s to 60s and everywhere in between. And those women taught me that there isn't one right way to be a woman. And that when we come together and we share our stories, that healing happens much more quickly when we are honest and forthcoming rather than
than when we're pretending.
And you know, all of these women that I've met in my twenties, thirties, forties, and soon to be fifties, they've taught me that the most important conversations don't happen on stages, they don't happen on social media, they don't happen in boardrooms.
They happen when women are feeling safe and safe enough to tell their truths, their hard truths, their beautiful truths, and everything in between. And another lesson that I've learned along that way is that these conversations happen when nobody's listening, nobody outside of the people in that intimate conversation. Think about the best conversations you've ever had with other women.
Mine weren't usually planned. They were happening over coffee. They were happening on walks, in those retreats, late at night, over happy hour, on somebody's couch. My couch that I'm sitting on right now is one of my favorite places in the world to have these intimate conversations. And it fascinates me how quickly women can get honest when they feel safe. One minute you're talking about your job and
Maybe just the annoyances that you're having, whether it be with your kids or at work or with another girlfriend. And twenty minutes later, you're talking about the hard things. You're talking about the affair. You're talking about the miscarriage, the debt you're carrying, the burnout you're experiencing, the marriage that isn't working, the marriage that you wish you had.
The fears that we carry with us, that we're too old, that we're too far behind, that maybe we've missed our chances at things.
And what I've learned is that women are carrying far more than they ever let the world see. They may be talking about some of these things, but they're talking quietly at times and in a way that shows that they don't feel that the world is ready yet for the things that they have to say. And
I have found myself over recent years just needing these deep and intimate conversations in a way that I never had before. And they've brought a lot of healing to me. And I'm hearing from other women that it brings healing for them as well. And you know, I learned a really difficult way that silence is expensive. And that's that's the fourth lesson that I want to talk a little bit about here today.
people who know me know that I am not a quiet person. Growing up, I was definitely
A little magpie, could not keep my mouth shut, talking about everything and anything that people would listen to. And as I've grown into adulthood, I definitely pride myself in using my voice. But there are times in life when we go through things that that maybe silence us a little bit more. And a couple years ago I had a really difficult experience that I'm sure we'll get into more on this podcast, where I found myself wanting to speak and trying to speak, but being
Being met with really hard disbelief and ugliness and backlash when I did try to speak out about something that was real and that was true. And I think that I had a worldview at the time that was just so optimistic, which is so naive, but I've had a very privileged experience in life, you know. And
When I'm finally using my voice to speak something that needs to be spoken and needs the light of day shined upon, but people don't want to hear it, it did something to me. It broke my spirit in a way that I have never experienced before. And the people who were closest to me at that time know exactly how broke it made me. Because my schema and understanding of the world was turned on its head.
And in the aftermath of that, I didn't feel like I had much of a choice but to be silent, to go underground, to lick my wounds like I had so many times before. But what I learned when I was underground is that silence and not speaking my truth became so deafening. And I had to claw my way out of that pit, and I did so with the help of some very strong and steadfast allies.
But I knew that my voice needed to come alive again because in that pit I learned that silence is not neutral and that silence costs us. It costs us connection. It costs us our healing. It costs us peace. It costs us ourself.
And so once I started talking again and writing again and telling the truth again, I realized that there are millions of women who are carrying things silently and not just assault like I had experienced, but also divorce and grief and shame and depression, anxiety, addiction, all of these things, the heartbreaks of life.
And that realization changed me because it made me ask the question that if telling the truth matters this much, then what am I gonna do with that realization for myself? And that's when
I knew that this needed to become born, right?
The final lesson for me here is that purpose doesn't arrive fully formed. You know, I've mentioned that I have a career,
I became the lawyer. I became an HR executive. I built a successful career and I love what I do. I really do. And I'm gonna keep doing it. But I also started to recognize along the way that there's another part of me that was asking for some attention, and a part of me that needed to speak up. And I am learning that there's a writer inside of me, there's this storyteller inside of me.
And I'm also a gatherer, you know, a gatherer of women. And it feels to me as though I always end up hearing people's deepest truths. And it's such an honor and privilege to do this.
I cannot tell you how many times virtual strangers, have sat next to me and started telling me their stories. And I love it. I always have. Because I believe that every woman is fascinating. And I've also learned that every single woman knows something that I don't. And I want to hear from them. I want to know those things and I want to share those things with the world.
And so at some point recently I started writing and paying attention and listening. And that's where what she said is coming from. It's not a business plan. It is coming through as a whisper and a nudge at every step along the way. And knowing that these are the things that I am meant to be doing.
And I don't know why. Like I said, it doesn't come fully formed, but I do know that I feel this urge and this need to share with all of you and to share your stories as well. And am I scared? Absolutely. A hundred percent. Am I terrified? Yes. What if nobody listens? What if nobody shows up? But the reality is those aren't the right questions because this isn't about me, you know?
We spend so much time listening to famous women, expert women, perfect women, polished women. That is not who I am, and I love many of those women. what I've learned is that some of the wisest women I've ever met
Don't have platforms. They aren't authors or influencers. They're not celebrities. They're just women like me and like most of you. Women carrying extraordinary stories while living ordinary lives. And that's who this podcast is for. So if you've ever felt unseen, if you've ever felt misunderstood, if you'd ever wished that somebody would just say the damn thing out loud.
You are in the right place. Welcome. Welcome to what she said. I can't wait to talk to you. I can't wait to hear your story. And I can't wait to hear you share your story. So here we go. Let's do it.
Angie (19:53)
Thanks for listening. If today's conversation stayed with you, share it with someone you love or leave us a review. And if it sparked a story of your own, I'd love to hear from you. I'll see you next time on What She Said.