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The Man On FIRE Podcast is your #1 trusted resource for learning to grow and become the Man and King you were born to be. You’ll hear directly from David Mehler as he provides tools, tips, and strategies for your business, relationship, body, heart, and mindset. This is a must-listen for the man that is ready to rise into his passion, power, and purpose, and live into his full potential!
Learn more at www.manonfirerising.com.
I LOVE YOU, BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE
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[00:00:00] All right, good morning, good afternoon, depending upon where you are in the world, maybe even good evening. It is your man on fire mentor, David Mehler coming to you guys live. And today we are going to dive into some common words that I hear all too often for men. And it's disheartening and it's concerning as to what they make these words mean.
[00:00:31] And then how they handle these words. And today I'm going to tell you guys, uh, or help you understand more deeply, what are those words really mean and what the hell can you do about it? So without any further ado, we are going to dive into the center of the fire and we are going to go right into, I love you.
[00:00:51] But I'm not in love with you anymore, or I don't love you anymore. I'm guessing a lot of men who are listening to this will say, Yep, I've heard that from my wife, or I've heard that from my girlfriend, or I've heard that from my fiance. And there's such a myriad of ways that you guys handle this stuff.
[00:01:12] Sadly, more often than not, what I notice happens with a lot of men is it brings up immense amount of, uh, victimhood. And I want to be clear. I'm not. poking fun at any man. I am not putting you down. I'm here to build men up. That is what man on fire is all about. Helping a man live with more passion, with more power and a life of deep purpose and deep meaning.
[00:01:39] And with that said, what I'm known for, what my coaches are known for is we're not going to sugarcoat stuff. We're going to give it to you straight. There is too much fluff, too much sugarcoating, too much patting each other on the back and placating instead of just being real with your fellow brother.
[00:01:59] Give him your heart. Give him your fire. Tell him the truth. Hold him accountable. Hold him to a true standard set forth by his soul. Don't let a man drown in his own victimhood. Don't let him drown in his own BS. Don't let him drown in his own stories, lies, limiting beliefs, excuses, justifications. Yes, you could meet somebody where they're at, but hey, if they want help, if they want support and they have given you permission to give it to them straight, then give it to them straight.
[00:02:29] This is how men find their way into the man on fire brotherhood. You know, mostly our different coaching programs. One of them is called fire starter. One of them is called ignited, which includes a live four day immersion.
[00:02:40] So what I'm sharing is, you know, a lot of guys will find their way to us because they are tired of the placation and they're tired of other people not giving it to them straight.
[00:02:52] And if you can give it to a man straight, then once he's facing the truth, he has a choice. Do I want to face that truth? Do I want to take responsibility for that truth? Do I want to live into that truth? Do I want to move forward powerfully or do I want to shrink up? Don't want to shrivel and shrink and curl into a ball.
[00:03:08] and hide and go away and pretend that I didn't just hear a deeper level of truth that I know is speaking to my heart. It's speaking to my soul. But I got this thing called the mind that likes to get in the way and it doesn't allow me to take action. In fact, that's what all thoughts do. They keep you in thought.
[00:03:24] So you never take action. So you come into the man on fire brotherhood. One of our coaching programs. Guess what? You're going to be held to the fire. You're going to be held to the fire of taking action. We're not here to let you complain. And bitch and moan about your problems. There'll be empathy.
[00:03:39] There'll be compassion for what you're going through. Of course, we've seen it all. We've seen from the physical to the emotional to the sexual, uh, abuse that every man has gone through. And so we have enormous. Empathy for our fellow brothers, but one thing we won't tolerate is a man being dishonest with himself And we won't let you remain in victimhood.
[00:03:58] So I get all these guys that say David She says she she loves me, but she's not in love with me anymore. Oh, it's too late for me. There's nothing I can do And they go into this poor me, wounded little boy energy that you inherit from, you know, time you're a little kid where you go into sadness because when you cried, you got mommy's love.
[00:04:16] You got mommy's support. The only problem is now you're with a woman and that woman wants a man, that woman wants a leader, that woman wants to feel your masculine core and you're going into an old pattern where you're this wounded little boy and she's repulsed. I'm just going to give it to you straight.
[00:04:30] It's repulsive. You got to cut the cord. Are you feeling me on this gentlemen? Your partner doesn't want to date, doesn't want to be with, doesn't want to be married to a little boy. She wants the man. She wants the man in you that can protect that little boy but not let the little boy run the show. She's not looking to be your mommy.
[00:04:55] She doesn't want another little boy in the house. She already has children. She needs her man to be her man. She needs her man to be her lover. She needs her man to be her leader. She needs her man to be her king. Now, most of you, sadly, if you're not able to live that way, it's a simple reason. You haven't chosen to grow yourself.
[00:05:15] You will hear me say this every time I come on and I do a podcast, I do a live. It's for the man that is willing and ready to grow. He wants to put in the work. He wants to commit. He doesn't want to complain. He doesn't want to bitch. He doesn't want to moan. He doesn't want to go into victimhood. Our programs are for the guys that are ready to take massive action, not read another book, not listen to another podcast and do nothing with that information.
[00:05:38] It's for the man that says enough, enough is enough. I'm ready to step up, ready to raise the bar, set a new standard for who I am and live into that powerfully. I'm here to claim it, put the sword in the ground. How many guys are ready for that? If you're one of them, let us know. So, you hear these words, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore.
[00:06:01] And it pushes your buttons of unworthiness. And the question is, where do you go from there? Do you shrivel? Do you hide? Do you crawl into that little ball? Do you say, poor me? And do you then all of a sudden default into all these behaviors like the pleaser and the yes guy? Begging for her to come back.
[00:06:22] She comes back today. Guess what? Nothing is different. No thing. Nothing is different. Okay. I changed my mind. I love you now. Oh, I changed my mind. I'm in love with you now. No, nothing is different. Why? Why is that? Because you, sir, you, sir, have not done the work yet. You haven't done the work to cut those cords, to cut the cord of codependency, to cut the cord of momming her.
[00:06:49] To cut the cord of being that wounded little boy, you got to do the work. Well, how do I do that, David? Ah, great question.
[00:06:57] So a woman says, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. What is she really saying? Well, let me take a step back for a moment. Because then I get a lot of guys that email me and, and message me on Facebook and all these other platforms. But David, why is it always the man's fault? Why is it always the man that has to, you know, do the work?
[00:07:16] What about the woman? Doesn't she take some of the blame? Doesn't she take some of the fault? Well, my initial response to the men that say that to me is stop it. Just stop it. What do you mean? Stop it. Stop with the whining. Stop with the complaining. Stop with the moaning. Stop with the victimhood. Stop with the bitching.
[00:07:35] Oh, David, you're being so insensitive. No, I'm giving it to you straight. Stop it. Stop it. What is she really saying? And by the way, yes, of course, there's many of you that are in relationships where you're showing up powerfully, you're in your heart, you're in your leadership, and she's not ready. She's not ready for that level of a man.
[00:07:57] Okay, then, then cut the cord. Cut the cord responsibly. Follow your heart. Trust your soul. If you're in a relationship that's abusive, you're, you're in a relationship that you know is in violation to your highest truth, Nobody could tell you to end it. Nobody could tell you to stay. Nobody could tell you to end it.
[00:08:12] That's for you to decide inside of your heart. But most men bail prematurely. Most men don't necessarily know that the woman that they're looking at is in response to who you've been. And you probably haven't even met the version of her that you could fall madly in love with again and vice versa. Maybe she hasn't gotten the real you, maybe she hasn't gotten you in the fullness of your potential.
[00:08:36] So the two of you are showing up as less than. So for those guys that say, well, why is it always on the man? It's not, it's not. You can only take your share of the responsibility, but don't point your fingers and don't say, well, I'll take some. If she takes some, then you're being a child. Gentlemen, you are the leader.
[00:08:55] You go first. You don't, you know, you, you, you get to a cliff and you're going to jump off the cliff and you tell your wife, Hey, you go first, sweetie. Let me know if it, let me know if it's scary. Let me know if it hurt. Let me know if the water's cold. I mean, come on, you go first. So how do you go first? You go first and you decide to grow yourself.
[00:09:13] You decide to change. You decide to transform. You decide to give her an up leveled version of you. So you go first. And when you go first and you start showing your partner. An up leveled version of you.
[00:09:25] Let's see what version of her emerges. Let's see. We don't know. Maybe she's gonna rise Maybe she's gonna take some responsibility. Maybe she's gonna want to better herself. Maybe she's gonna want to grow Maybe she feels more safe showing you her heart, but you got to go first So with the guys that are messaging me, why is it always on the man?
[00:09:42] Just please stop it You're better than that. You are better than that. No more whining. No more complaining. The antidote is called growth Period. The antidote is called growth Otherwise, you will repeat this in the next relationship and then now I'll find somebody that's nicer, that appreciates me more.
[00:10:01] No, the same pattern will repeat because you're still masquerading around as a little boy. Stop it. All right now. So she says, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. What is she really saying? Well, most likely what she's saying is, I see that you're a great man. I see you have a kind and gentle and beautiful heart and I love that about you.
[00:10:25] But I can't feel you anymore. I can't feel your power. I can't feel the, uh, empowered version of you that's, uh, unshakable. That's imperturbable. That's unwavering. That's sturdy, steady, steadfast, rooted, grounded. Where's that guy? Where's the guy that can make decisions? Where's the guy that has discernment?
[00:10:43] Where's the guy that has discipline? Where's the guy that has presence and focus? Where is that guy? Well, maybe she's getting the guy that's playing video games, vegging out on weed. Or on porn or on social media or with alcohol. Is that you? And then you're wondering why she's saying, well, I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
[00:11:02] She's saying, I don't know where you are. Where's the guy I married? Where's the potential that you said you were gonna live into? Where the hell are you? I'm hurting because I love you and you're not showing up. You're not showing up. You're not showing up. Some of you are like, but David, what about if she's not showing up?
[00:11:18] Stop it. Stop it. You show up, you give her the best version of you, you do this for as long as you possibly can and if you know in your heart that she doesn't deserve you or you deserve more, okay, then decide if you're gonna leave the relationship, but don't complain. So this is for the guys that keep posting things like She said she loves me but she's not in love with me anymore.
[00:11:41] Yeah, she's not in love with the version of you that you've become, that you've defaulted to, that you've fallen into. You've lowered your standard. What happened to the guy with the big dreams? What happened to the guy that was gonna kick ass in business? What happened to the guy that's gonna crush it with his finances?
[00:11:56] What happened to the guy that was gonna have the six pack and have the chiseled body and be vital and alive? What happened to the guy with focus and discipline and discernment who's decisive? What happened to that guy? Where is he? All right. So you're feeling my fire today. You come into one of the man on fire coaching programs.
[00:12:14] You're going to be held to the fire. You're going to be held accountable. You're going to be supported and challenged and held accountable to the real version of who you are. We're not here to let you complain and moan and bitch. Doesn't serve. It doesn't serve. This is not the right community for you if you want to do that.
[00:12:29] So stop with these messages. You're either deciding to grow yourself as a man or you're not. And if you're not, expect problems, expect drama, expect headaches, expect for your woman to say, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. Or I don't love you anymore. Now what's the flip side of that? Well, the flip side of that could also be, she doesn't love herself anymore.
[00:12:51] The flip side of that could be, she's fallen out of love with herself. She's not happy with who she's being. She's out of integrity with her own soul. Maybe she's leaking her energy. Maybe she is. having affairs, whether it's physical or emotional. Maybe she's not living into the fullness of who she thought she would live into.
[00:13:09] And she doesn't like who she's seeing in the mirror anymore. And she doesn't know how to deal with that. You haven't taken a stand for her. You haven't brought her back to the light back into her heart. So she says, I don't love you anymore. But maybe she's saying, I don't love myself anymore. But some of you guys get so weak need you take the words is so frigging literal as if somebody else's words should impact who you are as a man.
[00:13:31] Come on, you're better than that. So if you like this type of stuff, if you want the fire, if you want to know how to start to bring your relationship to the next level, whether she's already asked for a separation or divorce, you're sleeping in different rooms. She says, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore, or I don't love you anymore.
[00:13:52] Whether there's been an affair, none of that matters. Question is, are you committed to reclaiming her heart? Are you committed to wanting to grow as a man?
[00:14:03] Oh, but David, I have this. Oh, but David, I have that. Okay. Well, if you're not making your marriage and your life a priority, I can't help you. Isn't it? If any of you are fighting right now in your relationship, like fighting for the relationship, you've been sleeping in a different room, you've been down in the basement, you've been sleeping in one of the kids rooms and you want to sweep this under the carpet and say, Oh, well, I got to work.
[00:14:23] Oh, well, I got other plans. I mean, no wonder you have the problems you have. When are you going to make your relationship? When are you going to make your relationship to yourself? When are you going to make your growth a priority as a man?
[00:14:34] What do they need to hear? What do they need to feel? Come learn that.
[00:14:37] Gentlemen, it is your man on fire mentor. I love each and every one of you. I'm giving it to you straight, no placation. I am not sugarcoating it. You'll feel my fire. You'll feel my heart. I love each and every one of you. Here's to you rising with passion, with power, and with purpose.
[00:14:52] It's your man on fire mentor, David Mehler. I love you guys.