76 - How Are You Living?

Sheldon and Valerie talk about the concept of how life is meant to be spent.

What is Marriage Talk?

Welcome to Marriage Talk… where we chat about marriage, family and everything in between. We're Sheldon and Valerie Dean and we work with FamilyLife Canada, seeking to bring help and hope to marriages. Our desire is to work through life together here on the podcast. We’re going to talk about different topics in a conversation based style that will hopefully launch you into some thinking and a safe intentional conversation with your partner. We’ll share from our life experience, as well as interview other couples about their life situations and how they’ve handled things. Both the good and the not so good. Our hope is that through these intentional conversations we will all learn to critically think through topics, chat about how these topics are impacting our marriages, and discuss in practical terms what it looks like as we live out our lives. So come join us as we process life, marriage and family in a way that is fun, engaging and filled with help and hope.

Valerie: 00:03

What kind of purposeful things do I wanna do right now that's gonna bless the next generations? That's been something that's been on my heart that I'm working through and and thinking about and praying about.

Sheldon: 00:20

Welcome to Marriage Talk. I'm Sheldon.

Valerie: 00:22

And I'm Valerie.

Sheldon: 00:23

And today we wanna talk about a philosophy for life. And in particular, it actually comes from a book written by ND Wilson. The book is called Death by Living. And in it, he talks about the fact that life is meant to be spent. And we love that concept and so here we are. We're gonna have a conversation about that here today on on Marriage Talk.

Valerie: 00:46

That's right. And I I had heard this story once. It was a long time ago. And so I don't have all the details really nailed down. But the the the gist of the story was that there was this woman and she had this really expensive, really wonderful smelling bottle of perfume. And it was like a prize possession, possession. And she was just waiting for a special moment that she could wear this beautiful expensive perfume, and that perfect moment never came. And in the story, she eventually dies with with this bottle full of beautiful perfume and never got to enjoy that beautiful aroma. And really, the purpose of what that perfume was created for was just lost.

Sheldon: 01:28

Right.

Valerie: 01:29

And so for me, that story really was impactful, and it ties into this concept that that life is meant to be spent. Right? Just like perfume is meant to be worn and enjoyed and not just sit in a bottle where no one can smell it and enjoy it. And so life is no good to us if we're waiting for that perfect moment to really start living. Right? Now is that moment because there's never gonna be a perfect time to start loving better, laughing more, giving generously, showing kindness, honoring and obeying God. Right? Now is that moment Yeah. To start.

Sheldon: 02:06

So it always reminds me of, like, the if you have, like, a white sweater or the white hoodie. Right? Like, I I mean, I just I I mean, I think of I just got one the we were at the quiz meet, and and they gave me one as I'm the emcee, and so kinda, like, to say thank you, they gave me some swag. And it's this cream ish, really light color sweater, but I'm like, I don't wanna wear it. Like, I'm gonna spill and it's gonna get a stain. I'm like, but the whole point of the sweater is to wear the sweater. Yeah. And so I just have to get over that and and or, you know, the the fresh paint on the wall. Like, okay, everyone. Be very careful around the walls. Like, don't mark them up. I just painted them. And it's just like now I look around our house and our white walls are marked. And I'm like, but there's stories behind them. And and and that means we're living in our house. And, yeah. So things are supposed to kinda get marked up and, you know, milk spilled on the new carpet and, like, I'm not saying go and do that anyways.

Valerie: 03:02

You know? Just for fun.

Sheldon: 03:03

Yeah. Yeah. But it is, like, I don't know. It is a different way of thinking about it. I'm just, like, well, no. This this is life and and this anyways, we'll we'll get into that stuff. But that's the perfume story makes me think of, like, the white sweater, and I just gotta wear it. I just have to own it and wear it and be okay with it getting dirty. Yeah. And thankfully, you know, I have a wonderful wife that knows how to get all my stains out.

Valerie: 03:29

Well, not all.

Sheldon: 03:30

That's true. There's a few there. But hey, before we dive into a little bit more of that topic, you've been on the road, I've been on the road. Yeah. We're back home now. We're actually in 2 different spots for a little bit of time separately. And tell tell tell us where you were, what you up to up to, what you did. Anyways, you know what I'm trying to ask.

Valerie: 03:52

Yeah. Yeah. I was in, Abbots Abbotsford, British Columbia for our, leaders hub with Power to Change. That's our our broader organization that we work with with family life. And, this leader hub was, just gathering different leaders across the organization to, to really think about just next steps for power to change as far as things that we want to improve on things that we maybe need to let go of things, new ideas, new new ways of evangelizing, that that is the heart of Power to Change is is teaching people about Christ and his power to change us and them and then experience that through a relationship with God.

Valerie: 04:40

And so just really thinking and talking about that, and it was a wonderful time. I was really blessed by it and and the different conversations and speakers. One speaker, she had shared, about this mission that they started. It was to reach young professionals that don't attend church, but she shared personally for her. She has a a statement of faith for her own life, and that's kinda the grid that she decides what to say yes to and what to say no to is does it line up with my my statement of faith for my life. And the one she shared was to to know and love God, to love her husband and kids, and then to embrace being a disciple maker. And for it for me, it was like, oh, that's really encouraging because there's so many great things to be a part of. And if we say yes to everything, we can be spread too thin, and that's not healthy, and we can't be a part of everything. And so having that kind of concise mission statement for life personally could be really helpful. And so I really like hers. I might just go ahead and adopt it as my own, but I do need to think about it and pray a little bit about, if there's anything else the Lord would have me put in there and then really start practicing, intentionally thinking through that in my daily life. Mhmm. And so that was one of the many things that stood out to me during the leaders hub.

Sheldon: 06:08

Yeah. Yeah.

Valerie: 06:08

Yeah. How about you? You were I was in BC. You were in Alberta.

Sheldon: 06:12

I was. I was in Calgary, Alberta. But before I share where I was at, that's what you're sharing. Every year, we kinda do our spiritual retreat alone. I think I know my takeaway. Like, what I'm gonna focus on this year is developing, a life statement or, what what was it, mission statement?

Valerie: 06:26

She called it a a statement of faith.

Sheldon: 06:29

A statement of faith. Interesting. Yeah. And I hear those things, I'm like, oh, I want to be that person that does that, or the family mission statement, like, oh, yeah, let's do that. And then I I just don't, you know, there's things I live by and those things, but I love writing it down and being like, okay. Now when I say yes to things, as I spend my life living, am I am I saying yes to the right things that I wanna be spent on? And interesting. So I I feel like I I now know. Yeah, I really actually like what was there.

Sheldon: 06:59

So I feel like, wow.

Valerie: 07:00

Why reinvent the wheel.

Sheldon: 07:02

Why reinvent the wheel. But, anyways, we'll see what comes of that, looking for that. Yeah. So I was in Calgary. People would know that I coached Special Olympics. We are team Saskatchewan. We were at the Nationals, this or last past week there. And and things went well. It was it was a really I share with people. It was a big character building week for our players, and and it was awesome to see them be able to, overcome and and and stay focused all week long and to push through some adversity that that we faced as a team. And we ended up so we ended up in the a division, which is the top division in the nation. And we walked away with a bronze winning a bronze medal. So 3rd in the nation, nothing for us to hang our heads over. You know what? Even being there, even if we didn't win the bronze medal game, there was still nothing for us to hang our heads over. Yeah. Our the the the players played unbelievably well, especially in the bronze game, and kept pushing and kept going. When I say unbelievable, I really mean in the I I feel that we didn't unfortunately play our best throughout the round robin. But that was the adversity that our that the players had to face, and they had to stick together as a team. And I think they really learned what that meant, What it means to stick together as a team, what it means not to blame, you know, somebody missing an assignment or things like that that led to some goals. And, you know, there was just there was different adversities that we faced. But to see them come together in the final game, that final moment, and and put it together. And and and here's the other adversity. We are up one nothing, and there's a minute left. They call a time out. There's a face off in our zone. And we had been winning the draws all the game, and we lost that one draw. Next thing you know, it's in the back of our net. And so now we're tied 11. Yeah. And we had been leading for a long time in that game, but our guys didn't get down. They're like, Kate, like, we regrouped, we refocused, and then we won it in overtime

Valerie: 09:02

Yep.

Sheldon: 09:03

Which was absolutely amazing. Water bottle popped off the net and on the shot, and and then our bench just erupted. And I I have to admit, it was pretty it was awesome. It was a big win for our guys. And and, yeah, we came back excited and happy. I will also admit having the bronze medal definitely helped with the, like, the, the feeling of facing all that adversity all week long. And and it really was mounting,

Valerie: 09:41

so we were at home watching. And Sofia, at one point, says said to me, mom, I don't know who to watch the the screen or you who's more entertaining because it was so stressful. And, like, literally, like, 60 seconds left, and they tied it up, and it had to go to overtime. And it was just yeah. It was, a stressful moment, but it was really fun to watch.

Sheldon: 10:01

Yeah. Well, if you feel like you're stressful sitting behind a screen, I gotta tell you, sitting behind that bench, in the moment, it would have been interesting, like, to wear, like, a heart monitor just to see where, like, what my levels and my emotions were.

Valerie: 10:14

Your blood pressure went through your roof.

Sheldon: 10:15

Pressure. Just but but in that, though, being able to keep everyone to stay calm and refocus and regroup. Like like, those are the moments I think that are defining moments in these players' lives. Yeah. Like, no. Even when when you think when you think it's over and you think you're about to win and celebrate, you know, you can face adversity again. Are you gonna push through it? And when you and what what what does that look like? And I don't know. Like, in that moment, I still had this belief that we're gonna come together. Like, our bench, our guys never got down that whole game. And even when they scored, our guys didn't get down. They it was like this regroup. Like, okay. We've been here. We've faced this before. Let's go out and let's go finish what we came here to do.

Valerie: 10:58

And that's a great life lesson to carry from the the I don't know what to call it. The gym floor, the hockey the hockey

Sheldon: 11:04

Yeah. Yeah.

Valerie: 11:05

You know, arena to life.

Sheldon: 11:08

Right. And that's one of the reasons I love coaching sport. I I see sport as an avenue to teach life. Yeah. I see sport as an avenue to, well, even this mission, like, to disciple. Right? And to live our lives and to be in in in the moment with the players. And and now how how can we transfer what we're learning in sport? How can we transfer that into our life? And and with this, like, with Special Olympics, a lot of these players, they do face adversity every single day. There there's and we all do. We all face adversity. Right? Can we keep showing up? Can we keep pushing through it? Can we can we find the life lesson in it? And can we can we make ourselves better from it? Like, that 1% every day. Can I make myself 1% better every day? That's on on the sport field. It's it's on it's in life. And, anyways, it it was a great moment. So the the collection is complete now. Right? Like, Kieran, we've won a gold. We've we've lost a gold, which gives us the silver, and we've won a bronze. So I feel, you know, his his collection's complete. And I will say this, you know, I still can't say winning silver. You know, receiving silver

Valerie: 12:20

Oh my.

Sheldon: 12:21

And winning bronze, they're 2 very different feelings in the moment. Let me tell you. Yeah. But, anyways, it was it was really good. The boys are all excited. They wanna run it back again in 4 years. Who knows what our team will look like in 4 years from now? Who knows if we'll get another opportunity to face nationals? But, yeah, lots of lots of life lessons.

Sheldon: 12:42

So, alright. Let's let's jump in to our topic though and talk about life is meant to be spent. And, I mean, both those weeks, we were spending life, to to it to its fullest. And and here's the thing, like, I really like this topic and and like I even really like this saying, of life is meant to be spend as it for me it really helps me to kinda have a different outlook. It helps me to have a different perspective when it comes to life being really busy or just life being busy in general. Right?

Sheldon: 13:16

It reminds me that it's meant to be spent. It reminds me that, like, it's okay for me to be tired at the end of the day. Like, when I crawl into bed to be like, oh, that was a full day. It was a full day in the office. It was a full day at home. It it like, I'm I'm tired. But that's okay because life is meant to be spent. I'm meant to be doing things. And, the question though that I ask and we ask ourselves this all the time. Right? Like, are we spending it in the right places?

Valerie: 13:45

Right.

Sheldon: 13:46

Are we doing the right things? Are we saying yes to the to the things that matter?

Valerie: 13:51

Yeah. And with the right rhythms

Sheldon: 13:53

Right.

Valerie: 13:53

Right, of life. Because, yeah, we can't sprint 247 in life. We need a healthy rhythm, and that's why God created a Sabbath. Right? He knew that we needed to rest, but to to spend all of that well.

Sheldon: 14:07

Right.

Valerie: 14:07

The busy, the rest, all of it to to do it well. And and really this this whole concept, it kinda lines up with the book of Ecclesiastes, in the Bible. And as we read that, we see this overarching theme amongst the theme of meaninglessness, which is very heavy in the book of Ecclesiastes. Yeah. And the actual word is hevel, which which means it's like a vapor.

Valerie: 14:32

Like, you try to grasp it, and as soon as you do, it just it disappears and it scatters. And so there's this heaviness in the book of Ecclesiastes that that is very evident. But at the end of it all, because king Solomon, he does, he does, we don't know if it was an actual life experiment or whether it was just a thought experiment that he did, but he, he pursues like life. What's it for? What's it about? What's the purpose? And he he finds so much of it is meaningless, but in the end, he concludes that the purpose is to enjoy life while at the same time honoring God with our time, our talents, our treasures. He obviously doesn't put it in those words. That's a big paraphrase that we're we're using here.

Sheldon: 15:18

Taking the whole book and shrinking it down here. Yeah.

Valerie: 15:21

But, but also the fact that we're gonna be judged for how we chose to live our life and to enjoy life and so to do it wisely. But over and over again, King Solomon tells the reader, like, enjoy life and fear God. And our new King James study Bible, it says that Ecclesiastes, it shows us that since we and our works are futile, right, that it it it's destined to perish. It's not gonna go on forever. That we must not waste our lives just trying to justify our existence with pursuits that ultimately mean nothing. Right? And so he examines these major endeavors of life in light of the reality of death. So the book warns us about these pursuits of several different purposes in life. Right? Intellectual accomplishments, wealth and luxury, politics and even religion. And Ecclesiastes, it really it really chips away at, like, all these facades by which we disguise the fact that life is short and then we deny that all of our accomplishments will pass away. We think that it's going to go on forever, but, but it will pass away.

Sheldon: 16:39

Right?

Valerie: 16:39

And so Ecclesiastes, it just reminds us that in light of the shortness of our days, we should do 2 things, enjoy life and fear God. Yeah. And it's always funny. The life's really short. You know, when you're younger, you're like, nah. Like, I got lots of time. And then you get a little old and like, hey, wait a second. I'm already, like, technically, like, lived half my life. Yeah. The average age here in Canada is 81.3. So I'm over that. I'm I'm over the mean. Like, I'm over the middle. Right? So I'm like, uh-oh. It isn't. It it really is that short. Yeah. You know? And, and but but in these moments, though, can I enjoy life? Can I fear God? Great reminders there. I I know in my life, when I've pursued things that I've that have been outside of God's will and design, like like when I when I've chased after those things, I have found from for myself, I've found destruction. I I found loneliness, isolation. I I found hurt. And really, I mean, that list can go on and on of of the things that I have found there. But, like, also, like, like, I have to say, like, wow. Like, what? When when I changed my pursuit and the way that I was living and when I changed that then to honor God, the things I started finding and the things that I did find, I found freedom. I found hope. I found purpose in my life, companionship. And and again, like, that list can go on and on. But I I just know for myself, like like, I've I've I've chased after these different things in life. And and and so I understand this this the hevel. I understand the meaninglessness. I understand that it's it's just this vapor and and it's and it's gone. And and so I wanna pursue things that are are going to honor God, that are going to obey him. And and, anyways, these are things Things

Valerie: 18:31

that are gonna matter. Things that are gonna matter because and I've also found the difference of what that has done in my life, through here. So, hey, so so today, what we're gonna do, we're gonna we're gonna bring our listeners a little bit into our life a little bit more. I mean, I think every show we try to bring, you, our our listeners, into our life. But we're gonna talk about ways that that we enjoy life, and talk about ways that how we spend our lives. In this whole, like, life's meant to be spent type of thing, we've put together, as we've talked about this, some things that we do that that spend lives. And we're not saying this is what you have to do, but we're we're giving these as examples to help people to critically think through, what does this mean? Like, what does it actually mean to spend life? Here's here's what we do. Yeah. Ways we're being intentional, really, about how we're spending our lives. And a big one for me is having a great sense of humor about life because life throws all kinds of crazy things at us, and it's just so much better when we can laugh about it instead of being frustrated or hurt. And obviously, some things aren't funny, but when we can see the funny in it Yeah. It it just makes the situation so much better. And in fact, we did a whole podcast on laughter. I think it was episode 16. So if you're interested, you can head back over and listen to that. But to really be able to to laugh, right, at ourselves, at our funny mistakes, quirks, those moments where we're like, I don't know what was going on in my brain.

Sheldon: 20:02

Yeah. Yeah.

Valerie: 20:03

Yeah. One time. This was years ago. Very long time. I have to I have to stress that.

Sheldon: 20:09

Wait. Wait. What does that matter how long ago it was? Ago it was?

Valerie: 20:12

Because it's so embarrassing.

Sheldon: 20:13

That doesn't change the story.

Valerie: 20:16

It's still funny, but it's embarrassing. We were at Subway, and I couldn't decide if I wanted a 6 inch or a foot long. And I actually said to the the sub making man

Valerie: 20:30

The sandwich connoisseur.

Valerie: 20:31

Okay. Yeah. Connoisseur. I asked, how big is a foot long sub? And he looked at me. He looked at you. He kinda looked back at me, and you were like, what?

Sheldon: 20:43

I was like, 12 inches. Like And

Valerie: 20:46

then it hit me how ridiculous the question was. But being able to laugh at that instead of being embarrassed or whatever the case was, it was really funny.

Sheldon: 20:58

Yeah.

Valerie: 20:58

Yeah. Another time, we were we were at church, and I'm terrible for not zipping up my purse. So I have this Alright. Bag. I just it's there. And this one time, Sophia, our youngest, she needed to leave church during worship time to head to the washroom. And just the way she placed her foot, it it was ended up sitting in the, strap of my purse. Yeah. She didn't know it. And so she got up to leave the pew, and, of course, it dragged my purse, but then the purse caught on the leg of the pew. And so she, like, tripped and kinda tumbled, fell out into the aisle way.

Sheldon: 21:37

Oh, yeah.

Sheldon: 21:38

And your purse spills all over.

Valerie: 21:41

Well, it didn't because this was the one time I zipped it up. Oh, right. Right. Right.

Valerie: 21:47

But it was zipped up. I thank the Lord for that because that would have been awful. Yeah. But she she tumbles out into the aisle and she has no idea what happened. So she kinda pops up and is laughing and a little confused. And then she goes to walk back to be like, I don't know what just happened and tell that to me, but then it gets caught again and trips her again. And, it was funny because the choir was on stage, and they see this happen. And I can see some of the ladies kinda giggling and trying not to burst out laughing while they're in the choir. It was just so funny. And she thought it was hilarious too because she

Sheldon: 22:27

She's laughing.

Valerie: 22:28

She was laughing and, and then walked out. And there was someone she knew outside, and she burst out laughing and telling them what happened. And so, yeah, like, you can either be embarrassed or annoyed or you can laugh about these things that are just really funny.

Sheldon: 22:43

Because here's the thing, either way, it's already happened.

Valerie: 22:45

Yeah. Right?

Sheldon: 22:46

Like, you've already tripped and fell. So, like it was good. She laughed about it. She saw it. Anyways, it was it was a lot of funny.

Valerie: 22:54

It was a lot of funny. I like that. Yeah.

Sheldon: 22:57

Well, it was a lot of funny. It was a lot of fun. Everyone's laughing. But having a great sense of humor about life, that does help us to enjoy life. And you know, even even pets. Okay? Like I've never been a big pet person, dogs, cats, those types of things. Right? But, Kieran's dog, she has this quirky sense of I don't even know. Her own personality.

Sheldon: 23:21

Right? Yes. She does. And and yeah. It starts to pull you in a little bit over time.

Sheldon: 23:26

And and and and again, can you can you find the humor in in having pets and and having their quirkiness in the home? And I just I don't know. It it has helped it to enjoy life having a sense of humor and and accepting these things. And anyway, it's one of the ways that we Yeah.

Valerie: 23:45

Seeing the funny in it.

Sheldon: 23:46

Yeah. Another thing that really has helped for me anyway and for for all of us would just be not sweating the small stuff. Right? Like, someone cuts us off while we're driving in the street. Like, whatever.

Sheldon: 23:59

Like, it's already happened. No one got hurt. There's no like, getting angry isn't gonna change what just took place. All it's going to do is actually now upset my day. It will make me angry or make me upset or change my emotion.

Sheldon: 24:13

But the fact it's already happened and, like, so I've learned not to sweat the small hitting every red light on on the way somewhere. Sometimes it's annoying because it's like, now I'm gonna be late because I've already late. But like, whatever. It is what it is. You know, if it snows again and I gotta go outside and shovel again, whatever.

Sheldon: 24:34

Like, can we actually be thankful in terms of that I have the ability to still be able to go and and shovel snow? And I I think about this. I I went over and helped a friend yesterday install a closet door in his uncle's home, and his uncle has this isn't healthy. I I can't even pronounce the what he has. But he he really isn't able to live life to the fullest anymore.

Sheldon: 25:01

And he really just sits on on the chair. And it got me thinking, like, man, like, I still have so much ability to go and do things. So let's not sweat the small stuff that a closet door is broken. That I I still have the ability to go fix it and help people. And so don't sweat when it snows again because I have the ability to go and shovel.

Sheldon: 25:21

And, I mean, I just watched our neighbor the other day. Right? The and they're an an elderly couple, and and he was outside moving some snow. And I I even said to him, like, wow. Like, getting older sure takes a lot longer to do things in life.

Sheldon: 25:37

And so, anyways, in these moments, I've just learned, can I not sweat the small stuff? Can I be a duck? Let some water run off my back. Those types of things have really and and it's helped me actually to enjoy life more. To not sweat the small stuff.

Sheldon: 25:53

To not get caught up in in these moments. To stay kinda under control. It's really helped me actually then enjoy life. Yeah. See humor in things Yeah.

Sheldon: 26:02

Again. And, anyways, things I found.

Valerie: 26:05

So true. Another one is trusting God. Right? When when things are going really well and when things are hard. But, like, we found when we trust God, when we hold on to the things He's promised, hold on to the fact that He is good, He is faithful, it just helps us to to spend our lives well when we have that trust in God.

Sheldon: 26:29

Yeah. Another one here is enjoying each other, enjoying our kids, enjoying our friends, enjoying our extended family. Right? And and being able to do things together. And then for us, I mean, we had to find out what we enjoyed doing together.

Sheldon: 26:44

Yeah.

Valerie: 26:45

It's kind of a first step.

Sheldon: 26:46

Yeah. The first step was like, okay. What what what do we Yeah. That's the exact question. Like what do we find that would be joyful and and things that we can do together.

Sheldon: 26:54

And actually this has changed over the years as our kids have gotten older, as, we've learned more about ourselves, as we've tried different things. And I'm assuming it'll probably continue to change as we continue to try to do different things. Yeah. I like that. No.

Sheldon: 27:08

I don't and and whatnot. But I I think over it all, what we have found is it's actually not not necessarily or not just the activity that we're doing. Although, doing an activity that everybody enjoys is definitely beneficial and helpful. But what we have found is is if the activity changes, right, we have found that it's really about the people. It's about the relationships.

Sheldon: 27:32

It's about the memories that we are creating with those people. And this really hit me, well, last summer when we were selling our boat. And I was, I was getting it all ready to to pull it out to the the to the lake where the person was meeting us to to make the sail. And I was sitting in the boat and, like, I had all this sad this moment. I was crying and I'm like, man, I'm gonna miss all these memories.

Sheldon: 27:56

Like, I'm gonna miss the the times we had in our boat. And then all of a sudden it hit me. I'm like, well, wait a second, actually. It isn't actually the, like, the boat. The boat is what helped us create the memories, but the memories are actually about the people.

Sheldon: 28:10

Right. The memories are actually about spending time with our kids. And I was like, I can do that other ways. I don't need this this boat to create the memories. I can go and create them in other ways.

Sheldon: 28:22

And we've continued to do that, and I've continued to enjoy those moments. And so that's what I've actually realized was it's about the people, and and can I create the memories? And and so the decisions we make in our life and and enjoying life are about that. It's about the relationships that of the people that we have.

Valerie: 28:42

Yeah. I I think another big one that impacted us was finding our purpose in life. Also, what brings us joy, but but that that mission that God has given us, vocationally as well as in our our home with our family and our relationships and purpose. It just makes such a difference. And, again, we did a whole podcast on living on purpose.

Valerie: 29:05

Yeah. It's episode 26 if you wanna check it out. But creating a home that that blesses each other, that blesses our children, that blesses anyone who enters our home, something that it has kind of been on my heart. It was, we watched a little video. It was devotional and was talking about planting a tree that is going to bless the next generation because that person who planted it, they're not gonna have the benefit of the shade it was gonna give.

Valerie: 29:32

It's for the next generation. And so that that idea of what kind of purposeful things do I wanna do right now that's gonna bless the next generations. That's been something that's been on my heart that I'm working through and and thinking about and praying about. But also, for us, another that some of that purpose is that working in marriage ministry. Right?

Valerie: 29:54

The purpose God gave us through our broken marriage and the the restorative work God did in us, that purpose of, I wanna share that help and that hope and Jesus with other people because, hey, this can be really good. And, and God gave us that purpose and passion. Church involvement has also been huge in having that purpose and that intentionality. For us, we serve a lot with our youth, and that's been a huge blessing in having purpose of serving God by ministering and blessing these, these youth that are working their way through those hard years of high school and figuring out their own lives.

Sheldon: 30:39

Right. Yeah.

Valerie: 30:40

So

Sheldon: 30:40

Yeah. And one that I can even add here is coaching. Right? Like, stepping into this coaching realm that I've always been really part of is is actually to be able to have an influence into people's lives and and that hope you know, the hopefully, that it actually leads to being able to share about Jesus and and share the gospel and share why I live differently and and those types of things. And so that's been an another mission field or an area of ministry of just living our life in in those those areas that helps to bring joy.

Sheldon: 31:10

And the final one that we had put together was was being content with what we have. Being grateful for for what we have. Like, are we always looking to the next thing for our joy? Or can we have joy in in the moment? You know, do we use language such as like I'll be happy when?

Sheldon: 31:29

The question is, like, what if that when never never happens? Yeah. And and you know what? Even if that when does happen, you know, we've missed all the moments right now, in this moment, in this time, where we're how we're living right now. And are we able to for us, like learning how to live within our means.

Valerie: 31:47

Yeah.

Sheldon: 31:48

And that's really been able to help to be content in in all these areas. So those are are are few of the ways that we have found and or that we are spending our lives and and things that bring us joy. And then the other part that Ecclesiastes talks about is the fear of God. And so, let's, you know, let's talk briefly about fearing God and what that means and really, you know, what what that can look like.

Valerie: 32:13

Yeah. When we look at the Bible, we see this to mean really being in awe of God, being aware. Not losing our voice, being aware of who he is, his his power, his glory, his holiness, his righteousness, his majesty. Right? And then wanting to spend time in his presence daily, talking with God, reading his word, having things influence our lives that brings us closer to him.

Valerie: 32:43

So, you know, podcasts, music, books, whatever it is, and and just that that awe and wonder of who he is. Yes. Also fear because he is incredibly powerful. So there is that literal sense of fear, but it's not, it doesn't cause us to draw away from God. It calls us to draw nearer to God.

Sheldon: 33:07

Yeah. The Bible continues on, and and, you know, the themes with fearing God is also would be having respect and and reverence for him, honoring God, obeying God, understanding really that, like, that he sees everything. Right? Like, we cannot hide from him. And that one day that we're gonna stand before him and give an account for how we lived our lives.

Sheldon: 33:28

And so are we living those our lives that are is bringing Him glory, is bringing Him honor, is obeying Him

Valerie: 33:35

Is blessing others.

Sheldon: 33:36

Is blessing others. Like like, are we living it to the fullest? Are we are

Valerie: 33:40

we spending it or are we leaving it in a bottle on the on the dresser? Right.

Sheldon: 33:46

Right. And so there's a few things to think about on how to spend and enjoy life and and really, you know, what the fear of God means.

Valerie: 33:54

Mhmm. So we're gonna end this episode by reading a little, I guess, passage or a little bit from the book, Death by Living. And so Wilson writes this. Every second we create more of our past. More decisions, more breathing, more love, and more loathing.

Valerie: 34:14

All of it slides by into the gone as we race to grab at more moments, at more memories made, and already fading. We are all authors, creators of our own past, of the books that will be our lives. We stare at the future or obsess about the present, but only the past has been set in stone, and we are the one setting it. When we race across the wet concrete of time without purpose, without goals, without laughter and love and sacrifice, then we fail in our mortal moment. We race towards our inevitable ends without artistry, and without beauty.

Valerie: 34:57

All of us must pause and breathe, then we must see the future, not just to stare into the fog of distant years, but to see the crystal choices as they race toward us in this sharp foreground we call the present. We stand in the now. God says create, live, choose, shape the past, etch your life in stone, and what you make will be forever.

Sheldon: 35:27

And how about you? How does this resonate with you? We have one processing question for us all here today, and that is, how are you living your life? Thanks for listening, and we'll talk with you next week.

Valerie: 35:41

Bye.