Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Brad Fuller, one of Forerunner Mentoring's volunteers, joins Stephen to kick off a new series. In the Stories of Mentoring Series, Stephen will be joined by volunteer mentors to discuss why they started mentoring kids from hard places, what they've learned in the process, and how mentoring has impacted their own lives.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:What's up mentor and mentoring leaders? I want to share with you guys some exciting information we got. You Can Mentor has released a book. It's entitled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses. The purpose behind this book is to train up more mentors and more mentoring leaders to effectively disciple the next generation through mentoring.
Speaker 2:If you will, please go purchase a book on our website. You can find it on Amazon. If you go to Amazon, leave a 5 star review. That helps us out a ton. If you're a mentoring organization and you want multiple copies, holler at us and we will give you guys a deal.
Speaker 2:You can find out more information on the You Can Mentor website. Go pick up that book, You Can Mentor.
Speaker 3:Today's interview is with a mentor, Brad Fuller. His stories will give you a glimpse, a taste of what it's like to mentor kids from hard places. What challenges to expect? Yes. But, also, what to start contending for god to do in your own mentoring relationships.
Speaker 3:More than anything, I hope this interview will convince you of one thing and one thing only. You can mentor. If it does, share it with someone you know. Thanks for listening. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast.
Speaker 3:I am sitting here with the legend himself all the way from California. He's from California.
Speaker 4:You can't say that
Speaker 3:in Texas. No. You can't. Well, well, he claims Texas now just because of his wife as well as where his house is. Brad Fuller is in the room today.
Speaker 3:Brad, how the heck are you?
Speaker 4:I'm doing fantastic. It's a wonderful day.
Speaker 3:You look good. I wish people could see your shoes. Very fly dress shoes today. And and you have a golf shirt on. I I don't know if that's PGA or what golf course you're repping right now.
Speaker 3:It looks it says San Antonio.
Speaker 4:Yeah. TPC, San Antonio. I was in an H E B tournament 3 years ago, and I won $200 to the gift shop. So so I splurged, got, Anna purse, and, me a polo. So
Speaker 3:Hey. Come on, man.
Speaker 4:This is the I normally I'm an Old Navy guy, and this is a $100 polo. So it's kinda a little bit embarrassing, but come on, Brad. We'll go with it.
Speaker 3:Live a little, man. I actually I went golfing with Brad, and it was an embarrassing experience because I never play golf, and Brad had expectations. And, you know, we always talk about in a mentor relationship not to bring your expectations in. And I should have clarified to Brad. He should lower his expectations when it comes to my golf game.
Speaker 4:But your etiquette was there, and that's all that's all you need. Thank you.
Speaker 3:I I do remember leaving my pitching wedge at a few greens, and you were just like, what is this guy doing? How do you leave a golf club at at at the hole? And and
Speaker 4:Yeah. Last time I did that, I was 13 in Escondido, California with my dad. Wow. Got a stern talking to. We don't do that, son.
Speaker 3:Well, Brad's not here to talk about golf. He's here to talk about mentoring. Brad's been a great friend. He's been matched with a few boys in our program, and I I would love him to share a few stories because I I think it it will relate to a lot of other people who are mentoring kids from hard places. So, Brad, thanks for being here.
Speaker 3:And tell us tell us why you're passionate about mentoring because you obviously are if you signed up again.
Speaker 4:For a long time, I know kind of my the skills and gifts God has given me have been around kids, helping kids being there. I'm a big kid myself. I used to volunteer quite a bit. I was kind of lost in a career where I was traveling a lot and kind lost a lot of my volunteering. Lost lost a lot and was just going towards work.
Speaker 4:It was it was difficult, changed careers, had some time to pray with God and get connected. And what was missing in one part of my life was giving my life, giving my time to volunteering. So I'm at home, and I have this desire to mentor and desire to be plugged in. And a magazine comes to our house, and opens it up, and there it is, a 1 pager, a couple pages with Zach and about 4 Runner Mentoring. It's in our neighborhood.
Speaker 4:I'm like, I need to jump on this. I need to be a part of it. And, really, it was just for me. It it was it was for me. It was for me and my walk with God and to give my time to him.
Speaker 4:And it was for me to go closer and to trust him and to see what he had had for me. And all I did was just sign up, and I believe we got grabbed coffee and kind of the rest is history. But for me, my when I mentor, it's me worshiping. It's a form of worship for me. And God, I mean, he's restored me.
Speaker 4:He's restored all of us. But he's done so much in Anani's life that my favorite thing to worship is not necessarily singing. It's volunteering. So you'll see me a 4 runner volunteering. You'll see me on a Saturday in our streets helping a neighbor doing something.
Speaker 4:And that for me, that's worship. That's that's me living outside of myself and honoring God with the skills that he's given me to go out for the kingdom and to do good for others. So that's why we're here, and, gosh, it's been, what, 2 years now? Yeah. And it's been a it's been a wonderful ride.
Speaker 4:We survived the pandemic and a snowstorm, and but that's that's why I'm here.
Speaker 3:And a lot of a lot of other
Speaker 4:Lot of other.
Speaker 3:A career a career shift and mentor relationships kind of I mean, we'll go into it more, but just kids moving away. And and and I'll I'll say this real quick. I know that before you were here at 4 Runner, you were serving at a youth ministry. And so I don't really believe you that, like, you just found 4 Runner and you were like, oh, like, I'm finally volunteer. I'm like, you you're already you're like baking lasagnas for old people or doing something.
Speaker 4:Yeah. No. I I was, but I I do a lot. And it was all of a sudden, it was scaling back for a career. And I just learned, like, for me, careers are great.
Speaker 4:I'm all about, you should pursue it. But in my free time, I'm gonna be volunteering. I'm gonna be helping. Before I came here, Anne's Anne's like, alright. Don't be signing up to to to mentor 10,000 other kids, or don't sign up to do this because I would.
Speaker 4:That's that's my heart, and I'm a giver. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You can climb that corporate ladder, but you also have to climb the neighborhood ladder The nay to get the the grandma's cat. You know?
Speaker 4:Hey. That's a tougher ladder to to climb. It's it's a little unsteady.
Speaker 3:You don't got no spotter. Yeah. That that's hilarious, man. Well, I I love the dynamic you always bring up with Anne on, like, wanting to commit to this and making sure Anne's on board because I'm sure there's other mentors out there that are like, I wanna do all this stuff, but, like, need your spouse's buy in to what you're committing to. I don't know if you could share more of that dynamic or stories you faced.
Speaker 4:Well, I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for Anne and her support. The time it takes time to do what I do, and she has to hold down the home front, cook dinner, or whatever it may be. She's not always there to ride with me to Forney to see Oni or to take Oni to the doctor's appointment or something, but she's holding down the fort. She's there giving me support so I can go and do these things. And it's so cool because I don't know.
Speaker 4:I think Priscilla recognized it first, and she is just like she's so thankful for Anne because she knows Anne is supportive of this, and Anne's kind of the behind the scenes work. And but Anne also holds me steady too. Like, if I over commit on something, she'll be, hey. You're getting tired. We need to pull back a little bit.
Speaker 4:She knows my boundaries better than I know my boundaries. You know, she prays for me, and she knows where my heart is and knows I wanna do these things, but she also knows what I need to, I don't know, stay healthy, stay focused, and not to overcommit. So she is a 100% a rock for me when it comes to life, volunteering, everything. So you you may not see her as much, but, you know, when I cooked those 14 lasagnas, who's who was by my side? It was Anne.
Speaker 4:It was Anne. Yep. And we were studying she was studying for school while we cooked 14 lasagnas and then brought them over here. So, I mean, she's she she's it's again, I wouldn't be able to do the things that I get to do in my life even outside of volunteering if it wasn't for her. So, yeah, just a huge support.
Speaker 4:And if you are looking to get into mentoring and
Speaker 3:Or find a spouse.
Speaker 4:Or yeah. Or yeah. Find someone like Anne. But, like, make make sure they're on the same page. Tell them about it.
Speaker 4:Say, hey. This is what I wanna do. This is why I wanna do it. And and and most spouses will jump all on over it, but it's it's important to be communicative too because this mentoring takes time, especially if you have a spouse, especially if you have kids of your own. So having that communication there will allow you to have the freedom to go out and be the best mentor you can.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay. So Brad Fuller comes to Lake Highlands pursuing a new career, has a wife, bought a house, gets this pamphlet that says, come mentor kids from hard places in the name of Jesus, says yes, does an interview, gets matched with a kid. Tell tell us just the story of this first kid that you were mentoring.
Speaker 4:Yeah. You know, when we met, he was a 3rd grader, and he was quiet at first, but he was just you he was just ready for a mentor relationship or just ready for a positive male role in his life. But his communication, his sentences, how he spoke, he would often repeat some words or some actions. And there were you know, a lot of what we did in the beginning was just was just but just play games, whether it's basketball or whatever. And when I signed the commitment, it was every other Friday.
Speaker 4:And the 1st Friday, he looked at me and he goes, are you gonna be here tomorrow? I'm like, well, tomorrow's Saturday. And he's like, well, can you be here Monday? And I go, no. I can't be here Monday.
Speaker 4:I gotta work. And he goes, well, can you be here Friday? I go, if you're here every Friday, I'll be here. So I told him, I'd be there every Friday. I'm like, you can count on me.
Speaker 4:He didn't remember my name for the first, like, three times. I think, Steven, you would have to come down and you go, hey. What's your mentor's name? He goes, I forgot. But, you know, and Stephen will go, well, what's your mentor here for?
Speaker 4:To play with me? And so but but the the sad stuff that I saw was some trauma, brokenness, unspoken anger, kind of lashing out. I think I think he was just confused. 1 Friday, you know, I he he had a rough day, and he's just he's crying. He know he's acted out, and he's with his teacher, Brianna, who did a fantastic job does a fantastic job.
Speaker 4:And so he's with her, and they're kind of just working through the stuff. And we put our arms around him. We go, hey, Jacob. It's okay. Like, you said you're sorry.
Speaker 4:It's okay. We're gonna learn and grow past this. And there was just a lot of moments there where I just I don't know if he received that sometimes. And mom was always there. He was dropping them off, picking them up, and mom knew this was good.
Speaker 4:But there was just something fortunately, I don't know, but there was just something there that was tough for him. Another time is we sit down, and we read a book. And I don't really think, like, anyone just took the time just to sit down and read a book with him. Then a Friday later, he told me and this is I as a mentor, I never wanna hear this, in my opinion, because it just shows how broken kind of the world is sometimes. And he he said, you are more of a dad than my dad.
Speaker 4:And you just you just wanna cry for for him because you're just I'm just here just trying to serve, and I'm not trying to replace his dad. I'm not trying to be someone's dad. I'm just trying to be a positive example in their life. And for him to make again, we didn't have a ton of depth in our conversations because he had a wall he had a wall there, and we were getting there. And but he knew he knew because of our relationship that that I was someone different, that forerunner mentoring is someone different.
Speaker 4:You know, I believe probably most of the other mentors in this situation may have got us probably would have got a similar response here from him, But he knew what a good dad should be, and he thought that that was me. And it was it was heartbreaking. And because I I don't know what that is. I grew up with a wonderful dad, and I'm just trying to kinda, as a man as I grew up, just try to be a similar person as my dad was. He has he had good standards and has lived a good life, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 4:And so I believe it was maybe that next Friday or the Friday after that, I show up, and you came out and just like Jacob's withdrawn from the program. And we'll never know. I think I reached out to mom. You did, and we didn't get much in response. And and, you know, we talked to him, and we're like, well, that's just no closure for us or whatever.
Speaker 4:And but now that when I think back on it, what's tougher is there's no closure for Jacob. And, you know, he had that mentor in his life. And then now Jacob's living in a pandemic right now. And I I just I think one of my responsibilities going forward and continuing is to just be a prayer advocate for that for him. He's a great, great kid.
Speaker 4:I think all kids are great. And, you know, there's we live in a broken world. And I think think as mentors, we're not here you know, I need to be fixed more than than the kids at 4 Runner. I'm I'm I'm simple. You know?
Speaker 4:I'm not I'm not this this perfect male out there. I struggle with sins on a daily basis that I have to bring to God. So we're not I'm not here to fix anyone. I'm just here to love and be an advocate and just show that I care and show that God cares. So that's the story of the first one.
Speaker 4:So I guess now you can ask questions or what plug into that story. So but I was there every Friday and got to know him quickly.
Speaker 3:4 months.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was 4 months. It was quick, but and then some days I would just show up and say, hey, on a Tuesday or Wednesday, if I had some time. So, yeah, I I try to pour in with him, and so we got to know each other quickly. But
Speaker 3:Well and I'll say the thing that I noticed that stood out to me every time I saw you at program. Before you left, you would kneel down and you'd look him in the eyes. And, I mean, I was always far off. I didn't know exactly what you said. I assumed it was like, hey, man.
Speaker 3:I I love you. I believe in you, and so glad to be your mentor. I'm sure that's probably what you said. I I'm sure it wasn't like, hey. Like, you're not doing a great job, and next time I come, you better be doing better.
Speaker 3:Like, that's not what you were saying. Not at all. You were encouraging him. And every time you stood up to leave, you could just see that he he wanted either a hug. He was I mean, from what I remember, he was physically affectionate.
Speaker 3:Like, I remember on on the van, I would ask the boys, what do you love the most? And he would say, hugs. Hug. Yep. And, I mean, obviously, we have some safety protocols and, like, physical touch if that's something that a kid's desiring.
Speaker 3:We have to be really careful. While at the same time, we have to train them how to be appropriately physically affectionate. And a hug from a mentor is a very powerful way to show that you care. And and so I'm sure that was something that you had to navigate.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah. That was extremely, extremely difficult. And and it was more like, hey. You know what? Hugs are great.
Speaker 4:You know, I give my best friends hugs, but sometimes I give fist bumps. I give high fives. I give, you know, shoulder shoulder punch. They're like like lean ins or whatever. And So we're all a lot more used to this stuff because of
Speaker 3:the pandemic.
Speaker 4:Exactly. So just stuff like that. And Yeah. Not trying to I wasn't trying to devalue devalue a hug, but, you know, not everyone. If I go around and go, hey.
Speaker 4:I'm just gonna give you a hug. They go, what is wrong? Hey. What is wrong with you, Brad? But if I'm like, here's a fist pump.
Speaker 4:Here's a here's a high five, low five. Oh, too slow. You know, something like that. So we did try to talk about that. And, you know, if he did wanna hug, sometimes it would be just maybe a side hug or something.
Speaker 4:But I think all
Speaker 3:That was always happening, well, at least from what I saw. When you were kneeling down on his level, it's a lot more appropriate. If you're standing up and just your I mean, just very obviously, if you're hugging a 3rd grader, where is their body and where's yours?
Speaker 4:Exactly.
Speaker 3:Like, you have to really get on their level in order to have an appropriate like, any appropriate physical affection.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So that's why I would get down and do the high five or whatever or, you know, sometimes when I when I would kneel down and get to eye to eye contact with him, maybe put a hand on his shoulder and like, hey, Jacob. Let's pray or something. But, you know, think about your relationship with your dad and maybe put a hand on your shoulder or something. And, again, no overtouching or anything, but just when we would pray Yeah.
Speaker 4:And lift up request to God or something. But, really, you know, someone once taught me, and it might have been when I was serving at Austin Stone in the kids' ministry. But one of the biggest things that a kid loves is when he could just be on eye to eye with an adult, and they can look look at you. And so if you're mentoring younger kids, there's nothing greater for them to just be eye to eye with you and just look in the eye and just have a conversation. And so that's why I always did that, and that was something I've I've taken into practice.
Speaker 3:Which can kinda sound like poetry when you talk about it. Like, hey. We wanna get on these kids' level. We're like, no. This isn't poetry.
Speaker 3:Literally, kid get on their level.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Because I'm 6 foot 2, and and then if you're with a 3rd grader, they're 3 foot, 4 foot, nothing. You know, looking looking up constantly. And even when you're sitting down, they're looking up. But if you just just get down and look, let them know that you care and you wanna hey.
Speaker 4:I hope you have an an awesome week next week. Good luck on that math test. Don't forget to study. Okay? Remember, remember, tell your mom, you need to study for that math test.
Speaker 4:You need a good good grade. Okay? And and no matter what happens, we'd love you, and we'll see you next week.
Speaker 3:Come on. So, I mean, I'd looking at your relationship with Jacob and that you guys were together for 4 months, I think it it broke some assumptions that I was making of how long it takes to build a relationship. And it's not gonna be every kid that attaches that quickly, but it it does make me hopeful for any mentor jumping in to say, hey. These 1st few months really matter. Like, in in the the way you're approaching the relationship from the very beginning is setting the tone for trust, for what they expect from you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I thought you did a great job on the front end of establishing your commitment. Like, when he's like, I'll see you tomorrow when you're like, oh, that's Saturday. Like, that's me and Anne's day. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Hanging out on the Sabbath, but I'll see you Friday. Like, I think that that's a really great takeaway.
Speaker 4:Well and you know who because I told Anne, I'll be doing this every other And then now all
Speaker 3:of a sudden, it's Friday. And she she knew that was coming because she knows who you are.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Exactly. But, again, it's you know, don't don't come when you commit to something, make sure make sure the team back home knows too.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And our our relationships that are more consistent are are I I would say that those relationships are more healthy.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And so we we ask mentors, if you can find a day like a Friday to come consistently, even if it's every other week, just whatever your rhythm is, be consistent. So when that kid's there on Friday, that's the day he thinks that he's gonna see you. Yeah. Rather than living in this mystery of when is my mentor gonna come again. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that can create anxiety and issues of their expectations. And so it's good that you didn't show up on Monday, because you could confuse him because then he's like, well, he showed up last Monday, so why wouldn't he show up this Monday? Yeah. And I just I love that. Okay.
Speaker 3:So Jacob, and you you mentioned it, he just left program. Mom didn't communicate to us. We reached out and said, where's Jacob? And kind of got a little bit of information that he had moved out of town, but not very much information. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I I just remember that was so tough because we had prayed about this relationship. You're signing up thinking this is a life commitment. And and we can never, I I guess, expect that to happen because people's lives change. Yeah. You could move.
Speaker 3:They could move. Mentor relationships in for for numerous reasons, and some of them are positive Yeah. Not just negative. But that that has gotta suck some life out of you when you're you're wanting this to be a lifelong thing, and it's kinda out of your hands?
Speaker 4:Yeah. And, you know, first off, I'm doing this for my worship with God and relationship with him. So now I'm like, well, now what? I'm I'm like, lord, I was using this to worship you and as my creator. Like, you've given me a gift, so now I'm giving back.
Speaker 4:I'm like, what? What's going on? And Should I
Speaker 3:just go download Spotify? Or
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. No. It's just and then, like and then, you know, well, I feel bad for Jacob. I'm like, what's going on?
Speaker 4:I I didn't I didn't think this would actually I thought this would be, you know, at least a year. You know, I wanted this to be lifelong and stuff, but 4 months, you know, that's not especially when you you show up and you have no idea. So it's just like I think it's I think it's also an example too that God's in control. He's in control of Jacob's life. I know he is, and he's got a calling for him, but god had another story here at 4 Runner here with us.
Speaker 4:And he had something else planned. But at in the moment, you and I are are are like, well, Brad, we'll probably have to review this next August. And I went home frustrated because and I know you guys are running the program and stuff. I'm I'm like, man, I'm here every Friday, and they wanna wait till next next semester. I'm like, I just wanna serve.
Speaker 4:I'm like, do you think they'll just let me come up on Fridays and play basketball with the kids? You know, whatever. And I don't wanna take anyone's mentor or whatever, but I just wanna be here. I love what is happening here. And so I just I'm like, well, what's next?
Speaker 4:You know? And again, I was volunteering other places, but 4 runner was one of my most passionate places. I mean, when you walk through the classrooms and you see you see the coaches teaching the kids, helping them read, when you go down the the halls here and you see the reading lab and the study lab and stuff, what is going on here? It's special. And I wanted to be a part of it.
Speaker 4:And then all of a sudden, it's just like, boom, gone. And and it's tough. But you want to that's probably coming out of a lot of pride for myself. I wanna be here. I want this for me.
Speaker 4:But, again, like I said earlier, the the sad thing here isn't that I lost a relationship because it's not a it it's not about me. Sad thing here is Jacob lost relationship. Jacob lost 4 Runner, and it's not like it's been it's prob I'm not gonna say it's not. It's probably not being replicated in his life where he is now. I hope it is.
Speaker 4:I I pray it is. But, you know, it's easy when you're volunteering and a mentor to make it about yourself. And, sure, we're human. We have that desire to want to Brad, great job. Get a pat on your back.
Speaker 4:We have that desire. We have that earning yearning for that. But, really, at the end of the day, that's not what it's about. It's not to make you feel better. It's because there's there's days that I've left, like, well, my mentor said probably 5 total words repeated 600 times when you go home.
Speaker 4:I'm like, so that's that's not very like, not when you're just looking for something that's not fulfilling or whatever in in a human sense. But, yeah, that's I'm kinda rambling right now. You can rein me in if you need to.
Speaker 3:That's great. So what happens next? Jacob ends. I tell you something. I because as a mentoring leader, I'm like, well, this sucks.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I have a mentor who's killing it, and now he doesn't have someone to mentor. Yeah. And now I it I'm in my head, I'm like, does he go to the back of the line? Does he at the front of the line? He's, like, already proved himself as a mentor, but there's other mentor applicants.
Speaker 3:Which kid do I match him with? I just prayed so much about this mentor match and felt so great about it, and then it was going well.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And It was going really well.
Speaker 3:And and so I have my own emotions, like, related to that and the pressure of I mean, part of my job is making sure you have a good experience volunteering with us. Yeah. And, I mean, my main job is Jacob. My main job is making sure he's taken care of, so that hurts. So what what happened next?
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, I I think the conversation was was was we'll most likely have to reconsider us next year in in, I guess, August time frame. So it would have been August 2020. Your phone just died.
Speaker 3:That's okay. This is about you.
Speaker 4:Okay. Well, sorry for interrupting there. There's that's awkward for the listeners. So they so we're looking at August 2020 for potential rematching. And I don't I need to look at the emails, but you were thinking of praying.
Speaker 4:Just a couple weeks later, you reach out to me, and you're like, Brad, I got a potential match for you. And you're like, the mom wants his son to have a mentor. His brother's in junior high. He has a mentor, but his mentor moved, and his mom knows the value of it. And you're like, the mom expects a lot.
Speaker 4:And the mom expects the mentor she knows 4 runner and stuff, and she expects someone to be in her son's life. And she's and he's like, you've proven that. So but, you know, there, you know, there are expectations going in here. So that's you know, it's crazy. 2 weeks later or maybe 3 weeks later, get a call from you, email, saying that I have a potential mentoring match.
Speaker 4:Let's meet let's meet mom. Let's sit down. Let's see if it if it's a good fit. And that was awesome. So that was a that was a great day.
Speaker 4:And
Speaker 3:I I remember that match because we were we were asking Oni what his full Nigerian name was, Oneka Chuku. And I You
Speaker 4:know what that means?
Speaker 3:Tell me. Who's greater than god? Come on. Come on. Well and well, I remember that we were just, like, repeating it because we were trying
Speaker 4:to learn it because
Speaker 3:it was a difficult name to learn. Uh-huh. And Priscilla walked in. And I remember her saying that that was the first time she had heard someone else say his full name.
Speaker 4:Oh, she was so excited. She was blessed by that. She loved that. That was a that was a great, great moment for her.
Speaker 3:And you could tell that, like, she I mean, it made her proud of her sons. Like, it was like she was remembering, like, why she named them what she named them, and I don't know. That was a that was a cool moment.
Speaker 4:That was cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I remember that you were also talking to Oni about reading a book about some Antarctic expedition or something. And and Priscilla was like, maybe y'all should read the bible or something like that. And and I was like, oh, uh-oh. About to get in trouble Yeah.
Speaker 3:Reading fiction or reading reading Oh, this is
Speaker 4:a true story.
Speaker 3:Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright. And so you start this mentor relationship.
Speaker 3:What did that look like? What was different?
Speaker 4:What was Oni like? So first off, age difference. Complete. Complete difference. That's 6th grade still in the elementary here in Lake Highlands and over on this side.
Speaker 4:So it's not part of the junior high high school program yet, but the age difference between a 3rd grader and a 6th grader, just kind of the conversations that you can have, completely, completely different. And that was that was a little bit because we I think that the hardest hurdle because you're just like, I don't know this kid. What do we do? I think the easiest thing to go to is like, well, let's play ping pong. Let's go play basketball.
Speaker 4:And those are great. Those are great icebreakers, but if you're just going to play and not have the hard or to ask the right questions, you're kinda missing that. So I kinda had to adjust a little bit because with Jacob, we had to we had to play. We had to do these things because, you know, he was learning how to how to really, you know, kinda talk. Like, he knew how to talk, but learning how to have a conversation, learning how to read, learning on how to ask questions.
Speaker 4:And and, Oni, he was already there. So so now, you know, it's the first couple of times, Oni and I played basketball. That's his true love. He loves basketball. He wants to be a sports commentator one day.
Speaker 4:So we played it. We played basketball then say just ask him questions and, hey. What do you like in school? What's your favorite food? And just kinda ask these opening questions.
Speaker 4:So that's the biggest deal is when you switch the age groups. You kinda have to kinda have to change up your approach. So with Oni, I would make sure that I ask questions, have conversations, that we weren't just playing games. And, you know, we would play Mario Kart upstairs. We would still play ping pong.
Speaker 4:We do a lot of the things, but, you know, we'd have to ask about, hey. How was your homework last night? How's school going? How's your mom doing? How are you feeling about this?
Speaker 4:And, you know, what do you hey. What do you what do you think is going what's, going on in school? What are you guys talking about? Are there any struggles there? You know?
Speaker 4:How are your how are your friends? And so it changes. So
Speaker 3:Do do you think he he was interested in these questions? Because I I'm trying to get into the mindset of a 6th grader, and you asking me about my mom. And I'm just saying, it's good. It's fine. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because that that I mean, I'm sure there's other mentors out there that are, like, fighting for those questions, fighting for attention, like, in trying to get in to, like, the mindset or the place that that the kid they're mentoring is. And a 6th grader, like, still middle school, I mean
Speaker 4:The the conversations to start were were hard. Oni is very is very quiet. What I wouldn't say he's necessarily closed, but he's, you know, he's serious, and I think he was testing me. You know, Oni's been in programs since, what, 20 so since he was 9. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:So he's been here 4 or 5 years. So he's seen mentors come in. He's had mentors. So, you know, I think he's just I think he was just building rapport
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And and making sure, like, I was gonna hold up to my commitment. I can see him holding me to that. And, you know, people come and go. So when you know, it's it's probably hard to get open, and so there has to be a level of trust there. And, you know, my main thing is is, like, my and I've said this.
Speaker 4:We don't have to come in and fix it. No one has to be fixed. There's only one fixer, and his name's Jesus. And my I just come in here, show them that I care, show them that I love them, try to be engaged with them, try to talk to them the Bible. You know, we would read Jacob and I would actually read too just a couple of scriptures here and there, talk about life.
Speaker 4:And even if they're saying, well, hey. How was school today? It was good. What are you doing this weekend? Nothing.
Speaker 4:You know, we all get that, and and but these kids are smart. They're smart. They know. And and if I'm just like, well, man, our conversations were just filled with a bunch of yes, no, and good. And it's so much deeper than that.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Just look and and we'll kinda get into this more, but look look what God was doing to get me paired up with Oni. I mean, what he was doing behind the scenes. So there's something behind the scenes going on in their heads through the goods, the yeses, the nos, and the maybes. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:You know? If if a mentor is struggling with that, just gotta keep digging. You gotta keep just keep digging. Just keep just keep being there. Not digging, not prying.
Speaker 4:Don't pry. Just be consistent.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because if you keep keep going, you can get frustrated and be like, answer my questions.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But that's yeah. But you're you're not the question master.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You're
Speaker 4:just the you're just the mentor. Or yeah.
Speaker 3:And we can convince ourselves that the the kid doesn't think we're trying. Because kids will totally pick up on, like, he's trying to connect with me. Yeah. Even if in the moment, like, he's frustrated or he's not connecting, he knows you're trying to connect with him. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that sticks with you. All of the people that tried to connect with me, either adults or even my parents, like, that has left an imprint on me. And I remember the times that I wasn't paying attention, that I didn't care what they're saying, and I I would just wasn't engaged. But that that's it it always sticks with you when someone tries to connect with you.
Speaker 4:True. And then I think for Oni and I, we we had rapport right away. We did. And and and and and that all worked, and but the rapport was different. But, really, you know, we're a year later, and and I'm just we're really just now getting to some some good conversations, good things like that.
Speaker 4:And, again, you gotta you gotta realize, it's a kid that's getting matched up with a mentor. It's not not his dad, not his uncle, not a cousin. It's it's a random guy, and we're like we're trying to pair him. And that's great. That's what we want, and and that's good stuff, but you you have to be patient.
Speaker 4:You have to you have to be protective of him. You gotta know you gotta be patient with him, and let it be on their terms. And, again, just show up. That's all you gotta do is just show up. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And Which I mean, you you kinda hinted at it. When you were coming in to mentor Oni, I I said, hey, Priscilla. If you're gonna be Oni's mentor, you gotta be Oni's mentor. Like, you gotta be committed. Because and the reason I said that is because Priscilla graduated from nursing school.
Speaker 3:Yep. And she had 10 invitations to her celebration, her graduation celebration.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:She invited me. And now I think she sent it to the wrong email, so I didn't get it until a few days before. And I had already had plans that weekend, and so I told her that I wasn't going to make it. But that frustrated her because from her cultural background, if she's giving me an invitation, it's not a, background, if she's giving me an invitation, it's not a I can say yes or no. It's, like, this is an honor.
Speaker 3:I have 10 invitations. If you don't take this, you're dis you're dishonoring me. Yeah. And so me not showing up, I was on her bad side for a solid month. Because anytime she would come pick up Oni, she'd be, like, she held on to that.
Speaker 3:And and I didn't get frustrated with her. I was, like, I I I have to understand that that was really important to her. And so when you were coming in, I was like, Brad, I just need you to understand that this is really important to her. And I hope I approach every mentor relationship that way. That really every boy that we match, they are the thing that these moms love the most, and that should influence the way that I approach matching them with a mentor.
Speaker 3:Like, it's very
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Not heavy, but it's it's a fear and trembling kinda thing. Yeah. So I think you've done a good job. I think you're on Priscilla's good side. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Except for the skateboard. That that deal.
Speaker 4:No. May I I I earned my way back in on that one.
Speaker 3:Do you wanna tell that story?
Speaker 4:May maybe at the end. We'll kinda go through that. We need to we need to kinda they we're just at the beginning of the relationship here.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:We're going in a timeline order. So
Speaker 3:Okay. So you guys start meeting Uh-huh.
Speaker 4:I think it was 2 Fridays.
Speaker 3:2 Fridays, and then what happened?
Speaker 4:Well, there's this thing called the COVID 19 coronavirus. Comes into our lives. It says school is canceled. Forerunner is canceled. I had to download an app called Marco Polo.
Speaker 4:Neither Priscilla nor I know knew how to use it.
Speaker 3:And, and yeah. Virtual mentoring. Did it work?
Speaker 4:It did. We did more phone calls. We dropped off cookies and things like that. And then and then they had a graduation, a virtual, and I had the honor to go and film it for Priscilla and Oni. And so we we filmed his graduation ceremony.
Speaker 3:Him walking across the stage, but it was just at his apartment complex.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Again, so this is like this is like April, May time frame. You know, obvious this is, you know, March 11th today was basically when it all started. And so I think one of the last times I saw him in person, it was end of March. And then, you know, kind of April is, like, we're on shutdown and stuff.
Speaker 4:So we're probably talking on the phone once a week, once every 2 weeks, try to do some Marco polos, try to sew him some projects we were doing around the house, things like that. May comes around graduation time. So we film his graduation. Again, we're staying connected. Mom wants us to stay connected.
Speaker 4:But, again, we're in shutdown. We're wearing masks. We don't know what's going on. We're trying to stay healthy. She's having to work.
Speaker 4:She's a nurse. So, social distance, but we film his graduation. And then, couple weeks later well, actually, that night when we filmed, she she pulls me to the side, and, you know, and and and then, again, we're we're just now getting to know each other. We're just now getting to connect, and she slowly starts to tell me that, you know, rent is too much in Lake Highlands. And I was looking to buy a house in Lake Highlands, but it's just too pricey.
Speaker 4:And she didn't she didn't reach out to me because and I don't know what if what I would have been able to do. But she's she's starting to say, well, I think we're moving, going this. And in my head, I'm like I'm like, it's the Brad Fuller curse. Like, give me a kid. He leaves.
Speaker 4:And so she's going through all of this. And she goes, but I have good news. We bought a home in Forney, and I close in 30 days. And in my mind, I'm like, oh my goodness. Had another another kid leaving.
Speaker 4:What do I do? But this time was different. You know, mom was moving for a really, really good reason. She's building generational wealth for her kids. She's no longer going into rent.
Speaker 4:She lives in a wonderful neighborhood in Forney. She has this brand new 2020 house. She she has the largest TV I've ever seen in my life. I and and, I mean, it is awesome. They and and again and, you know, they did it's just it's great.
Speaker 4:That's what we wanna see. You know, Priscilla lost her husband when the boys were 2 and 1 years old to cancer. And, we actually Ithaca and Oni and I had lunch yesterday, and we actually talked about dad for the first time. And they're like, yeah, I miss my dad. And I looked at him, and I said I said, boys, I know your dad was an an incredible, incredible man, and they're like, well, how do you know that?
Speaker 4:And I go, because of you 2 right there. Wow. And I'm like, he is up in heaven so, so, so proud of you. So keep on keep on being the young men that you are, an honor of your dad. But yeah.
Speaker 4:So so she's doing this. She's she put herself through RN school. She's raising 2 boys, and the amount of pressure that she just felt. And she felt awful telling me that she was moving. But I was like, Priscilla, this is amazing.
Speaker 4:I'm like, you are doing a great, great thing for your family. She goes, but the boys are moving out of 4 Runner, and then they have to go to a new school. And it's COVID 19. And I was like, yeah, that's a tough decision. That's awful.
Speaker 4:They're leaving friends and stuff. But I said, is this right for your family? Is this the right thing to do? You know, you and me, Steven, we get to go home every night and have a conversation with our wives if something comes in front of us. She doesn't.
Speaker 4:She comes home. She has to take care of the boys, feed them. Sometimes grandma is there seasonally from Nigeria. She's not there right now. But they, you know, she has to come home and make these decisions.
Speaker 4:And you could just feel the weight of a single mom having to make these decisions with really no one else there. She's she goes, Brad, I'm doing this mortgage loan, and it's so confusing, and I have to do this, have to do that. Well, when Anne and I bought a home, it was easy. It wasn't it wasn't that it was easy, but we have each other to bounce bounce off. Well, do you understand what he was saying?
Speaker 4:Yeah. I think he was saying this back and forth back and forth, and we we could figure it out. But she is the sole person trying to figure this out. First time home buyer. And you could feel that weight.
Speaker 4:And then she asked the question at the end of the conversation, would you still be in our lives? And that's also I'm like, well, first off, I've you know, you barely know me. And, you know, Priscilla and Anne and I have a wonderful relationship. And and, you know, we're there as a support system for Priscilla, and we're there for Oni and Issika as mentors. And, you know, we do not like, we are there for Priscilla.
Speaker 4:We're on her team. She's our family. We're part of their family. And that's how it wasn't she but then that's where it started. She was like, would you consider?
Speaker 4:And, you know, listeners may be thinking, well, why wasn't that the case for Jacob? Well, that invitation wasn't there. I don't know. We don't know some of the other situation. It just just wasn't possible.
Speaker 4:Mom made this possible. She goes, I will commit. We'll stay in touch. I want you to be there for my boys. I want you to be a part of it.
Speaker 4:And having that commitment and trust from Priscilla was a big, big day. I was invited to watch his graduation, own his graduation virtually from 6th grade. The whole teaching staff at North Wake Elementary voted him mister wildcat. I mean, I don't know what was cooler. Hearing that or seeing Priscilla celebrate her son.
Speaker 4:Probably, Priscilla I mean, the biggest smile. She was so proud of her kids, and the kids are wonderful and great, great boys. But, I mean, to be mister Wildcat from where he's come where the families come from and to be voted best overall student at the school. It's a victory for for them. It's a victory for 4 runner.
Speaker 4:It's it's a victory for kids that that need some hope. And that's what Oni's story is. That's what Priscilla's story is, is that this is it's all possible. It's all achievable. And and, again, I I'm just there for support and and to help them.
Speaker 4:But that's where it kinda all began there. So we can so now we're now we're in June of 2020. So
Speaker 3:It's amazing. I I love just how you talk about Priscilla and the honor of her allowing you to mentor her boys that that you feel like that's something that she's given you is an opportunity to invest in them. And I think that that's that's a really good perspective.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, she's she's entrusting me with her boys. You know, I drive them a lot now. That's a whole another topic about about driving, and mom trusts me to drive and stuff, but drive them. I go last summer, I go, boys, what do you guys want? What do you guys want the most right now?
Speaker 4:I'm like, they're at home, and mom works. And and, you know, summer schools are not summer school. Summer camps all canceled. They don't have that. They go, well, we want bikes.
Speaker 4:And so I was like, alright. Let's go find you a bike. Well, let's talk about the pandemic again. You walk into the academy. You walk into Walmart.
Speaker 4:There's no there's there's no bike. There's nothing. You can't even buy a bike. You can't even buy bike park parts. So a guy from my men's group had these two rusted up bikes from the back of his shed.
Speaker 4:And I tried to ride this thing at my house, and I nearly crashed. It was so locked up. So I'm like I'm like, I'm gonna try to fix this. Well, I'm never going into bike repair as as my next career, never going into that. I was awful at it.
Speaker 4:I got him going a little bit better, but I'm on Nextdoor. And this kid's mom makes a post, goes, my son is,
Speaker 3:raising he's a freshman in high
Speaker 4:school, and he's starting money to to
Speaker 3:raise it to go to college.
Speaker 4:And he loves bikes, and he he does he does a great job. So he's, like, in Juneis, Munger Place area, and I bring these bikes, And he's got he's got shirts. He's got hats that he's made. He's got a legit operation. And this kid is just a year older than Oni and Issica.
Speaker 3:What the heck?
Speaker 4:Yeah. And I take him these bikes, and he goes, yeah. These are in bad shape, but I'll do what I could do. And he goes, I gotta talk to my dealer. I gotta see if he can get me some more supplies here.
Speaker 4:And and the kid was legit running this operation. So so we get these bikes fixed, and and Oni and Isco are through to the moon. They're like, this is amazing. They're so, so happy. We get them this, and then I go, hey.
Speaker 4:You know you know a kid your age started these and started this and and built and built the bikes up for you. And they go, no way. I'm like, you guys can do this too. I'm like, you can come. So that came up with by by finding this connection in my neighborhood, it it inspired them.
Speaker 4:So I know I think this summer, they are Oni and Isco want to, start a little bit of a car wash business in the neighborhood. So all inspired from from getting my bike fixed from a high schooler and then taking them out there. And then one of the just best days was going to Forney Park and taking them on them those bikes and teaching them how to ride bikes. I mean, Iseka I mean, when you meet Iseka, he's he's a carefree. Smile on his face.
Speaker 4:My Iseka, how's it going? It's going okay. And to meet him, okay means great. And he's just he just he literally just jumps on that thing and goes. Oni hops on the bike.
Speaker 4:Oni is calculated. He knows the risk. You know, there's probably a equation going in his head. He goes, if I take this turn, I'm falling down and all this stuff. So he was a little bit more stiff.
Speaker 4:But when about an hour later, we got him going on that bike. And he goes, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. And, I mean, just me and these kids just just riding bikes and just having fun. And then afterwards, going to going to Sonic for some sodas, and Iskut ordered the jumbo jumbo soda.
Speaker 4:And Tony is more modest. I'll have a medium, please. And but that was such a such a good day. But you gotta think in the background too. We had I think we you know, Anne was at home.
Speaker 4:I think we had some just projects to get done at home and laundry and all that, and and I was out there to teach them how to ride bikes. That was a really, really, really good day. So yeah. But I yeah. It was awesome just having that, and Priscilla just trusted me to take them out there and to let them be boys and let them have fun.
Speaker 4:So
Speaker 3:It's awesome. Yeah. Man, well, I'm super incur I know you probably have a 100 other stories we could share.
Speaker 4:I know the time's ticking.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think I've
Speaker 4:gone through.
Speaker 3:I think our time's up.
Speaker 4:Is it? Yeah.
Speaker 3:I was just gonna say Like, what what is your hope for Oni? Like, just through your relationship Yeah. Like, what's your hope for him, and what have you learned about being a mentor just through that process? Obviously, your experience has was not what you expected. No.
Speaker 3:Is that true?
Speaker 4:No. It it wasn't. It's and it's and it's much better. I thought I would be in my neighborhood mentoring somewhere close to home where I didn't have to drive long distance, and that's the exact opposite what I got. And and I'm so so thankful for it.
Speaker 4:I mean, every day that I get to be Oni's mentor, I I I get something in return. Oni and his family love God so much, and they trust him. They pray, and they are so faithful to God. And they're sometimes I tell Oni, I go, who well, who's mentoring who? And he goes, I wonder the same thing.
Speaker 4:And and I know, but it's just just how secure they are in the Lord is refreshing to me. And so when I'm going through things, you know, I I think about Oni. I think about Priscilla. I think about Iska and the things that they've gone through and where they've come and where they've become as a family and where they're going. My hope is is is that Oni with me, Oni can believe about the things that are possible in life.
Speaker 4:You know, it is possible for him to go to college. It is possible for him to have a career, for him to have a family.
Speaker 3:Or start a business or a 7th grader.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Or start a business. And we talk. And and one thing that he never really considered was where he wants to go to college. And we talk about that now.
Speaker 4:At first, it was like, I think I want to go to UT Dallas or UT Arlington, and there's nothing but great schools. But schools. But I was like, where'd you he goes, well, that's where I went on a field trip. And so this summer, we're gonna I'm gonna think I'm gonna drive him down to Baylor and go look around and but now he's now he has his high he's like, I'm either going to Harvard, Texas A&M, or Texas. I was like, Gig them.
Speaker 4:Come on. And I was like, you can go to Harvard or you can go to UT. You just can't go to a. But, you know, my my hopes is he knows what he can accomplish. He knows that his potential, that he knows that he is smart, but he also knows that his identity isn't into his grades.
Speaker 4:His I identity is not where he goes to college. His identity is not necessarily where he came from, but his identity is that he is a child of God, and and that no matter what happens in his life, he can lean on God. He can lean on me. He can lean on Anne, and we are here for them. And and that's what I want for him.
Speaker 4:I want him to know where his identity is and that he can be he can be we've had some tough conversations, Sonya and I. It's been a tough year for him. He's doing great. He's doing awesome, but, you know, switching schools and things has not been easy. And it's kinda like it's it's the same thing that with Jacob.
Speaker 4:You are loved. And I asked Oni last night. I was like, going on the podcast, what would you like me to share? And we can finish with this. And Oni goes, I want you to share that you care for my family and I.
Speaker 4:My approach is simple. Mentors do not need to move mountains. Mentors just need to show they care.
Speaker 3:Amen. That's it. Brad Fuller, everyone. Thanks for joining the podcast, sharing your stories, man. Super excited about you and Oni and yeah, just everything the Lord's done in you, man.
Speaker 3:So appreciate you, man. Appreciate it. You can mentor.