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The New Mom Podcast is a Christian motherhood podcast for women navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood.
Whether you're a first-time mom, expecting, or in the middle of sleepless nights, this show offers real, honest conversations about motherhood, marriage, identity, and faith. We talk about birth stories, postpartum recovery, relationships, mental health, and trusting God through every stage of motherhood. If you're looking for encouragement, practical advice, and a reminder that you're not alone—this podcast is for you.
Our prayer is that New Mom leaves you feeling seen, strengthened, and a little more equipped for the beautiful calling of motherhood!
New episodes weekly.
I think the heartbeat of God for the new mom is Matthew eleven twenty eight through 30, where he says, come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden. Some of it is stuff that's been put on you, that's the heavy laden. And the weary, that's you. You're tired, you're worn out, you're discouraged. Come to me and I will give you rest.
Carrie:Hello, and welcome back to New Mom. I'm your host, Carrie Alexander, and I am so excited to be with you here today. Today's episode is with Bethany Kimsey. Bethany is a wife, a mom of eight, and she also is the founder of Warrior Motherhood Ministry and has a podcast called the Warrior Mama Podcast. Bethany is first of all, I believe she has the most children out of any guests that I've ever had on New Mom.
Carrie:She literally has eight kids, and I think she said they range from age 10 to 27. So this woman has experience, and this might be a note taking episode. I know that for me and for so many of us, in addition to our own moms, we always desire more and more spiritual mothers in our lives, those who have gone before us and have wisdom to share. Bethany is so honest and humble about her mistakes that she's made along the way, but ultimately, she just continues to point all of us as new moms back to Jesus. We talk about practical discipleship.
Carrie:We talk about godly discipline, and just how kids can seek Jesus their whole life from watching us do the same. So, without further ado, here's my conversation with Bethany Kimsey. Bethany, welcome to New Mom! Thank you so much for being here today.
Bethany:Thank you for having me.
Carrie:I'm so excited to have you and to have sweet Chloe here in in the studio. And, I just appreciate you guys, like, taking a stop in Franklin. And, I'm just really excited to to have you here. I think you are my most seasoned mom that I've ever had on the on the podcast. I don't think I've ever had a mom of eight.
Carrie:So I'm very excited. I gotta, like, have my notebook to take some notes. I'm I'm loving it. But before we get too far, maybe just, like, tell tell the girls, like, a little bit about yourself, who you are, your your heart for ministry, and also maybe just a little about, like, you know, your family. Sure.
Bethany:Okay. So I am married to my husband for we're about to have our thirtieth wedding anniversary. Oh my gosh. Which is wild to me because, I don't know, it just doesn't seem like it's actually been that long. We have eight children.
Bethany:Their age range is from 27 down to 10. We have four boys and four girls. Those are questions people usually ask. And they usually want to know, did you have do you have twins in there? We don't.
Bethany:We have just eight- Individual babies. Eight individual little babies that that God blessed us with. I am, I run a ministry called Warrior Motherhood Ministry. It has a podcast that is associated with it called Warrior Mama Podcast. And really the whole goal is to help a mom connect her everyday life moments with her walk with Jesus.
Bethany:Because for me, when I was a young mom, I desperately wanted somebody who would help me do that. And, and kind of struggled to find her. And so that's what we're what we're doing. Yeah.
Carrie:Which is so amazing. I know that so many of my mom friends, like we talk about that all the time and I talk about this on the show some, but I felt similarly, obviously, I'm like very much in the new motherhood period.
Bethany:Mhmm.
Carrie:But I I so desired that because I think that like new moms, it's so common that we're all, like, just kinda trying to get through the day and desiring being like, one day I'll be able to get back to Jesus. One day I'll be able to get back to the things I'm passionate about or feeling connected to him and it's just not gonna be today. But I think that we can do that so much and enter that survival mode that all of a sudden, maybe a year has passed or a decade has passed Yeah. And we haven't had that time. So I just really appreciate your heart for that ministry and, like, your obedience to doing that because I know it has to bless so many women because we we desire it.
Carrie:Like, I know there's just so many of us that are like, our hearts, like, we want to connect with the Lord in these moments, these, like, mundane moments. Yes. But we don't always know how to do that. And to your point, we need someone to guide us. And I think also someone that goes before you is so important.
Carrie:You know, like a mentor, someone that has someone that has been there and someone that has walked through it. And so that's just really beautiful. Your ministry is really I was asking you kind of before we started recording, but if you don't mind, like, maybe maybe share a little bit. This isn't something you've been doing like forever. You were super dedicated to ministry in a different way before that.
Carrie:Could you just like share a little bit about that? Because I think even what you were saying about loving your mom friends in person, like that's so powerful too. So could you kind of just like tell a little bit of
Bethany:your story
Carrie:with that? How that shifted and
Bethany:yeah. Okay. So I really, my husband came so my husband and I met, he had come to know the Lord inside of ministry in medical school. And I had been walking in different ministry spaces as a young woman that were really focused in helping, understand the power of discipleship or mentorship or investing in another person's life. Like there's all sorts of catchphrases.
Bethany:But really, it's just life on life and pushing Jesus and who he is and walking with him and hearing his voice through your life. And so as we began to set, kind of walk into marriage and then walk into parenting, that was so important to us. And we knew we needed it, we needed people, speaking into our life and a few steps ahead. Kind of like what it talks about, where it says the older woman should pour into the younger woman and, you know, just that pouring in. And, and so then, the natural way that that happened in my world is I was a mom and really quickly, I had a bunch of kids.
Bethany:And so I was pretty much only doing mom things. And, and so the people who God was bringing to me were moms. And I began to realize that just like me, like I too have really struggled in motherhood with feeling like I just need to get through today. If I can get through today, maybe tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I can sit with you Jesus.
Bethany:Today, today's a hard thing. And instead, beginning to learn, oh, this is how you do it and beginning to hear from other moms. So this is how you do it. Oh, you did it this way. And so in those first few years of motherhood, I would meet with moms.
Bethany:I did a Bible study on my back porch, conveniently called the back porch Bible study. I mean, which I like, you know, that's where it was, that's where it met. That's what we did. And then we, you know, I would meet for coffee with moms and all that. And the Lord over it was very faithful.
Bethany:And so I had a huge season of motherhood and I was you know, that was pretty much what God said, that's where you are. And then whoever you pour into can be inside of this realm. And then in around 2019, God began to say what you were doing additively, like one by one by one, let's look at multiplying and let's do this in a way, let me multiply it, let me do more with it. And so that's kind of how warrior motherhood has been birthed is in this space of okay, Lord, so what does that look like? To do this in a way that is beyond you and me meeting at our coffee shop for an hour or at a playground with our kids running around.
Bethany:And that's what's happened.
Carrie:That's so cool. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Thanks for sharing the
Bethany:whole story. I just thought
Carrie:it was like worth worth noting. Okay. So first question I always ask is what is the Lord teaching you in this season of motherhood? And I'm very curious for your answer because your kids are such a it's such a range. I feel like a lot of the moms I ask are like, well, my kids are two and under two, so it's this.
Carrie:But you have such a range going on. Like, what's the Lord teaching you in this particular season?
Bethany:Trust. So I think and letting Him lead what and how I interact with my kids. So learning to trust that he holds them better than I can hold them. He loves them more, more fully and better than I actually could ever love them. And He is for them.
Bethany:So that one's the big one for me. He's for them more than I'm for them. And so if that is true, and if I believe that is true, then his invitation to me is so trust me, like don't trust in what you do, don't trust in what your plans are, know, trust me. So that's been, you know, so we've launched in the last couple of years, we've launched several to college. Right now we have two who are married, and they both have two grandkids, they have two children each.
Bethany:I have now four grandchildren, which was wild to me. Just was like, I'm still teaching somebody over here to like read and do multiplication. Yeah, that's
Carrie:such an age camp.
Bethany:That's so fun. I'm still going to T ball and I now have grandkids. You're not grandma. But in this of like helping children move through stages and seasons, in every single stage and season, whether they were nursing, and I, the Lord was like, and the reality is this is probably a story of my entire life is that they don't trust everybody else's opinions. Don't trust, you know, what worked for your mom or what worked for her best.
Bethany:Like ask me first. And then trust me, if I say this is gonna work, trust me and watch what I do. And so now that we're launching kids feels like that. Sometimes we're like, Oh, Lord, maybe I need to get in there and really, you know, do some work. And Lord's like, just trust, trust.
Bethany:So you
Carrie:have kids such different ages. Do you feel like having, like, young ones still in the house and then seeing the older ones, do you what is that like to have all those seasons going on at one time? Like, is it do you feel like with each child, it just looks completely different? Like, I'm just wondering because I only have one right now. Yeah.
Carrie:But those are such different ways of trust. Like, it's gonna look very different when you're with your little one than ones that are out the house. But like, how does that how does that look? Like
Bethany:Well, so there was Okay, so when we had our last baby, who's now 10, I had a newborn all the way up to a senior in high school. And so I was launching my first into college. And I was like nursing a baby at night, and then I had a two year old I was trying to potty train. And that's the only gap we have then we had a 5.5 year old that I was trying to teach to read and onwards, right? So we literally in that season, we had somebody in any possible framework of parenting I could think of, we had a kid there.
Bethany:And the lesson I learned really clearly in that season, and I had kind of known it and was getting inklings obviously as my kids were growing up, is that every child is completely unique. You're never going to get a duplicate. So but the glory of that is that in God's beautiful creativity with this child, He completely, intimately, perfectly knows that child. And he wants to team up with me with mine, he wants to team up with you with yours, and help you understand this child that he's given you to steward and to raise. And so like, learning to trust that is really this going back to the one who made this child and go, Okay, here we are.
Bethany:Let me give you all my worries and all my concerns and all the ways I kind of want to get in here and like, do some surgery and fix some stuff that I see as a problem or whatever. Yeah. And, and instead goes to Lord, just show me what am I supposed to do with this one in this moment in this season. And the faithfulness of God is He promises in His Word. Like it is a promise.
Bethany:And for me as a young mom, when he showed me, number one that he promises in Isaiah forty eleven, that he's going lead us gently. So he's, that is a promise that says I will, you know, lead those who have young gently. So his heartbeat is gentleness. But he's also going to lead us. And then Jeremiah 30 three:three, where he says, you know, if you will ask me, call to me, and I'll answer you.
Bethany:And I'll tell you the great and mighty things that you do not know. And I find that verse when I was a young mom, I had three under three and I was overwhelmed and not doing well. I was not doing well. And, and God was like, Why don't you just believe that verse, just that verse, just believe that one, and begin to ask me. And so beginning that showed me that then set me up for, you know, in that season with every single one from zero to 17, and is even now 10 to 27 of my learning this pattern of okay, so my first response needs to be, what do you think, Lord?
Bethany:What should we do here?
Carrie:So it's something that you learned over time. Just didn't The first one didn't pop out and you're like,
Bethany:what do you No, want, I was in motherhood for me, I had this idea that it should be natural and easy and I should just be good at
Carrie:it. Because you hear motherly intuition. You just take over. It just cut you know, you'll know.
Bethany:And that I was I really wanted to be a mom. Mhmm. So my backstory is I was actually told I probably wouldn't ever be able to have children. And yet it had been always something even growing up, was like, I want to be a mom. I just knew I wanted to be a mom.
Bethany:I wanted to do other things too, but I wanted to be a mom. And so then being told that it was like, oh. And so then very quickly, it's like, well, I guess I guess we'll adopt. I mean, I still want to be a mother. Want to and and so that I just assumed since I wanted it so much, and it was in me that I wanted to do this, that it would just be natural.
Bethany:Seamless.
Carrie:That's I felt the exact same way because I always knew. I'm the I'm the first born daughter. I was like, I am meant to be a mom. Like, I've been a mom since I was two. You know?
Carrie:Yes. And and I I'm so early in talking to you, it's so sweet. So I'm like, I'm only 15. Please give me all your wisdom. I'm fifteen months into this, but oh my gosh, it's been such a journey already to be like, oh, wait, what?
Carrie:Even the first week when he wasn't latching well or all these things, I'm like, wait, but what?
Bethany:I thought this was supposed to
Carrie:be, like, seamless and beautiful. Like, this is actually really I don't know what I'm doing. No one told me. I thought, you know, and then they're they're crying. And then now now it's a little bit of discipline.
Carrie:He's, you know, he's testing the boundaries. And it's something my husband and I are just kinda, like, learning together. You know, how many times do we say no? Do we do we pat his hand? Like, is that okay?
Carrie:Like, I don't you hear so many different things. And we're like, oh, wow. Like, I we are learning together and we're relying on the Lord. And and I think that's such a beautiful piece of advice that I wanna continue taking more of. I think everybody listening, like, it's so good to just constantly be in that union with the Lord on that of, what does my child need right now?
Carrie:But it did not just come naturally. So thank you for saying that. Because I'm like, there's there's the love does. Right? Like, of course.
Carrie:But you grow with your baby. And someone told me that. Don't remember what mom it was. It was a mom that was a bit older. It might have been my mom.
Carrie:It's like, you're gonna grow with your child. You know? Like, you're not you're gonna they're gonna grow and learn. And kinda like on that topic, do you have any specific takeaways? Like, when you were a new mom and you were, like, bringing home your first baby or that first year, even, like, the phase that I'm in or phase that Chloe's in.
Carrie:Like, when you're in those first few years, do you remember, like, what some specific things that you were struck maybe some specifics, like, since there are moms that are listening that are definitely in that phase, like, things maybe you were struggling with or lies you were believing or it could be anything. And then, like, how has the Lord kind of delivered you through that? Yeah. Like, just just do you like Do you remember that time very well or is it a I do. I do.
Bethany:Yeah. I think the the first thing that I had to learn and really be like, Yes, Lord. I agree with that. Was this idea that so when I first came home and my first child, I don't know if it was me. And if it was my child, it was a combination of us.
Bethany:I mean, I think I was an anxious mom with my first and I was I just want to do everything right. And in my personality is I really like to get an A. So I wanted an A in the Okay. Other And so from the beginning, the Lord was having to rewire a big, like part of my heart of, hey, I'm not calling you to get an A. I'm not calling you to do everything perfectly.
Bethany:I'm asking, I'm inviting you to do it surrendered. But it's not about perfection. It's just not. And so that was probably the first unwrapping. And then the second thing that I really had to understand and embrace was that God gave me this child.
Bethany:Like God is a God of order, not a God of chaos. And I tend to be more of a flowery mom. And what I mean by that, so we laugh in my my marriage because my husband is like, by the book, da da da da da, and I'm super flowery and like, oh, it's good. We're fine. So I'm much more like that.
Bethany:And I'm gonna tell you like all the flowery ways that I love you, but you cannot hit your sister. You know, that's how that's my natural response, for instance, in parenting or in discipline is I wanna make sure you are loved and esteemed and you have all the space to grow and all that. Right? Except what I really had to realign was that God is a God of order, and yet we know the natural laws in our world is that everything goes to chaos. So this baby that comes in, I naturally, in my self thought, well, this baby's gonna know what it needs, he needs.
Bethany:And I began at first by letting this baby dictate and learning, wait a minute, God has given me this hole to steward and to shepherd. And I'm the one who puts order around it. And this was a hard back for me. Like I just it was not natural, I'm telling you. And I'm the one who says this is how our day is gonna run.
Bethany:You're
Carrie:shepherding the flock of your Yes.
Bethany:And I'm the one who's going to say, Oh, I think you're tired. Even if when they get a little older and they're like, I'm not tired. And I'm like, you are, you are, you're gonna lay down. Instead and I really had to because for some reason in there, I wanted to get an A in relationship to my child. So I wanted my child to like me.
Bethany:And learning that loving my child is far more important than them in their childishness, approving me as a mom. Yeah. Does that make sense?
Carrie:Oh gosh. Yes, it makes so much sense to me. I'm laughing because I I babysat so much before my son. Like, I always struggle with that where I was like, I want to be someone that people will listen to, but I want this I want this kid to like me. Like, I wanna be the fun babysitter.
Bethany:And I find that with my son now. Highly motivated to have fun Yeah. And for things to be It's a great quality. And discipline Yes. Is not fun.
Bethany:Mhmm. And and really creating order and structure is kind of unfun.
Carrie:So how did you you still seem like a lovely fun person to me, but also it sounds like you incorporated some structure. So what did godly discipline look like? Or just creating order like, what did that what did that look like in your household? I'm sure it was different all the time, but like, how did that kinda shift for you and how did you find in a way that felt right for you but that gave your kids that that order?
Bethany:So I, so as I grew, like a couple of big things for me was in terms of more of a disciplined side of things, like we're going to be good listeners and we're going to be good obeyers. Like we're gonna obey. It'll keep you safe. It'll keep you primarily safe. Physically safe usually.
Bethany:Obedience is a safety And issue we're going to be respectful and those kinds of things. We had pretty ordered days. And and I think that that, again, I had three under three and so really fast, we had a lot happening. And for my own mental health, I began to learn, I have to put structure around today. I cannot float with all these children because everybody's floating in a different direction.
Bethany:And we're not actually moving in a purposeful way. And so one of the things that we and we still use it today, my big kids, I mean, now they'll put themselves in room time. But we I did room time. And so that was in really the best part of the day for your kids when they're little. So like you have a 15 old, probably the best part of your little one's day, like where they're the most like energetic, vibrant, happy little player is in the morning.
Carrie:And
Bethany:so I would get them up and feed everybody. And, you know, everybody's dressed and clean and whatever. And then we'd have room time. And I would say it's room time. And I would set up a play area for every little person.
Bethany:And we lived in small places. So it's not like everybody got their own room. In fact, I don't believe a room is I think it's too big of a place for a little person. So usually I would
Carrie:use It's more of an area.
Bethany:Like I would use their crib. Or I had a pack and play for a couple of them. And I would like, like merchandise their crib. So like in one corner would be like two little books that I know they really love to read. That's so cute.
Bethany:And in another corner would be some little like for his age would be like the little stacking cups, and maybe a couple of little people. And I would maybe put take one stacking cup out and put a little person in it and be like, so it's like an idea. Yes. You can do this with these. And then in another corner, maybe it would be some cars and maybe a couple blocks.
Bethany:And I would stack that up and do something, arrange it and show it. And then in the other corner would be just some other little fun manipulatives that they don't see regularly. Don't just get these all the time. Then I would always let them have their levy in their room time. Or yes, if they have a passe, let them have their passe, you don't care.
Bethany:And I would play music. And I would walk that child into their room time. I'm like, oh, look how fun. Here's your room down. There's some books for you to read.
Bethany:Here's a puzzle for you to do. You can play with those cars. Oh, look at that little person in the cup. You're gonna have so much fun. I love you.
Bethany:And I would pop him in there. So cute. And I would walk out of the room and you have to teach your children to play independently.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Bethany:Like they don't they don't come out naturally doing this. Yes. So we train it. It's a muscle. But we really want them to play and get engrossed in their play.
Bethany:That's why for instance, with like capacity when they're young, I don't care because if that's going to help you concentrate, okay. And then my goal is that they'll play ultimately for thirty to forty minutes on their own with just the set toys I've put in there for them, listening to their music. So I always just put like kids' worship music on, you know, something fun in their room. And then at the end, I would go back in and be like, oh, did you have so much fun in playtime or room time? I called it room time.
Bethany:Did you have so much fun in room time? And they would be happy to see my, I am so happy to Let's see clean up your bed. Let's put everything away. And I would help them clean up. And I would, you know, they learned to stand there inside the crib still and hand me everything.
Bethany:And I would go put it all away. Then I would scoop them up, we'd throw the passe back in the bed, we'd go celebrate with a high five and go get a snack.
Carrie:Oh, that's so cute. That's really practical. That's great.
Bethany:And what that allowed for me in my mental health was I knew I had thirty to forty minutes where I could sit with Jesus, I could sit just on my back porch if I needed to just have a cup of coffee. If I just needed to, I tried actually not to use that to do all the chores of the day. That's not the best use of that. But I found for me, I really needed my time to just be like, okay, how are we doing today? Because we'd already gone through the morning rush.
Bethany:And if it didn't go well, if I had a moody kid, or I was moody, I would need the reset. But it would that was probably the biggest thing and training my children to do that. Then allowed, honestly, later on if like in the five o'clock crazies, and you had that one child who's just coming undone, you'd like, you know what, I think we're gonna have some room time instead of me always being at war with you. And I would go back and we'd set up their room and they had learned that muscle of I can play independently and I'm okay. And I would let them And that would usually give some healthy, where they could kinda chill out a little bit.
Carrie:Yeah. That's really good. Okay. For moms that maybe like My son's 15. So he'll play on his own, but like I don't necessarily fully walk away where like maybe he's half engaged with me, playing on his own and I really wanna grow.
Carrie:This is something I've been telling my mom and his mom lately. What would you say for like the baby that just still is like, like whining around and like, how do you because I don't wanna I don't wanna like hurt his feelings and have him be super upset. But it's I also know it's it's okay if they're if they need to learn that muscle. I'm like, okay, you're gonna cry for a second but like, this is good for you. Do you remember that phase?
Carrie:Like, where you're kind of like this is like the initiation of So
Bethany:I did it. I would do it in so my goal was to get to forty minutes. Okay. So that means we start with ten. Mhmm.
Bethany:And so it's just you would do it. I would set something up. The best thing you can do is not be seen or heard by your child. Okay, that's really good. So the music is there so that they can't hear you if you're on a phone call in the next room.
Bethany:And then all of a sudden remember, oh, wait, mom's over there. Want to be with mom. So you know, and and I would put them in a place where then I'm not gonna pass by. So if they're just in a pack and play in the living room, then I'm probably gonna stay back in my bedroom.
Carrie:Yeah, that's really smart.
Bethany:Okay. I'm gonna not pass by because that is hard. Like, it's just like, you would never walk by If your child's
Carrie:in a
Bethany:nursery at church, you would never walk by the nursery room That is unless so true. You're not gonna do that.
Carrie:Yep. You're not kid not alive. Belt that kid on your hip. That's right.
Bethany:Yeah. So in essence, you're doing the same concept, and you're just you're patiently growing it. So the first day, then the expectation is they probably won't like it the first day. They don't know what they're supposed to do in here. So pick the pick the best toys that you know are his favorites.
Bethany:The winners. Okay. The winners. You put them there and then they really don't come out to play later on in the day with you. They begin to become, oh, these really he really gets lost in play with this or that, you know?
Bethany:And you'll begin to learn even when like I began to learn, this child really loves anything that has wheels. And so maybe later on, I would pick up a couple of new things, you know, like I had one and I mean, that child just loved anything that was like a, like an excavator and a dump truck and not really so much a racing car, but like all those kinds of cars. So you know, you pick them all up, and then they would only come out in room time. And so then room time is fun, because I don't see those toys the rest of the day. Yeah.
Bethany:And you just grow it. It's just ten minutes.
Carrie:That's really helpful for me.
Bethany:Then I would always be listening. So when I was helping my child get that to that space, I'm listening and I'm like at ten minutes, I may if it was the very first day, go back in and go, woo hoo, and celebrate. And it's done. And then the next day I go, wait, they did ten. Let's try fifteen.
Bethany:And see how they do. And I'm listening. And if I begin to hear a whole lot of fretfulness happening, then I'm just going to go in easy breezy. I'm so glad you're done. Like, you know, have fun.
Bethany:Let's clean up. Let's go get a snack.
Carrie:That's great. That's great. That's very helpful. Okay. I wanna go back for a second to when you were talking about, loving loving moms pouring into moms, moms finding Jesus in these everyday moments.
Carrie:Right? Like that that struggle. And you were saying, okay, like at some point I started to get it or I was helping other moms sort of get that each day, these are our days. These are the days we have, Laura wants to meet us and that. What are some ways that that can be?
Carrie:Like just for moms that are listening, they're like, I want that. Yes. I want to feel God today. Don't wanna push it off to tomorrow, but also it is hectic. How have you seen, like maybe what encouragement have you given moms that you think has really clicked or helped them just to embrace the Lord and, yeah, whether it's rhythms or it's just truths, like what has that what have you found?
Carrie:I think
Bethany:the first thing that if I were to like, if we were to just submit for coffee- Yes. And and, you know, I say, well, the very first thing I'm gonna tell you to do is before you get out of bed, just your baby can cry for another one minute. If you've been woken up by your baby and you're like, oh, it's time to get up. Before you get out of bed, you really need to start connected to Jesus. And beginning that moment of going morning to Jesus, and laying there for a minute and saying, here's my heart.
Bethany:Here's where I am. And taking kind of some stock and going, I kind of feel like I'm waking up grumpy, or I'm tired. We were up a lot last night, or whatever it is, understanding that Jesus absolutely wants to and will accompany you through your whole day. He's there. It's really more, are you aware and are you engaged with Him than Him not being there?
Bethany:Because He promises He's always with you. Yeah. So the truth is more how do I begin to learn to engage with him? And so for me, that was and I used to call it, know, bread before bread, meaning like, I'm going to sit with Jesus, and I'm going to receive that kind of bread before I'm going to go eat anything. But it really just for me had to start in my bed.
Bethany:I didn't, I just I'm not a morning person. Mhmm. I'm not somebody who's gonna get up Mhmm. An hour ahead of time to do a quiet time. So that's if you felt that pressure, I just wanna encourage you like it can happen in different like that's why for me it's in room time.
Carrie:Yes. This is really helpful to hear. I'm a morning person, and so many of my friends are like, that does not work for me. Like, lot of my we're we're all wired differently. Yes.
Carrie:So this is really helpful to hear. Because you do hear that. It's like you gotta get up and light a candle at 5AM And and you're gonna fail the day.
Bethany:And and there have been seasons where I could, where physically I could. There's been a lot of seasons where I could not. I just had been up all night running between bedrooms and stuff. And so, but I can lay in my bed for just a minute or two more and purposely say, Hey, good morning. I'm going to worship you today.
Bethany:I'm gonna I want to connect with you. Want to remember who you are. I want to remember what you've given me. You created me to walk with you. You saved me that I could can walk with you.
Bethany:You give me your presence, and you've put your spirit in me. So I'm going to sit here, And I'm going to step out of this bed with you and intentionally try and start today with you. It changes the way you walk into the baby's room who's crying. And they're thirty minutes, they're up thirty minutes before they're supposed to be up. And you're like, Oh, great.
Bethany:You're gonna wreck the whole day. Yes. It does change that. And so for me, was that was an important habit. And it's just that just has to choose to be a habit.
Bethany:There was a season where literally I had it on a, like on a sign by my bed. Like I'd also put it on my mirror. Like I had so many notes on my mirror because I could stumble to my bathroom to brush my teeth. And you do that. And that was when my brain turned on.
Bethany:It was like it wasn't actually on until I got there. So I would put it on my bathroom mirror just to remind myself stop and just meet with Jesus first. Don't go engage with anybody else. So that was that was a big first habit that I had to learn. And then from there, then it became just beginning to learn.
Bethany:Okay, God promises. And his promises are true. And so if I begin to learn and know and grow inside of His promises, then that is what I'm going to center my life around. And that is what's going to flow out of me into the lives of my kids. So that was the second thing that began to go, okay, so what is one promise I can hold to in this season of my life with these kids?
Bethany:Not 44. Don't find everything, just find one. And go, okay, Lord, this is right here. This is what I need for right now.
Carrie:It's really beautiful. So with you having kids that are older and some of them have kids of their own, which is really beautiful, has it been what is that like being a mom at that age and seeing, like, the fruit of your work? Kinda like they're out in the world. They're starting their own families, you see them raising babies. Yeah.
Carrie:Has that been like I don't I think about that a lot being a young mom. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, there's gonna be a day where Archie reflects the kind of mom that I was, you know? Or like, the way that he learned about Jesus based on how Connor and I like, what we told him about his identity and things like that. Like Yeah.
Carrie:Have you have you seen the fruit of that, like, with your with your grown kids? And are there things that they've ever reflected to you? Like, hey, when you did that or the way
Bethany:that you the way that you
Carrie:and dad spoke about this or in a bad way. It could it could be something you messed up.
Bethany:I don't
Carrie:know. But what has that been like? Because you've got older Okay.
Bethany:So
Carrie:because let's we're be this young one.
Bethany:Be dispelling anything. Like, people tend
Carrie:to look and they're like,
Bethany:oh my gosh. She must be amazing. No. So first of all, I'm a sinner. And then all my children, they're also sinners.
Bethany:So we all get together. I'm just the chief sinner among So a bunch of I've messed up a lot. I mean, we all have. There's been so many things that my children over the years were like, why did you say that? Or why did you do that?
Bethany:Or remember when you went crazy and you did? Like, I mean, so many stories. So I think there is so much joy to watch your children walk in truth. That is such a true scripture that just to watch your kids walk with Jesus and be in awe. Not of what you've done because you really know all you've done is messily walk with them, but to see what God has done and to give glory to him for what he has done because he is at work and he is doing it.
Bethany:And we get to walk with him. And I think that is like when I so with the first we kind of weirdly divide our kids into bigs and littles, even though there's really only two years between everybody. But the first four, it really took me until my oldest few were about eight and 10. So they're about four, six, eight and 10. When I began to fully understand what the gospel was, and what the gospel was not.
Bethany:And that God wanted to set me free from performance, and trying to get an A. And that my child was not a product that I was expected to turn out. And the Lord began to unpack for me, Bethany, you see raising your children as products. And that's not unusual, Bethany, because everything in your world is about making a product. So it doesn't matter what we do.
Bethany:As someone growing up in this culture, we're going to see it in terms of outcome and in terms of is it good? Is it popular? Did it do well? You know, product mentality. Yeah.
Bethany:And everything that we do. And so understanding that helps us understand that God functions in a completely different economy. It's the gospel. He created us for relationship with him. But our sin separates it.
Bethany:We can't do anything about it. And yet God, because he knew that, sent Jesus not only to rescue us, but to change us, and then to walk with us every day here in a completely new way, which is not product driven. God goes, No, you're in process with me. And your kids are in process with me. And so when I began to go back to my kids and go, do you think that God is mad at you?
Bethany:Because you did that? For instance, because when we discipline our kids, we take them out of the fray of all the other kids and we usually ask them to go sit in the bathroom so we can talk to them in bathroom. So everybody else isn't like standing behind us and going
Carrie:Oh, yeah. That's good advice. Good advice.
Bethany:You know? Yeah. And so it pulls any shame off of it, because nobody else is hearing the rebuke you're receiving. And it's private. Right.
Bethany:In the back. But going in the bathroom, in that season, when I was learning this, I remember asking one of my kids that first time going, Do you think God's mad at you? Because you did that out there? And he's like, yeah. He's so mad at me.
Bethany:But scripturally, for a child who's saved, which he was, all the wrath of God has already been extended on the cross. There is no wrath of God extended on the child, except I was parenting of putting pressure and I was mad. And I was a picture of God to my child. So therefore, God must be mad. Yeah.
Bethany:You're a child. You're mad. Must be mad. This is bad. I did a bad thing.
Bethany:And in learning to reorient not just my own thinking and my own parenting, but help reorient my top four kids who I really, really parented them and inside of performance and behavior modification. And helping instead to begin to parent them according to heart transformation. What I mean, that's the biggest if I could ever go back and reset my whole parenting, I would take from the beginning what I know now. Yeah. But God is so gracious and to us and to our kids.
Bethany:So what? Yeah, I'm big time, had to re message everything and my kids would tell you stories of all the ways I had given great, very manipulative, inducing lectures probably.
Carrie:Which thank you for being honest about that because I so relate to that performance thing. What what would you tell a new mom now and saying, okay, don't do that. Yeah. What would be an example of a way to discipline them out of that place of transformation and love? Like, what might that look like?
Carrie:If you're like, you know what? I learned to do it more this way. Like, what would that be maybe? Okay. So we teach
Bethany:at We're Motherhood, we teach a concept called, gospel centered discipline conversation. And it really, to me is comprised of four parts. So correction is important. That's the first part. So we do have to correct whatever behavior it was, hey, what did you why did you do what you just did?
Bethany:Like, what was that? But if we stop there, then we're just like everybody else in the world. And we just go don't do that. It's not nice. That's just correction.
Bethany:But we really want to go into heart inspection and help the child begin to understand what was going on that motivated me to do this action. Mhmm. Because that's true for all of us. When we're sitting and walking with Jesus, what does the spirit do? I mean, he's like, hey, don't do that.
Bethany:But he's like, do you understand why you did that? You did that because this is what's going on in your heart or you're believing this lie or this is what you've learned to do. And so as parents, we actually want to get in there and have heart transforming work happen because that's where they understand their need for Jesus. Yeah. It's not in don't hit your sister.
Bethany:It's in, hey, I know you feel threatened and frustrated by her. But whatever the lie is, or whatever her his flesh is or her flesh is in it. But this is what God came. He sent Jesus to renew and redeem you. So then it's like bringing them from correction to inspection of their heart to repentance, which is not our work.
Bethany:We can't make our child repent. That's the work of the Holy Spirit. So we just are working with the spirit to do this work. And then the ending of discipline is always a blessing of going this is what I see God doing in you. This is where he's leading you.
Bethany:And this is how I'm praying for you. So that's kind of like, if you are a mom, and you are like, what does it look like? It looks like understanding this child more than anything, more than being a good kid, this child needs Jesus. And they may know Jesus, He may already be their savior. So they need to learn how to hear His voice and walk with Him.
Bethany:That's beautiful. And if they don't know Jesus, they need to know Jesus.
Carrie:Yeah. That's really helpful. That that'll definitely be listening back to this episode in time, Jeff, breaking some notes later and writing that down. The four steps is really good. That's really good.
Carrie:How do you pray for your kids? And how has that has that, like, looked this I'm sure different in, like, different seasons? And what would you say for a mom like me, like a young mom of, this is a way you can pray for your kids or
Bethany:what it So I, I pray, I learned to pray again, I learned this inside of a really hard season, where I had been praying just a lot of kind of like, pop up prayers of help this job with this or, you know, keep them safe all day when they go to school or whatever. Yeah. And the Lord began to invite me to pray very specifically and to pray scripture, to pray God's word for my children. I actually have a a prayer journal. I don't know that you would know I had it, but, where it just escorts you for a year of praying scripture for your children.
Carrie:Oh, that's amazing.
Bethany:Yeah. It it was and it's really the way I pray for my kids.
Carrie:So Oh, okay.
Bethany:And this is a resource you
Carrie:could you could get? You could get it. On your website? Yeah.
Bethany:You can
Carrie:get it. Okay. Need to link that in the show notes. This is great.
Bethany:Okay. Continue. So it's, it's called the Warrior Mama's Prayer Journal, and it's just over the course of a month, you pray through 30 concepts around your child. And each one is attached to Scripture. And then you would write just a very simple prayer, really just rewriting Scripture, inserting your child's name.
Bethany:Because the power of praying is praying God's Word is so powerful. And God began to teach that to me. And then what happens is then the next month you would return to that same prayer. So like day two means that March 2, April 2, June 2, that's where you are. And so you would go back to that prayer that you prayed a month ago.
Bethany:And there's going to be some shift and some change, you're going to see God working in these prayers. That's only going to motivate you to pray more. But that's, I learned to pray very specifically and to ask the Lord for scripture and for promises for my children. And some of that comes in that prayer journal. Those are the ones that I pray consistently for my kids.
Carrie:Okay. I gotta get this journal. That sounds so great. Because sometimes and I'm sure so many moms relate to this and maybe you felt this at the beginning. Chloe, maybe you felt this.
Carrie:I keep referring to Chloe. I wish she was on camera too. I know. But anyway, we're all in this conversation. But I I will just get, like, pop up prayers, what you mentioned.
Carrie:I I can have a habit of, like, I should pray for him. And so I'll kinda just say like, my daily prayers that I'd say for myself, which is obviously beautiful. There's and the Lord loves Yes. But I think that having sometimes we need a prompt. Sometimes we just need a little help of, if someone says, yeah, how this area of your child's life.
Carrie:It's like, oh, now that you mentioned that subject, I do have things I could pray about that. I just wouldn't think to because I'm just pleading the blood of Jesus over him real fast and praying protection and health and safety and I hope that he loves you all of his days. Lord, good night. And that's great. But, but the specifics and I I just think it's so helpful.
Carrie:I really thrive with, like, having prompts like that. So I think that journal, I definitely would love. I'm sure there's lot of moms listening that are like, oh, that's helpful. Just like people will tell you to, like, put things in just with in general with prayer life, it's like, things in today, pray for family. Tomorrow, pray for this.
Carrie:Like, we get overwhelmed and we're like, how do I pray for the world and everything all at But it's helpful to say, today, this is when I pray for with my kid. So I think that's such a helpful tool. Yeah.
Bethany:It was it was it came in a season that was really hard for me. And I was, so the enemy will come and tell you a lie in this space that you kind of are doing okay in usually. And so you know, the enemy's lie was like, you're not praying well enough for your kids. That's why it's all falling apart. That's why everything's going to bed, you know, pot.
Bethany:It's because you are not praying good enough for us. And I'm like, is that true? Could that be true? You know, and I kind of, for some months, and there was like, maybe that's true, because we are really is bad around here. And if we detailed it, you'll be like, was a bad that was a bad season.
Bethany:It was a bad season. And yet, God was like, because remember, he leads us gently. So his invitation was like, Bethany, why don't you just let's talk about it? How could you do this in a way in a manner that you could confidently say, you know what, I am laying my children before you. And I can tell that enemy to go in that space.
Bethany:You cannot come against me here and tell me lies. And so that's really the whole scope of the journal is for one week out of every month, you pray that they will understand different facets of the gospel so that they come to know who Jesus is. Another week of the month, you're praying over different character qualities like, how would they be a man or a woman who walks in love? How will they be someone who walks in truth? Like, what can we be praying for?
Bethany:For these things to become evident in my child's life. And then another week, you're praying over this spiritual battle that rages all the ways the enemy wants to bring a lie, discouragement and destruction to your child, and to pray protection of your child. And then the final week, is you're praying for all those big future things, even the things that you know, because at the time, I figured I was working this journal out. I mean, I did I had a newborn. So I mean, like, but I was like, yeah, I actually asked, I already want to start praying these things for decision making and for friends long term and for who we might marry.
Bethany:Like, wanna pray these.
Carrie:So That's so fun. Last question I have, I guess, about all of this. And this is so fun for me. Like, I love having you because I feel like I'm just getting coffee with someone with so much wisdom. Like, okay, questions are just popping up in my mind.
Carrie:I didn't write any of these down. They're so good though. We always say, okay. Like, we wanna raise these godly kids. Like, we wanna raise these godly kids.
Carrie:Mhmm. What is the balance? Like, because, you know, you see so many parents that are, like, the constant talking about Jesus, constant devotionals, constant all that, your kid rebels, or it goes amazing, and your kid loves the Lord all their days. Or people can be like, well, I wanted to be hands off, and it really worked out. They found the Lord on their own.
Carrie:You know, we just gave them some of those tools. Or you have, I really I tried to let them do their thing, and look, they they found the world, and they never came back to the Lord. So all that to say, I think that, like, so many of my mom friends, we all just talk about, like, we don't want to be too much on our kids.
Bethany:Mhmm.
Carrie:Talking about Jesus too much. But also, is there too much when this world is so broken? Like, they need to know that. Yeah. Did you and your husband talk about that a lot?
Carrie:Like, how did you guys go about that? Because I really want to know. And I know, like, we're gonna fall short. We're not gonna do it perfectly. We gotta trust that the Lord has them.
Carrie:But what did that look like for you guys? Like, did you lean one way or the other in different seasons? Or
Bethany:Okay. I have wrestled all of that. Mhmm. Because I think a long time ago, actually, somebody very close to us inside of Family Dynamics said, I mean, don't you think you're just brainwashing your kid? And I was like, you know, that one really kind of made me I was like, I kind of pulled back on that.
Bethany:And I'm like, wait a minute. So here's what I believe. No, number one, you're not brainwashing your child. Say that. You're not, you're not brainwashing your child.
Bethany:If so here and here's the analogy, if we're all in a desert, and we're all thirsting to death, but I know where the well is. Would I just randomly every month or two tell you where you could maybe find the well? Or would I be calling you to live with me by the well? To sit at the well, to just drink from it. Don't go out there.
Bethany:It's dry. You're gonna thirst to death. Well, the truth is Jesus literally said that. As he said in John seven thirty seven through 39, he said, anyone who thirsty, come to me, come to me, and streams of living water will flow out of you. And he's talking about walking with the Holy Spirit.
Bethany:I mean, actually, John literally goes, he's talking about the Holy Spirit who had not come. And, and so there is, again, a lot of pressure, because the rub is always going to be, am I just seeking a product? So I trying to get a pat on the back, and an A by forcing a child into a widget hole of be a good Christian.
Carrie:Right.
Bethany:That's not what we wanna be. But when we spend our days at the well, and we're drinking, and we're experiencing the flow of Jesus in our life and mercy and grace out in us, it will flow out of us and it is contagious. It is life giving to a child longing to be accepted and to be loved and to understand identity and to see themselves in a way of how God made them. So that's like a picture answer of it or whatever. I think in the everyday practical, what does that look like answer.
Bethany:It's if you in that moment, are thanking God for something, or talking to Jesus in your head about something, you should probably say it out loud and include your kid in it. And help them begin to go. My mom has a living relationship with Jesus. He's alive to her. He's her friend.
Bethany:I want him to be my friend. I want to have a living relationship with Jesus. And that's how living water flows out of us. That's beautiful. Does that
Carrie:That's such a beautiful Yes. I was literally picturing that as you were saying it, picturing the desert. And I've never heard it said that way, but that was so helpful to me. I'm so glad I remembered that question. So I was like, Lord, I know I like, I know the enemy's trying to steal this one because I really think so many of us wrestle with this.
Carrie:And so many of the lies of the world are gonna say that. You're brainwashing if you talk about it too much. Or you're brainwashing if you make them go to church. You're brainwashing if you this or that. But I also think like what you just said also speaks to like, in so many ways, show it more than even telling it.
Carrie:Like, your relationship with Jesus. Don't filter the Lord out of your life, of your marriage, of your motherhood. Let your kids see that. Mhmm. And they're going to want you cannot deny the power of the Lord.
Carrie:And and I think yeah. This is so good. Thank you for
Bethany:And I I wanna say one thing more. So as your children grow, there will be seasons where they're gonna pull back. Mhmm. And they're gonna say, mine did. So maybe not.
Bethany:I mean, maybe you you won't. But we'll pull back and go, because they need to wrestle it out and come to an understanding for themselves. Don't be afraid in that season. Just keep showing Jesus. It's just about showing Jesus.
Bethany:And then you pray. You just pray intentionally.
Carrie:So good. Say, don't be afraid. That's really that's really good advice because, you know, that's our natural Oh, I
Bethany:praise him so well. Don't go that way. But Yeah.
Carrie:Let him it's the it's between Yeah. And the Lord and
Bethany:to be
Carrie:a prayer partner with Jesus.
Bethany:Telling Jesus, saying Jesus, and sharing Jesus. So good.
Carrie:Okay. Last question. What is your best piece of advice for new moms?
Bethany:My best piece of advice for new moms would probably be He invites you to rest. That's that's His that is His invitation. And I think the heartbeat of God for the new mom is Matthew eleven twenty eight through 30, where he says, come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden. And we can get into, like, what those two words mean, but they mean a lot, and they're different things. Mhmm.
Bethany:Some of it is stuff that's been put on you. That's the heavy laden. It's stuff that is not like your stuff. It's like stuff that's been put on you, preconceptions and Mhmm. Like all the pressures of this world.
Bethany:And the weary, that's you. You're tired. You're worn out. You're discouraged. Come to me and I will give you rest.
Bethany:Take my yoke, learn from me, and I will give you rest. And that word for rest in there, I thought it meant, yeah, I need to be at the beach because that's my resting place. I need that. I need to get away from these kids. I need some rest.
Bethany:And the Lord began to show me that His rest is in the middle of the chaos. It happens in the middle of it all. And so there is a way that you and I, when we come to Him, will receive that word rest there actually gives us picture or imagery, like of maybe like a corset coming around you, of holding you up. Mhmm. So a lot of us get more weary and heavy laden.
Bethany:We get droopy. Mhmm. And we're like, I can't do it anymore. And the Lord is like, no. No.
Bethany:No. I'm gonna give you rest. And he comes around you and stands you up in that chaos. Mhmm. Not because you suddenly are so strong again, but because he is.
Bethany:Mhmm. And that is that's really what he wants for you.
Carrie:I received that. I think a lot of us will. That's so beautifully said in that scripture is I pull that I pull that up too much as a mom because I think it just speaks Yeah. So well to to the day to day. And I I think you just explained that so beautifully of, like, how do we hold that without taking a beach vacation?
Carrie:And it's it's inviting him into that chaos.
Bethany:It is.
Carrie:And knowing that the holy spirit's gonna show up and do something beautiful. Yeah. So good. Thank you so much for being here, Bethany. So how can people- can people find you?
Carrie:Share that maybe.
Bethany:Okay. You can find me on my website, bethanykimsey. I'm on Instagram. Yeah. You can easily find me there.
Bethany:I think those are I mean, have on the podcast, Where Your Mom's so Podcast.
Carrie:Good. Awesome. Okay, well, you so much. This was so fun. Thank you for making the trip.
Carrie:Really appreciate it.