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Vision & Vows is where Angel and Kayla Mendoza pull up two chairs and talk honestly about building a life and a business on faith. Real marriage, real family, real deals. Each week they share what it actually looks like to raise three boys, grow a real estate portfolio in Amarillo, Texas, and keep God at the center of all of it. Expect encouragement, hard-won lessons, and practical wisdom you can carry into your own home, marriage, and work. If you want to chase big vision without losing sight of your vows, you belong here.
Angel (00:07)
welcome back to Vision and Vows. How are you? Welcome back to Vision and Vows. I'm excited. I'm excited to be here
Kayla (00:07)
welcome back to Vision and Vals. How are you? Welcome back to Vision and Vals. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm excited to be here.
Angel (00:14)
again with you. I'm excited again talking away from the mic to be sitting right before you. Yeah.
Kayla (00:17)
sitting right before you
Angel (00:23)
We're giving you an insight to what our conversations are kinda like. Yeah. and today's topic is gonna be so fun. Yeah. Today's top I'm
Kayla (00:26)
Yeah. and today's topic is gonna be so fun. Yeah. Today's top
Kayla (00:31)
I'm and I know we ended with our second episode with kind of how we got launched into Airbnb and doing hard things. And one of
Angel (00:34)
second episode with kinda how we got launched into Airbnb doing hard things and one of
Kayla (00:41)
what we found even in doing hard things was hard conversations that we've had to have and hard, you know, how to how to now we're we have a business that you
Angel (00:45)
conversations that we've had to have and hard you know how to how to now we have a business that you
Angel (00:52)
completely quit your job for and we are now doing one hundred percent Airbnb. Yeah. And what you know different kinds of pressure now there's different pressures of now running your own business. but in that we've had we are now working
Kayla (00:52)
completely quit your job for and we are now doing 100% Airbnb. And what you know, different kinds of pressure now. There's different pressures of now running your own business. but in that we've had we are now working
Kayla (01:09)
together 247. So we're having to learn a new way of
Angel (01:10)
Together twenty four seven. So we're having to learn a new way of
Angel (01:15)
communication, a new way of talking to each other. Because it's not that we just, you know, you would come home at five o'clock every day and we have from five to nine, and you know, now we are literally together all day long. And we are, yeah, learning how to communicate in a new way. And so that was a challenge for ourselves. And I remember meeting a friend who
Kayla (01:15)
communication, a new way of talking to each other, because it's not that we just, you know, you would come home at five o'clock every day and we have from five to nine and, you know, now we are literally together all day long. And we are, yeah, learning how to communicate in a new way. And so that was a challenge for ourselves. And I remember meeting a friend who
Kayla (01:37)
had just started a business and the first thing I told her was
Angel (01:37)
had started a business and the first thing I told her was, Isn't
Kayla (01:40)
Isn't it fun working with your spouse? Like you, you, you know, it's it's gonna be a whole new way of challenges because
Angel (01:41)
it fun working with your spouse? Like you you you know, it's it's gonna be a whole new way of challenges because
Kayla (01:47)
you get you have to still respect your spouse even when you're frustrated and upset. And sometimes you have slip ups. So I mean she came back to me like two, three years later and she's like, I will always remember your words because we started, you know, there's times where we bicker. And so I'm like, yeah, so you have to learn how to communicate.
Angel (01:47)
You get you have to still respect your spouse. Yes. Even when you're frustrated and upset and sometimes you have slip ups. Yeah. So I mean she came back to me like two, three years later and she was like, I will always remember your words because we started, you there's times where we bicker and so like, Yeah, so you have to learn how to
Angel (02:10)
communicate. Communication is one of those things that I think because of because I'm always changing and you're always changing.
Kayla (02:16)
Yeah. And
Kayla (02:17)
I love that by the way. Yeah. That keeps it fresh.
Angel (02:17)
And I love that by the way. That keeps it fresh
Angel (02:20)
and we're always growing. That means it also it also means that I have to learn how to talk to you the new you. Yes. Every day. So we're still working on this. We're still working on how to we're still working on how to master this. We're still working for I don't think we'll ever get it.
Kayla (02:22)
it also it also means that I have to learn how to talk to you and you you yes every day so we're still working on this we're still working on we're still working we're still working on how to master this we're still working for I don't think we'll ever get it
Kayla (02:37)
yeah which is fine yeah make it a lifelong journey to continue to learn how to talk to each other. if we have the foundation yeah I think that'll get us that's a good one. Let's start with a good foundation we can at
Angel (02:38)
Which is fine. It's make it a lifelong journey to continue to learn how to talk to each other. if we have the foundation, I think that'll get us that's a good one. Let's start. with a good foundation, we can at
Angel (02:51)
least know where to build towards. Right. You know, we're in the flipping we we do Airbnb's. I guess let me put it to you guys. His this is what we do in clear English terms.
Kayla (02:51)
Least know where build towards. Right. You know, we're in the flipping. We do Airbnbs. Yes. Let me put it to you guys. This is what we do in clear English terms.
Kayla (03:01)
Yes. We have real estate properties that we own that we Airbnb. Yes. That's short-term rentals, and we call it Airbnb, but think of Airbnb, B RBO, Bookings, Comics, Media, Google short term rentals, direct bookings, all the fun stuff. And then we
Angel (03:01)
We have real estate properties that we own that we Airbnb. That's short-term rentals. And we call it Airbnb, but think of Airbnb, VRBO, Bookings.com, Expedia, Google Short-Term Rentals, Direct Bookings, all the fun stuff. And then we
Angel (03:16)
manage Airbnbs for other owners.
Kayla (03:17)
Airbnbs for other owners.
Kayla (03:19)
Yes.
Kayla (03:20)
Then we also manage long term rentals. Yes. And we also manage
Angel (03:20)
Then we also manage long-term rentals and we also manage
Angel (03:23)
we've had we've dabbled with HUD and Section A and Yeah. And so being and then and then we started tapping into flipping yes, okay, correct. That's where I was headed. Thank you. And so the way that we g yeah, swe the way that we get these properties is by looking at problems that we can solve for people.
Kayla (03:25)
Section A. That was a journey. Yeah. And so being And then and then we started tapping into flipping flipping. Correct. That's where you're going. Yes. And so the way that we get these properties is by looking at problems that we can solve for people.
Angel (03:46)
And
Kayla (03:46)
And
Angel (03:46)
we of course they have to meet our our buy box, which is the kind of Airbnb we know will be successful in our market. And we buy it and we gut it. And then you so beautifully design it.
Kayla (03:52)
it and we buy it and we gut it and you so beautifully design it.
Angel (03:58)
And we launch it as an Airbnb. So it's kinda like an arm of acquisitions, an arm of remodeling, an arm of management, an arm of promoting. And so all of those hats that we have to wear
Kayla (03:58)
And we launched it as an Airbnb. So it's kind of like an arm of acquisitions, an arm of remodeling, an arm of management, an arm of promoting. And so all of those hats that we have to wear.
Kayla (04:10)
Yeah.
Angel (04:11)
sometimes.
Kayla (04:11)
Sometimes
Kayla (04:13)
the hat of husband and wife come off. Yes. And I know it's it's it's coworker. It's coworker and it kinda happens like my
Angel (04:13)
the hat of husband and wife come off. Yes. And I know it's it it's happens it's coworker and it kinda happens like my
Angel (04:23)
I'm the boss. Yes. And I mar and I and I and I bark an order. Like and it comes off as a bark. But it's not a you know
Kayla (04:24)
Yes. And I'm he's a mean boss. Like it's not a you know,
Kayla (04:32)
and
Kayla (04:32)
it's been where yes, where he becomes I mean he is the boss, and so he barks in order. And
Angel (04:35)
I mean he is the boss and so you boxed an order and
Kayla (04:39)
I am someone who I am very I I am sensitive. Would you say it's a bark or would you say it's it's sensitive? It's what? Would you say it's a bark? huh. Or would you say that it comes off as just
Angel (04:42)
I I am sensitive. Would you say it's a bark or would you say it's a sensitive? It's what? Would you say it's a bark? Or would you say that it comes off as just firm
Angel (04:52)
and you just said it comes off as and assertive. Okay. Yes. To where when you're stressed, it's like blah blah blah. Get it done. You gotta learn how like
Kayla (04:52)
It comes off as firm and assertive. Okay. Yes. To where when you're stressed, it's like, you know, and I'm like, wait. So I've had to learn how like, okay
Kayla (05:02)
This is you know, he is in business mode right now. Right. And so I've had to learn how to separate where you are in business mode and it's not you being mean or barking or assertive or it's I had to know that you're in business mode, so you're a little stressed out, you're and so I I've had to learn
Angel (05:02)
This is you know, he is in business mode right now. Right, right. So I've had to learn how to separate s where you are in business mode and it's not you being mean or barking or assertive or it's I had to know that you're in business mode, so you're a little stressed out, you're and so I I've had to learn
Kayla (05:21)
and I'm still learning
Angel (05:21)
And I'm still learning.
Angel (05:22)
Right, but I mean it didn't give me an excuse. I will say that. I d if if I know that you don't like it, then
Kayla (05:22)
how I mean I didn't give an excuse. I will say that. I if if I know that you don't like it, yeah. Then
Angel (05:28)
that didn't give me an excuse. But we've we had to learn it. We had to go through those conversations and we had to just kinda at the end of the day, after we're almost done choking each other out, we finally figure out like what went wrong here.
Kayla (05:29)
excuse. Yeah. But we've we have to learn it. Yeah. We have to go through those conversations and we have to just kinda at the end of the day, after we're almost done choking each other out, yeah, we finally figure out like what went wrong here.
Kayla (05:42)
Right. What what could we have done different? How could I have said it? How could you have spoken? How could I have given you the same message without you thinking that I am attacking you? Yeah.
Angel (05:42)
What what could we have done different? How could I have said it? How could you have spoken? How could I have given you the same message without you thinking that I am attacking you? Yeah.
Kayla (05:50)
And I think this is not just for people that are in business with their spouses. This is just
Angel (05:51)
And I think this is not just for people that are in business with their spouses. This is just
Kayla (05:54)
if
Angel (05:55)
you know, marriages in general. Marriages we because this is what we do, we do homes and we always and especially you, you think in pictures. So it's correlating the two.
Kayla (05:55)
you know, marriages in general. But we because this is what we do, we do homes and we always and especially you, you think in pictures, so it's correlating the two. Like how, you know, we have this home
Kayla (06:11)
and you know, and we have this marriage now. So how are we correlating the two? And so what we've what we have
Angel (06:11)
and you know and we have this marriage now so how are we correlating the two and so what we've what we have
Angel (06:18)
talked about and we've in in marriage conferences is many times not just you know as business partners but in marriages as a whole we start to build walls in our marriages that in turn bring division amongst us. Yeah.
Kayla (06:18)
talked about and we've and we've talked in in in in marriage conferences is many times not just you know as business partners but in marriages as a whole we start to build walls in our marriages that in turn bring division amongst us.
Angel (06:36)
And so that's kind of how, you know, what we wanna wanna talk
Kayla (06:36)
And so that's kind of how you know what we wanna want to talk about and lay the foundation for today.
Kayla (06:42)
Okay. So
Angel (06:43)
about lay the foundation for today.
Angel (06:43)
Okay, so yes, you said it you said it best. And so we use pictures. Yeah. And this is the picture I wanna use. We're gonna use homes. Follow along. even your spouse are not business partner. Even if you're because okay, here, let me give you this. Nehemiah four fourteen. Okay. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome.
Kayla (06:44)
Yes, you said it you said it best. And so we use pictures. Yeah. And this is the picture I want to use. We're gonna use homes. Yeah. Follow along. Yes. even if you and your spouse are not business partners. Okay, here, let me give you this. Nehemiah four fourteen. Okay. Remember the Lord who was great and awesome.
Angel (07:05)
Thumbs up, that's awesome. But then it says, and fight for your families. And fight for your families, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. He includes the homes in there. You're fighting for your family, you're fighting for your kids, you're fighting for everybody. First Remember, God is awesome, but also there's a fight. And so
Kayla (07:05)
That's awesome. Yeah. But then it says, and fight for your families. Yes. And fight for your families, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. Yes. He includes the homes in there. You're fighting for your family, you're fighting for your kids, you're fighting for everybody. First remember, God is awesome, but also there's a fight. Yes. And so
Angel (07:29)
in a in a house.
Kayla (07:29)
In a in a house,
Kayla (07:30)
we've said it last week, a house divided. Did we say this already? Or was it other convers? Well, this is a different conversation. A house divided once then. Yes. We have a lot of conversations. but we have to we have to be ready as a when communication falters, when communication fails, the the
Angel (07:30)
We've said it last week, a house divided. Did we say this th already? Or was it another convers or this is a different conversation? A house divided won't stand. We have a lot of conversations. I love it. but we have to we have to be ready as a when communication falters, when communication fails, the the
Angel (07:52)
the inside kind of falls apart, especially in war. If we can't talk about this in the middle of a fight and we can't
Kayla (07:52)
The inside kind of falls apart, especially in war. Yes. If we can't talk about this in the middle of a fight, yeah. And we can't
Kayla (07:59)
understand each other, I mean we're we're pretty useless to each other. Right. We're not a team. Right. We're not a team. We're not. And and and then we
Angel (07:59)
understand each other, I mean we're we're pretty useless to each other. We're not a team. We're not a team. And and the enemy,
Angel (08:07)
if he wants anything in this if he wants to attack the church in any kind of way, the body church, the body of God as a church, he's gonna attack marriages.
Kayla (08:07)
Anything in this if he wants to attack the church in any kind of way. Yes, body church, the body of God as a gonna attack marriages. He's gonna
Kayla (08:16)
attack marriages because once he attacks marriages,
Angel (08:19)
And he gets the He gets the kids, he gets the family, he gets And no, and it doesn't just affect the immediate, it it affects everybody, it affects the parents, it affects the siblings, it affects everybody. And so
Kayla (08:19)
then he gets the family. It affects ever everybody. It affects the parents, it affects the siblings, it affects everybody. And so
Angel (08:33)
in our belief
Kayla (08:33)
In our belief,
Kayla (08:34)
we do believe that Satan specifically targets marriages. yes. Because he the Lord operates in unity and oneness and the enemy operates in division. So if he can come and bring division into a home, then he succeeds. If he can build a wall. Right. Between the husband and I mean he's winning.
Angel (08:34)
We do believe specifically targets marriages. yes. Because he the Lord operates in And the in division. So if he can come and bring division into a home, then he succeeds. If he can build a wall between the husband and wife. Yes. I mean he's winning.
Kayla (09:00)
Yeah.
Angel (09:01)
He's winning. And the Bible tells us in Proverbs that po there's in the tongue, and this little thing that we're carrying inside our mouth, we have the power of life and death. And so every word that we speak, it matters. Every word that you say matters. In heaven,
Kayla (09:04)
In the tongue. Yeah. And this little thing that we're carrying inside our mouth. We have the power of life and death. Yeah. And so every word that we speak, it matters. Yeah. Every word that you say matters. Right. In heaven.
Angel (09:20)
you don't get to take anything on this earth. None of the houses, none of the cars, none of the kids. There's a debate if spot.
Kayla (09:20)
You don't get to take anything on this earth. None of the houses, none of the cars, none of the kids. There's a debate if Spot
Angel (09:28)
Or Zoe, our pup can come, your pet can come. I don't know. There's a theological debate. But you get to take one thing. You get to take if you take anything from earth, you get bring your kids. If you're a good parent, you brought them like they're here on earth and you you made a way to bring them to heaven. But the Bible also tells us that you're gonna give an account for every word that you have spoken. So you arrive with your kids and you
Kayla (09:28)
or Zoe or Pup kids can come, your cat can come. I don't know. There's a theological debate. But you get to take one thing. You get to take if you take anything from Earth, you get to bring your kids. Yeah. But the Bible also tells us that you're gonna give an account for every word that you have spoken. So you arrive with your kids and you
Kayla (09:50)
You
Angel (09:50)
arrive with your
Kayla (09:50)
arrive with your autobiography
Angel (09:53)
Autobiography book written with all the words that you've ever said, whether they were life or they were or death, or they were cursing, or they were blessing.
Kayla (09:54)
book written with all the words that you've ever said, whether they were life or they were they were cursing or they were blessing. Right.
Angel (10:01)
And this with me and you, like, this is the person that I speak either a lot of life into or a lot of death into, or don't speak at all. Let's talk about that one. That that's where the wall comes in. Like we're we're not even talking at all. That's also an enemy tactic. Yeah. So I think
Kayla (10:01)
And this with me and you, like this is the person that I speak either a lot of life into or a lot of death into. Right. Or don't speak at all. That's good. That's The silence. Right. Like we're we're not even talking at all. Right. That's also an enemy tactic. Yeah. So I think
Kayla (10:20)
there's two ways that
Angel (10:20)
There's two ways that
Kayla (10:22)
you I mean there's several ways, but two that we wanna talk about today is a wall of unforgiveness.
Angel (10:23)
several ways, but two that we wanna talk about today is a wall of unforgiveness.
Angel (10:29)
A wall. Mm-hmm. And a wall of miscommunication. And unforgiveness is with your spouse where it's offense, it's past hurts. Yeah. It's yeah, just unforgiveness that you hold that
Kayla (10:30)
And a wall of miscommunication. And unforgiveness is with your spouse where it's offense, it's past hurts. It's yeah, just unforgiveness that you hold that
Kayla (10:42)
you don't either know how to talk to your spouse, like, man, what you said in this moment really stuck to me. And instead of you just like, I just
Angel (10:42)
you don't either know how to talk to your spouse like, man, what you said in this moment really stuck to me. And instead of you just like I just
Angel (10:51)
don't want to confront it. I'm not a confrontational person or R I'll I'll let it go, you know, give me few days. But you never truly let things go. So you build this brick. So you yeah. And you put it right there in front of your spouse. Right.
Kayla (10:51)
Don't wanna confront it. I'm not a confrontational person or I don't I'll I'll let it go, you know, give me a few days. But you never truly let things go. So you build this break. So you yeah. And you put it right there in front of the right.
Angel (11:06)
Instead of coming to your spouse and and this has been again, this is all of our
Kayla (11:06)
instead of coming to your spouse and and this has been again, this is all of our personal
Angel (11:12)
personal experiences of you know, we've been married fourteen years now and it's how we learned that man in our in our marriage and then even in our business, like there's little offenses, little unforgivenesses that we continue to just build and build and build to where and you know
Kayla (11:12)
experiences of, you know, we've been married fourteen years now and it's how we've learned that man in our in our marriage and then even in our business. Like there's little offenses, little unforgivenesses that we continue to just build and build and build to where and you know
Angel (11:31)
and then not knowing how to speak to each other. Right, right. Because, you know, as we said earlier, is Angel's just a very straightforward person, tell me how it is. I think most guys are. Right.
Kayla (11:31)
And then not knowing how to speak to each other. Right. Because, you know, as we said earlier, is Angel's just a very straightforward person. Tell me how it is. most guys are. Right.
Angel (11:42)
Okay, well I would say I would dare say most guys were like just say it. Right. You know? Be c because we don't want our mind read. Yes. So
Kayla (11:42)
Okay, well. I would say I would dare say most guys are like, just say it. Right. You know? yeah. Because we don't want our mind reading. Yes.
Kayla (11:56)
And I think we talk about that. Let's talk about you you start on forgiveness, so we're gonna slide this one out. We have to because it it's very important. Right. The things that we discovered that are connected to unforgiveness, the kind of access that the the kind of doorways that we
Angel (11:56)
and we'll get we'll talk about that. Let's talk about you you started on forgiveness, so we're gonna ride this one out. We have to because it's very important. Right. The things that we discovered that are connected to unforgiveness, the kind of access that the the kind of doorways that we
Kayla (12:11)
give the enemy with unforgiveness is huge. Right. And and how we found that we were
Angel (12:11)
Give the enemy with unforgiveness is huge. Right. And and how we found that we were
Angel (12:18)
un unknowingly having the doors wide open for the enemy to say, like this is this is your permission. My unforgiveness is your permission to have a a piece of us. Right. A piece of our house. Yes. And because in unforgiveness then there's takes root for bitterness and anger and
Kayla (12:22)
My unforgiveness is your permission to have a a piece of us. Right. A piece of our house. Yes. And And because and then in unforgiveness then there's takes root for bitterness and then anger and and
Angel (12:39)
And yeah, and just the more and more you hold on to it, the higher the wall gets. Yes.
Kayla (12:39)
yeah, and just the more and more you hold on to it, the higher the wall gets.
Angel (12:44)
And so and then just offense of I know there's been times where you jokingly said something and like, it was a little offensive, you know? And but he was joking. So don't take offense to it. But I did. You know took offense to it. And but I'm learning now, like
Kayla (12:44)
And so and then just offense of I know there's been times where you've jokingly said something and I'm like, that was a little offensive, you know? And I'm like, but he was joking, so don't take offense to it But I did, you know, I took offense to it and but I'm learning now like
Kayla (13:02)
Where I'll call it out right then and there instead of okay, what's wrong? Nothing, nothing. And then we snap, like nothing, nothing's the matter. And so gr
Angel (13:04)
Instead of okay, what's wrong? Nothing, nothing. Yeah. gosh. And so
Kayla (13:11)
girls, I know we do that really bad where it's like nothing. And so when when yes you you were offended by a joke or by a comment or something. Right. You know what we've done lately, or at least I
Angel (13:14)
And so when when yes you you were offended by a joke or by a combat or something. Right. You know what we've done lately? Or at least I
Angel (13:24)
have. Whenever I am offended, yeah and I still don't know exactly why I'm offended, but like there's a little piece of me that was like I didn't like that. I can't tell you exactly why I didn't like it yet, but there's a piece of me that I'm like something was there. And so
Kayla (13:27)
Yeah. And I still don't know exactly why I'm offended, but like there's a little piece of me that was like I didn't like that. I can't tell you exactly why I didn't like it yet, but there's a piece of me that I'm like something was there. And so Which yes.
Kayla (13:42)
And I tell you that like what's wrong with it is like
Angel (13:42)
And I tell you that, like, what's wrong with you is like
Angel (13:44)
I don't know. Yeah. Like there is something wrong, but I can't pinpoint it yet. So if I start talking to you about it, it's gonna come off like I'm just grabbing for air. And so Man, we're going into a lot of places right now. So let's stick with the forgiveness. And then we'll we'll talk about we'll talk about we can say it like this unspoken forgiveness. Unspoken forgiveness. Okay.
Kayla (13:45)
No. Yeah. Like there is something wrong, but I can't pinpoint it yet. So if I start talking to you about it, it's gonna come off like I'm just grabbing for air. And so I we're going into a lot of places right now. So let's stick with the forgiveness. Okay. And then we'll we'll talk about we'll talk about we can say it like this, unspoken forgiveness. Unspoken forgiveness. How do we tackle that?
Angel (14:08)
We have to get on same page. Are we a team? Yes. Are we going did we promise to love each other forever and ever? Yes. Do I believe that you have evil intentions towards me? No, I don't. I don't. Do you believe that I have evil intentions towards you? No. Like these are the facts that we're gonna start stating that are gonna stand as truth. And so if this is a fact and you
Kayla (14:08)
We have to get on the same page. Okay. Are we a team? Yes. Are we going? Did we promise to love each other forever and ever? Yes. Do I believe that you have evil intentions towards me? No. No. No. Yeah. Do you believe that I have evil intentions towards you? No. Like these are the facts that we're gonna start stating that are gonna stand as truth. Yes. And so if this is a fact and you
Angel (14:32)
if I say something
Kayla (14:32)
If I say something
Kayla (14:34)
that you took as I'm trying to demean yes or I'm trying to put you down. Yes. And I'm trying to just, you know, break you or whatever, like let's you have a f some facts that you have to put it up against. Yes. Is in order for this to be true, it also has to be true with these other facts that we just stated. We just stated. Yes. And so at least this is how I see the world and I wish people would see.
Angel (14:34)
that you took as I'm trying to demean you or I'm trying to put you down and I'm trying to just, you know, break you or whatever, like, let's you have a f some facts that you have to put it up against. Is in order for this to be true, it also has to be true with these other facts that we just stated. We just stated. And so I at least this is how I see the world. And I wish people would see
Angel (14:59)
it try to navigate their thoughts like this. Like
Kayla (14:59)
it try to navigate their thoughts like this, like
Kayla (15:01)
does she really hate me? Right. Does she really w think that I am X, Y, and Z? Yeah. And it can free you from a lot of
Angel (15:01)
Does she really hate me? Does she really w think that I am X, Y, and Z? And it can free you from a lot of
Angel (15:10)
a lot of mind battles that you're having that like she thinks I'm this, she thinks I'm that. Like, no, that's not it can't be these two things can't be true at the same time. And if you don't know and you are assuming, ask. Ask. Ask. We've gotten to that point. Yeah. But but
Kayla (15:12)
She thinks I'm this, she thinks I'm that. Like, no, that's not. It can't be these two things can't be true at the same time. Right. And if you don't know, and you are assuming, ask. Right. Which you've asked. Which we've gotten there. You know, we've gotten to that point. Yeah. But but
Angel (15:27)
how will we gotten to that point? for us because not
Kayla (15:27)
how have we gotten to that point? for us, because not
Kayla (15:31)
not everyone that is watching can say, I can't approach my husband or my wife like this. Like, it's so easy. You know, it's so easy to be like, by the way, you hurt.
Angel (15:31)
Not everyone that is watching can say I can't approach my husband or my wife like this. Like easy. Yeah. So easy to be like, by the way, you hurt
Kayla (15:42)
Me when you said this. Not and so I wanna I wanna recognize that not everyone is in that point. And we were at a point where we were not like that either, where there was a lot of hurt, there was a lot of
Angel (15:42)
me when you said this. Not and so I wanna I wanna recognize that not everyone is in that point. And we were at a point where we were not like that either, where there was a lot of hurt. There was a lot of
Kayla (15:54)
unforgiveness that was on our plate. And so what what what did we do is we sought out a counselor and we walked party a neutral third party that godly neutral that's the key.
Angel (15:54)
forgiveness that was on our plate. And so what what what did we do is we saw out a counselor. Yes. And we w a neutral third party. A neutral third party. A godly neutral third party.
Angel (16:10)
That's the key. Because not
Kayla (16:10)
That's the key. A godly person.
Angel (16:12)
not everyone's gonna have you know, the same standards and approach to marriage as
Angel (16:22)
It's like our opinions, our experience. If I if we brought someone in who didn't believe that,
Kayla (16:24)
Yes. Our experience if I if we brought someone in who didn't believe that
Angel (16:29)
you know, God what God can restore marriages, that God can heal marriages, that God can still turn things around, can redeem marriages, then it would have been a different story. Like, no girl, you got you got full green pass and blah blah blah, forget that fool. Yeah. You know, and which we were there. Yeah.
Kayla (16:33)
Still turn things around and redeem can redeem marriages, then it would have been a different story. Like, no girl, you got you got full green past and blah blah blah forget that folk. Yeah. You know, and which we were there. Yeah. Which we were there.
Kayla (16:47)
So that's what I mean. Yeah. But you know, someone who believes in God's word, someone who believes that the pages that we're reading are not just right a a a historical you know
Angel (16:47)
So that's what I mean. Like, but you know, someone who believes in God's word, someone who believes that the pages that we're reading are not just a a a historical, you know, Bible
Kayla (17:00)
And I and I also want to recognize that we were both willing. We were both willing and I think that's key. is we were both willing because I loved him enough
Angel (17:00)
story. want to recognize that we were both willing. Yeah. We were both willing. So okay. both willing because I loved him enough
Kayla (17:13)
That I was willing to fight
Angel (17:13)
that I was to
Kayla (17:16)
for this. And he loved me enough that he was willing to fight for this marriage and not completely throwing the towel. And so, you know, yes, so we yes, we had to go to counseling for for a long time, extensive counseling. And so for us, that is where we learned how to communicate and we learned how,
Angel (17:16)
For this. And he loved me enough that he was willing to fight for this marriage and not completely throwing the towel. And so, you know, yes, so we yes, we had to go to counseling for for a long time, extensive counseling. And so for us that is where we learned how to communicate and we learn how
Kayla (17:37)
man, like it wasn't just this unforgiveness that I was holding on to, but there's years and years and years and years.
Angel (17:37)
Man, like, it wasn't just this unforgiveness that I was holding on to, but there's years and years and years and
Kayla (17:43)
years and years worth of things that we have to now dig up and start breaking down this wall of of you know
Angel (17:43)
years and years worth of things that we have to now dig up and start breaking down this wall of of you know
Angel (17:52)
twelve years worth of things that have been said, have been spoken over, and things where we sat and we're like, man, I d I don't even remember that conversation. Right. I remember it. Right. And so, learning how to now like have these healthy conversations.
Kayla (17:52)
twelve years worth of things that have been said, have been spoken over, and things where we sat and we're like, man, I d I don't even remember that conversation, but I remember it. And so, learning how to now like have these healthy conversations.
Kayla (18:07)
And I also wanna recognize that not everyone is in a financial s position where you can't possibly afford a counselor.
Angel (18:07)
And I also want to recognize that not everyone is in a financial s position where you can't possibly afford a counselor.
Angel (18:16)
But I would suggest and if I could speak to you today, I would suggest if you have a pastor, invite the pastor in. If you have
Kayla (18:16)
But I would suggest, and if I could speak to you today, I would suggest if you have a pastor, invite the pastor in. If you have you
Kayla (18:25)
know, if you go to a church somewhere and there is a marriage leader or somebody, invite them in as a third party, someone that you trust that can say, hey, we are in a point in our lives because that's how we were, where we could not have a communication.
Angel (18:25)
You know, if you go to a church somewhere and there is a marriage leader, somebody invite them in as a third party. Someone that you trust that can say, Hey, we are in a point in our lives because that's how we were where we could not talk. Yeah. It
Kayla (18:38)
It would it would just go from zero to ten. And so it was like, man, we just we need to have a third party in here when we're going to we had to put a pen in it.
Angel (18:38)
would it would go from zero to ten. And so it was like, Man, we just we need to have a third party in here when we're going to we had to put a pen in it.
Angel (18:46)
Yes. And that was hard That was good. my gosh. I am like
Kayla (18:46)
Yes. And that was hard because for me because for me, man, I am like,
Kayla (18:52)
let's take care of this right now. And Angel's like, No, we put the pen in it, and I was like, no, let's take care of it. And he'd be like, I'm not talking. I'm not talking. We have a neutral. And I would be so angry, like, Bah So we're calling it a neutral third party. Yes. But what it is, this person's gonna become a translator. Yeah. Yes. A translator.
Angel (18:52)
Take care of it. Yes. No, we put the pen in it and I was like, No, take care of it. We're not talking about this until we have a neutral third party here. And I would be so angry, like So we're calling it a neutral third party. Yes. But what it is this person's gonna become a translator. A translator
Angel (19:15)
for male and female. Because we don't speak the same language.
Kayla (19:17)
and female. Yeah. Because we don't speak the same language.
Kayla (19:21)
Right. We don't receive information the same way. We don't translate information the same way. And so I mean God in all his glory in all his glory designed it this way to be compatible. But we sometimes need a a translator. Yes. And that's what that is. A neutral third party is a translator like
Angel (19:22)
We don't receive information the same way. We don't translate information the same way. And so I mean, God in all his glory God in all his glory designed us this way to be compatible. But we sometimes need a a translator. And that's what that is. A a a neutral third party is a translator like
Angel (19:45)
Did he really say that? Like did he really like you're hearing that he's nagging on you or you're hearing that she's nagging on you and I I saw a TikTok not too long ago.
Kayla (19:45)
Did he really say that? Like did he really like you're hearing that he's nagging on you or you're hearing that she's nagging on you and I I saw TikTok not too long ago
Kayla (19:55)
and it was how a lot of times women hear things and this is just th the women side, I'm sure men are the same, but the the husband was like, You look beautiful today and she hears
Angel (19:59)
and this is just the women side I'm sure the same but the the husband was like, You look beautiful today and she hears
Kayla (20:08)
You look beautiful today, but not every other day. And so he's sitting here and he's giving
Angel (20:08)
you look beautiful today but not every other day. my gosh
Kayla (20:13)
her these compliments and she's hearing something completely different. And so I right. And so that to me is like that is so true because there's been moments where you've complimented me on something and I'm just like, so what all the other days I don't look good, you know. So that is what what you're saying about a translator because we do hear or or once we've already had an a an offense up, it's already
Angel (20:14)
And she's hearing something completely different. And Lord help us. Right. And so that to me is like that is so true because there's been moments where you've complimented me on something and I'm just like, so what all the other days? Here we go. my gosh. So that is what what you're saying about a translator because we do hear or or once we've already had an a an offense up, it's already
Kayla (20:38)
already like that's where it's like okay you know you're you're already thinking this you're already so
Angel (20:38)
like Yeah. Yeah. That's where it's like, okay, you know, you're you're already thinking this, you're already so
Kayla (20:44)
our wall is up, our defense is up. So this translator comes in and is just like calm down.
Angel (20:44)
our wall is up, our defense is up. So this translator comes in and it's just like calm down that's
Kayla (20:51)
That's not what he or see she is saying and that's not what they mean. And it's learning how to now trust again, how to allow your partner to come back in and to get to a place where you don't and again if if you are in that place in your marriage where you can't communicate. But if you are, it's just having healthy conversations to where
Angel (20:51)
not what he or C she is saying or that's not what they mean. And it's learning how to now trust again. Yeah. How to allow your partner to come back in. Yeah. And to get to a place where you don't and again if if you are in that place in your marriage where you can't communicate. But if you are, it's just having healthy conversations to where I
Angel (21:12)
don't want
Kayla (21:13)
I don't want
Angel (21:13)
To always be on the defense, right? Right. I don't want to always think that you are against me. I don't want to always think that you are not on the same same team as me. And so, how can we make this work? And so it's let's lay it all out on the table. All the hurts, all the things that I'm holding on to. And if it's even like, man, I just need to write this all down, and both of you, like, even if it's five years ago, write it down for five years, you know, and just say, five years ago.
Kayla (21:13)
to always be on the defense with you. I don't want to always think that you are against me. I don't want to always think that you are not.
Kayla (21:20)
Not on the same same team as me. And so how can we make this work? And so it's let's lay it all out on the table. All the hurts, all the things that I'm holding on to. And if it's even like, man, I just need to write this all down. And both of you, like, even if it's five years ago, write it down from five years, you know, and just say, five years ago,
Angel (21:43)
So you said you didn't like the color shirt I was wearing. I don't know. And I got offended by that.
Kayla (21:43)
you said you didn't like the color shirt I was wearing. I don't know. And I got offended by that.
Angel (21:49)
Yeah. And bring e exposure. Exposure. Key.
Kayla (21:50)
And bring e exposure to it.
Angel (21:54)
Bring exposure to it because that is how the enemy operates. This is the entire plan. This is yes, this is the entire the entire plan of the enemy is the enemy wants to keep things hidden and keep things hiding. So we can continue to dwell on it. Yes. When the Lord says no, bring exposure to bring it to the light. Yeah. Bring it to light so that I can now work in what the enemy intended to hurt and bring evil towards and bring
Kayla (21:54)
Bring exposure to it because that is how the enemy operates. The enemy, this is yes, this is the entire the entire plan of the enemy is the enemy wants to keep things hidden and keep things hiding so that you can continue to dwell on it. When the Lord says, No, bring exposure to it. Bring it to light so that I can now work in what the enemy intended to hurt and bring evil towards and bring
Angel (22:20)
d destruction to right to light to where your husband or stop your wife
Kayla (22:20)
dis destruction to. Right. Bring it to light to where your husband or spo your wife
Angel (22:24)
can say that's not how I meant it at all. Yeah. So for us it's we've learned and and are there moments that we followed. We're still and we're still learning. we have learned just expose it right then and there. Yeah that I am not carrying it so that you're not carrying it and we move on. Right. We don't carry it. Right. There's no point in carrying past
Kayla (22:24)
can say, that's that's not how I meant it at all. You know, so for us it's we've learned and and are there moments that we feel yes, but we have learned just expose it right then and there so that I am not carrying it, so that you're not carrying it. And we move on. Right. We don't carry it. Right. There's no point in carrying
Kayla (22:47)
Past hurt, unforgiveness,
Angel (22:47)
hurt unforgiveness.
Angel (22:49)
this offense. Right. It's not worth it.
Kayla (22:50)
offence it's not worth it. It's not worth it for your marriage. No,
Angel (22:54)
It's
Angel (22:54)
not worth it for your marriage. No, no. And it it it just it's a poison. It's a poison. It really is a poison. It's a wall.
Kayla (22:54)
no. It it it it just it's a poison. It's a poison. It really is a poison. It's a wall.
Angel (22:59)
and it he's the the enemy's so sneaky. And that's how he wants to just
Kayla (23:00)
The enemy's so sneaky. Yeah. And that's how he wants to just
Angel (23:05)
a marriage that is just roommates. Yeah. Is is not a is not a marriage. You're you're just roommates. You're not living out
Kayla (23:06)
Yeah. Is is not a is not a marriage. Right. You're you're just roommates. You're just roommates.
Angel (23:15)
the full
Angel (23:17)
given God given purpose over your marriage. And I mean like the first episode we said, both wife and husband, we are called, we God in his just magnificence united you with the perfect spouse that you needed, that he knows that you need, to draw out everything that God has already put inside of you for the mission that I have on this earth, that you have on this earth, that we have on this earth, that our family has on this earth.
Kayla (23:19)
Right. And I mean, like the first episode we said, both wife and husband, we are called, we God in his just magnificence united you with the perfect spouse. Right. That you needed, that he knows that you need to draw out everything that God has already put inside of you. Right. For the mission that I have on this earth, that you have on this earth, that we have on this earth, that our family has on this earth.
Angel (23:45)
And if we can't if we're in a in a fight with our own team, like it it's just it the enemies won. If we're not even talking, the enemies won. And so unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, break those walls down. Get a third can't do a counselor. If you are fighting and and just can't have a conversation, you are at that point which we have been there. Okay? You are it will get better.
Kayla (23:45)
And if we can't if we're in a in a fight with our own team, like it's just the enemies won. Right. If we're not even talking, yeah. The enemies won. Right. And so unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, break those walls down. Right. Get a third. Can't do a counselor. If you are fighting and and just can't have a conversation, you are at that point which we have been there. Right. Okay? You are And it will get better.
Kayla (24:12)
It's going to get better if you fight. Right.
Angel (24:12)
It's going to get better and you're gonna right.
Angel (24:14)
And and we have to fight for families. And that looks like let's just in a controlled environment with a third party who's a translator, let's let's let's talk about this. And you you're gonna see that all of these things, you know, were were just an enemy's way of of keeping you guys keeping the marriage separate. And so
Kayla (24:14)
And i we have to fight for families. Right. And that looks like let's just in a controlled environment with a third party who's a translator, let's let's let's talk about this. Right. And you you're gonna see that all of these things, you know, were were just an enemy's way of of keeping you guys keeping the marriage separate. Right. And so
Angel (24:38)
It's it's miscommunication.
Kayla (24:38)
It's it's miscommunication.
Kayla (24:40)
It's miscommunication and where I wanna also just kind of tap into a performance in the mu miscommunication because sometimes I might think,
Kayla (24:53)
He wants me to do this and this and this because he made this comment. And so to please you, I now have to you know, he said, Man, I wish I had dinner every day. he wants the wife that is in the kitchen all day, or he wants the wife. And so I think oftentimes in relationships we become who we think our spouse wants us to be to please them. And you're not you. And then you
Angel (24:53)
He wants me to do this and this and this because he made this comment. And so to please you, I now have to you know, he said, Man, I wish I had dinner every day. he wants the life that is in the kitchen all day or he wants the life. And so I think oftentimes in relationships we become who we think our spouse wants us to be to please them. And then you're not you and then
Kayla (25:20)
are not you. And then you will resent me for not.
Angel (25:20)
And then you will resent me for not
Angel (25:22)
being able to be you. Because I am just trying to make you happy because I don't want you to hurt me or I Well, because you were trained. Right. You were
Kayla (25:23)
Right because I am just trying to make you happy because I don't want you to hurt me or I because you were trained. Right.
Angel (25:33)
trained that only this person that shows up is lovable. Only this person, only when I show up in this X, Y, and C way will I be accepted and loved. Right. When your spouse probably never said that. Right. I mean
Kayla (25:34)
person that shows up is lovable. Only this person only when I show up in this X, Y, and C way will I be accepted and loved. Right. When your spouse probably never said that. Right. I mean
Kayla (25:48)
with actions or whatever, you can you you made assumptions, you made all these all you you made all these things. And there's such things as love languages where you can I know that you are physical touch and so I have to
Angel (25:48)
With actions or whatever, you can you you made assumptions, you made all these all you you made all these things you And there's such things as love languages where you can Yes, yes, yes, more physical touch and so I have to
Kayla (26:02)
go out of my way, yes, because
Kayla (26:04)
'cause I know that's what he loves. That's not what we're talking about here. It's where I have to shift my entire character of who I am to always make sure that I'm pleasing you. And I when then in in turn when I'm like, man, I don't even recognize myself or this is not who I am. Yeah. And it's it's by talk. It's by talking. Assumptions
Angel (26:06)
Yeah, yeah. Right, in turn when like, man, I don't even recognize myself. this is not who I am. Yeah, and it's it's by talk it's by talking. Assumptions
Angel (26:25)
and and mind reading. Nobody in the marriage is a mind reader. I can't read your mind. I wish you did. I
Kayla (26:25)
and and mind reading. in the marriage is a mind reader. Right. I can't read your mind. I wish you did. I know.
Angel (26:32)
know. I know. I get close.
Kayla (26:33)
I wish you did. I get close. After
Angel (26:35)
After all these years I get close. I show up with the food. I show up with the stuff. I show up with the snacks. You didn't even know. Got you. but we're not. We're men are not mind readers. Women are not mind readers. And if you're missing something or you would like something, say it. Yeah. And the other person accept it, receive it, you know, talk about it. I just I just hate that this is happening inside of house. And it
Kayla (26:35)
all these years, I close. I show up with the food, I show up with the stuff, I show up with the snacks. You didn't even know. Right. but we're not. Right. We're men are not mind readers, women are not mind readers, and if you're missing something or you would like something, say it. Yeah. Another person accept it, receive it, you know, talk about it. I just I just hate that this is happening inside the house. Yeah. And it
Angel (27:01)
no one's being able the marriages are not experiencing the best that God has for them. And I think that's why this communication topic is important and
Angel (27:13)
What comes out of your mouth is what you feed in. Let's talk about that, because we're talking about communication and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What are you putting into your system that is coming out? What kind of garbage are you feeding your body?
Kayla (27:23)
Okay. What are you putting into your system that is coming out? Mm. What kind of garbage are you feeding your body? Right.
Kayla (27:31)
What kind of poison are you feeding yourself that is gonna come out in the heat of the moment? I just said it in the heat of the moment. Right. Bro, no, that's If you if you if you said it, it's because it was in your heart. That was the most truth you ever said, if anything. Yes. And it it comes into like, what are you feeding?
Angel (27:31)
What kind of poison are you feeding yourself that is gonna come out in the heat of the moment? I just said it in the heat of the moment. Bro, no, that's that's that's in your heart. That was the most truth you've ever said, if anything. And it it comes into like what are you
Angel (27:48)
feeding yourself? Right. What are you what kind shows are you watching? What shows are you watching? What friends are hold of your ear. Yeah.
Kayla (27:49)
Right. What are you what shows are you watching? What friends are speaking into you that have a hold of your ear? Yeah.
Kayla (27:58)
yeah, what podcast are you listening to? It's it's music. All of it. Everything that you feed your spirit, everything that you feed this body is going to ooze out of you. Right.
Angel (28:00)
It's it's a whole thing of how everything that you feed your spirit, everything that you feed this body is going to ooze out of you. Whether you
Angel (28:10)
like it or not, it's gonna ooze out of you. And the person who's gonna get that ooze is gonna be your spouse who is the closest to you. So watch watch what shows you're watching, watch what
Kayla (28:11)
ooze out of you and the person who's gonna get that ooze is gonna be your spouse who is the closest to you. Right. Exactly. So watch watch what shows you're watching. Right. Watch what
Kayla (28:23)
pages you're following. Watch what
Angel (28:23)
pages you're following, watch what
Angel (28:25)
music you're listening to, like it's gonna flow out of you. Right. And I think that goes into the the scripture says we we don't wrestle against flesh and blood. Right. I
Kayla (28:25)
music you're listening to like it's kinda flow out of you. Right. And I think that goes into the the scripture says we we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the principalities. I think when we realize, man, I am this is this is bigger.
Kayla (28:42)
Than this. This is we are team. What is that that is trying so hard?
Angel (28:42)
think when we realize man, I am this is this is bigger than this. This is we are team. What is that that is trying so hard?
Kayla (28:51)
But the open doors is what you're talking about. Of what are you feeding yourself? What shows like, no, it's harmless. pornography, it's harmless. It's just, you know. No, it it hurts. It feeds, it feeds. It, well, we watched together. I've heard a lot of that. Where I'm like.
Angel (28:51)
But the open doors is what you're talking about. what are you feeding yourself? Right, right. Shows like, no, it's harmless. pornography. it's harmless. It's just, you know. No. It Your feet feeds it feeds. It well we watched together. I've heard a lot of that. We're like
Angel (29:09)
you don't understand the danger and the damage that you are allow
Kayla (29:09)
You don't understand the danger and the damage that you are allowing
Kayla (29:16)
to come into your marriage. This is again this i it it's it's a you opening a door of like, hey, come in, you know. The music that you listen to, man, like we I I used to be able to like listen to like whatever music and like I like the beats, whatever, but then you sit and stop and listen, like, what am I listening to? This is like
Angel (29:17)
into your marriage. This is open door it's it's a you opening a door like hey come in you know the music that you listen to man like we I I used to be able to like listen to like whatever music and like I like the beats, whatever, but then you sit and stop and listen like what am I listening to? This is like what
Angel (29:36)
am I glorifying? What am I celebrating? What am I right right and so I mean you can call us extremists, I don't care, but we've had to really go through and
Kayla (29:37)
what am I glorifying in this moment? Right. And so I mean, you can call us extremists. I don't care, but we've had to really go through and like
Angel (29:47)
like
Kayla (29:47)
cut out things that really damage our spirit because it's not just my spirit and my soul. It's ours. We're one. And so when marriages can stop and realize like I'm not just it's not just me. It's he is he is like
Angel (29:47)
cut out things that really damage our spirit because it's not just my spirit and my soul. It's ours. We're right. Right. And so when marriages can stop and realize like I'm not just it's not just me. It's he is he is like
Kayla (30:06)
He is me. We are one. You know, rib of my rib. And so it's not just you that's taking this in. It's both of you that are taking it in. And so, yeah, I mean, be so careful in what you are allowing in social media is what who who are you following?
Angel (30:06)
He has me. We are right. Right. You know, rib of my rib. And so it's not just you that's taking this in. It's both of you that are taking it in. Right. And so yeah, I mean be so careful in what you are allowing in social media is what who who are you following?
Angel (30:29)
Yeah, I mean, we're here. We're here, so we're we're we'll we'll let's let's talk about it and
Angel (30:36)
Every tool that is out in this world can be used for good. Absolutely for good. And the enemy is
Angel (30:46)
Very astute, very wise on how he manipulates and how he gives you the counterfeit version of what God has for you. Everything that He's trying to offer you is the counterfeit version. Pornography? That's a counterfeit version
Kayla (30:48)
Very wise on how he manipulates and how he gives you the counterfeit version. The counterfeit of what God has for you. Right. Everything that he's trying to offer you is a counterfeit version. Right. Pornography? That's a counterfeit version.
Angel (31:05)
of what your intimacy should look like.
Angel (31:08)
The music that's a counterfeit music of what praise looks like. the the the the the coat of praise that we're supposed to wear that brings us joy regardless of what the situation is around us. And he has just been masterful at making a counterfeit so that it does f kind of fit a piece of what God wants to is supposed to feel, but it's not God's.
Kayla (31:27)
fit a piece of what God wants to is supposed to feel but it's not God's.
Kayla (31:32)
Yeah. And so it's never going to be the fulfillment. It's never going to be the the ex the full experience of what God has for you and your household. And so we just we just believe that you have to be on guard. Always. On guard always. You always have to be
Angel (31:33)
And so it's never going to be the fulfillment. It's never going to be the the ex the full experience of what God has for you and your household. And so we just we just believe that you have to be on guard. Always. On guard always. You always have to be
Angel (31:52)
watching what
Kayla (31:52)
watching what
Angel (31:54)
how the enemy is trying to just infiltrate.
Kayla (31:54)
enemy is trying infiltrate. Right.
Kayla (31:56)
And if like the Bible says, if it causes you to sin, cut it off. If it's you can't have Instagram, Snapchat, all these things,
Angel (32:02)
You can't have Instagram, Snapchat, all these things.
Kayla (32:06)
don't even entertain it. It's just get rid of it. That's what's on the line. Yeah. Eternity's on the line.
Angel (32:07)
It's it's for eternity. What's that's what's on the line. Eternity's on the line.
Angel (32:12)
And we're not God. So listen to what the Holy Spirit is communicating to you on. He'll be he'll bring you right now. If you're listening to our words, right now, the Holy Spirit can be like, hey, they're kind of talking about this in your life.
Kayla (32:16)
No. So listen to what the Holy Spirit is communicating to you on. Right. He'll be he'll bring you right now, if you're listening to our words, yes right now, the Holy Spirit can be like, Hey, they're kinda talking about this in your life.
Kayla (32:33)
Hmm. And and you listen and obey. And so I hope that blesses you that that part blesses you.
Angel (32:35)
And and you listen and obey. And so I hope that blesses you that that part blesses you.
Angel (32:44)
our main topic today is still communication and so I mean we spent a little piece of that and into this because we're trying to defend marriages. But
Angel (32:54)
Let's talk about we build up all these walls. Right. Right. And we're breaking down all these walls. We are supposed to build walls, but walls around our house. Around our house. Around our house. And it's so the principalities and powers and are we're shielded by the blood of Jesus. And this is a team effort. And it's so funny that of course I'm the one bringing it up, but it has to be brought up. The mortar.
Kayla (32:56)
walls. Right. Right. And we're breaking down all these walls. We are supposed to build walls. Yes. But walls around our house. Around our house. Around our house. And so the principalities do not come in. Principalities and powers and are we're shielded by the blood of Jesus. Yes. This is a team effort. And it's funny that of course I'm the one bringing it up, but it has to be brought up the mortar.
Kayla (33:20)
Okay. The mortar. What is that for mortar? What is that for the non construction? Yes. There's a bunch of bricks. Yes. Stack all together.
Angel (33:20)
Okay, the mortar. The the mortar for people that are not in construction. There's a bunch of bricks, and if you stack them all together,
Angel (33:29)
you can knock that over. The mortar is the glue, the little cement that goes and and glues it all together. And that mortar is intimacy.
Kayla (33:30)
Yes. The mortar is the glue, the little cement the cement that goes and and glues it all together. Yeah. And that mortar is intimacy.
Angel (33:43)
Intimacy is the mortar that keeps your marriage, your walls strong. Intimacy in the way that your spouse really receives intimacy and r intimacy, you know, the way that you both
Kayla (33:43)
Intimacy is the mortar that keeps your marriage, your walls strong. Yeah. It is. Intimacy in the way that your spouse really receives intimacy and intimacy, you know, the way that you both
Angel (33:57)
the way you both know how you receive love.
Kayla (33:58)
But you both know how you receive love. Right.
Kayla (34:00)
And and have a communication about that. Talk about it. Yeah. It's hey, I really like when you do this. I really don't like when you do this. And freedom. Freedom and love. Where it's not
Angel (34:02)
Talk about it. It's hey, I really like this. Right. I really don't like when you do this. And with freedom. Freedom. And love, right. Where it's not
Angel (34:16)
it doesn't come off as a rejection. Like I am not rejecting you in the sense that I don't like when this happens or but I really like when this happens. Right. You call it the sandwich method. I think that you can also use in this where it it's a compliments.
Kayla (34:16)
it doesn't come off as a rejection. Like I am not rejecting you in this sense. I but I don't like when this happens or but I really like when this happens. You call it the sandwich method, I think that you can also use in this where it's it's a
Kayla (34:32)
a compliment.
Angel (34:33)
The critique
Kayla (34:33)
The critique. I really like when you kiss me like this, but I don't like and so th the sandwich. But learn how to talk to your spouse in love when it's hard conversations. And I think that's what we also didn't say at the beginning is don't come eat you know, hard conversations you can have don't come at them in an attacking form. In love. In love, in like Ultimately this is to make us better. Yeah.
Angel (34:34)
and the compliment. Right. Don't lie. Right. And so the sandwich. But learn how to talk to your spouse in love. Yeah. When it's hard conversations. Yeah. And I think that's what we also say at the beginning is don't come eat you know, hard conversations you can have, don't come form. Right. In love. In like Ultimately this is to make us better.
Kayla (34:59)
To make us better.
Angel (35:00)
And then that has to be
Angel (35:00)
the the big picture. Ultimately this is to make us better. You've had to even this past year where there are certain topics that are touchy topics like us. Everyone has one. Everyone has you know it. You already know it. He and Angels like Angels told me like, man
Kayla (35:03)
You've had to, even this past year, where there are certain topics that are touchy topics for us. Everyone has one. Everyone has some. Yes. And so he and Angels like Angels told me, like, man,
Kayla (35:17)
like when I know I have to talk to you about a certain subject. I would rather be stung by I hate snakes. I hate them so much. of snakes instead of having hard conversations. Yeah. That's an issue of conversation.
Angel (35:20)
I would rather be stung by I hate snakes. I hate so much. I'd rather be thrown into a pit of snakes at instead of having hard conversations. That's a personal issue of confrontation,
Angel (35:28)
but you know the conversations. So I mean and
Kayla (35:29)
Yes. Yes. So I mean, and and
Kayla (35:32)
I would get frustrated because he will wait until the last second before, you know, and then he's like, I have this. I'm like, why didn't you tell me? So I'm already upset because you waited so long. He's like, You don't understand. Like, I can't have this conversation because I know you go to level 10 right away anytime the subject is brought up. And so now he is like, Hey.
Angel (35:42)
Like you don't understand, like I can't have this conversation because I know you go to level ten right away anytime this subject is brought up. Yeah. Yeah. And so now he is like, Hey,
Angel (35:55)
I have to have a conversation with you about this subject. And instead of me getting on the defense, I'm like
Kayla (35:55)
I have to have a conversation with you about this subject. And instead of me getting on the defense, I'm like, to
Angel (36:05)
But that was a piece that both of us had to attach so one, I have to feel safe to talk to you. Yes, safe, safety. I have to feel and
Kayla (36:07)
to learn I have to feel safe to talk you. Yes, safe safety. I have to feel and
Angel (36:14)
this sounds weird coming from a guy. So please, like when we say safe, we mean it's like this is not gonna blow up in my face. I'm walking into dynamite right now. And you know those situations sometimes are not even in in our control. But they come around or whatever X situation might be.
Kayla (36:17)
Yeah. When we say safe, we mean it's like this is not gonna blow up in my face. I'm walking into dynamite right now. Right. And you know those situations sometimes are not even in in our control. Right. But they come around. Right. Whatever the X situation might be.
Kayla (36:34)
Right.
Kayla (36:35)
So safety. Have have a safe again, but that's also developed in
Angel (36:35)
So safety. Safety. How was safe our safety. But that's also developed in
Kayla (36:41)
a lot of when you have a a third party person on how to communicate where it's not going to level ten. But there was this this topic that yes, it any time it was brought up, it would be it would already like all the walls were up, you know? And so
Angel (36:43)
Yeah. how to communicate where it's not going to level ten. But there was this this topic that yes, it any time it was brought up, it would it would already like all the walls were up, you know, and so why
Angel (36:59)
does that happen? Do you think it's because we've just have a history? Like, how do these people get into those touchy subjects? Is it to a disagreement of think so. Like
Kayla (37:02)
History? Like how do these people get into those touchy subjects? I don't know. Is it to a disagreement of minds? I think so. Like
Kayla (37:11)
ways that we were brought up?
Angel (37:11)
Ways that we were brought up.
Angel (37:12)
Clashing of the minds. Interesting. That part we don't know. We don't know. But we know how to talk about it.
Kayla (37:15)
Interesting. That part we don't know. We don't know. But but we know how to talk about it. We know how to approach it now to where, you know, 'cause it would
Kayla (37:23)
be I would blow up and he's like, That's why I can't talk to you about anything. You know? And so again, it it was just this like the offense, the offense, and so the walls,
Angel (37:25)
Can't talk to you about anything, you know, and so again it it was just this slight the offense, the offense is on the wall.
Kayla (37:31)
the walls. And so we've learned how now he comes to me like, Hey, there's I need to talk to you about this. And then it guess what? It ends up not being bad. You know? It's like, okay, sure, you know.
Angel (37:33)
me like, hey, there's I need to talk to you about this. And then it guess what? It ends up not being bad. It's not even a big deal. It's like it's like okay short, you know. but again
Angel (37:45)
this is creating safe yeah for your spouse feel safe talk to you about a hard conversation to where you're not gonna blow up. Okay. yeah. I think
Kayla (37:45)
But again, this is creating safe place for your spouse to feel safe enough to talk to you about a hard conversation to where you're not gonna blow up. Okay. yeah. I think
Angel (37:56)
we can let's let's let's make it plain. You are a team.
Kayla (37:58)
Let's let's let's make it plain. Yeah. You are a team.
Kayla (38:03)
Yes. We are a team. Yes. Here's our team values. Yes. We love each other.
Angel (38:03)
We are a team. Here's our team values. We love each other.
Angel (38:08)
We're not a really we're not against each other. We want the best for each other. We are not trying to like trip each other up. We're not in competition with each other. And if those aren't true right now, well then let's
Kayla (38:18)
Yes. They're not in competition with each other. In com yeah. And if those aren't true right now, well then let's
Angel (38:27)
Let's work on getting to those team values on the same page. And you know, there could be a lot of hurt that needs to kind of resolve those. But when you get your truths in line, every other lie that the enemy tries to make you assume about your spouse, if it doesn't line up with what we have agreed as a team, is who what our marriage and what we stand for, then it can't it shouldn't hold root. And here and
Kayla (38:27)
Let's work on getting into those team values on the same pages. You know, there could be a lot of hurt that needs to kind of resolve those. Yes. But when you get your truths in line, every other lie that the enemy tries to make you assume about your spouse, if it doesn't line up with what we have agreed as a team, right. Is what our marriage and what we stand for, then it can't it shouldn't hold root. Yeah. In here and
Angel (38:53)
makes it easy to talk to each now, like let's just talk about it then. Can I also
Kayla (38:53)
It it easy to talk to. Let's talk about it then. Can I also
Kayla (38:56)
just I mean, I know this is kinda going a little off subject too, but I think that
Angel (39:00)
That
Kayla (39:01)
social media is such a deceiver as well because I know especially when we were going just through the hell of our storm, like I would get on social media and like a girl would post, like, my god, my husband's a bassie just bought me flowers and I'm like, my gosh, like I want that marriage, you know? And you don't know the truth because I've had people
Angel (39:01)
social media is such a deceiver as well. Yeah. Because I know especially when we were going just through the hell of our storm. Yeah. Like I would get on social media and like a family couples. Like, my god, my husband's a bad just bought me flowers. I'm like, my gosh, like I want that marriage. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know the truth. Because I've had people
Kayla (39:23)
come up to us and like I want your marriage like
Angel (39:23)
come up to us like, I your marriage, like
Kayla (39:25)
number one you don't know the hell we've been through number two this took a lot of work and you can have whatever marriage you want to have. You just gotta put in the work. But comparison is such a a killer as well. Because you expect your spouse, you see this and it's like, man, I want him or her to
Angel (39:26)
You don't know the hell we've been through. Number two, this took a lot of work and you can have whatever marriage you want to have. You just gotta put in the work. Yeah. But comparison is such a a killer as well. Joy robber because you accept your spouse, you see this and it's like, man, I want him or her to
Kayla (39:46)
Be like this, you know, and like this spouse. Like, man, I see her taking her the children out and she's cooking and she's doing why can't my wife do that? And I see him, he's always coming home surprising her with flowers and chocolates and this and that. And
Angel (39:46)
Be like this. Yeah. You know, and like this spouse. Like man, I see her taking her the children out and she's cooking and she's doing my gosh. Yeah. And I see him, he's always home surprising her with flowers and this and that. Y'all are annoying that ya
Angel (40:01)
do that, but it's you know, and it's great.
Kayla (40:01)
y'all are, and it's you're, you know, and it's great
Kayla (40:04)
for you guys. I love that for you, but you cannot put yourself in that same box. You can't.
Angel (40:04)
guys I love that for you but you cannot put yourself in that same box you can't
Angel (40:10)
and this is what Angel's saying like have your values hey as long as my values this is this is what our my our marriage goal is then this cannot affect you anymore like then you can scroll past that like great for them I love that for them God continue to bless them keep scrolling but yeah comparison oof I mean and that's just with life in general but yeah I know that for me for marriages in marriages
Kayla (40:10)
And this is what Angel's saying, like, have your values. Hey, as long as my values, this is this is what our my our marriage goal is, then this cannot affect you anymore. Like then you can scroll past that, like, great for them. I love that for them. God continue to bless them. Keep scrolling. but yeah, comparison, oof. I mean, and that's just with life in general. But yeah, I know that for me in in in marriages,
Kayla (40:34)
I'm just like, man, like, I want that marriage.
Angel (40:39)
Let's not sugarcoat it. Marriage
Kayla (40:40)
Okay. Marriage
Angel (40:44)
W I don't wanna call it hard. It's not hard. It's not hard, but it is work.
Kayla (40:46)
Yeah. It's it's not hard. It's not hard. It's work. But it is work.
Kayla (40:51)
Yeah.
Angel (40:54)
And if anybody sa tells you that it's j they just got it so easy, like somebody's pretending. Somebody's performing. Because we're two different humans and
Kayla (40:55)
tells you that it's just they just got it so easy, like somebody's pretending. Yeah. Somebody's performing. Yeah. Because we're two different humans and
Kayla (41:04)
not impossible, not hard, not
Angel (41:04)
Not impossible, not hard, la
Angel (41:07)
hard is not the word. What is the word? It just It's it's a garden. Maybe? Is that a good picture? It's kinda a beautiful thing, but it
Kayla (41:10)
It's work. It's a garden. Yeah. Maybe it's kind of a beautiful thing. Yeah.
Angel (41:17)
it requires you pull out weeds. It requires you that you trim some some some roses. I mean, I've I was shocked. We've never had a a rose, a beautiful rose until garden until we bought grandpa's
Kayla (41:17)
Every time you pull out weeds every day that you trim some some some roses. I mean, I I was shocked. We've never had a a rose, a beautiful rose until garden until we bought grandpa's
Kayla (41:31)
Yeah. And the first time when all those beautiful roses were out there and I don't know anything about gardening, everyone's like, Okay, time to take off.
Angel (41:32)
And the first time when all those beautiful roses were out there, and I don't know anything about gardening, everyone's like, Okay, time to take off.
Kayla (41:39)
It's like
Angel (41:39)
Like I've never had anything
Angel (41:42)
grow this beautiful, and you're telling me I gotta cut off? Like, you cut it and you cut it at you gotta cut it certain way and this and that, so that the rest at a certain time, so that it continues to bloom, so that like so that's what it is. It is upkeep.
Kayla (41:44)
Mm-hmm. Like you cut it and cut it at that you gotta cut it a certain way and this and that. So that it continues to bloom so that like so That's so good. That's what it is. Yeah. It is up.
Kayla (41:59)
It's upkeep. And and you cannot
Angel (42:00)
And and
Kayla (42:01)
neglect your marriage. Even when the kids
Angel (42:02)
You can't so even when the kids
Kayla (42:04)
come and even when the trials come. Right. The hard time because it's it's going to happen. You're gonna go through different seasons in life that are going to and it may not be just marriage issues, but just life pressures. Work pressures, life pressures, medical reports and you know right, life. Life
Angel (42:07)
Right. Because it's it's going to happen. Yeah. Life pressures. Work pressures, kids pressures, pressures Medical Report record Medical Reports. All of it. Life life. Right. Life. Life
Angel (42:27)
is just heavy. Yeah. And you cannot
Kayla (42:27)
is just heavy and you cannot
Kayla (42:30)
neglect you can take moments to pause and just say, I just need a breather, but you cannot neglect this.
Angel (42:30)
neglect you can take moments to pause and just say I just need a breather because you cannot neglect this. Yeah.
Angel (42:38)
This cannot be neglected. You've got to come right
Kayla (42:38)
This cannot be neglected. You've got to come right
Kayla (42:41)
back to it and continue watering it. It's okay to have moments of timeouts of like, I just need a breather. I just need I've got to you know, and this past week we lost a friend that was very like a a best friend of ours that we are navigating through and it's like, man, like how do we how do we walk through this? How do we walk through this? Like
Angel (42:41)
to it and continue watering it. Yeah. It's okay to have moments of timeouts of like I just need a breather. Yeah. Yeah. I just need I've got to you know and this past week we lost a friend that was very like a a best friend of ours that we are navigating through and it's like, Man, like how do we how do we walk through this? Right. How do we walk through this like
Angel (43:03)
but at the end of the day it's we still have to take care of
Kayla (43:04)
But at the end of the day, it's we still have to take care of this.
Angel (43:07)
We can allow our ourselves to grieve we can allow ourselves to have our moments, but this is still something that we have to continue to water and pour into and how are you? You okay?
Kayla (43:07)
We can allow our ourselves to grieve and we can allow ourselves to have our moments, but this is still something that we have to continue to water and pour into. And how are you? You okay?
Kayla (43:20)
I'm not okay right now. We've had moments where we separately have like where we cry and it's just like, what do need in this moment? And yeah, life, life will happen. But I love this illustration of the roses of you've got
Angel (43:22)
separately have like where we cry just like what do you need in this and yeah will happen but I love this illustration the roses of
Kayla (43:34)
You have to
Angel (43:35)
not to
Angel (43:38)
continue to take care of it. Yeah I wanna go on a speed round and give you like
Kayla (43:42)
Okay.
Angel (43:43)
I can't talk about all of in detail but I would go look up because since we're
Angel (43:51)
I don't wanna end the episode without giving all the tips that saved us a lot of headache. Okay. One of them is my heart hurts. Okay? Whenever we're having a conversation or whenever you're feeling a certain way of a past offense that was a damaging offense,
Kayla (43:52)
without giving all the tips that saved us a lot of headache. Lot of headache. One of is my heart hurts. Mm. Yes. Whenever we're having a conversation or whenever you're feeling a certain way of a past offense that was a damaging offense
Angel (44:09)
and it's whatever XYZ triggered you, and you don't want to throw something in the in the spouse's face, you just say
Kayla (44:09)
And it's whatever XYZ triggered you. Yeah. And you don't want to throw something in the in the spouse's face. Yeah. You just say,
Kayla (44:17)
We we use it, I think it works. You're free to borrow it. Yeah.
Angel (44:17)
We we use it, I think it works, you're free to borrow it.
Angel (44:20)
My heart hurts. I'm not trying to attack you. I'm not trying to like make you feel a certain way, bring shame and condemnation on everything that you've done. But I have real hurt right now. Right. And so key, like I'm not attacking, yeah, but I need comfort. I need love. And I
Kayla (44:20)
My heart hurts. Yeah. Not trying to attack you. Yeah. I'm not trying to like make you feel a certain way. Bring shame and condemnation on everything that you've done. Right. But I have real heart right now. Right. And so key, like not attacking. Yeah. But I need comfort. I need Right. And I
Kayla (44:37)
and also I don't want to give the enemy access to that. There's the wall. Right. I don't
Angel (44:40)
Right. There's there's the there's the wall. Like
Kayla (44:43)
want to give him access because if I throw things in your face, then that's an anger that arises in me.
Angel (44:46)
face then that's an anger that arises in me
Angel (44:50)
as well. Right. And so how can I do this in a healthy way of yes, like let's not ignore the fact that I am hurting right now. But I also don't want to hurt you by throwing things in your face. Right. It's not it. And yeah that's something like Angel said, It helps.
Kayla (44:50)
well. Right. And so how can I do this in a healthy way of yes, like let's not ignore the fact that I am hurting right now. But I also don't wanna hurt you by throwing things in your face. But I still deal with this sometimes and I think that's something like Angel said, you're feel free to borrow it.
Kayla (45:10)
My heart hurts.
Angel (45:11)
Yeah. And I a
Angel (45:12)
and we would know like okay, you need extra love right now. You need me to hold you more. You need me whatever way you need me to show up a little bit more right now, I'm gonna do that. And I have to ask but I have to ask you like
Kayla (45:21)
And I want to ask, but I had to ask Right. I was gonna say, and you're not a mind reader, so
Kayla (45:26)
I can't, you know, that's where we've had to like, I don't know, just my heart hurts, you know. And he's like, Well, what do you want? You you did it, you figured out.
Angel (45:30)
You know, yeah. What do you want? You you did it, you figured out.
Kayla (45:33)
So I'll you know, he I have to tell him like, all right, now I just need you to hold me. Right. Just kiss me, pull me, and
Angel (45:39)
kissed me, and
Angel (45:42)
you know, we've had to I've had to learn he's not a mind reader and Praise the Lord to tell him and it doesn't make him a failure of a husband if I have to tell him what what I need. A best day of my life would be this.
Kayla (45:42)
you know, we've had to I've had to learn he's not a mind reader and it's okay to tell him and it doesn't make him a failure of a husband if I have to tell him what what I need. A best day of would be this.
Angel (45:59)
I wake up in the morning and you have a list for me.
Angel (46:02)
Not a crazy thousand lists, but like four things like hey, this would help me if you did XYZ. And if I can knock down that list and that that makes you happy, then then man, I I won. You know? Make it that simple. We're so simple, us guys. Like, whatever you need, we'll do it. Just tell us. next tip is put a pin in it. You briefly you you briefly spoke on it real quick, but
Kayla (46:05)
This would help me if you did X, Y, Z. Yeah. And if I can knock down that list and that that makes you happy, then then man, I I won. Yeah. You know? Make it that simple. We're so simple, us guys. Like Whatever you need, we'll do it. Yeah. Tell us. Yeah. next tip is put a pin in it. You put a pin in it. You briefly spoke on it real quick, but
Angel (46:27)
in the heat of the moment.
Kayla (46:27)
In the heat of moment,
Kayla (46:29)
if both of you feel like it's getting out of control, or it's already a a a touchy subject that you know is going to be rough, mm-hmm, put a pen in it. Put a pen in it. That means we are not going to discuss this right now. Right. We're gonna stop and wives conversation. Wives stop it. Because
Angel (46:29)
If both of you feel like it's getting out of control or it's already a a a touchy subject that you know is going to be rough, put a pin in it. That means we are not going to discuss this right now. Right. We're gonna stop mid-conversation. We're gonna stop. Stop it.
Kayla (46:49)
if you just s cause I I too often I didn't stop it. Angel's like, the pen, the pen, the pen. I was like, forget the pen.
Angel (46:52)
And it just was never good. So lies, keep your
Angel (46:56)
mouth shut. Pin it. Pin it.
Kayla (46:56)
And it just was never good. So wives, keep your mouth shut. Pin it. Pin it.
Angel (47:03)
And unt not forget it. Yes. We're going to talk about it. Like write it down. Write everything you're saying or feeling at the moment so that whenever
Kayla (47:05)
Yes, not forget it. Write it down, write everything you're saying or feeling at the moment so that
Angel (47:11)
the neutral third party is the translator is available. Yes. Neutral.
Kayla (47:14)
the translator is available yes neutral
Angel (47:17)
a neutral is like okay now we can have this conversation and resume and we can pick it right back up where the pen was and still be able to be heard and understood and expressed and then worked out with someone being there. So okay so then let's see what else. So we have the pin in it. We have our heart hurts and a safe place. I think
Kayla (47:17)
a neutral yeah is like okay now we can have this conversation and resume yes and we can pick it right back up where the pen was and still be able to be heard and understood and expressed yes and then worked out with someone being there so okay so then let's see what else so we have a pin in it we have my heart hurts our heart hurts and a safe place a safe place
Angel (47:43)
nobody
Angel (47:46)
You might not know that you're not feeling safe. But if if if you're feeling fear on on speaking to your spouse, like or like an anxiety to speak to your spouse, then there's something that needs to like get curious. Get curious about like why can't I just talk to you about this? And vice versa. Get to the root of it. Like what is going on here? Like
Kayla (47:48)
But if if if you're feeling fear on on speaking to your spouse or like an anxiety to speak to your spouse, then there's something that needs to like get curious. Right. Get curious about like why can't I just talk to you about this? Right. And by Get to the root of the problem. Get to the root of it. Like what is going on here? Like
Kayla (48:09)
there should be nothing that is too tender for us to touch that that would bring pain. Right. That we're not aware of.
Angel (48:09)
There should be nothing that is too tender for us to touch that that would bring pain. That we're not aware
Angel (48:17)
of. You know? And a safe place, like we said, might look different for us everybody. And it's not a manly macho thing and it's not a twenty twenty-six therapy like I'm triggered and I need my space. You're in my space. And it's like
Kayla (48:17)
Yes. You know? And a safe place, like we said, might look different for a su everybody. Right. And it's not a manly macho thing and it's not a twenty twenty six therapy like I'm triggered and I need stage. Everyone's triggered nowadays. Everyone's triggered.
Kayla (48:38)
We need clarity. Yeah.
Angel (48:38)
We need clarity. Like
Angel (48:39)
get curious on what you what you're trying to say on how to make a safe space. I love that. Yep. Put a pin in it. Put a pin in it, my heart hurts. A safe place. A safe place. And just if I can, we're
Kayla (48:40)
Get curious on what you what you're trying to say on how to make a safe space. Yes. I love that. Yep. Put a pin in it. My heart hurts. A s a safe place. Safe place. And just if I can.
Angel (48:54)
not mind readers. I'm not mind readers. Even the wife is not a mind reader.
Kayla (48:59)
Right.
Kayla (49:02)
And I just expect you to know this. Like
Kayla (49:05)
how would I even know this? Yeah. This is how you like your chilakiless. Like, what where in the world was I supposed to pick up that you like like this. Because that one day I said, Mmm, this tastes really good. You should have known from that moment We can't read lines and
Angel (49:05)
would I even know this? That this is how you like your chilakiles? Like, what when in the world was I supposed to pick up that you like like this? Or that one day I said, hmm, this yeah. Exactly. And and I should have known from that mind I was like, what we can't read minds and no no
Angel (49:25)
other human can read minds. And so ask, curious, ask questions. Ask, ask questions. And intimacy.
Kayla (49:27)
So ask. Ask questions. Ask ask questions. And intimacy.
Kayla (49:32)
That's key. Intimacy is the mortar that just keeps you guys together. The enemy can't touch you guys. No.
Angel (49:33)
Intimacy is the mortar that just keeps you guys together. Yeah. The enemy can't touch you guys. No.
Kayla (49:41)
He can't building, breaking down
Angel (49:41)
He can't. Holding breaking down
Kayla (49:44)
the walls of unforgiveness, of hurt, offense, the things that have s caused a division with you and your spouse. Now it's let's build a wall, but let's circle it around us and our family. And now the intimacy is a motor that will be
Angel (49:46)
Of hurt, offense, the things that have s caused a division in your spouse. Now it's let's build a wall, but let's circle it around us and our family. Right. And now the intimacy is the motor that will be the
Kayla (49:59)
the glue of devil, you can't come. You can't you can't touch us. You cannot touch us. And no weapon formed against us will prosper because.
Angel (50:03)
You can't touch us. You can't. You cannot touch us. No.
Kayla (50:11)
This is a unity here that the Lord ordained, that the Lord brought together. And you tried it. But you didn't but you didn't prosper. He can for he can form them. You found it out out quick. Right. He can form he can form the weapons
Angel (50:12)
And no weapon formed against us will prosper. That's right. Because this is a unity here that the Lord ordained, that the Lord brought together. And he tried it. And he's trying it still He doesn't quit. I was like, darn it, you found it. I I quit, but nope. He can form he can form the weapons. Mm-hmm.
Kayla (50:27)
all he wants, but they will not prosper. Because
Angel (50:29)
Launch the weapons and they're gonna hit this wall.
Kayla (50:32)
you now have a wall of protection. And so for us this is what has worked for the past
Kayla (50:39)
gosh, six years now. Right. You know, it's it was a lot of learning, a lot of hurts and a lot of things that we went to, but now I can say, man, we've we've come to a point now where we can talk to each other and it not be a blow up conversation or
Angel (50:40)
now. Right. You know, it's it was a lot of learning, a lot of parts and a lot of things that we went to, but now I can say now we've we've come to a point now where we can talk to each other and it not be a blow up conversation. Right. Or
Angel (50:56)
can have hard conversations or you can you we don't have to feel like we're performing to please one another anymore.
Kayla (50:57)
We can have hard conversations or you can you we don't have to feel like we're performing to please one another anymore.
Angel (51:03)
Mhm. And and guess what? And now in this, now we have three boys, we are on the same page of how we raise voice. We are on the same page of we don't want them to do this, this and that and this is how we but that can only happen when this is healthy. Yeah. That can only happen when this looks right.
Kayla (51:04)
And and guess what? And now in this, now we have three boys. We are on the same page of how we raise our boys. We're on the same page of we don't want them to do this, this, and that. And this is how we but that can only happen when this is healthy. That can only happen when this looks right.
Angel (51:24)
And so that's so that's been our
Kayla (51:24)
And so that's so that's been our
Kayla (51:27)
our mission is man, this is w the reason of starting a podcast because it's it's a marriage thing. It's it's our business venture which also is very heavy. Yeah, learn how to talk and it is our finances and family and powering it once. Yeah.
Angel (51:27)
mission is man this is w the reason of starting a podcast because it's it's a marriage thing. It's it's our business venture which also is learn how to talk. Learn how to talk talk and it is our finances and family. You you have power in your words. Yeah.
Angel (51:49)
And what it what it comes down to. God created the entire universe, created everything with speaking words.
Angel (51:56)
And you can create the marriage. You can pray for the marriage. You can use your words to build up your marriage. Or you can kill it as well. So choose life on this day. Choose life. Talk to your spouse. See what's damaging.
Kayla (52:07)
Choose life. Talk to your spouse. See what's damaging
Kayla (52:13)
your marriage. You know, see what's
Angel (52:15)
See what's know
Kayla (52:17)
You know, one of if there's an offense or if there's things that you realize, man, like things you guys are watching or seeing or whatever, like cut it out. It's not worth it. It's not worth to lose a marriage, right? Right. And filter out your mind.
Angel (52:18)
if there is an offence. If there is an offense. Or if there's things that you realize, man, like things you guys are watching or seeing like cut it out. Yeah. It's not It's not worth it. Not to live the fullness of what God has for you. He's got so much for us that
Kayla (52:38)
Yeah.
Angel (52:39)
Gets me excited because the marriage that you wanted, the marriage that you're dreaming for.
Kayla (52:41)
Yeah. The marriage that you came before. Yeah.
Angel (52:44)
Like, you didn't know the enemy snuck his little nasty tail into your marriage. You didn't know. You've gotten used to this, it was your new normal. This is just how we talk to each other. We're hateful, we're he's just like that, or she's just like that. And and you're not living out the marriage that God has for you. And you or playfully call
Kayla (53:00)
And and you're not living like a marriage that God has for you. Right. Or playfully
Kayla (53:06)
condescending. I've witnessed a lot of that where it's just like we're
Angel (53:08)
yeah. Go there. Go there. Go there.
Angel (53:11)
No, go there. Yeah. Man, like no it's it's not. You you like Angel's been saying, the power of death is in your top.
Kayla (53:11)
about to wrap up, but you see, like a playful condescending to a spouse and you know, you embarrass your spouse, like man, like it's it's it's not you you like Angel's been saying, the power of life or death is in your tongue.
Kayla (53:27)
Like
Kayla (53:28)
Never speak down to your spouse or be condescending or demeaning, even if you're joking, or this is how we
Angel (53:29)
Speak down to your spouse or be condescending or demeaning, even if you're joking.
Kayla (53:35)
play around. Like, no, I play around with my buddies like that or you know, we can joke around like that. But this is this is something that you bring honor to and you respect.
Angel (53:39)
that or right you know we can joke around like that. But this is this is something that you bring honor to. Yeah. And you respect. Yeah.
Angel (53:46)
And you don't because if I'm gonna throw a jab at you, especially in public, then I am okaying everybody else to throw a jab at you. Right. And no, my job is and your job is, is wherever I'm at
Kayla (53:46)
And you don't because if I'm gonna throw a jab at you, especially in public, then I am okaying everybody else to throw a jab at you. And no, my job is and your job is is wherever I'm at I'm
Kayla (53:59)
going to protect my spouse and that that no one comes in and and h and hurts him.
Angel (53:59)
to protect my spouse one comes in and and and hurts him.
Kayla (54:05)
Right. But you can't just turn it on and off in public. Right. It's something that's practiced at home. Right. It's something that is lived out twenty four seven and just turned off and on because now we're in a
Angel (54:05)
Right. But you can't just turn it on and off in public. It's something that's practiced at home. Right. It's something that is lived out twenty four seven and not just turned off and on because now we're in a
Angel (54:15)
church setting. We're at a leadership gathering or we're at you know, we're serving like no, that's a lifestyle. And that that that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. I if
Kayla (54:16)
Saying we're at a leadership gathering or we're at you're serving, like no, that's a lifestyle. Yeah, that that that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. if
Angel (54:25)
If you call your wife playfully, you're stupid, stop. Yeah. I I go as far as I hate when people call my kid travieso. Yes, he does. It's like don't call my kid. I don't I keep travieso, he's gonna be travieso like in my head every time I hear that's like in the name of Jesus I rebuke
Kayla (54:25)
if you call your wife playfully, you're stupid, stop. Yeah. I I go as far as I hate when people call my kid Darieso. Yes, he does. It's like, don't call my kid. Don't speak that over him. it's called Tarieso, like in my head, every time I hear it's like intelligence, I rebuke that.
Angel (54:43)
that. Travieso is what is that in English? Naughty?
Kayla (54:44)
Travieso is it's a English naughty? Naughty.
Kayla (54:48)
Naughty he's like mischievous mischiev mischievous, yes. Yeah, nah, like Yes. I'm carrying cute, like don't speak that over my kids. Right. I I just I I that bothers me. Yes. Like don't call my kid. You're travioso. Yeah, you're travies a kid out of your
Angel (54:49)
yeah, he's gonna like mischievous. Yeah, nah. Like I don't care you're being cute. Like don't speak that over my kid. I I just I I that bothers me. Yes. Like don't call my kid Travieso. Yeah, you're yeah, you're Travieso, get out of here.
Angel (55:09)
yeah, even playfully, like that that applies to marriage. Yeah.
Kayla (55:11)
That that applies to marriage. Yeah.
Angel (55:14)
I I don't care. I don't don't
Angel (55:16)
We've played like that for years. No, I don't care. Stop that. My two cents. It's America, do what you want. But our podcast, I'ma say it. Don't call her that.
Kayla (55:16)
Played like that for years. Yes. I don't care. Yeah. Stop that. Yeah. My two cents. Right. Go ahead do what you want. But This is our podcast, so we can say it. Don't call her that.
Kayla (55:31)
Yeah. Well, I think that we
Kayla (55:33)
Yeah, I mean these are just kind of tidbits of what have helped us. And so we have always made a promise. We will never
Angel (55:36)
We lived it. What has told us and so we've always made a promise we will never
Kayla (55:42)
keep anything of what the Lord has brought us through. Right. We will never keep it hidden. We will never keep it a secret. If this helped us, our testimony is to like, Hey, if God restored here, here's what we did for it to bring restoration for us and how we
Angel (55:46)
Right. We will never keep it hidden. We will never keep it a secret. Nope. If this helped us, our testimony is to like, hey, if God restored here, here's what we did for it to bring restoration for us and how we
Kayla (56:00)
walk through it. And you can take it, you can leave it, you can
Angel (56:01)
it and you can take it, do your own thing.
Kayla (56:03)
Do your own thing. But we've always said, man, we have such a heart for for marriages because we know that the enemy targets them. And so if we can be even a small voice to to come against the plans of the enemy, then we will be that voice. I think we've we learned this a hard way.
Angel (56:03)
But we've always said, Man, we have such a heart for for marriages because we know that the enemy targets them and so if we can be even a small voice to to come against the plans of the enemy, then we that voice. I think we we learned this the hard way.
Angel (56:23)
what you just said is how we live our entire life. Every gold nugget that we find
Kayla (56:24)
Said is how we live our entire life. Yeah. Every gold nugget that we find,
Kayla (56:29)
any gold nugget that I find, I'm willing to like, guys, yeah, I have all these nuggets. Like look check this out. Might work for you, might not, but like I have to give it away because like this is cool. Like I've I found a hack or I found a trick or I found whatever. And a lot of the times people were not like
Angel (56:29)
Any gold nugget that I find, I'm willing to like guys, I have all these nuggets of go like here look check this out. Might work for you, might not, but like I have to give it away because like this is cool. Like I've I found a a hack or I found a trick or I found whatever. And a lot of the times people were not like,
Angel (56:46)
Yeah, cool, nice And we can make may go into that in another one, but yeah
Kayla (56:47)
Yeah, cool. Nice story about it. Yeah. And so And we can make may go into that in another one, but yeah,
Kayla (56:52)
it we we that's how we live our life. But Angel's gotten in business in so you're here.
Angel (56:53)
And so this is how we live our life of in marriage and business and everything. And so you're here.
Angel (57:00)
You can turn it off or walk away. But what this is, and we'll res say it again, vision and vows. We have vision for your marriage. We are honoring
Kayla (57:01)
Yes. But what this is, and we'll re say it again, vision and vows. We have vision for your marriage. We are honoring
Angel (57:08)
God's vows. And we're gonna give you all the gold nuggets that God has given us. And they're only gold nuggets that we found. Yeah. And we're ready to give it a share because there's we live in a different economy that even in business venture, because if we're making
Kayla (57:11)
That God has given us the only gold nuggets that we found. Yeah. And we're ready to give it a share. Even in business venture, because if for me,
Angel (57:21)
it.
Kayla (57:21)
you worked with me on that with because you'd be like, this is what worked for us, and like dump it on somebody. And I'm just like, no, we've got to charge for this. And you're like, Kate, like there's enough for everybody. Our God is so big. Like expand your mind, you know? And for us, like even with marriage, like I'm not gonna keep this here, like
Angel (57:33)
No. Gosh, my God is so big and so good
Angel (57:41)
that like there's enough for everybody. Sometimes people don't have the access or the you know or how to know how to do
Kayla (57:41)
Gosh, my God is so big and so good that like there's enough for everybody. And sometimes people don't have the access or the you know or how to know how
Kayla (57:52)
to do this. Right. And so I'm like, hey, if we can be a voice. If we can be a voice, if we can be of a little help, then we're here. Of two imperfect people. Yes. Still learning, still growing. We've got a few scars. We have a few victories.
Angel (57:52)
this right hey if we can be a voice if we can be a voice we can give a little help of of two imperfect people still learning still growing we've got a few scars we have a few victories
Angel (58:08)
and everything that we have that God has been faithful to we want the same for you and no marriage is too far gone no marriage is too
Kayla (58:12)
Same for you. Yeah. And no marriage is too far gone. No marriage is too far gone. No marriage is too.
Angel (58:17)
far gone no marriage is too far gone and
Angel (58:20)
God is God is such a redeemer. God is such a He's he's good. He's good. And he's talking and He wants you to hear.
Kayla (58:27)
Yeah. He's good. He's good. He's talking and he wants
Kayla (58:31)
to be here. Amen. I felt him today, for sure. He's good.
Angel (58:33)
Yeah. Yeah.
Angel (58:34)
do you want me to pray or you want to pray?
Angel (58:37)
Lord, I wanna thank you for your goodness. I wanna thank you that you have been in this house, in this marriage. You have been in our lives.
Kayla (58:40)
You have been in this house, in this marriage. You have been in our lives
Angel (58:47)
And you have exposed the tactics of the enemy on how to bring division, how to bring hatred, how to bring unforgiveness,
Kayla (58:48)
and you have exposed the tactics of the enemy on how to bring division, how to bring hatred, how to bring unforgiveness.
Angel (58:54)
and how to just destroy a a family, a a a royal lineage that you have set aside for your kingdom. And today, Lord, with these few tips that you've allowed us to learn in our our house and in our marriage, I pray, Father, that you would just unleash your Holy Spirit, your wisdom over marriages this day.
Angel (59:16)
For every husband that is listening, for every wife that is hearing our our words or seeing this video, God, that you would just right now bring to their mind, bring to their bring to their hearts areas where their spouse needs to be heard, where where tongues need to be loosened so that they so that clarity and and vision and and healing can take place, God, and tongues that need to be cut off.
Angel (59:41)
And and and and just thrown out of the household completely, Lord. I pray for your holy revelation to come into their their homes today, God. So for the sake of the households, for the sake of the marriage, for the sake of the kingdom, the church that you are building on this planet to be an impact, my God. Healthy marriages have healthy families that produce healthy leaders and churches that bring your name glory, that bring cities to your that bring the name of Jesus to the cities and
Angel (01:00:11)
States, God. And so we're starting in the household. We're starting in the primary room where the the king of the house and the queen of the house live, Lord. I pray just for wisdom on these conversations that are going to take place for your holy presence to be there and dwell among marriages, God. We love you and thank you for being a part of this and for this vision and vows podcast, God. In your name we pray. Amen. in. We'll see you next week. Bye,
Kayla (01:00:18)
King of the house and the queen of the house, live Lord, I pray just for wisdom on these conversations that are going to take place, for your holy presence to be there and dwell among marriages, God. We love you and thank you for being a part of this and for this Vision Vowels God. In your name we pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Bye guys. Bye.
Angel (01:00:37)
guys.