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The Space for Sistas™ Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Dominique Pritchett, a mental wellness strategist, speaker and therapist along with guests. We explore all topics related to sisterhood, skills and strategies centering mental wellness without sacrificing our identities as Black women. This week we're joined by Shawnnell Batiste. She is a barrier breaking master's level, no B.S. licensed professional counselor providing mental health and wellness services to BIPOC, LGBTQIA+,...
The Space for Sistas® Podcast is a weekly-ish chat with Dr. Dominique Pritchett and guests about all things health and wellness leaving you with actionable solutions to step into our most authentic selves.
Welcome to the space versus this
podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Dominique Pritchett.
And today I am joined by Sean
nail.
Betty's.
How are you?
Thank you for having me.
I am well, and thank you for
being here.
Y'all let me introduce our
guests.
Sean now is a barrier breaking
master's level.
No BS.
Licensed professional counselor
providing mental health and
wellness services to BiPAP LGBTQ
plus.
Foster and adoptive families, as
well as formerly incarcerated
individuals virtually through
her private practice.
Which is called choosing
empowerment.
Chanel uses the power of choice
and the power of healthy
relationships to fuel her
mission, to provide access to
those who need it most also she
is a speaker, author, and leader
in her community.
Welcome again.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So much that was very well done.
You might say, oh, you can take
that as a sound bite later.
Cause you go get the recording.
Yes.
For this episode, we will be
chatting about the choice is
yours.
Choose wisely.
First and foremost, when you
ain't out here shining in your
glory, looking fabulous and
slang stages.
What do you like to do for fun?
When I'm not.
I guess lane is therapizing and
all that good stuff.
I like music.
I was like, some music.
So I get jammed up on the makeup
on and all that kind of stuff.
We shall go to wish.
I'll go to the jam.
Oh, I like Neo, so I like, the
old school, like the seventies.
My 72 baby.
Rock steady.
Yeah.
Mostly.
Think of music.
That's what I think about when I
hear music.
I'm not going to shade to
nobody.
That's now a day.
Okay.
Y recently, I went to Chicago.
to one of these places where
they have intimate.
Musical performances and Liz
Wright was there.
Are you leaving Liz?
Yes.
Yes.
This is just as amazing as she
was 10, however many years ago,
she got me.
College.
Where yeah, my daughters, they
seem to me.
My biological daughters.
I have adopted daughters as
well.
My daughter just said a few
weeks ago, like I realize I
haven't been, I've been in a
funky mood cause.
I haven't been seen.
And I'm like yes.
So as she noticed this, that
does it for me.
And my youngest and we get ahead
and get the harmonizing and jam
man.
And, everything is better when
we're doing that.
The vibe in the house is super
high, as so it's that's, that's
how I regulate.
Oh, my headphones.
I don't wanna be bothered to
just put me up.
I don't want to just jam out,
Just depending on what mood I'm
in Miami.
RNB and might be some new.
So jail's got it.
And the idea to my favorites.
You.
They might.
Broadest, speak to myself.
Okay.
Like you came back right higher
than it was when you think
about.
Being a therapist.
I like to think of it as soul
work.
How did you start your journey
as a therapist?
When I think of therapy, I think
of it as soul work, one, it is
spilling to my soul and two
people are giving us access to
the deepest part of their life.
Can you share with us?
What has been your journey to
becoming a therapist?
And how did you know that was a
good choice.
It was the only choice.
More.
This is.
This is.
I tell people, this is who I am
and not what I do.
Because at seven years old, I
was like, I want a bitch.
And I was psychiatrist.
I didn't even know what a shot.
Psychiatrist was.
Where does that thought come
from?
I believe in, no, it could've
been from the TV or something.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
But I remember saying, and I
don't remember a lot of my
childhood.
But I remember that moment.
And I just, they, from there, I
just don't operate in it and I
was always helping somebody and
I was always somebody's shoulder
lean on and.
And I've never been willing to
like telling other people's
business.
No.
They had confidentiality with me
anyway, with.
High school.
You're going to, I was the one
that knew everybody's business.
And nobody else knew it from me.
bEcause I was keeping all the
secrets you.
And I was easy to talk to I
just, I nurtured that thing.
That's all I've ever known.
I've wanted to do.
And I've had moments where that
was challenged and what a school
for psychology people are like,
you're not going to be.
I was like, what?
I'm still not changing my major
though.
Yeah.
Along that journey.
It took me 13 years to get my
bachelor's degree in and out of
school.
I took a break.
Did you know, this is working in
the field.
with social stuff and being a
foster parent and, working for
different companies.
One of them lose to the job.
And I.
And I stopped saying I lost that
job.
And it was time for that
transition.
And then I went back to school
and got this message and start
working toward that, I've loved
every moment of the.
Good the bad, the ugly.
And I like to add ugly as hell
too.
Ugly.
But I realized there is nothing
wasted in the creator's economy.
What were some of the challenges
you face?
So it took you 13 years to get
your bachelor's.
And then your masters, what were
some of the mental challenges
you faced?
I think a lot of it was, most of
my life's been like just stuff
worth.
Not believing that I could do it
still doing, trying to get.
But still not believing.
Cause blowing up my mother, And
they, it was very demeaning in,
didn't make me feel valuable,
even though I was the one thing.
So I was taking care of a
household taking care of her,
taking care of.
Little siblings.
But I didn't, she did.
Show me that I have value.
And so I walked most of my life,
not feeling seen or heard.
Understood.
Yeah.
And so that I think has been my
biggest challenge.
Yes, I can imagine those of you
that are listening.
Many of you have been in a
position where you have been in
an inverted hierarchy, so
parental education, that's what
it is.
You become your parents,
caretaker, confidant, parent to
your other siblings.
Reason why I know about this, I
wrote a 235 plus page doctoral
dissertation on parentified,
adolescent.
But the focus was helping them
rewrite their trauma narrative,
their expressive art.
And so when you said that, that
stood out to me, because I too
shared as part of my story of
but when do I get to be a kid?
Yes.
Yes.
So your value was only tied to
how much you could do for people
and what you did for people.
And what I did for people is
that it's following me.
That is followed.
I still have the champion.
Get out of the struggle of it,
because I still have to check
that subconscious part.
Okay wait.
She can't be too much.
Wait a minute at.
This is a group of people that
here y'all can take at your own
ground.
I just did.
I had a whole.
Conversation.
And it almost a panic attack.
A few days ago about
responsibility.
I just kept getting hit in the
word responsibility.
And it's not my responsibility.
Is.
At any, it makes you a super
people pleaser.
Because I'm not doing something
for somebody else.
And I go like me, then I go to
love and be, I don't feel good,
but I have to take care of needy
first.
Okay to take care of the people.
But not to your demands, right?
And that has to do.
Every relationship.
Yep.
Every relationship, every.
It's all relationship, not just,
intimate relationships, but like
with his kids with ex-husband,
what a job.
I didn't know how to leave a
job.
It created a, had to fire me a
thousand times because it was
time to go.
What's on the go.
But I went to go.
And my therapist called.
Ask me.
Why do you go down to the ship?
I was like, wHat did you say.
I didn't know.
I didn't know at the time.
And she helped me to navigate
and figure out.
That need, again, it needs to be
needed.
And I realized my mom had to say
me because.
And I said all the time, my mom
is I need you to need me because
as we grew up as the old day,
And became more independent.
I've been independent,
unfortunately, Fueled in her
more envy and jealousy as I was
making my way.
I was doing the things is so she
was attacking.
What you were doing, you were
disrupting those generational
patterns.
Absolutely.
I was just having a conversation
last night.
I was on a committee call for
this organization.
I'm a member of, and, we're
talking, we're planning.
Our upcoming calendar for mental
health has called in awareness
events.
A person naturally.
stated I think we should really
focus on bringing generational
curses and I let them finish.
And to the best of my ability, I
said, we are cursing ourselves.
That whole we've been told it
keeps going in a family.
We today are talking about the
choice is yours choose wisely.
When we keep choosing, we do
have a choice.
We understand y'all resources
are different.
People are in healthy
situations.
And like you said, it's still
shows up.
We are not exempt from being so
damn human, but we do have a
choice.
What kind of human issue we're
going to practice.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You have to be you have to
choose to get you got to choose
to reach out for help.
Everything is a choice.
Everything.
When you say that, what are some
of the pushback you get?
Because I can imagine people are
like, you just make an, a sound
easy, but a choice starts here
eager.
That's the simplest part of it
though.
I'm going to choose to do or be
better.
What do you say to push back
it's like excuses, this is just
how I am.
I don't even know what to do,
but you still gotta make the
choice to begin with.
Much of the pushback is just
people making excuses and not
wanting to do the work as
necessary.
Or they don't want to feel it
because you got to feel the pain
in order.
You got to go back and feel the
pain cause you never allowed
yourself to feel the pain.
We block it out or we just.
Associate a week.
It is something else or.
Find some distraction to not
deal.
You got to go through it to get
to the end.
You can't go over it under it,
around it.
You have to go.
I think that speaks to really
breaking the word choice apart.
Choosing wisely, we operate
starting with thoughts, our
thoughts impact our feelings or
emotions.
Then we acted out either we.
Or we don't do thoughts,
feelings, and actions.
When we are talking about choose
it is you getting to the point
where you're no longer in denial
that yo ish is messed up.
You feel good here?
And good for you and mom and
them can be a loving from whale
butter.
Thank you.
So that choice is not a sign of
weakness because you, you're not
ready to proceed, but are you
going to choose to admit this
ain't healthy and you're not
well, Yeah.
If people don't want to be
wrong.
They don't, they.
we're conditioned that way you.
Don't make mistakes.
Don't miss up.
Don't fail.
But every piece of that is
building you, right?
Every piece of that is a
learning experience.
You get something out of it.
And I think a lot of it is
connected to the grief, the loss
of the thing, because if I get
better and the people around me
not getting better.
In some aspect, I'm going to
lose them.
Identity.
So much based in our identity so
much based in our day.
If I'm not Cheryl's daughter,
come on now.
If I'm not, my daughter's
mother, it's a matter of fact,
like I love.
My therapist.
Cause she gave me this
assignment a couple of years
ago.
Draw a circle.
Cut it up until the time.
And she said, I want you to put
caregiver is one section.
Now I want you to fill up the
rest of those spaces.
With who you are outside of
taking care of.
Okay.
Caring for other people.
It took me two years.
I think I still got one session
to go.
And it was hard because, I can't
use therapists.
I can't use mom.
I can't use anything that needs
I'm doing for other people.
What am I doing for me?
Who am I outside of that?
I took a trip by myself to
California.
The first time I've really been
alone with no responsibility for
nobody else.
It was weird.
It was.
I Had to sit in it but then I
was able to put traveling.
When that thing.
You know what I'm saying?
I realized it was going to take.
I was going to have to lift this
thing in order to fill that out.
There wasn't an overnight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
First of all, I love your
therapist, that she is a gimme
you those tangible activities.
And that's one of my favorite
activity.
I do annually for myself to make
sure I'm still living out loud
and I give to the clients.
So I love that exercise.
It really does challenge us to
who am I outside of my tie to
other people.
That's how we start choosing to
shift the narrative and the
language around.
Oh these are generational
curses.
That's holding me down.
When you get to start putting
your life pie together, you
start disrupting those
narratives.
In our world, we call certain
things.
Schemeless your worldview of
what it looks like to.
I have historical and
generational stuff.
Yes.
It is possible to imagine it and
it's possible to live it.
Thank you.
We have been taught our whole
life.
Go, be focused, take care to
take care of them.
Schedule your daydream time.
You are not ready to make that
shift towards disruption.
Schedule your daydream time,
your mindfulness time.
I just want to sit in at time.
And allow yourself to do it.
Give yourself permission to
feel.
We live most of our lives, not
Ealing, a thing.
Was there ever a time where.
You didn't allow yourself to do
that and why?
Oh.
Come on.
I lived, not in my body.
And to an extent that's that
pouring into other people think.
I realized as much as I adore my
doctor girls, I realized that
was a trauma response for me to
take on so many kids.
Adopted.
Five kids along with my two.
That was giving me meeting.
No anything.
I was doing for other people.
I was allowing that to define.
Who I was, and I want operated
and give me value.
So when certain things are
going.
I looked at myself and was like,
what am I doing wrong?
Not even considering that it
could be a situation thing, or
maybe it's the other person too,
or not.
It was wrong with me.
I can't do this thing.
What's wrong with me?
I had to start to stepping back
from that is then there's not
that.
That doesn't need to be growth
or there's something I shouldn't
learn or do.
But it's not in totality.
I'm not a failure, because this
thing didn't work out.
It didn't work out.
Cause maybe what.
It wasn't work out it.
Take two or take five.
What you're talking about.
Looking at our behaviors because
even through good stuff, it
still has meaning.
Looking at why you keep
volunteering for stuff.
Why do you keep standing?
Oh, I'll take it on I'll drive.
As we're healing, I N G if
anybody has the audacity to put
an E D at the end of hill,
Never.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, always.
Healing because the world, just
look at what's happening around
the world.
The world is happening in front
of our eyes.
As you look at even the good
things that you do to serve your
community and make an impact.
Let's take a step back and ask
yourself the powerful question,
which we do well, why.
wHy do I doing this for.
A lot of times.
Altruistic oh, it makes me feel
okay, but why.
Let's go again.
Why.
You got to get deeper into that.
I did a good job.
As a mom and I pride myself on
being a mom of many, not just my
own children.
that also became a part of my
mission.
I think subconsciously as a kid,
I need to be better than me.
This is good.
This part got to change.
That became my identity.
I couldn't see outside of that.
It's still, the kid was going
up.
It had to be with.
That'd be somebody.
Sometimes they just wasn't
making the choice themselves.
Yep.
Most interesting about when we
subconsciously try hard, like
breaking our neck and back to be
the person we say we'll never
become when I was in my therapy
journey.
In college that's when I, had.
Major mental breakdown I was
trying so hard to be this,
trauma disruptor that I
inadvertently started doing
things.
My mama did.
I was angry.
At the world and I blamed other
people.
I was drinking heavily my first
two years in college because
yes, I just didn't want to feel.
When you talking about just
being out of your body, boy,
have I been there?
That whole subconscious thing
where we're trying hard not to
repeat things, slow down.
The acronym I love to use.
Y'all know, I use a lot of
acronyms for, just for the sake
of just recall.
Just stop.
Stop.
as you stop, you have to state
was actually happening.
Like I'm trying, I don't want to
feel, I want to be disconnected
to the world.
And then when you slow down and
stop, you get to take inventory
of damn, I feel that all in my
back in my body, in my thigh, in
that area, I feel it's showing.
Yeah.
So state was happening.
Take inventory.
What am I options I can keep
going.
I can keep staying out, but I
want to face it.
I can go to therapy.
I can call my sister, doc or a
therapist.
Then when we start exploring our
options, because remember,
trauma is, tricky, low HAFA, and
she will make you think you
can't do nothing else, but shit.
And it'll just lay down heavy
on.
Thank you.
And so that P M stop is
identifying when to pivot, when
to choose wisely, to do it
differently.
I like that.
Yeah.
It was stealing you got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
I love that.
When you start changing and you
start playing tug of war with,
Ooh, I like this woman on
becoming, now just wait.
You got to ask yourself, why am
I talking?
Stop doing so much, explain it
to people about, who you are no
longer as you're healing and
watch and observe.
Wait.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
That is so good.
That is so good.
That is so good.
You did all that you did that.
That definitely describes every
step of that game.
It's just.
And he put it in a framework
like that, to be able to see it.
It's the, okay, this is the
thing that I had to do.
In order to make this
transition.
And who I am in that piece of
not being stopped, explaining
all this stuff to people.
My favorite phrase.
People say no, it was a full
sentence.
I don't need to tell you why.
No.
Is it.
Unless you want to add.
No period, unless you want to
estimation.
You don't listen to me, I get to
a hell.
It's the soul work and it's the
self.
I say that.
Therapy your healing journey is
your journey back to yourself.
When we get here, Outside of the
dig and nature is first of our
ancestors.
With a clean slate.
The things that happened to us
in life, and he was trying to
tell us what we should be as who
we should be and how we should
be in.
All that conditioning, that
messes us up and then the bad
things happened.
And then your brain trying to
figure out what to do with this
information.
How do I protect myself?
This is a journey back to.
Who you really are.
True self.
When you say identity earliest
so much as wrapped up in our
identity and who we are.
And who we are in other people's
lives.
And we don't know who we are in
our own lives.
It's hard to look in the mirror.
And see the person you want to
see that the person is really on
his side of you.
She is seeing that person is so
long ago, you didn't recognize
it before, right?
It's like looking for a
stranger.
When you were free to a certain
level, you recognized.
This is who I've always been
like tucked down inside this,
all mama said, shut up on what
he has seen.
Before, daddy was like, I'm not
helping you with your homework.
Don't be stupid.
Before those negative things.
Negative impacts in all before
your first.
Heartbreaks.
The.
All of those bad things, I'm
gonna say bad.
on them.
Cause they're not really bad.
They're just their lessons.
We reflect.
Everybody around you is some
sort of reflection of something
on inside.
I need to see where you can
connect in that.
As you're describing, getting
back to a version of you that
didn't have all this this
judgment and the hurt put on
you.
I want y'all to really listen
and, replay that part because
obviously logically we know we
can't go back, but what you're
describing from what I'm
listening to.
Is getting back to when, you
probably felt more regulated
when you didn't know that, oh,
I'm a piece of crap, right?
Her getting back to peeling back
that onion that's what I'm
hearing you say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you talk about the why, and
he's talking about why I do a
certain thing, Why did I go down
with the ship?
Because I felt unworthy.
BEcause I felt not well.
Outside of these other people.
Society says I needed to get
married and I needed to stay
married and work it out and
figure it out.
If he ain't beaten you.
He ain't cheating on you.
I don't know why you leave in.
Because I might have.
'cause I ain't do this for the
right reasons and the right
purpose.
'cause I thought I was supposed
to.
Rather than what's wrong.
What do I need?
What am I looking for in a mate?
hOw do I know what I'm looking
for?
And to me.
I don't even know myself yet.
But I need to just, I need a
marriage.
I'm the baby.
I need to, confirm.
The societal standards and norms
and yeah.
It goes without saying and we
host so much empathy for people
who are in complex and
complicated situations Complex
and complicated and as we
reflect on what's happening
around the world but like
domestic violence and all the
uprisings Many times we have to
do with scared We have to do
that scared yeah but do know
when we choose there are risks
And there are consequences the
consequences have been playing
in your favor or you.
It might you might bump your
head a little bit as we get
ready to wrap up What's a
message you want to leave us
with in terms of the work you do
at your practice Fair p give us
a little bit of a takeaway Aye.
I am No bs Because we've been bs
for too long It can But you
already know what, And who
you're trying to convince me or
you.
What are you trying to convince
It starts with not bsa Yourself
be real with yourself.
It's yourself.
Look in the mirror Figure out
Who you are looking at your
eyeballs See.
Your soul And be comfortable
there Because that's how we get
that i don't know how to love
myself Start by looking at
yourself it's about being with
yourself Sitting with yourself
And uncle Recognizing what
thoughts do i have What feelings
do i have am i present in my
body Like you said earlier where
do i feel this illy is it
Physiologically right because
it's all connected Yeah.
Your Spiritual your mental your
emotional all of that is
connected in one affects the
other so if you're not paying
attention to you then it's hard
for you to change anything
Because they in denial about it
And You don't have the knowledge
Absolutely Thank you for that
please share with our audience
where they can find you on the
socials and in the world All
right The socials most of them,
I choose that empowerment oh
websites use it.
apartment.com.
The podcast is mtbs Got as.
That's As the bs Keep an eye out
pay attention to the website and
the socials cause i got lots of
stuff about the pop off cause
i'm a disruptor And that's how
we heal the people Thank you.
Thank you so much for listening
please subscribe download and
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