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Giving Gifts
Giving gifts or purchasing things for your mentee is one of the more complicated topics you will face as a mentor. You want to be able to show your care and affection for your mentee through giving gifts, but so often they can become distractions in your mentoring relationship.
Let me be the first to say that this is a gray topic. It is not black and white. We are just giving you our perspective that we gained through years of mentoring.
We never want our mentee or their family to:
- See us as an ATM
- To hang out with us to get something
- Confuse our mentee when we don’t give them everything they want
This is especially difficult when the gifts you want to purchase are considered necessary items.
We have had mentees who:
- Needed new shoes
- Needed a bed
- Needed groceries
When needs like this pop up, we suggest you use your connections to a non-profit organization or a church to partner with your mentee to take care of those needs. We highly recommend building a relationship with other ancillary organizations such as food banks, clothing closets, and churches.
If you want to provide basic items, we’re ok with that, as long as the mentee and their family know it’s coming from someone other than you. This is a benefit to mentoring with a specific organization - they can be the fall guy when someone asks you for a gift. You can blame it on them.
But there is a difference between a want and a need.
We recommend that you do not purchase your mentee anything with the exception of a birthday present. We recommend that you place a $25 cap on the birthday gift that you purchase. An occasional purchasing of food and treats is another thing. Perhaps you want to take your mentee to a game or movie. Those are ok as long as you follow the rule of three and you make sure it doesn’t turn into something the mentee expects.
Your presence is enough. Obviously this is assuming basic needs are being provided, the best gift you can give your mentee is love and relationship.
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Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us and we can spotlight your org on the pod or on our website.
Contact us at zach@youcanmentor.com or at www.youcanmentor.com.
Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us and we can spotlight your org on the pod or on our website.
Contact us at zach@youcanmentor.com or at www.youcanmentor.com.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring organizations through resources and relationships to love God, love others and make disciples. Learn more at you can mentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. Today, we're going to be talking about giving gifts to your mentee. Now before we begin, let us be the 1st to say that giving gifts to your mentee is one of the most difficult and complex topics that you will face as a mentor.
Speaker 1:This is a very gray area. It's not always black and white, because every situation and every relationship is different. So what we're gonna do is we're just gonna give you the perspective that we have gained through our years of mentoring. Of course, you wanna be able to show your mentee care and affection by giving them gifts. But so often, the enemy can use this to become a distraction in your mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:There's a story about a mentor and mentee relationship that we experienced whenever we were first starting out as a not for profit. You see, we had this mentor who every single Wednesday, he would go and pick up his mentee. And they would go to a park or go get some ice cream, and they would talk, and it was awesome. And then at the end of every time that they met, the mentor would take the mentee to Walmart and give them $5. And he just said, hey, man.
Speaker 1:Whatever you wanna get, it's yours. So go. Well, one day, they're hanging out, having a great time, and the mentor's wife calls and says, hey, honey. I need you home. So the mentor is, like, well, okay.
Speaker 1:Of course, I'll go. So he tells his mentee, and they hop in the car, and they start to head home. Well, on the way home, the mentee says, hey. Aren't we gonna go to Walmart? Because we always go to Walmart.
Speaker 1:And the mentor just said, oh, I'm so sorry. We're not able to go this time. And the mentee flipped his lid. He got so upset, he started screaming, started to cuss, because he was so used to going to Walmart in this time, they couldn't do it. Now I'm not saying every mentee will react like that.
Speaker 1:Not every mentee will respond like that one mentee did. But it's a story that paints a picture of just how dangerous gift giving can be in your mentoring relationship. You see, we never want our mentee or their family to see us as an ATM. We don't ever want them to believe that they have to hang out with us to get something, or every time that they do hang out with us, they will get something. And we for sure don't wanna confuse our mentee when we don't give them everything that they want.
Speaker 1:Now this is especially difficult when the gifts you want to purchase are considered necessary items. So what do you do when you realize your mentee needs a new pair of shoes? What do you do when you see that they don't have a bed to sleep on or they don't have food in the refrigerator? See, when a need like this pops up, we suggest you use your connections to a nonprofit organization or church to partner with your mentee to take care of those specific basic needs. We highly recommend building relationships with other service organizations, such as food banks, clothing closets, and churches to take care of basic needs.
Speaker 1:If you wanna provide basic items, we're okay with that just as long as the mentee and their family know it's coming from someone other than you. So if you see that your mentee doesn't have a bed and you wanna purchase that, then go to a, food bank or go to a church and purchase that bed and give it to them and let them give it to the mentee. Right? You see, this is the benefit to mentoring with a specific organization. If you decide to say no to, some need that you consider not a basic need, such as a TV or, like, some kind of gaming console, you can put the fall on the nonprofit.
Speaker 1:Right? It's a way to say, oh, I'm sorry. I can't do that because it's their rules. Now we have to understand as mentors that there is a difference between a want and a need, and this is where it kinda starts to get gray. We, are going to we are going to trust that you know the difference between a want and a need.
Speaker 1:The next part of gifts is we recommend that you do not purchase your Minty anything with the exception of a birthday present. If you want to do that, and it's okay with the not for profit or the church that you mentor with, we recommend that you put a $25 cap on the birthday gift that you purchase. Of course, you're able to occasionally purchase other things like food or specific kinds of drinks or things like that. Maybe you wanna take your mentee to, to a game or to a movie. Well, we believe that it's okay to do that as long as you follow the rule of 3, and you make sure it doesn't turn into something the Minty expects.
Speaker 1:So I wouldn't do it every week. I might not even do it every month. But instead, just, if you wanna provide those experiences for your mentee, just try to make it random. We believe that your your presence is enough. Obviously, we want to ensure that all of the basic needs are met.
Speaker 1:But if they are, then we believe that the best gift you can give your mentee is love and relationship. Of course, we want to give them everything. Right? We wanna give them, all of the cool shoes and all of all the TVs and all of the gaming systems, but we believe that relationships change lives. And if you can can stay consistent and show up in the mentoring relationship that when it's all said and done is the most important thing.
Speaker 1:That is what will truly transform a life. Thank you. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Please share this with other mentors and download our free resources on our website. You can also order Zach's book, You Can Mentor, or John's book, Mephibsheth, on Amazon.
Speaker 1:Lastly, we'd really appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating on whatever listening platform you are tuning in on. If you'd like to connect with us further, please contact us through our website because we're always looking for new guests or connections. Thank you. Remember, you can mentor.