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Heath Jackson was moments away from taking his own life. In this powerful conversation, he bravely shares his gripping journey through intense trauma, depression, and near-fatal decisions, ultimately rediscovering purpose and rebuilding his life. Heath’s story is raw, honest, and profoundly inspiring—a must-listen for anyone facing tough times or seeking strength through adversity.
*(Listener discretion is advised as this episode discusses suicide and self-harm.)
Learn more about Heath Jackson:
https://www.instagram.com/mbada_
https://www.truehaven.ca
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or suicidal ideation, help is available.
🇨🇦 Canada: Talk Suicide Canada: www.talksuicide.ca | 1-833-456-4566 (24/7) Crisis Services Canada: www.crisisservicescanada.ca
🇺🇸 USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org | Call or text 988 (24/7) Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (24/7) | www.crisistextline.org
🇬🇧 UK: Samaritans: www.samaritans.org | 116 123 (Free 24/7) Mind UK: www.mind.org.uk
Photo Credit: https://www.shadowsandlightproject.com
______
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Host Instagram - @Bader.Trav https://www.instagram.com/bader.trav
Silvercore Instagram - @SilvercoreOutdoors https://www.instagram.com/silvercoreoutdoors
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🕒 Timestamps of Key Moments: 0:01:47 – Introduction to Heath’s unique background and early life in Zimbabwe.The Silvercore Podcast explores the mindset and skills that build capable people. Host Travis Bader speaks with hunters, adventurers, soldiers, athletes, craftsmen, and founders about competence, integrity, and the pursuit of mastery, in the wild and in daily life. Hit follow and step into conversations that sharpen your edge.
Kind: captions
Language: en-GB
Travis Bader: Today's episode is
a powerful conversation, exploring
profound success alongside
significant personal challenges,
delving deep into mental health and
sensitive topics like self-harm.
You'll hear the journey of a remarkable
individual whose experiences offer
insights and hope highlighting
the strength it takes to rebuild
and reclaim life from adversity.
If you or someone you know is struggling
with suicidal ideation or thoughts of
self harm, we've included links to helpful
resources in the episode description.
Being proactive is far better than
the alternative before we dive in.
With the increasing importance of
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Now, without further ado,
let's get on with this podcast.
I'm joined today by someone who's
lived a life of resilience and action.
Raised in Zimbabwe, he's tackled
anti-poaching, law enforcement, close
protection and private investigation.
But beyond the high stakes world
he operates in, his true passion is
mentoring others through adversity and
helping victims of domestic abuse reclaim
their strength through True haven.
Welcome to the Silver Court
podcast, Heath Jackson.
Thank you very much, Travis.
Pleasure to be here.
I was, uh, intrigued.
You've done one podcast before.
You referenced that one to me.
I did a little bit of background
and, and checking on you and
seeing what you're all about.
You've led a pretty interesting life.
Yeah.
If you leave out all the
bad stuff, it's not bad.
Oh, we don't have any
bad stuff on our lives.
Come on.
Um, yeah, you know what that was, that's
one of the questions I would ask people.
I would say, uh, knowing what
you know now, would you go
back and change anything?
Or what would you tell a 20-year-old
or 15-year-old you with all
the experience you have and I.
Time and again, everyone says
I wouldn't change a thing.
Heath Jackson: Mm-hmm.
Travis Bader: Because it's all
of those bad things that teach us
those lessons that we need to know.
Yeah.
That we need to learn.
And if we'd shortcut those by any
way, we wouldn't be who we are now.
Yeah, that's true.
So in my reaching out, I'm just
gonna read this little part.
An individual who's a friend of
mine, a friend of yours, getting
a little bit of background.
His last party says, uh, he just
tells me about you and all the rest.
He says he's a good and solid CP
operator, as well as private investigator.
He loves the outdoors and spends a
lot of time in quote secret areas
of the bush, swimming in pools
and having outdoor barbecues.
He's also a bit of an adrenaline junkie,
but nothing too extreme that I know about.
All in all, a good
bugger as we'd say in Zi.
That's right.
Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah.
That had to be Darren.
You got it.
That's Darren.
Yeah.
Um.
So you grew up in Zim?
I did.
You're born in, uh, in the US I was, okay.
What, when did you move over to Zimbabwe?
Heath Jackson: So, uh, I dunno
how far back you want me to go.
Um, my grandparents made their way over
to what was then Rhodesia, and I was
Zimbabwe back in the early forties.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, as missionaries and, um, set up
my, my grandfather, they went to a
really remote part of the country.
It was a, a long, tedious
journey to get there.
And, um, he built a, a
church and then a house.
Uh, and they, they sort of set up there.
They were inaccessible, um,
six months outta the year.
And, you know, just there, there
was no infrastructure there, no
roads, no electricity, no, no sort
of water supply, anything like that.
So very, very remote.
Um, my dad was born there.
I. And raised there.
He, he spoke Shauna, the, the
local language, the indigenous
language, before he spoke English.
Mm. And grew up, um, on the backs of
the African women in the village there.
Um, so he was, he was deeply
immersed in that culture.
Travis Bader: And that
your father's bud, is it?
Heath Jackson: Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, well, you have done a lot
of background investigation.
A little bit.
I like to know who I'm
talking to and Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Buddy or bud.
Um, so he, my, my dad, uh, so
that's, that's one side of the story.
My mom's parents, um, for three or
four generations we're in South Africa.
Um, actually one of her, one of her,
um, ancestors worked on Robin Island,
where Nelson Mandela was incarcerated.
Ah, in the lighthouse.
Travis Bader: Interesting.
Heath Jackson: And, um.
Yeah, so she, she has a
deep history there as well.
And so they, they met and got married.
Um, my dad was involved in
the, in the security forces
during the Rhodesian Bush war.
Mm. Uh, which was a terrorist war.
Um, went on for 20 odd years.
Yeah.
Started in, around, uh, actually
I don't think it was as long as 20
years, but, you know, there were
sort of rumblings that started way
back and then it came to a head.
Um, yeah, he was, he was in the British
South Africa Police, which were the
Rhodesian security forces internally.
And, uh, my uncles, both
of my uncles were as well.
Uh, I can go into a little
more detail on that.
It's pretty interesting.
But they, once, once the war had
sort of started to, to conclude,
um, my parents went over to the
States to attend Bible college.
And that's when I was born, so, okay.
I was born in South Carolina
and they, they finished their
studies and moved back to
Travis Bader: Zimbabwe when I was two.
What impact did the Rhodesian
Bush wars have on your father
that you noticed growing up?
Heath Jackson: Uh, in terms of, you
know, things like negative impacts,
like PTSD, that kind of thing.
I, I never noticed anything.
Hmm.
Um, I noticed positive impacts that
I, I assume had something to do with
his experience doing the Bush war.
Uh, those, you know, things like being
capable and competent in the bush,
capable and competent with firearms.
Um, handling himself in tough situations.
I, I assume a lot of that came from, from
his experience in the security forces.
Travis Bader: Isn't that interesting?
Now I left that question open-ended.
Mm-hmm.
So it could be answered either way, but
isn't it interesting the perspective that
we have when we look back on challenging
times in our lives and the difference
that it makes on just how we coped day
today, that that little perspective,
it's either a negative or a positive,
or maybe it's not quite so black and
white, but still look at the positive.
Heath Jackson: Yeah, I think a lot of
people tend to, they tend to sort of
highlight the negative impacts of being
involved in conflict, uh, especially when
it comes to armed conflict situations in,
in a military context or even policing.
Uh, but there are, I, I believe there
are a lot of positives that come
out of that, that are less obvious.
Travis Bader: Hmm.
Yeah.
Why do you think it is
that people highlight it?
Like, I've got my theories?
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Because that's what's
what impacts you the most.
Hmm.
You know, people tend to, they tend
to pick up on the negatives in their
life, uh, and, and tend to overlook
the fact that, hey, you know, when
my vehicle broke down, um, I made
a plan and, and got it running
because I had experience with that.
Or, um, you know, when I, when I
encountered this difficult situation,
I, I took a plan of action approach
and didn't allow it to bog me down
like it would someone who had no
experience in adverse circumstances.
Travis Bader: Right.
Uh,
Heath Jackson: and that's because I
was in the military, they, they tend
not to think about that, I think.
Travis Bader: Right, right.
Um, so growing up, you spent a
lot of time in the bush yourself.
I did.
Yeah.
You're out hunting, fishing
all my time in the bush.
All your time.
Tell me about it.
That sounds amazing.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
My teacher, my, my mom was my
teacher, uh, up until grade seven.
My dad built a little schoolhouse on
our property, so we actually left the
home and went into the schoolhouse
and mom would come in and teach us.
Uh, for the first half of the day,
I, I had a, a pate gun hidden behind
the bookcase in the classroom.
And when she would leave to go and
do things, I'd be shooting things out
the window, um, crows or whatever.
Sure.
And, uh, yeah, that.
As soon as school was over,
then it was party time.
Um, and I had little African friends,
especially that lived next door to me.
Uh, his name was Tendai and his little
brother, my peepee, um, believe it or not.
And they, I'd, I'd go over and
link up with them once I was
done my, my school obligations.
And we would take off barefoot
in a pair of shorts with my
22 from about age nine or 10.
Um, and we lived right on
the edge of a little town.
Uh, so our, our yard opened up
onto just an expansive bush.
That was sort of no man's land.
And we would take off, uh, sometimes
overnight and, and go hunting and,
you know, find our own food, pick
our own food, make little shelters
to, to hang out in or sleep over in.
And yeah, that was, that was my
childhood playing in rivers, you know,
chasing, catching wild animals to keep.
Um,
Travis Bader: so that's why
Darren says you still secret,
secret places to go barbecue
Heath Jackson: and,
Travis Bader: and swim.
Heath Jackson: I believe so.
Yeah.
I'm not, I'm not the biggest
fan of most people, so I like,
I like finding the remote areas.
I have some secret gems, um, locally, you
know, kind of behind mission that I go to.
Like we in a mission.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice try.
Um, I could draw you a map,
you know, there you go.
And swear you to secrecy.
There
Travis Bader: you go.
Heath Jackson: Uh, or just
take you and show you myself,
but yeah, this sounds good.
Yeah.
I like the ones that are less,
less frequented, less inhabited.
Travis Bader: And so you say, you
know, not a big fan of people.
Yeah.
Is that because you're used to
not having many people around and
there's a certain comfort to that?
I don't
Heath Jackson: think so.
Um,
I don't, I wouldn't say I'm an introvert.
I'm not an extrovert either.
I'm somewhere in the middle.
Um,
I think it's just, I think
part of that is culture.
You know, I'm, there are a lot of things
about first world culture that, that
b me, um, the sense of entitlement
and, um, a lack of regard for other
people, a lack of common decency.
I. And, uh, you know, of, of course
it doesn't apply to everyone in the
first world, but by and large, a lot
of the, the sort of silly, silly, uh,
city dweller types that, that come out
and try to find those, those spots that
I enjoy so much Mm. Tend to show up
with a big boombox and their pit bull
and their man purse, and I hate that.
And a bunch of weed and Yeah.
Um, and they, they like to make their
presence very well known and it sort
of detracts from the whole purpose of
getting away from things and out into
nature when you have that around you.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
I've never understood that.
You go on a hike and you see somebody
else and they're carrying a boom box.
Mm-hmm.
And they're blasting the music.
I mean, like, if you really wanna listen
to something, I mean, you can put on
a headset and put in your earbuds,
whatever, but they want everybody else
to hear what they're listening to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just.
I, I don't get it.
No, I don't get it either, but, uh, but I
definitely can appreciate the wanting to
get away and having a sense of freedom.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
The freedom that the ocean brings,
the freedom that the hills bring,
the freedom that the more difficult
places where the average Jill and
Joe won't be traveling to will.
And if you run into somebody
else, hopefully they've gone
through that same difficulty Yeah.
Endeavor to get there and they might
share a similar mindset or respect for it.
Yeah,
Heath Jackson: absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, well, I had a, I had
a thought there that was really
good and it's gone though.
Travis Bader: I do that all the time.
This is why I got a pen
and paper in my notepad.
I gotta badly jot this stuff down.
I can't
Heath Jackson: write and, and listen at
the same time though, that's the problem.
I'm, I'm too male to multitask.
Travis Bader: I love it.
Yeah.
So, uh, you were involved
with anti-poaching?
Yes.
I, um, recently, um.
Had a fellow reach out probably
reached out to you as well, saying
that you've got a friend who's looking
to getting into anti-poaching look.
Yeah.
Said,
Heath Jackson: yep.
Travis Bader: You got it.
Yep.
Um, what, tell me about anti-poaching.
Heath Jackson: Um, well, my
exposure to that was fairly limited.
It was right outta high school.
Um, so when I was in high school,
so I mentioned my mom taught me
till grade seven, grade eight, um,
which over in Zimbabwe is form one.
They followed the British
system of education.
So form one through six, six
years of high school, um, they
sent me off to boarding school.
Okay.
And, um, basically bootcamp,
uh, with, with classes.
Okay.
So very regimented, very
structured, very, very formal.
Um, Anglican boarding
school, uh, very British.
And um, I. While I was in boarding
school, on one of the school
holidays, I attended a survival camp.
Mm. Uh, in a, in a spot
on the border with Zambia.
Uh, the, the sort of premise
was they would teach you
bushcraft skills for a week.
So we, we went, there was, um, co-ed
course, they had a big sort of, uh,
sleeping accommodation, just an A-frame.
Okay.
Open at the bottom with a
concrete pad and a loft.
So the, the girls would sleep upstairs.
Mm-hmm.
The guys would sleep
down on the concrete pad.
And each morning we'd get up, we'd
have PT and so physical training?
Yep.
Uh, so we'd wake up at six, do our pt,
and then go on a, on a bushcraft walk.
And they would teach us things
like, um, making string from bark
or cordage as they call it, or trap
building or, um, tracking or any, any
other number of bushcraft exercises.
And the idea was during that week
to teach us the skills we would
need to use in a survival situation.
Travis Bader: Mm.
Heath Jackson: And then you would
go back at a separate time for
10 day survival, um, exercise.
So cool.
They would take us and drop
us off in a group and, um.
And you'd have to use those skills that
you learned while you were in training.
There was no instructor with you
when you were on the survival phase.
Uh, so yeah, it was
really, really interesting.
Um, you know, you, you learn
a lot about yourself, you
learn a lot about your peers.
Uh, the people that went in there
very popular came out not so popular.
Yeah.
And, uh, the quieter ones
came out really popular.
Um, it was just really, really
interesting once you peel away all
the, the comforts of life and people
are put in a survival situation
mentally, especially to see who has the
resilience and composure to be able to
make it through an exercise like that.
So,
Travis Bader: yeah.
So if I'm gonna go, gonna go
out in a bit of a limb here.
Mm-hmm.
You're probably one of the
quiet ones that went in there.
I was, yeah.
There you go.
Heath Jackson: I was, yeah.
I was never, I was never
one of the popular kids.
Mm. I was a, a scrawny little runt
and, uh, bullied heavily for the
first four years or so of high school.
What does, what does that look like?
Uh, mostly, mostly verbal intimidation.
Hmm.
Um, yeah.
People, so for example, I was in a dorm
room, uh, for quite a long stretch with,
there were eight of us in the dorm room.
Um, I was the only white kid in there.
Uh, as, as I recall, there
may have been one other one.
And, and every night after lights
out, they, they would taunt me, uh,
relentlessly, you know, and, uh, yeah,
without going into too much detail mm-hmm.
Uh, they'd talk about things that
they, that they wanted to do to my
mom and my sister or Mm. Um, it was
this very sort of chest puffing,
um, a lot of racial tension mm-hmm.
Um, and resentment that, that
sort of sied and, and I would
just lie there and, and ignore it.
And after a while it takes a toll.
Um, sure.
Until eventually one day I, I stood
up for myself and, and the sort of.
The main antagonist, um, stood
up to him and, and that was
basically the end to the bullying.
And yeah, moved on from there and
became someone that, you know, I found,
I found myself in a situation where
other guys that were struggling with,
with bullying would come to me and I
was able to sort of step in, um, on
their behalf or talk to the bully or
give them advice, that kind of thing.
And, and that was really rewarding for me.
So I, I think it also, it kind of
coincided with like, I had never
been involved with group sports,
team sports other than playing soccer
with a, a soccer ball made outta
plastic bags all tied together.
That's awesome.
Um, in the dirt with running
around trees, you know?
Yeah.
Like that, that was, that was my team
sport exposure until boarding school.
And that was when I, I. You know,
it was mandatory to, to fill up your
afternoon sort of slots with sports.
Mm. You had to sign up.
So I had exposure to everything
from soccer, water polo, squash,
um, to rugby field, hockey, you
know, cricket, um, cross country.
We had a, it was a huge opportunity.
We had, um, a mountain biking team.
We had a triathlon team.
There was a climbing club.
Uh, there was a snake club, falconry club.
Sounds amazing.
Yeah, it was pretty awesome.
I mean, that's how my parents
sold me on it to begin with.
They told me about all
the things I could try.
Yeah.
And, and I was really excited, but
I, what I didn't know was how hard
it would be to be away from home
three weeks at a time and Yeah.
And, and stuck in a situation where I
wasn't just around other missionary kids
or African buddies I'd made friends with.
I was around all kinds of kids from
all different walks of life and.
Who had nothing in common with me.
Um, and I had to learn
how to relate to them.
That was a challenging exercise.
I didn't have a safe place to go
to fall back on, or, you know,
I, I just had to figure it out
for myself, which was fantastic.
Um, but at the time was terrible.
Travis Bader: Yeah, I can imagine.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, I, I never, it's funny how
guys and girls will do it as well.
They push and they test each other.
But guys, it just seems like a constant.
Poke, poke, poke.
Let's see where their limits are.
Yeah.
Where their boundaries are.
And there's a game that's played.
Mm-hmm.
And some people can play it very well and
other people like myself will just ignore
it 'cause I don't wanna play that game.
And then it comes to a point
where you gotta do something.
And the response is way over the top.
It shuts down and it's like, okay,
now that's not the way to properly,
properly deal with these things.
Like it solve the issue now, but it didn't
solve all the poking and then the hurt
feelings when the on the other side.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I mean, I, you know, I was, I was
a tender little guy back then.
I didn't have a thick skin at all.
Very sensitive.
Um, I took everything personally.
I had a lot to learn.
I was just a, I was a kid and I
think a lot of, a lot of what I
took as, as a tax, um, was just, uh,
the, the terms alluding, you know,
it was, um, it was just comradery.
It was just razzing each other,
like, you know, teasing each other
because they, they, or teasing me
because they liked me, you know?
Right.
They care
Travis Bader: or they wanna like you.
Yeah, they wanted,
Heath Jackson: yeah.
And I didn't take it that way, you
know, to me it was, it was an attack.
So,
Travis Bader: you know, so I've been vocal
about the fact I've got a DHD, or, or at
least I've been diagnosed with A-D-H-D-I.
Still scratching my head
whether I got it or not.
I know, I know.
I was, uh, put on a very large dosage
of Ritalin from grade three, and I took
myself off when I went in grade eight.
Some experimental run.
Talked about this before, but one of
the things that coincides with A DHD is,
uh, what, what do they call rejection
sensitivity, dysmorphia or dysphoria.
Um, basically you take everything
pretty damn personal and you
think, well, they meant to do that.
And yeah.
And, and there's a sort of a disconnect
in the head for the intentions behind
why somebody's doing something.
Hmm.
Interesting.
When I look at your background and likes
extreme sport sports and Adrenaline junkie
and all the rest, like, oh, you know,
there's, there's a lot of things here
that kind of tick the boxes for what they,
uh, what they end up diagnosing me with.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Maybe, maybe.
Who knows?
I mean.
Growing up, there was no A
DHD there, there, none of the
kids I knew had any allergies.
There were no, there was no, um, dyslexia.
There was no, like, none of that.
And I don't know if it's just because we
all drank food or ate food straight out
of the ground or off the farm and drank
milk to the hose straight out of the cow.
Yeah.
Um, and so it wasn't, you know, we
didn't have problems with carcinogens
and stuff, or, or if it's because
there was no diagnosis and, and
people did have those things.
Travis Bader: That's a good question.
Yeah.
I'm not sure.
I think
Heath Jackson: maybe a bit of both.
Travis Bader: I think it's a bit of both.
Yeah.
I think, I think people put attention
to something and the more they put that
attention to it, they start wearing it.
Right.
I am my anxiety.
Mm-hmm.
Or my, my A DHD, well, no, it's not mine.
Right.
It's just something that.
I'll, I'll deal with and I'll
work with, and I still question
whether I have it or not.
'cause there's plenty of times when I
don't exhibit any of those symptoms.
When I'm out in the wild, when
I'm in an environment that matches
Heath Jackson: mm-hmm.
Travis Bader: My personality type.
And
Heath Jackson: yeah.
I think a lot of people make the
mistake of taking a diagnosis as
a life sentence and they sort of
surrender to the fact that, well,
I have this and that excuses that
behavior so I don't have to work on it.
Um, that really bothers me.
Mm. Um, people that sort of give into
things like anxiety, um, or depression.
Um, I mean, I'm not a psychologist.
I, you know, I'm just,
this is just my opinion.
Based on what I've been through, which
we'll probably get to at some point.
But, you know, I've been diagnosed
with some, some of those things
and, and I'm not anymore.
Um, so it's not a life sentence,
it is something you can work on.
You, you are able to
change as an individual.
People have the, the ability to take
the reins of their mind and, and channel
their thoughts and control their thoughts
instead of being dictated to by them.
Travis Bader: But that's
not the popular opinion.
No.
The popular opinion is, man, I'm not
fitting in with what's going on around me.
There must be something wrong with me.
Mm-hmm.
And that's, you know, the old
analogy of trying to judge a fish
by its ability to climb a tree.
Right?
It's always gonna look bad
compared to the monkey, right?
Yeah.
But, but that monkey in the
water and the fish excels, right.
Um, I think the popular opinion is people.
Desperately want to fit in.
And we see that time and time again.
And as much as people say they
don't, you look at covid, right?
People talking in hushed tones.
If they had a contrary opinion
because they didn't want to be
ostracized by the rest of the group.
And some people, I, I didn't speak that,
that hushed Well, it's, it's, it's funny
how, uh, social of an animal we are.
Mm-hmm.
And they say, well, I want to fit in.
I want to, I'm, I'm not studying right.
Or I'm not retaining information,
or I seem like I'm hyper
proactive, or whatever it might be.
Doc, what can we do?
And our system says, well, I don't know.
I think there's a pill for that.
Right.
I, I think there's something
we can give you, we can
Heath Jackson: give you a
label and a prescription.
Travis Bader: That's it.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: We'll diagnose you.
Okay.
Well, I, I, I personally don't
think these diagnoses are
really worth a heck of a lot.
Mm-hmm.
Um.
When you were talking
about PTSD earlier, right?
You look at cultures of warrior
classes that come back and they're
lauded as heroes for going to
war and protecting the others.
And, and they can live their life
proud and they could have seen the
same atrocities and hardships that a,
uh, another society welcomes them back
and says, you guys are baby killers.
How could you do it?
Mm-hmm.
We shouldn't have gone
to war to begin with.
And this, the social, the perspective that
individuals have of themselves, I think
greatly influences how their body responds
and how their mind responds to it.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Heath Jackson: I
Travis Bader: agree.
Heath Jackson: So, I mean, to get back
to the anti-poaching piece, um, that,
that course that I went on, they, they
sort of extended an invite for me to
come back after high school and spend
some time there with them if I wanted to.
So that's what I did.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, that's when I had my
exposure to, to the anti-poaching.
Uh, so they basically were given a,
a, a huge tract of land by national
parks to use for education purposes.
And the, the caveat sort of was that
they would be responsible for the
anti-poaching, um, exercises in that area.
So the, the group, the course was run by
ex SLU scouts, which were, I'm sure you're
familiar, but very, very specialized unit.
Um, they actually recruited
from the SAS and other branches.
Um, these guys were, they
make the Navy Seals look like.
Uh, regular infantry.
They were, they, they were incredible.
They're good at what they do,
very good at what they did, and,
and a wealth of knowledge to,
to, to be able to learn from.
Mm. And awesome guys to be
around good, solid people.
So that was, you know, I, I went
on, uh, patrols with them, responded
with them to, to calls and, and
that kind of thing for, for a
Travis Bader: period before
Heath Jackson: I
Travis Bader: made my way over here.
So a friend from South Africa sitting
having some sushi, he gets a text coming
in, makes kind of a bit of a face.
I'm like, what is it?
He's like, ah, ah, you don't wanna see it.
Okay.
Ah, here, I'll show it to you.
It's, there's some
poachers they caught Right.
And shows me a picture and they
got four of 'em on the, on the
fence and they're lined up dead.
Yep.
And they just kill 'em.
Yep.
Is that, was that the
response that you were Um,
Heath Jackson: uh, so.
It may have been, it may have
varied from place to place.
Um, our sort of modus operandi was
you give them an, an opportunity to
surrender and, and if, if they don't, then
majority of the time they'd end up dead.
Not because, um, it was an, an
inappropriate use of force, but because
if they weren't gonna surrender, they
would try to fight their way out.
Mm. Um, the majority of the time it was
a case of them running with their AK
over their shoulder firing as they ran.
Mm. That was sort of, they weren't, they
weren't the most efficient killing teams.
Um, they were funded by and large
by Chinese interests and would come
across the border to, to hunt for ivory
or, or rhino horn or in some cases,
um, they were subsistence poachers.
So coming over to get animals
'cause they were none.
In the area they came from?
Uh, either way it was poaching.
Sure.
And, you know, the odd occasion they would
lie in ambush and if, if they knew we
were, we were approaching or chasing them.
Um, but yeah, that, that
was, that did happen a lot.
So
Travis Bader: if they surrendered,
what was their consequence?
Heath Jackson: They'd be turned over to
the police and I don't know, honestly,
I don't know what happened from there.
Probably not a very pleasant experience.
No.
Yeah.
Travis Bader: Okay.
Yeah.
Interesting.
You did that for, for a little while.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
And then I had a scholarship, um,
available to me for university and, uh.
The sort of natural landing place for
me was, was bc My, my grandparents
had retired from Zimbabwe to
Abbotsford, so came over here, um,
applied to university first, of
course, got accepted, came over here.
Um, lived in there unfinished basement.
Sort of made it my little man cave and,
and attended university, uh, here in
BC and then started putting down roots.
There wasn't a whole lot
to go back to in Zimbabwe.
Uh, not, not the best, most
fertile grounds for a young
guy starting out his life.
Um, there, there was a lot of, not,
not, um, military unrest, but just
civil unrest than land repossession and
a whole mess, um, going on back home.
So this, this provided more opportunities.
I was fortunate enough to have
Canadian citizenship through my
dad and US citizenship by birth, so
it was a good place for me to be.
Travis Bader: Right on the border,
you can hop back and forth.
Yeah.
I guess work either side.
Heath Jackson: I did, yeah.
I went down to North Carolina at one
point, worked as an animal trainer.
Um, and then later on down the road
after, after all the, the nonsense I
went through, went down to Texas and, and
went to schooling for close protection.
So that was, you know,
four or five month course.
Travis Bader: So you worked
as an animal trainer?
I did.
Was this like for the
movies or is it for just,
Heath Jackson: they used the animals
in movies and, uh, TV commercials.
Okay.
A lot of what they did
with them was educational.
So the, the place I worked was,
uh, a natural science center.
So it was kind of like if you
combined Vancouver's Zoo, aquarium
and Science world into one place,
they had, they had everything, uh,
all kinds of different sections.
Um.
That's cool.
And yeah, so I was, I was, my title
was the junior curator supervisor,
so they had junior curators that were
seasonal that would come in and work,
um, basically looking after the animals.
Mm. And, and that role extended
because of my, my knowledge and
history with animals in Zimbabwe.
Um, you know, I didn't have any official
qualifications, but my boss saw an
opportunity there and they needed someone
to, to handle the animals, um, for people
that were filming and that kind of thing.
So that was a role I stepped into.
Travis Bader: What kinda animals?
Heath Jackson: We had a cougar, uh, we had
a couple black bears, a bobcat, um, and
then a bunch of smaller stuff, like they
had raccoons and a sloth and, uh, possum,
um, some monkeys, that kind of thing.
Travis Bader: That's pretty neat.
Yeah.
So working with these black bears in
the cougar, that would be kind of, uh,
Heath Jackson: yeah.
It was interesting.
They were, they were very tame.
Yeah.
You know, they, they had
been raised by people.
Um, so it was, it was an easy
sort of role to step into.
Fair enough.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Do you hunt in bc?
Heath Jackson: I have, um, I
don't hunt very much anymore.
Mm. It's sort of lost its appeal for
me, admittedly, maybe because it's a lot
more work here than it was back home.
Travis Bader: It is a
lot of work, isn't it?
Heath Jackson: It is a lot of work.
Uh, it takes a lot of time.
It's a large investment.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Um, yeah, I have, I have
hunted quite a, quite a bit in the first,
uh, sort of 17 years that I was here.
Mm. And, and more, more recently
is just, haven't hunted as much.
I've been, I've been pretty busy, so
Travis Bader: I've, um.
Um, almost all of my
hunting's been in bc mm-hmm.
However, I did recently do a hunt
in Molokai in Texas and in Sweden.
And the way that they hunt and
the, the axis to, to game it was
completely, completely different Yeah.
Than over here.
I was like, I I could be a very good bow
hunter in these places over here, man.
I'm, I'm gonna be sticking to
my rifle for a bit more anyways
because, um, it is, it's harder.
It's, yeah.
I
Heath Jackson: think if, if you're
a good hunter in BC you can be a
good hunter pretty much anywhere.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's interesting to know, especially
so, um, and you of course hunting back in
Zimbabwe and you what game everywhere or,
Heath Jackson: yeah, I mean,
so the hunting, the way the
hunting works here is kind of
different, um, as a, as a resident.
Travis Bader: Hmm.
Heath Jackson: Uh, it's very
different to a foreigner going
over there and hunting and Yeah.
We would, you basically.
Bid on, uh, what they call a bag.
And a bag will have a number of different
animals, of different species in it.
Mm-hmm.
That you're, you're allowed to, to
take, to harvest, and it'll be for a
specific sort of geographical area.
Those, those numbers and species
are determined by, um, population
counts that national parks do,
con conservation services do.
And so they, they identify what the,
what the ideal, uh, population is, the
ideal number of males and females, um,
in order to keep that, that particular
species at an optimum level so that
they don't, um, eat themselves out of
their environment or, or, um, in the
case of predators so that they don't.
Decimate the population of their prey
or, or not control it enough, right?
So there's a delicate balance there.
And the hunter's role is basically the
culling of the, the animals that are
deemed inefficient or, you know, not,
not necessary for the optim levels.
So yeah, we would typically, it
would be two or three families.
Um, my dad and his, his friends,
um, and their families that would go
to these hunting camps and set up,
um, you know, we had it easy there.
There's a lot of sort of
manual labor from the farms.
Most of my, my parents'
friends were farmers.
They had manual labor there.
Their chance to go on a hunting trip
was like their vacation of the year.
They loved it.
Yeah.
Um, and so you, you'd go out on a
hunt if you were able to harvest
an animal, you'd come back to camp
and you basically back the truck up
to, to the sort of slaughter area.
Mm-hmm.
And the guys would take over from there
and the, and the hunters would retreat
to, you know, the spot around the pool or
around a fire and, and have a cold snack.
And, um.
And everything else would
be sort of taken care of.
Travis Bader: I love that.
Yeah.
That's spot around the pool.
Yeah.
You, you, you don't do that in bc? No.
Heath Jackson: No.
Travis Bader: How about Ong?
You, you make Ong?
Yeah, absolutely.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: There's a place in
Langley where I get my built on from.
Yes.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Serengeti.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Yeah.
How does that compare
to what you It's good.
Yeah,
Heath Jackson: it's good.
I mean, it's not game built on right.
So obviously a bit of a different taste
that they only process beef there.
Um, I've, I've been on them about
that, but they need a special
license to process wildlife.
I have made some of my own Moose Ong
and Elk Ong over the years Love elk.
Uh, yeah.
But yeah, the, the, they're, they're good.
They're authentic.
Travis Bader: Okay.
Mm-hmm.
That's good to know
'cause I get that stuff.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Their chili
Travis Bader: bites are fantastic.
Oh my God.
They're addictive, aren't they?
I just, I shouldn't
Heath Jackson: be mentioning it here.
'cause just like my secret outdoor spots
now everyone's gonna be going there and
looking for these things and they're not
gonna have any when I go into the shop.
Travis Bader: Well, hopefully it
keeps 'em in business and, uh, and
gets, uh, gets to make it more.
'cause I, I love those chili bites.
Yeah.
I'll just sit there and just
slowly chew away with 'em.
Oh,
Heath Jackson: they're addictive.
Oh my God.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
So you got yourself involved with,
uh, border services for a bit?
Yes.
Heath Jackson: I started
off in corrections actually.
Did
Travis Bader: you?
Uh, yeah,
Heath Jackson: I started off
in provincial corrections.
Travis Bader: That's kind of a tough job.
It was
Heath Jackson: very negative workspace.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hugely.
Yeah.
I was fresh out of university
and, and went in there.
Um, at the time, the way it was
structured, it was very difficult.
They had a, you started off on
what they call a call board.
Okay.
So you were basically a cushion
for overtime and you, you weren't
guaranteed full-time work.
You didn't go straight into shift work.
Mm. Um, they would call you in your,
your performance when you applied,
when you went through the in-house
training, all that kind of stuff.
Dictated where you were
positioned on that call board.
And then they would go down in
order, uh, on the call board.
And if people above you miss skip
shifts or, or decline shifts, then
they give you the opportunity.
Mm. And so to start off with, I started
at the beginning of the summer and,
and worked like crazy all summer.
I thought this is great.
You know, I bought myself a
new car and I was on my way.
And then winter came and all the regular
staff came back from their vacations
and suddenly there was no work for
five months, you know, six months.
So, ouch.
Yeah.
I got a job in a copper warehouse to help,
you know, cover that sort of dead period.
Mm-hmm.
Ended up being promoted to warehouse
manager there and, and got pretty busy.
And then corrections started calling
me again and, and I couldn't break
away to take the shifts and I
had to sort of make a decision.
So I opted for the stable
income and, and yeah.
Then a couple years after that, um,
applied to CBSA and made it in there.
Travis Bader: So corrections, everyone
that I've known that has worked provincial
corrections, uh, they talk about how
extremely negative the environment is.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Uh, not only just dealing with the
cons, but also with your coworkers.
Heath Jackson: Coworkers were worse.
Just
Travis Bader: That's right.
That's what I hear.
Just, yeah.
Heath Jackson: Just the attitude.
Yeah.
People are so bitter,
especially the people that have
been there for a long time.
I think they see a lot
of really negative stuff.
And I mean, it was, where I
worked was what they call a, a
quote unquote secure facility.
Mm. What other people around the world
would call maximum security, I guess.
Okay.
Uh, as, as maximum as you can
get on a provincial level anyway.
And yeah, you're, you're
basically enclosed in a concrete
box for your 12 hour shift.
So not a lot of sunlight
exposure, not a lot of nature,
not a lot of anything positive.
Travis Bader: Um, not a big difference
between you and the con in there
for that 12 hour shift, is there
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
No, no.
Just different uniform basic,
just different uniform.
Travis Bader: That's right.
No one calls you a boss.
Yeah, that's right.
Or goof.
Or goof.
Yeah.
Don't say goof.
No.
Yeah.
I don't know if that translates
over to a, uh, a us prisons,
but, uh, Canadian, I don't know.
Canadian prison.
That's like, that's pretty
much the worst he could call.
Yeah.
Someone as a goof, eh, mean
Heath Jackson: as soon as I hear
someone on the street using that
word, I know they've been in prison.
Right.
They're a con They were a convict.
Yeah.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Um, or they've worked with cons.
Heath Jackson: Yeah,
Travis Bader: yeah.
Yeah.
They picked it up somewhere Negative.
Any interesting experience working there?
Heath Jackson: Not particularly.
No.
Nothing.
Nothing too striking.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Um, yeah, I mean,
Heath Jackson: so I think that was, that
was probably where I first learned that
you, you can't judge the capacity of an
individual to fight by their physique.
Um, the, the one thing that comes to
mind was this little Vietnamese guy.
I mean, he was tiny.
I. To maybe, maybe just over
five foot if he was over five
foot and, and pretty scrawny.
And it took five of us to
get him into a SAG unit.
And yeah.
That was interesting.
As a, as a young guy Mm. Sort of my
first exposure to that kind of thing.
Yeah.
It's, it was surprising
how, how strong he was.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
He was wiry ones, I tell ya.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: And I think
the mentality has so much to
do with the ability to fight.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
They say it's not about the, uh,
size of the dog and the fight, but
the size of the fight and the dog.
That's right.
Yeah.
And there is something to that,
but often it's always the little
people who say that one too.
Right.
Yeah.
Um, and then, so border
services got on with there.
Mm-hmm.
And now you've got, thanks.
A bit more respectable job.
Yeah.
You're still in uniform.
Yeah.
And you're, um, still had to sort of
harass all the poor people at the border.
That's right.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Had to put in the,
the grunt work hours in the booth,
you know, processing travelers.
But later on down the road it sort of
branched out a little more and there was
more opportunity, um, to do things like
roving and, you know, to work on a special
enforcement team and that kind of thing.
So
Travis Bader: that's
Heath Jackson: kind
Travis Bader: of
Heath Jackson: cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Travis Bader: So what, what is that,
that gets you and you, you're confirmed
you got someone importing things
illegally, so you can go to their house or
Heath Jackson: No, that would be inland.
Okay.
For services.
Um, no, it was more sort of.
I don't wanna say special operations
'cause that has the wrong connotation,
but, but unique operations where they
would target specific incidences or, you
know, if we had intelligence that a flight
of people smugglers was coming in and um,
you know, they would have, they would have
the people that had paid them to bring
them into Canada, flush their passports
down the toilet, that kind of thing.
And then become in undocumented and
claim refugee status, that kind of thing.
Or, um,
Travis Bader: is it pretty common?
Heath Jackson: Yeah, more
common than you think?
Mm, or at least it was back then.
Um, we also would, would do like
airside operations where you're out
on the apron targeting, um, what quote
unquote ramp rats, you know, the,
the baggage handlers that got it.
That are involved with the truckers Yeah.
That are involved with, um, criminal
elements and, um, picking up.
Packages from the cargo holds of
the planes, that kind of thing.
Travis Bader: Got it.
Mm-hmm.
That'd be kind of a fun one to do.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: Kinda gets
you out, you gotta get your
detective cap on a little bit.
Yeah.
And yeah,
Heath Jackson: it's anything that
gets you outta that booth stuck
in a bulletproof vest, processing
people all day is, is good.
Were you guys armed then?
No.
No.
Uh, we were armed.
Right, right.
As I was leaving, as I,
as I was resigning, we, we
were starting to get armed.
Travis Bader: Okay.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: And
Travis Bader: you, how long, was
it about five years or so, was it?
No,
Heath Jackson: it was, uh, let see, 2000.
Yeah, six
Travis Bader: years.
Six years.
Okay.
Yeah.
My research is off a little bit.
Yeah.
Close.
Maybe.
I was looking at year old research close.
Yeah.
And, uh, and what made you leave that?
Heath Jackson: So my, my fiance
at the time, um, actually.
Wife at the time had a, a job
opportunity on Vancouver Island.
She was a, a radiation therapist.
Hmm.
Uh, so dealt with cancer patients
and was very difficult to get
full-time work in that field.
Uh, she had an opportunity and
so we decided to, to uproot
and move over to the island.
Um, I had always wanted to fly
helicopters, so my goal was to go into
flight school and bit by bit start
working my way to rotary wing license.
And, uh, two weeks after I resigned,
um, all of that was derailed
by, by a motorcycle accident.
So, yeah.
Tell me about that.
Travis Bader: Let's hear that one.
Heath Jackson: Yeah, I mean,
that's basically why I'm here.
I think, um, it was just, I, I had
picked up some part-time work to cover
the gap while we were moving and, um,
I. Uh, after work one day, headed out
to, we at the time was living in South
Surrey, was heading out to Abbotsford.
Uh, well, went out to
Abbotsford, uh, worked on my,
on my parents' boat with them.
Um, and then went to the movies and
mission with some friends of mine and
was on my way home from, from the movies.
This is June, so still light outside.
Um, sort of later in the day.
Very hot day.
All I had on was jeans, flip
flops, a t-shirt, and my helmet.
Um, I'm gonna catch a lot
of heat for that probably.
And was heading home, um,
riding down Bradner Road.
Mm-hmm.
And a, a young guy in a Passat with his
buddies pulled out of a side street.
So I, I, you can picture I'm
heading south on Bradner.
Mm-hmm.
They pull out of a side
street to make a left turn.
Mm-hmm.
In front of me.
And, um.
Uh, yeah, he, when he saw me
coming, he slammed on the brakes
and panicked, stopped right across
the road and I had nowhere to go.
Um, you know, it was deep
ditches on either side.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I was going a little
faster than I should have been.
Mm-hmm.
And I slammed into the side of that
Passat, um, the bike, I, I, when I
locked up the brakes, the, the bike
sort of slid and laid down the bike.
The bike went under the back of the car.
I hit the side of the car, so
the door jamb hit me sort of
right behind my, my right arm.
Mm-hmm.
I broke all my ribs.
Uh, my, I sort of got wedged under the car
a bit, so broke my pelvis in four places.
They close it, call it a
clo closed book fracture.
So your pelvis, which is kind of
like a bowl shape, closes in front.
Oh, ouch.
And, yeah, broke my back, um, broke my
scapula in half and I. You, I had a co bad
concussion, had a collapsed lung, one of
the ribs punctured and collapsed the lung.
Mm. Severed spleen, lacerated liver.
Um, a lot of road rash and No kidding.
Yeah.
Was conscious throughout the whole ordeal.
And I, yeah, I, I recall the sort of the
coppery taste, the, the blood in my mouth
and couldn't really breathe very well,
I guess because of the collapsed lung.
Mm. And so I felt like, for whatever
reason, I felt like my helmet
was restricting my breathing.
Mm. So pulled my, my own helmet off,
and which I shouldn't have done.
Um, fortunately it didn't
exacerbate any problems, but yeah,
it was a, it was an experience.
Travis Bader: No kidding.
Heath Jackson: I remember lying
there and thinking, so going back
to Zimbabwe and the unrest there,
Mugabi was the president at the time.
I. And I remember lying there and thinking
as much as I loath that individual, I
wouldn't even wish this pain on him.
Mm. Uh, yeah.
I remember that thought hitting me.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Wow.
And the pain, you didn't go
into shock, you didn't have the
opportunity for the body to kind
of numb that pain a little bit?
Heath Jackson: No.
Um, definitely wasn't numbed at all.
I don't shock.
I don't know about I, I'm
sure I was in some shock.
Mm. Um, but I, I remember the pain.
Yeah.
And, and I remember the paramedics
arriving, strapping me to a board.
And the board they put me on, they
had to roll me to the side to get
the one side of the board under me.
Travis Bader: Mm.
Heath Jackson: And then
rolled me back onto it.
And, and then there was, there were
three straps that sort of secured
you to the, to the clamshell.
It wasn't a clamshell, it
was a board at the time.
Uh, now they have clamshells.
Right.
Which would've been better.
And the strap that they put over my
midsection, um, when he sort of put it
through and cinched it up, it, it closed
my pelvis because everything was broken.
And I wish I could have punched
that guy, but I didn't have
the, the ability at the time.
Um, but yeah, not, not pleasant.
And then they, they took me
to I Oxford Hospital Hospital.
And when they realized the extent of the
injuries transferred me to Royal Columbia.
Travis Bader: So how long
was the recovery on that one?
Heath Jackson: The physical
recovery is one thing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, you know, the emotional, psychological
recovery is a different story.
Travis Bader: Hmm.
Heath Jackson: Physical recovery, I'd say
probably a year and a half, two years.
To be at the point where
I was walking again.
Hmm.
Um, yeah, there was a lot that
went into that, into physio,
into, you know, pushing myself.
I started physio earlier
than I was supposed to.
I just, I just was, I just
wanted to get outta the bed.
Hmm.
Um, was chomping at the bit and yeah, I
had to transfer myself from the bed to the
wheelchair with my arms across a board.
And, um, started with the wheelchair,
just getting out of the bed and
then slowly started weightbearing.
Um.
Little by little and the, yeah, the body,
the body's ability to heal is remarkable.
Mm-hmm.
Um, you know, I had to go
through several s well, two, I
think two or three surgeries.
Uh, I have a bunch of titanium hardware in
my pelvis now and, and some other places.
And yeah, it was, you know, but it
was, it was a tangible challenge.
It was something tangible.
The, the pain was tangible, you
know, I could, I could feel it.
Um, it was something that I,
I could, I could feel, I could
identify to work through.
Hmm.
The psychological and emotional
impact was not tangible.
It wasn't something that I could, you
know, quantify and, and, and, um, find the
parameters of and work toward moving past.
I didn't understand, um, the full
impact that, that the accident had had.
I did go to a psychologist and was
diagnosed with major depressive
disorder and, uh, PTSD and
severe anxiety post-accident.
Um, so that was interesting.
Did
Travis Bader: you feel you had any of that
Heath Jackson: pre-accident?
No.
Okay.
No, definitely not.
Um, no.
I, I had never had any symptoms of,
of any of those things pre-accident.
So,
Travis Bader: major
depressive disorder, anxiety.
PTSD.
PTSD.
Yeah.
What is, um, MDD look like?
Um,
Heath Jackson: it's hard, it's
hard to put a finger on that.
I mean, it was just the, the best
way I can describe it is sort
of like, um, a heavy gray rain
cloud around you all the time.
Like no matter what you
were going through, it just.
Nothing was pleasant, nothing was,
nothing was the same, nothing was fun.
Like, it was just, um, you know,
it a constant state of depression.
It's like, it's like when you're
in the height of winter here in
January, you know, and you're waiting
for summer and it never comes.
It's
Travis Bader: great.
Heath Jackson: It's like a,
yeah, just a perennial January,
you know, just all year long.
It's just January.
Um, and you can never, you know,
nothing you, nothing you do, um,
sort of blows the clouds away.
It's just, you're just stuck
in that, in a rut of, of cold
wetness and an emotional sense.
Travis Bader: Well, what was
your support network like?
Heath Jackson: Um, I, as I
mentioned, I was married at the time.
Right.
She was great.
Um.
She was a great woman.
Uh, not, not the right person for me
by any means, but a great individual.
And she was really my only real support.
I had a handful of friends that
were, that stuck by me through that.
Um, the groups that I had been
involved with leading up to that
point, a lot of them sort of
disappeared into the woodwork.
I don't know if that's because
I wasn't as fun to be around.
I don't know if it's because they, they
didn't really know how to offer support.
Um, I don't know what the reason is,
but they, they just sort of vanished.
Um, and that.
You know, the, the two years after
the accident sort of culminated
in, in a divorce, ultimately, um,
amicable but difficult nonetheless.
Mm. And, um, I think it just
sort of exposed the cracks in the
relationship that were already there.
Uh, it just sort of, it was a catalyst
made things break down faster and Yeah.
That, yeah, I ended up, uh, in
a little basement suite with
both vehicles off the road.
I couldn't afford to insure them, was
stuck on disability, which, which paid
peanuts basically covered my rent.
And that was about it.
My, my parents had gone back to Zimbabwe.
Um, they, they were only here for a short
period and then had, had gone back so.
For the majority of that recovery
time, the, the five years or so after
the, the accident, they, I didn't
really have much of a support network.
Um, but the ones that were supportive,
uh, really stepped up and, and stood out.
Travis Bader: It's interesting how things
can happen in our life that act as a
bit of a, a light that'll shine on and
you find these groups and people who you
thought were friends who just disappear.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Fair enough.
See ya.
Yeah.
And sometimes you find that there's people
that come out of the woodwork that you'd
never expect, or people that you would
expect to kind of be there, but they, they
step up in ways that you'd never expect.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: So tell me about
what it was like with these
people that were there for you.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I mean, I. Uh, communication,
uh, was a big one.
Just people reaching out and
sort of, um, checking in.
Um, there were some people that
stepped up and, and offered help
financially, uh, or in terms of
resources, just food, that kind of thing.
Hmm.
Um, which was, you know, I never asked
for it, but it was more appreciated than
I think they'll, they'll ever really know.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, it was, it was a struggle.
There were times where I, I, I existed on
a bowl of Cheerios with water every day.
Um, or, or would snack on dry
cereal, that kind of thing.
I just couldn't afford anything else.
And I'm sure in, in hindsight, I'm sure
there were probably resources available
to me, like, um, government funded
or, or food banks, that kind of thing.
But I didn't, I didn't know at the time,
and it was, I, I come from a background
where you, you just take care of it.
You know, you don't rely on other people.
You're not entitled to anything.
You're, you're on your own.
No one's coming.
You, you have to figure out a plan.
So I, I didn't, I didn't look
into that or lean into it as,
as I probably should have.
Mm-hmm.
Um, yeah, I mean, it, it ultimately,
one of those individuals, um,
I, I reached my rock bottom.
I, I felt like those clouds had sort of
closed in, like curtains all around me.
I couldn't see past the immediate and,
and was just completely hope hopeless.
Um.
And, and, and done fed up with everything.
And, um, there were, there were a
sequence of events that were really
heavy and, and placed a burden
on me that I had no capacity to
be able to deal with financially.
Travis Bader: Mm.
Heath Jackson: And the, I, I only
saw one way out and yeah, it was,
it was in that context, right.
Literally at the, at the last moment
that I heard a knock on my door
and ignored it and heard a knock
on my window and ignored that too.
And then heard a knock on my sliding
door at my patio and thought, who,
who is making this much of an effort?
So, put down what I was doing
that I shouldn't have been doing.
And went to you, you'd made a decision.
You're gonna take your life.
Yeah.
Yes.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Uh, wasn't sure if, if
you wanted me to, to No, that's fine.
Come right out and say that, but
Travis Bader: I, I think
there's a lot of value there.
The reason why I want to
talk about this mm-hmm.
Is because I don't think, uh, while your
situation is unique to you, I don't think
the feelings that you have or what you go
through is gonna be a unique situation.
Right.
And I think there's a lot of
people out there that could be
feeling similar things or going
through them, some similar things.
And if we can extract from your
experience, um, the raise of light, the,
the places that help the most, the lessons
that we learn, um, I think there's a
lot of value to your story, to others.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I, I mean, that's why I'm here.
Mm-hmm.
Um, really that if, if the only thing I
get out of this whole experience is being
able to give someone else out there a
bit of a different perspective and, and
a bit of hope, a hopeful perspective,
then it's, it's rewarding for me.
That's, that's, yeah.
Travis Bader: So you're in a situation
where you felt there was no hope, right?
You felt there was no other way out.
Financial burdens were so great.
The mindset was as such that, okay,
well this is my time to check out.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I mean, my, my identity was
wrapped up in my abilities and my
physique and my Mm. You know, it
was, it was very materialistic.
It was not, not in the terms of, not in
terms of belongings, but just aesthetics.
Mm. Um, my marriage, you know,
and, and all of those things
have been ripped away from me.
And you were involved
with the church as well?
Yes.
Are you still involved?
No.
Um, I, I have a very strong faith.
Mm. Um, you know, but I, I've
become very disenfranchised
with the established church.
Um, you know, there was a point where
when I came back from Texas, from the, the
Close protection course I was on, they.
I saw my ex there with her mom.
I gave them both a big hug,
you know, we chatted for a bit.
I sat with them through the service, and
when I was leaving, my, my ex-wife was,
um, in position at the front door to greet
people arriving for the next service.
So I saw her, she, she came out, you
know, sort of chased me down in the
parking lot to give me a hug goodbye and
got emotional when she walked back up.
The pastor saw her like that, and I
wasn't privy to any of that conversation,
but essentially from what she told me
at the time, he asked her if it made
it difficult for her to see me there.
Uh, she said, yeah, you know,
it was, it was emotional.
So.
That precipitated him reaching
out to me, asking to get together.
I met with him at a restaurant where
he showed up with an elder from the
church and asked me not to come back.
Hmm.
And, um, years later, he reached out again
and apologized and asked to meet with me.
So I met with him.
Um, I had a young East Indian
guy that was, um, a coworker that
had, had become a Christian, was
interested in going to church.
I really wanted him to be able
to plug in there because the
doctrine was really sound.
Travis Bader: Mm.
Heath Jackson: And the teaching was good.
He had a way of connecting with people
that didn't grow up in the church.
Travis Bader: Mm.
Heath Jackson: And so I, I was, I
was eager to be able to plug him in,
but he didn't want to go without me.
He wanted me to come with him.
Hmm.
So that was, you know, I met with, with
the pastor at the, at this coffee shop.
He had a great talk.
He apologized profusely and, um.
And then he said, when I was
saying goodbye to him, he said,
I'm just going to, I'll speak to
so-and-so, my ex and just check
with her that she's okay with it.
And so, yeah, couple weeks, couple
weeks later, I got a message from him
to say, yeah, she's not okay with it.
So don't, don't come.
So that, that was it.
That was the nail in the coffin from me.
Um, did you have prior
Travis Bader: to that, was that
a, um, a social network for you?
Heath Jackson: Absolutely.
Yeah.
That, I mean, the majority of my close
friends were from the church group.
They were church people.
We had a, we host survival
study in our home.
Um, you know, I was, I was very connected.
I was involved with that church
right from when it was a church
plant, and, and it blew up.
It became huge.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and we were very involved.
We did security, you know, at the church.
We, and, and my, my buddies, my.
My group was the church group.
And, and that's what struck me was they
were the ones that sort of vanished.
The majority of them just vanished
because I no longer fit inside that
cookie cutter Christianese sort of image.
Um, I had gone through a divorce.
I was dealing with depression.
Travis Bader: I,
Heath Jackson: you
Travis Bader: know,
Heath Jackson: things were real, and yeah.
That's,
Travis Bader: that's when you
need that support the most.
Exactly.
Heath Jackson: And, and I know, I know
that like what, what Christians is
supposed to be is inclusive, you know,
reaching out to people in positions
of need, reaching out, like, like
Jesus' passion was for the lost sheep.
Sure it wasn't, it wasn't for the ones
in the, you know, in, in the herd.
It was for the lost sheep.
He, even when he was walking the planet,
it was, it was the sick and dying.
It was the, the prostitutes.
It was the, you know, the people
that needed him the most mm-hmm.
That he reached out to.
So the fact that, um, the established
church, by and large, uh, is known to the
secular world for judgemental attitudes,
self-righteousness, exclusivity, things
that are not at all what, what the,
the church is supposed to be about.
Um, just kind of left a
bad taste in my mouth.
And yes, there's a lot of good to it.
Um, you know, the.
I don't discredit that.
Uh, but it's, the church is people,
the church is not a building.
It's a human institution.
And, and people are flawed right.
By nature.
So you can't expect a per
a perfect portrayal of
Christianity through the people.
Like they're, they're all
broken too, in their own ways.
Yes.
So yeah, my faith is so strong.
My, you know, I, I believe in what
I believe in, but my church is
the outdoors, my church, uh, being
around people that are authentic and,
and just having real conversations
and, and real in depth discussion.
Mm-hmm.
About spirituality.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
It's funny.
Uh, bear grills, so he's
open about his faith.
He, uh, says something
very similar to that.
He says, my church isn't inside a, a
chapel with all these other people.
It's when I sit down around the table
with my family and my kids mm-hmm.
This is when I'm outside and
we're engaging with each other.
And he says, well, maybe I'll read
a little bit of scripture and.
Before dinner or whatever it might be.
Yeah.
But that's church.
Yeah.
And it doesn't have to be, uh,
pious on Sunday, getting dressed up,
doing the, uh, doing the whole act.
Yeah.
And then going back to
whatever it is you're doing.
Yeah.
There's,
Heath Jackson: you know, I, I
mean, I grew up around that.
Yeah.
I grew up, we, we would go to the
States, um, for a year at a time.
We made two trips over during my, my
first 20 years of life, I believe.
And you go to all kinds of churches,
uh, churches that supported my parents
that they went to give feedback to.
And, you know, they'd put on a slideshow
and they'd have a table with Curios
on it, and they'd, they'd talk to
them about the work they were doing
and the impact they were having.
And I mean, the people spoke Christianese,
like the, you know, the, Hey, how
are ya, you know, welcome here.
And I mean, it was just,
it just, it just smacked of
Travis Bader: ugly do neighbor, you know?
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
And, um, their, even their
interests seemed feigned.
Mm. Um.
N not all of them again.
Sure.
There are always exceptions to the rule
and, and the exceptions to the rule
were people I really appreciated there,
there were authentic people there.
Mm. But I grew up around
that sort of false persona.
Um, people who are acting a
certain way one day of the week.
Travis Bader: Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So you're sitting there in your basement,
you don't have the social network anymore.
Yeah.
Heavy financial burdens.
Yeah.
You're not reaching out to anybody.
No.
Some people are reaching out to you.
Heath Jackson: Yes.
Okay.
Travis Bader: And you've got a shotgun.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: And then you've got
a friend knocking on the door.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Yeah.
So I, I put the shotgun down.
Um.
I went to the door and sort of had
these wooden louvers on the window
of the door, and I, I lifted one
to peep through and he saw me.
So, uh, I couldn't, I
couldn't walk away from that.
I knew you'd seen me.
I had already written a letter to my
parents and a letter to my sister, um,
you know, leading up to pulling, pulling
out the shotgun and that kind of thing.
And as soon as I opened the
door and, and he saw, he's a,
a 6 5, 6 6, big German guy.
Um, and he, he, he knew somehow, he knew
something was up and he gave me this
big bear hug, um, lifted me right off
the ground and, I mean, I'm not small.
No you're not.
So, yeah, that he
refused to leave my side.
Um, it just happened at that morning.
His, his wife was involved with
firearms instruction at, at the
Chillowak Center for the CBSA.
Um.
Her car wouldn't start that morning.
So he had driven her to work
and on the way home stopped in
Abbotsford where I was at the time.
Um, just to say hi, and knew I was
home, knew I should have been home.
Mm. And just hadn't given
up for whatever reason.
Um, you know, I, I believe personally
that that was, there was definitely
some divine intervention going on there.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, the number of coincidences that
had to line up for that to happen, I,
I don't believe one coincidence most of
the time, let alone a handful like that.
So yeah, he, he stayed with me.
Uh, back in those days.
It was hanging autumn,
playing Call of Duty together.
We went out to, to a pub and had
a couple drinks and went home.
He crashed on my couch, um, and
wouldn't leave until I promised I
wasn't gonna do anything stupid.
And, uh, yeah, he's, he's been
like, he's one of those friends
that is loyal to the core that has
been by my side since he met me.
And, uh, one of my good hunting
buddies, a lot of the hunting
I've done has been with him.
Uh, just an awesome guy.
He's a pilot now.
Mm. Um, and yeah, he, he saved my life.
And the, the journey from there on was,
um, it was a slow sort of pulling back on
the yoke and pulling out of a nose dive.
It was slow to begin with
and got incrementally faster.
The more,
Travis Bader: go ahead.
What did that look like?
Heath Jackson: Um, I realized I
needed to, I needed to make a shift.
Hmm.
Um, I think the, the fog cleared
enough that I realized how selfish of
a decision I had been considering and
how, how hurtful that would've been to
people in my life that I cared about.
Mm. Um, and I, I didn't
want to end up there again.
So I started.
I guess, I guess I just,
I wanted to change things.
I wanted different circumstances.
Mm-hmm.
And I gained a, I gained a bit of
a motivation, um, to, to find what
that was gonna look like for me.
And again, I believe by divine
intervention, those, those
pieces fell into place for me.
Um, I started to, I started to receive
tools to add to my toolbox that,
that I could use in that process.
And one of those resources was an
uncle of mine who had also been
involved in the Rhodesian Bush war.
Had moved from South Africa to
Australia, very successful, uh,
guy, very successful in business.
I'd always had a really
strong relationship with him.
Uh, one of my, my mom's brothers,
and he reached out to me.
I don't know if it was because my,
my parents asked him to, I don't, I
don't know, reached out to me and I
trusted him enough that I was willing
to listen to what he had to say.
Um, one of the most incredible
guys I've, I've ever known.
And, uh, yeah.
He started mentoring me
from Australia via WhatsApp.
Um, he would send me video clips and
challenge me to, to memorize them or
would, would quiz me on them later.
And
Travis Bader: video clips of what?
Heath Jackson: Uh, so one of, one of
the most, uh, standoutish ones mm-hmm.
Was a commencement speech given
by Admiral William McCraven
Travis Bader: mm-hmm.
Heath Jackson: Who was
the commander of JSO Yes.
In the States.
And he was giving a
commencement speech to.
To the graduates from
the University of Texas.
And, um,
I guess the, the, the sort of framework
of that speech had to do with his
experience of Hell Week, uh, and training
for the Navy Seals and the challenges
that he had gone through there.
And he broke them down
into point form basically.
Uh, and so yeah, it had to do with
me, listen, I listened to that.
It's about half an hour long and I
listened to it probably 50 times.
Mm-hmm.
And pulled something new out of
it every time and just incredibly
motivational speech and a huge part of
that, a huge component, uh, that sort
of was an overlying theme throughout
the whole, the whole speech was, uh,
the importance of having an impact.
And it struck me that.
You know how good of a hunter you are.
You know, I like 1998, I, I was given
a trophy for Zimbabwe Hunter of the
Year, junior Hunter of the Year.
And, um, there were, there were
accolades like that through my life
that I'd sort of ba um, earned mm-hmm.
And treasured.
And they, they formed part of my
identity and there were achievements,
you know, the experiences I had had.
Um, and it struck me all those
things when you leave are gone.
Mm-hmm.
And no one cares about them.
Mm-hmm.
And no one's gonna remember them.
So if, if I wanna leave a legacy and
I don't have billions of dollars to,
you know, to leave to family members,
like what kind of impact can I have
on the people that are following?
What kind of legacy can I start to build?
Um, 'cause that's something that
will give me purpose and, um.
And so that, I mean,
that's why I'm here mm-hmm.
Is, is to have an impact.
If I can impact one person and that one
person can take that whatever it was
from this conversation that impacted them
and, and carry it on down the road and
impact another person, that, that, that
becomes an exponential positive impact.
Um, and that affects change over time.
And the, several of the, the key
points throughout that speech have also
stuck with me through, over the years.
I mean, it's been, uh, 15
years now since the accident.
And, and those themes, those
points still carry weight.
They still impact my day-to-day life.
Um, things like, for example, he talks
about doing an infiltration into a
harbor at night, undercover of darkness.
They're dropped off about
a kilometer offshore.
They swim into the harbor with rebreathers
underwater, even, even at that time,
underwater at night with rebreathers.
There, there is ambient light,
starlight moonlight as you get
into the harbor, the harbor lights.
Um, but then he, he describes how
their mission was to place charges
on the hull of a boat, uh, of a ship.
And they, they go under, under the
keel of this ship and all of a sudden
all of the ambient light is gone.
Mm. And it's absolute pitch black.
And, um, your ability to fall back on
the training you've had on your, on
your confidence, on your competence,
um, and not panic when you can't see
your hand in front of your face mm-hmm.
And achieve the, the task
is, um, is paramount.
Mm-hmm.
And who you are as a Navy seal, how you
perform in that moment is all that counts.
And, and so the, the, um, the sort
of parallel to that in, in my life
was, uh, you're, you're only as good
as you are in your darkest hour.
Mm. You're only as good of a person as
you are when the proverbial hits the fan.
When you, when everything is stripped
away from you, when you, you know,
you don't have hope, you don't have
sunshine, you don't have positivity,
that's when it matters who you are.
That's when you have an opportunity
to show the world and the people
around you, what you're made of.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and, and that's
what stays with people.
Uh, who you are.
When you know you're in a Jeep with
the top down, cruising along a river
and BC's backwoods, and you've got,
you know, some drinks you're gonna
have at the beach and maybe a cult that
you're gonna smoke around a fire or, or
like when things are good, when you're
happy, when you've got a brand new
relationship and you're excited and, uh,
that who you are then doesn't matter.
Um, what, what matters is, can
you, can you be consistent?
Can you be that kind of a positive person?
Um, that kind of a solid individual when,
when your circumstances are, are shit, you
know, can you, can you pull it together?
So that, that's something that
really stuck with me, that I
took as a personal challenge.
And I mean, there's a
biblical theme there too.
Like the Bible talks about being
content in any circumstance.
Travis Bader: Mm-hmm.
Heath Jackson: Uh, so it was a
challenge spiritually for me as well.
Yes.
Travis Bader: You know, I, a
few things there come to mind.
I'm reminded of the kids' book where
the, uh, these animals are lost in
the forest and one of them's given up.
I just can't see my way through
and says, well, can, can you see
the edge of the forest over there?
No.
Well, can you see your feet?
Yes.
Can you see your next step?
Yes.
Well, let's just take that.
Yeah.
Right.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: And you talk about.
Purpose, how massive purpose
is for, for people to be happy.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I've, I actually made a
list of things for Mental Health
Month coming up of, uh, and I had AI
rank my list that I made of what's
gonna give people the most impact.
And so I'll probably record some
videos of that when that comes up.
But, um, purpose is one of the things
I have in there and it, and it's huge.
Mm-hmm.
Um, Harvard did a study, what's the
number one predicate of, uh, happiness
and contentment in people's lives across.
It was an 80 year study across
all different walks of life,
all different, uh, ethnicities
and backgrounds and beliefs, and
it's strong social connections.
Mm-hmm.
Um, you said it how selfish the decision
that you were about to make was, you
look back on that as being selfish.
And one of the things that, uh, I
have talked to other people about and
I've, uh, I thought, well, you know,
that's, that's a really interesting
thing that can help give purpose.
They say taking your own life doesn't
solve the pain, it just transfers it.
Mm-hmm.
Viktor Frankl had a, um, uh, older man
come in, father modern local therapy, man,
search for meaning, talks about purpose
and the rest, and man says, my wife died.
I just can't carry on living.
I just, I'm so filled with the grief.
He says, well, how would your
wife feel if you died first?
So she'd be beside herself.
It'd be terrible.
I don't know how she'd go on.
I says, well, would you want her to carry
on her life and be miserable and well no.
Right?
And I says, well, you spared your
wife that grief by outliving her.
You have purpose, that is your purpose,
is to bear that hardship and bear it in a
way, like you say in your darkest hours.
That's what matters, man.
Leaves.
Okay.
Makes sense.
I'm good to go.
And that little reframe of where
that purpose is for people who
are thinking of giving up because
they don't have the money.
Because it'll be easier on other
people because whatever it might
be, it doesn't work that way.
Mm-hmm.
And it's generational.
You have kids, you have family members.
It's one of these things
that will has been proven.
It's an option for you.
It's an option for me.
Do you want that for other people?
And if not, there's purpose.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: Um, I like that.
And the, how will you be met, remembered?
That, that's something that I've used with
people as well in different circumstances.
It's something I use with myself, right?
It's holy crap, things
are getting really bad.
How do I want to be remembered?
Well, not like, not like how I'm
feeling right now, that's for sure.
Yeah.
Like I used that with my wife when she
was giving birth with our first child.
And I said, well, she'd always
talk about, uh, her grandmother,
what a tough woman she was.
I said, tomorrow's gonna come.
All of this pain will have subsided and
you're gonna be able to look back on
how you acted over the next 27 hours
or whatever, what she was a labor for.
Like maybe, maybe this
isn't the right thing.
It was the right thing for her.
She says, yeah, I'm not suggesting
other people say this to their wives,
but how do you want to be remembered?
How do you want your kids and
grandkids to remember how you,
uh, dealt with this difficulty?
Yeah.
And she says that reframe
changed everything.
Heath Jackson: Uh, yeah.
I mean, for me too, there's, this
just popped into my head, but.
Yeah, I grew up playing SLU
Scout and SAS with my buddies.
You know, my dad would, would cut us,
um, basically like the outline of a,
of a, a salt rifle, you know, and,
and I'd have, he'd, he'd bolt a screw,
a, um, a door bolt onto the side.
So it was bolt action.
Yeah.
And, um, we grew up with those toys.
We didn't have toy guns
you could buy really.
Um, but that was, I wanted, I
wanted to be part of what my
uncles and my dad had been part of.
Mm-hmm.
But by the time I was of military age,
you know, there was nothing happening.
There was no, the, the armed forces in
Zimbabwe were all black at that stage, you
know, like there, there was no prospect.
I came over here, I had an
obligation to, to the scholarship.
You know, like I, there was an
expectation there that I go to
university and outta university,
I needed to be making a living.
I, I couldn't take a break.
I had grandparents here.
I was the only one here for a while.
Um, so it's sticking around
to sort of be there for them.
I, I just never, I miss the boat.
On, on, uh, joining the Armed
Forces as a, as a regular member.
And I often think, you know, I would've
loved to have gone, um, JTF two or,
or Seals or, um, search and rescue,
uh, with, with Canadian forces.
And, um, all of my, my hobbies, you
know, align with that, like scuba diving,
repelling, parachuting, all, all that
kind of stuff is stuff I love to do.
Hmm.
So the thought of being paid to do it.
Um, anyway, there's, there's this sort
of overlying theme where I've, I've had
this sort of imposter syndrome a lot of
the time, you know, like I, I don't feel
like I belong upon among the likes of
Seb and some of the other guys you've
had on your podcast, you know, 'cause
there's a, there's a pedigree there.
Um.
And I, and I haven't really, yeah.
You know, some anti-poaching.
Yeah.
Some law enforcement.
But I wasn't an actual cop, you
know, I wasn't a police officer.
I was an ERT.
Um, so there's, there's this,
for a long time I felt like I,
you know, I, I missed the boat.
Travis Bader: Hmm.
Heath Jackson: And, and it struck me
when I, when I was pulling, pulling
outta that nose dive, like, this is
my, this is my opportunity to show
that I'm made of the same stuff.
Travis Bader: A hundred percent.
Heath Jackson: This is my chance to
show that, um, I have the grit mm-hmm.
To, to make it through no matter
what life throws at me, no matter
what, stripped away from me.
You know, I'm, I'm in a place now
where I'm, I'm very fortunate.
I'm blessed.
I've got a beautiful home.
I don't own it.
I rent it.
Um, but I have a beautiful living place.
Uh, we have a boat, I have a bike.
I have a car or a truck.
Um, you know, I, I'm, I have
a lot going for me, but.
I, I am not disillusioned at all.
I'm very well aware that next
week all of that could be gone.
Travis Bader: Mm-hmm.
Heath Jackson: The, the relationships
that I hold dear could be gone.
None of the stuff that I
have around me is permanent.
It, it will all at some point, fade away.
And, and I'm okay with that, you know, and
that the experience that I went through
is what enabled me to, to reach that
stage where my happiness, my contentment,
my authenticity is not contingent upon
any relationship or material belonging.
Travis Bader: Mm-hmm.
Heath Jackson: That's the most
valuable, one of the most valuable
lessons that I came out of that with.
Travis Bader: And that's
a hard earned lesson.
Mm-hmm.
And that's a difficult one to
share with other people if they
haven't earned it in the same way.
Some people are smart, right.
Some people can listen, look at
what you've done, pick it up,
and learn and grow from that.
I've always been one of those ones who has
to touch the stove to learn that it's hot.
Yeah.
Oh, that's what you meant by hot?
Yeah, like hot.
What do you mean?
Like hot?
Hot?
Like how hot, right.
Yeah.
Can I do it real quick?
Um, but there's, you, you know, you talk
about, oh, I wasn't ERT or it wasn't like
if you're a city cop, well, but you're
not, um, uh, clue or oka or, or ERT or,
Heath Jackson: yeah.
Travis Bader: Um, if you're ert
well you're, you're not SEAL or
Delta Force JTF two or SaaS, right?
Yeah.
If you're SaaS, like, there's
always levels to these things.
I'm, I'm reminded like, uh, Dean Nugent,
he was out climbing with Jace Bud and Jace
High level mountaineer, well accredited
ex British Army, um, actually did SCS
selection a couple of times and uh, uh,
Dean, he's just kind of getting into it.
Girl comes up, says, oh, you're a climber.
He, oh, no, no, I'm not a climber.
I Jace over here.
He's the climber.
And she's like, well.
I don't know.
You got a harness and a helmet
on, you're attached to a rope.
I'm not, you look like a climber to me.
Right.
It's like, I guess I'm a climber, right?
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: There's always gonna
be, uh, levels to these things
Heath Jackson: and we're,
we're our own toughest critics.
Yeah.
You know, no one, no one looks at
us with as much criticism as we do.
Mm-hmm.
Travis Bader: And no one cares.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Travis Bader: Really.
Uh, and the things that we
do bad, we're so embarrassed
about or whatever it might be.
Mm-hmm.
It's not even other, other
people's radar for the most part.
And if it's on their radar,
it's shortly on their radar.
And the important people, they don't care.
Right.
Yeah.
The people who would pick at the
in poke holes and point fingers,
it's like they say, um, nobody ever
craps on the people behind them.
Right.
Um, sorry.
Nobody ever craps on the
people ahead of them.
That makes a, a little bit more sense.
Um.
Do I have that one right?
No, it, it essentially,
Heath Jackson: yeah.
People are trying to tear it
on to people ahead of them.
Travis Bader: Thank you.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Uh, the people ahead of you,
they wanna see you succeed.
Right.
And so the people, well,
Heath Jackson: the, yeah.
The
Travis Bader: people
Heath Jackson: behind them, they wanna
see succeed because they're already there.
Right.
The people ahead of them, they
want to be where they are.
So they don't, they don't like
their, that they're succeeding.
I think
Travis Bader: maybe you made that a
lot more eloquent than I, but, but, and
that's something always to keep in mind.
Why is this person trying to tear me down?
Well, it's not because
they're ahead of me.
It's not 'cause they're better
than me in any single way.
It's because they're unable
to even be where I'm at.
Yeah.
And the only way that they can see
themselves as being successful is by
tearing down the others around them.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Those who've who've
achieved what they want.
Yeah.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
So that judgment that you get from other
people, maybe that's another thing that
people can keep in the back of their head.
Heath Jackson: Mm-hmm.
Travis Bader: Because we are social
creatures and judgment means something.
And you weren't reaching out for help.
Why, because you're concerned about how
you might look or people judging you.
Why, why wouldn't you reach out?
Heath Jackson: You know, there
wasn't really a, a cognitive
exercise attached to that.
So all I can do really is hypothesize.
There must have been some
sort of psych subconscious.
I, I'm sure it had something
to do with the fact that
I, number one, I didn't have, um,
the, the network around me that I
felt I could confide into that extent.
Um, like I said, my parents were
outta country for the majority of
that stretch when it was the worst.
Um, my parent, my, my sister was
far away and they all had lives,
lives and problems of their own.
I just didn't, I didn't
want to be a burden.
Travis Bader: Right.
And I think that's it there.
Heath Jackson: And I, and a lot
of the time, you know, a lot of
the time I see people reaching
out on social media for handouts.
Um.
I'm in some groups, some community
groups, you know, and it, it's, it amazes
me, uh, the number of times people will
reach out with, with no shame at all.
And it's repeated.
Mm. And, you know, it, it, it
does not feel authentic to me.
Mm-hmm.
And I didn't want to
be one of those people.
I didn't want to expect that
because I had made bad decisions.
Someone else was gonna
step up and help me.
Um, there was, there was a lot, you
know, and I, yeah, I, I came to the
point where I realized that where,
where I was ultimately when you
boil it down enough was solely res,
um, was solely a consequence of my
own decisions, uh, my own actions.
Mm-hmm.
The, the kid that ran the stop
sign, you know, it wasn't his fault.
Um, my ex-wife, nothing was her fault.
Like, not nothing was anyone
else's fault but my own.
Mm-hmm.
But that was.
It was a, it was a tough pill to swallow,
but it was empowering at the same time.
Travis Bader: You need
Heath Jackson: that because I, I
realized the flip side of that coin
was if, if I'm gonna end up where I
want to be in life with the set of
circumstances that I desire for myself,
that's also only gonna be my fault.
It's, it's only gonna be a, a
result of my decisions, my actions.
It's not gonna be a result of
handouts, it's not gonna be a
result of other people's decisions.
I fully have the potential within
myself to place myself where I want
to be, um, because I fully had the
potential in my, within myself,
to place myself at rock bottom.
Travis Bader: I think, uh, the, when
you talk about the flip side, on that
flip side as well, is if it's not your
fault why these things happened, that
means you don't have any control over
why these things are happening to you.
Mm-hmm.
And if you don't have any control and
everything you're looking at is like, oh,
now I'm in an accident and I'm with friend
groups leaving out, you're a victim.
You're the victim.
Mm-hmm.
And the faster people can get themselves
outta this victim mentality, the
faster they're able to start getting
themselves on track to healing.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
A hundred percent.
Travis Bader: Um, you know, there's a, um,
a doctor and he says, um, patients will
come in, they'll say that they're, they're
at the end, they're gonna take their life.
And he says, you know, I don't
try and tell them, no, here's
what you gotta live for.
Here's what he says.
I say, that might be a good idea, but
now's not the time to make that decision.
You're probably not thinking
clearly in this moment.
How about you write it down and we'll just
take a look at this in, in a month or so?
Yeah.
And we'll come back and, and you
know, if after a few more visits
we're looking at this, it still
seems like a, like the way to go.
Maybe it is the idea, but may
have a sober second thought.
And you look at this, he
said he hasn't lost anybody.
Mm-hmm.
By doing that.
Um, it gives them control and
power and it's not, not like
it's all being taken from them.
Yeah.
It gives 'em agency.
Gives 'em agency.
Mm-hmm.
You had some letters that
you wrote to your family.
Did you hold onto them?
Heath Jackson: I had sent
the one to my parents.
I don't think I had sent
the, the one to my sister.
Mm. Um, but either way
they're their history now.
Oh, you emailed them?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah,
Travis Bader: I think it was
Facebook Messenger or something like
that with a sober second thought.
Looking back at them,
does it look ridiculous?
Heath Jackson: No.
Uh, I wouldn't call it ridiculous.
Um, irrational.
Travis Bader: Okay.
Heath Jackson: Maybe, um, you know,
it wasn't a cry for help, it was just,
it was an expression of gratitude.
Um, an apology in advance, I guess.
Um, yeah, it wasn't ridiculous because
it was, it was relevant at the time.
Uh, it was heartfelt and,
and it wasn't a cry for help.
It was, it was authentic.
Um, the decision, again, selfish
because it was only me I was thinking
of, you know, like that that decision
would've been to alleviate my own pain.
Mm. Um, and, and situation.
But it, like you said, it would've
transferred it to someone else.
So by definition, a selfish decision.
Um, yeah.
I, I mean, I think you, you can ask pretty
much anyone what they felt when they were
selfless, like what sort of feelings they
had when they did something selfless.
They can recall a self selfless
experience, something they did
to, to help someone else without
any benefit to themselves.
Um, I. Uh, in my experience,
that's always a gratifying feeling.
It's always gratifying to sacrifice
for someone else to, to do something
for someone else, um, is a,
Travis Bader: is a rewarding thing.
So, yeah, I agree.
I, I think that mentality of, uh,
everyone likes to use it, well, I gotta,
I gotta take care of me first, right?
Mm-hmm.
Um, it's just like that airplane,
uh, you know, airbags come out, gotta
get your own airbag on, take care of
yourself so you can take care of others.
Right?
Well, I think people take that analogy
too far and sometimes there's a lot
of value in helping somebody else, and
you'll re this isn't an airbag analogy.
I'm not just taking care of me first.
If I can help take care of you, I all
of a sudden start feeling, oh, geez,
we both got something outta that one.
Right.
Well, you have
Heath Jackson: purpose.
Travis Bader: Right?
Heath Jackson: Right.
And you're, I mean, uh,
again, I lost, I lost the.
It was a really, I promise all the
viewers, it would've been an epiphany.
It was a fantastic thought that I
just had that just flew outta my head.
Um,
yeah.
Hopefully it'll come back to me, but, um,
Travis Bader: so I should watch my words.
Uh, when I say, when you look back on the
letter, was it, uh, ridiculous and I guess
I, I should have, uh, left that open-ended
and asked what your thoughts were.
When you look back on that, I don't, for
one second, think it would be ridiculous.
Mm-hmm.
But I would think that looking back
with a sober second thought this
time, you'd say, what was I thinking?
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I, I, I took that to mean you were
asking if I regretted it right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't regret that exercise.
What I regret was the selfishness.
Um.
Yeah, you were, there's, sorry.
Um, you were talking about how
people take it too far to be Yes.
To look after yourself first.
The thought that I had on that was this,
there's this whole movement, like you
see it all over the place, especially,
um, like single women on social media.
Mm-hmm.
Talking about self-love.
I see that a lot.
Yes.
It's, it's like this
movement, you know, self-love.
If, if, if something isn't benefiting
me, I'm cutting it outta my life.
Mm-hmm.
Um, where's your purpose?
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Like what if, if
you're, if your only purpose is looking
after yourself, that's not purpose.
Like you're, our, our
purpose is in community.
Our purpose is in supporting
people that need it.
Um, yeah.
You know, I think, I think a
lot of it is just terminology.
It's verbiage.
Um, people, self-love is a good thing.
Sure.
Self-centeredness is not, and sometimes
self-centeredness is labeled as self-love.
And so people embrace it.
Just like a lot of other things in, in
society these days that people place
a, you know, rainbows and daisies Sure.
Sunshine and butterflies label on
something, suddenly it becomes acceptable.
Mm. Um, but it doesn't change the
reality of what that thing is.
And, and it's the same,
same with self-centeredness.
You know, like there's a fine line.
It's important to, it's important to
look after yourself, but it's just as
important to look after other people
and be available and, and step up.
Um, because it's fulfilling.
Like, it, it gives you, it's rewarding.
It, it is self-love to help other people.
Travis Bader: I think that's
a. A very good distinction.
You were put on medication.
Heath Jackson: Mm-hmm.
Travis Bader: And you took
yourself off that medication?
Cold Turkey.
Yeah.
How long were you on it for?
Heath Jackson: About four, four years.
Travis Bader: That'd be
for the major depressive?
Probably SSRI or SI Anxiety.
Yeah.
Heath Jackson: Okay.
Yeah, there were two, two or
three meds on he pretty heavy
doses and I took everything I
had and flushed it on the toilet.
Travis Bader: When?
Right.
Heath Jackson: Immediately following?
No, no, it was sometime after.
Okay.
Yeah, it was part of the process for me.
Um, yeah, I had moved at that stage,
so I know it was a while later.
Okay.
And yeah, I just, I just flushed all of
it and it was, I would not recommend that.
I would recommend that you sort of.
Talk to your doctor, wean yourself
off of it, like do it the right way.
Um, but for me, that
was, that was what I did.
I just flushed it and I was like, no,
I'm, I'm dealing with this myself.
I've got the agency, I've, I've
got, I've got the reins in my mind.
Travis Bader: Hmm.
Heath Jackson: I'm not gonna allow my
thoughts to dictate, to me, I'm not
gonna allow medication to, to alter my
personality and my, my frame of mind.
Uh, I got this.
So, and I did, you know, I, for a week or
so, I had little electric jolts going up
my spine and other withdrawal symptoms.
But, but it was a smart choice for me.
Okay.
Um, because it, it was me.
It was, I'm the one that, that handled
the, the struggles I was having.
Not, not the medication.
Like I didn't, I didn't want to crutch.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I wanted to face it head on.
Mm-hmm.
And yeah, I mean, like we talked about
before, a lot of people take, um.
Well, not prognosis, but um,
diagnosis as a life sentence.
Travis Bader: Yeah.
Yeah.
And they wear it,
Heath Jackson: they
surrender themselves to that.
This is my reality.
I'm, I have anxiety, I have depression.
Yeah.
I have PTSD, I have whatever.
Ah, you, you don't have to keep it.
You're feeling it.
Sure.
Yeah.
You're feeling it.
It's to help you identify what
it is you're going through.
Travis Bader: Right.
Heath Jackson: Um, but you, you don't
have to carry that your whole life.
You, you ev I, I'm a firm believer.
I'm sure there are experts
out there that'll disagree.
I'm a firm believer that everyone
has the ability to take the reins
of their thoughts, to not allow
their thoughts to dictate to them.
To, to start filtering out the
negative and shift their mindset.
Travis Bader: Mm-hmm.
I said something similar.
I was asked to give a talk for a
university in California by a doctor
for his class, and I gave a talk
and, uh, the doctor pointed at a few
things that said, okay, yeah, okay.
Maybe not everybody.
Right.
There's always gonna be people who
come from, um, or severely disabled
who, uh, won't be able to, uh,
control certain things in the same
way that perhaps I'm relaying.
Fair enough.
The medication thing was
another interesting one.
I think that medication can
be an important tool mm-hmm.
For somebody who's in
crisis for a quick stop gap.
And unfortunately, uh, it isn't, I
don't see it always used that way.
Uh, medication's supposed to be something
that's used in conjunction with a
lifestyle change, finding purpose, uh,
uh, exercise, diet, all of these other
things that kind of go along with it.
And then you wean off and, and go forward.
I look at our medical system.
I was given my doctor hell a while ago.
I was like, why don't
you just like my knee?
What the hell's wrong?
Send me in for imaging.
Let's figure out what's going on here.
And like, I don't want to take medication.
I don't want to up these
different pills for the pain.
Let's just figure out what the
pain is and let's address that.
Right?
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
Yeah.
Travis Bader: He says, well,
that's not how we're taught.
I'm like, what do you mean?
He says, well, we're, we're
taught to address a symptom.
If there's no more symptom than
the problem solved, I says, so
does that mean like I gotta.
What to take these antiinflammants for my
knee for the rest of my life so that they
get rid of that symptom and well, yeah.
I said that's, that's not an
approach that makes sense to me.
Right.
Yeah.
And I think that same approach is being
used often with mental health problems.
Oh.
It's not, it's not showing the symptom.
And after a while the body adapts to
the medication and, and then they're
prescribing a higher dosage or a different
type so that they can look at these
symptoms and the meds will have their
own symptoms that go along with that.
Yeah.
And then they sub, they subscribe
Heath Jackson: things to deal with
Travis Bader: those symptoms.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it, and it's a bit of
an endless cycle, I think.
Um, I think people have way more personal
agency then they're led to belief.
Mm-hmm.
I think there's a reason why there's a
learned helplessness within society, and
I think the more people that can adopt.
Ownership mindset, like what you're
talking about, and realize the level of
control that they have, even over small
things in their life, which will grow
into bigger, uh, the more they realize
maybe they don't really have problems,
maybe their environment needs to change.
Maybe what they have is actually a gift.
Right.
Just a different way of looking at it.
Heath Jackson: Yep.
Absolutely.
Travis Bader: Is there anything
that we haven't talked about
that we should be talking about?
Heath Jackson: Probably a lot.
I think there is.
I'm sure I'll, I'm sure I'll think
back and, you know, like think, oh,
I wish I'd told this story about the
lion or the elephant or whatever.
And you have a story about
a lion in the elephant.
Oh yeah.
I've got, I've got tons of stories.
Um, yeah, I'm sure there are
lots of things that'll come
to mind, but I'm, yeah, you
Travis Bader: can't cover everything.
So it is funny, uh, the elephant one,
I remember years ago, I think it was in
my early twenties, and I saw this, um.
There's a company, a buddy says,
oh, you gotta check this one.
Oh, they'll teach you how to
be a businessman without having
to go through business school.
And so you're going through these
different exercises and, and uh, some
of 'em are like, what do you wanna do?
I'm like, I kinda wanna ride an elephant.
I think that'd be cool.
So I'm writing this stuff down, right?
And anyways, I got filed away.
I don't know where years later someone's
asking in a, a more official capacity.
Well, do you have any business plans?
I'm like, well, not really like any
work event, well, I got this stuff
and he is looking through this.
I wanna ride an elephant, Travis.
This isn't business plan.
It's like, all right, fine.
Yeah.
And, and you do work a lot
of work trying to help people
who are, um, victims of abuse.
Heath Jackson: Yeah.
I mean that True haven is still
relatively speaking in its infancy.
Um, but it's a fantastic.
Cause mm-hmm.
Uh, it's something that
I'm very passionate about.
I've, I've, I think, I mean, it's
a, it's a multiplicity of, of, um,
contributing factors that have,
that sort of made me that way.
Um, my dad, you know, my dad's like a,
he's just a solid man, you know, he, he
raised me with a respect, um, for women
and, and respect for wildlife and animals.
Mm. Um, and I, my experience in boarding
school, being bullied, seeing other
people sort of victimized, um, growing
up in Africa, you know, some of the stuff
you see there, people, the abuse, some
people go through, and the hardship.
And, um, I guess having a, having
had somewhat of a unique, um,
perspective and view into, um.
Hu humanity and the, the common themes
that carry across different races and
creeds and cultures and, um, the fact that
people hurt no matter what color they are.
Travis Bader: Sure.
Heath Jackson: Uh, it just, there's
a, there's a level of compassion
there, and for women, for animals,
for other people, for people in, in
different difficult circumstances.
And being able to, um, being able to
use my skillset, um, that I've, you
know, partly I was born with part,
part natural ability, part training.
Like there's a lot of training that
I've gone through over the years
for different jobs, different,
um, positions I've filled, um,
that I'm able to bring to bear.
And, um, the ability to, to remain
composed in the face of someone
that's red and angry and screaming
and thinks they're, you know, like
they're, they're, they can take anyone.
Um, I, I. Being able to bring that
to a cir, a circumstance, a situation
where someone's in fear for their life
or the fear for their kids' lives.
And, um, and sort of, it's
almost like bio osmosis.
You convey some of that, uh, confidence
and, and, um, calmness to people
that are going through, um, crisis
and, and being threatened by someone
who's really just a big coward.
Mm-hmm.
Um, that's really rewarding for me.
So.
Yeah, being able to mentor, same thing.
Um, being able to mentor people that
are, that are facing adversity that are
in their darkest hour, that, that don't
know where to turn, don't know who to
trust, to, to be authentic with and expose
their, you know, the things they're not
the most proud of about their lives.
Um, you know, I'm, I may not have
a lot to, to bring to bear in terms
of financial resources and that kind
of thing, but I do have experiences.
I do have an idea of what a,
um, shifting your paradigm,
shifting your mindset can do.
And I love to be able to, to
impart that with other people.
And in the process, it
builds a relationship.
Mm. Uh, builds the kind of relationships
that show up at your door and knock on
your window and when you need it the most.
So, um, yeah.
And it gives me purpose.
So, yeah, I, I, I love being able to
be involved with those kinds of causes.
Travis Bader: Well, Heath, I'm gonna
put links in the description to your
social media so people can find a way
to contact you Yeah, if they wanted
to, and as well as to True Haven,
so they can see those resources.
Thank you very much for sharing your
story on the Silver Pole Podcast, and I
really appreciate coming here to do that.
I really enjoyed the conversation.
Heath Jackson: I did too.
Thank you very much, Travis.
It's an honor.