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The Psychedelic Psychologist is a conversational-style podcast hosted by Dr. Ryan Westrum with clients and guests who use talk therapy to integrate Psychedelic experiences for healing and personal transformation. Tune in to hear people’s experiences, breakthroughs and stories of healing addiction, depression, and trauma through Psychedelics. Dr. Ryan Westrum gracefully and empathetically narrates real therapy sessions with people in their most vulnerable and transformational moments.
I would like to invite
you to take a moment,
a moment to find grounding, find center.
I
invite you to take a large breath
in through the nose deep breath out,
watching the belly rise and fall
and taking this opportunity to reflect,
reflect on the moment,
reflect
on people that you are caring
about, care for here and beyond,
the spirits that are so alive in you,
breathing in and breathing out.
inviting you to connect
deeper to your spirit,
the healthy spirit, the
spirit that awakes you,
the spirit that evokes creativity,
and the spirit that gives
you breath, breathing in
and breathing out,
watching yourself
as if you were looking at yourself from a
distance, taking stock, taking inventory,
and knowing what still serves
you and what does not serve you.
Breathing in, allowing the inventory,
and breathing out,
removing the unnecessary.
Once again, coming back to breath,
coming back to your allies,
people here and beyond,
and finding one more breath
in, and a grounding breath out,
finding your center,
and opening your eyes to see the
room, and most importantly, to
see yourself a little differently.
Hi, it's Ryan.
Welcome to your weekly dose of the
psychedelic psychologist, where I
invite my guests to share stories
about their psychedelic experiences.
We cover a variety of topics
from overcoming addiction and
severe depression to finding
wholeness and spiritual emergence.
I am humbled.
I'm excited.
I'm enthusiastic to welcome
the universe as always.
This beautiful person, Travis,
how are you coming in today?
I'm good.
Dr.
Ryan,
I'm better now that I'm talking to you.
I'm excited what this integration session
and you introducing me to my spirit guide.
I'm I,
, 48 hours ago, I didn't think I was going
to, I didn't think there was a way out.
I was, I didn't have words right
now, but pretty much 48 hours, I
didn't think there was a way out.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I
think there was a path and somehow,
I was able to reconnect to you to,
you know, be able to talk about this
and to do this integration session.
And I'm excited to meet my spirit guide.
And tell me about where
you were 48 hours ago.
48 hours ago, Dr.
Ryan, I was laying in my bed.
I was staring at the ceiling and
I was thinking, if I can't have
another drink again in my life,
I don't want to live because I
don't know how to live without it.
And at the same time I'm thinking,
I know I'm going to have another
drink, so that means I'm going to
let down and probably lose my family.
And I'm one drink away from this.
And so at this point, you know, when
you're a man backed into a corner, what
do you, you do, you think crazy stuff.
And, the only thing I could think
of was not being around anymore.
And today, what are you sitting with
me and how are you holding yourself?
The best way to describe it would be
that you got a call that your family
was in a horrible car accident, and they
weren't, they weren't alive anymore, and
you were on your way to the hospital,
and you get there, and you see them all
sitting there, and you realize that there
was a mix up, and that, that feeling
of, like, like, there's an answer,
I'm free, I mean, just when I saw your
face, it was like, it was, it was,
it was, just your energy was calming.
And so, yeah.
And today we're honoring, I think a
relationship of two years and you and
I have done some integration work.
What drew you to come back to the
medicine and maybe even what drew you
originally to the medicine two years ago?
What drew me to come back to the medicine
was the universe a hundred percent.
Same way.
Because I, I
had had, I had some losses.
I lost my dad's best friend
who was very dear to me.
He was like my uncle.
I lost my dog of 15, 14 years, boopers.
And.
You know, I had relapsed.
I've been, you know, in bed for two
weeks on a binge, literally two weeks.
Didn't eat anything.
The only thing I did was drink.
Everyone's telling me, you
know, you need to go to rehab.
You need to go to rehab.
I'm saying, fuck you.
I'd rather jump in an
ocean than go to rehab.
Part of my language.
And and then I get this phone call.
About this program online.
That's 8, 500 that I'm thinking,
Oh my God, this is the answer.
But everyone gives me this
yada, yada, yada look.
So I'm like, well, the universe isn't
giving me any, any, any signs, but I'm
a big, but I'm, I'm big on the universe.
And so when I, whenever I need
something or I'm in a corner, I asked
the universe to give me a podcast.
There's just about four people,
real important people in my life.
I listened to, and one of them is
Gary Brekka and this certain podcast.
I go to Gary Brekka and I go to look
to see what the most recent one is
and the third one down says Addict
psychedelics and addiction and beating
addiction and I'm thinking no shit
And, and you would, and, and, and,
and getting back in touch with you
has been on my mind for two months.
And so
I'm getting ready to buy this
ridiculous program for 8, 500 that,
that, that, you know, just doesn't
feel right, but I see this pod podcast.
So I start to listen to it.
I start to listen to it and it's getting
me more like, okay, this is, even
though I'm scared to do this again,
it's life or death, I have to do this.
There's no choice anymore.
And you're saying scared to do another
medicine ceremony, is that right?
Yes.
Because, now let's go back in time,
what was two years ago we prepared for
something big for you and you found
a spirit guide, someone to hold space
for you, what was that experience like
and what drew you originally to it?
It drew me originally to it because my
brother is he's big into understanding
psychedelics, like he understands
what, he's big into military podcasts.
So he had heard, he, he knew how,
I mean, there's no way else to say
it, Doc, but he knew how fucked up I
was and I was extremely screwed up.
Like, there's no other word for it,
like, you know, he's seeing his brother
screaming at the top of his lungs at
night, blacked out, he's seeing his
older brother piss his bed, pants,
blacked out, you know, piss his bed,
you know, multiple, multiple times, or
laying on the ground, screaming, butt
naked, like, this is horrible, you know,
this is not a good experience for a
younger brother to see, so you He's big.
He was big on listening to the
special forces guys and what
psychedelics were doing for them.
He personally likes psychedelics.
He actually did a a facility asylum
treatment on and then never drank again.
So he had sober for six years and somehow
through a friend, through a friend,
through a friend, Number, and I was
able to reach out to you and you were
able to do an integration session and
get me with, you know, a spirit guide.
And, and I did this amazing session.
It was absolutely life changing.
The problem was, is afterwards I grew
an ego and I, and I didn't respect what
the, what, what I got from, from the
mushrooms, which is, which was freedom.
I got my freedom back, and I took that
as, now I can just run rampant like
I was before, and so I just went and
jumped, you know, I jumped right back
into it, and I was a normal drinker
again for about three, four months, but
normal drinking wasn't a half of a fifth.
A day like I was before like I just
thought okay, I you know, I don't have
the cravings now I can function I can
think oh my god, I'm not noticing and
I just I didn't respect the mushrooms
and you don't want to do that.
And so thank you.
And how do you respect the mushroom now?
It's obviously been following me
and and now it's life or death.
So it's it's it's a
whole Different respect.
It's almost the best way to describe it.
Dr.
Ryan would be how do you respect your
parents when you were a teenager?
And how do you respect your parents
when you get into your early twenties?
It's a whole different ball game.
Wonderfully said.
I appreciate it.
What do you, as we're talking about
preparing for a big day, you're going to
be Revisiting and honoring the medicine in
a week or so and we're preparing you.
What are you acknowledging
you're coming into it with?
What are you asking for?
What do you do to prepare
yourself for that?
I'm asking for its wisdom.
I'm asking for its healing.
I'm asking for it to humble me.
I'm asking for it to
guide me to help others.
When I get out of this, to help the
universe, to spread my message, use and
use my gifts that I've, that my gifts
and talents that the universe and God
gave me that I've splendored for the
past 40 years because of addiction.
What's the emotion coming
up right now in you?
It's really weird.
I feel like crying and
laughing at the same time.
Like I'm smiling, but I'm like, I'm
not, then I feel like I'm not taking
it serious, but it's just a plan.
It's like, I don't know.
It's, it's a warm feeling.
It's a,
And you talked about a lot of loss.
How are you coping with that right now?
And what are you hoping?
I was not coping with it good at all, Dr.
Ryan.
I'm coming off a two week binge, and
when I mean a two week binge, I'm
talking get up in the morning, go to
the liquor store, buy a half pint and
a pint of a 100 proof vodka, slam the
half pint before I get in the house.
Take the pint of vodka, stick it
in my pocket so no one could see
it, go straight up to my room,
Slam that, go to, and
go to sleep for the day.
And, and when I do this, the
people around me say I just sit
and scream blacked out for hours.
Like when I say hours, I'm
talking five, six, seven hours.
Then I wake up, I don't remember
anything that's going on.
Wake up in the morning, all's I
can think is, is, is, Have a drink.
Get up.
Don't eat.
Don't shower.
Don't even look in the mirror
because I'm humiliated.
So then I stopped looking in the mirror.
I stopped brushing my teeth.
I stopped eating.
Straight to the liquor
store, same routine.
Half pint, pint, slam the half
pint just to calm down so I can
walk in and act like I'm normal.
Back out to my room to slam the
other pint and go to sleep and just
basically sit there, feel sorry for me.
It's almost like, you know,
I talk about the suicidal
Thoughts, it's almost like I
think it's almost like I'm, I'm
drinking thinking, you know, just
please don't wake up from this.
It's like, you know, I
went from 151 pounds to 131
pounds in my previous binge.
And that happened in a, in a
five week four week process.
I lost 20 pounds of muscle.
So like it's, I went from the
best, best shape, best looking.
I mean, I could walk into any room, right.
And I'm not being egot out here and
I wouldn't, everyone would notice me.
I would get, I would, I'd go to
me, I'd walk into music festivals
and within 10 minutes, you'd
have three or four grown men.
Comment on how I look and
say, dude, you're sharp.
You look, you know what I mean?
And even my friends would be
like, how does it make you feel?
And I stopped even noticing it, but
that's how good of shape I was in.
And then I got, my ego
came, my ego got me.
And I thought, you know, why
don't other, you know, everyone
else should work out like this.
You know, and I didn't,
I didn't respect it.
I, I didn't know that, you
know, as the universe gives it,
the universe can take it away.
I mean, you don't respect it.
And so, and I was also.
I built this big character, you know,
this character that I'm saying, I
walk in and everyone notices me and
everyone gives me comments and I'm
not being out here because I know how
to do a show because I've been in the
entertainment industry for a long time.
And I couldn't live up
to this big character.
I'm acting like this big shot, big
successful guy while I'm driving my
mom's car and living in her basement.
Thank you.
And that's the truth of the matter of it.
Yeah, and what are you recognizing in this
medicine that teaches you about your ego?
What are you acknowledging as
you're saying that out loud right
now and on the precipice of a
big session in a week or so?
I, I, I know when you get
through one of these sessions,
The medicine and the universe
explains your ego to you.
It's almost like, you know, you get this,
it's almost like you're going to get, you
get sit down and you get a lesson from
your higher self on how dumb you are.
And then once you realize how dumb you
are and how much you don't know, it's
pretty easy to get rid of your ego
because you know, you don't know shit.
Travis, I so appreciate you.
What do you acknowledging
about after the session that is
going to be important for you?
Well, I'm acknowledging that.
I think I need a follow up session
probably about four weeks later.
I did a lot of research.
I listened to Dr.
Huberman, he's got a big podcast.
And, and and Dr.
Huberman said that these sessions work
the best in, in, in two, twos split
apart between three to five weeks.
As long as it's done correctly and done
with the right spirit guide, because
if it's not done correctly, meaning
you're not going into it with the right
intentions, and you don't have the right
spirit guide, because if you have the
wrong spirit guide, think about it.
If you have a bad teacher, you're
probably going to end up being stupid.
Because if you have a stupid teacher,
you're going to be, you know, so if
you have a bad spirit guide, you're
probably going to have a bad experience.
So his biggest thing was the
double session intention.
And then also make age wise, you know,
he recommended, you know, you'd be 25
or older, you know, stuff like that.
And then the integration
as well that we do, right.
Yeah, and then, yeah, and then the
integration is really just start getting,
get, let, the integration is really just
telling yourself and preparing yourself
to let the universe know what you're
looking for the medicine to give you.
And so we're, we're, we're slowly
getting to the point where we
can able, we can, we can humble
ourselves, get in front of the altar.
offer our our our thanks and our prayers
and and our wishes and what we want
out of the medicine and then Actually
receive the medicine and go on on this
spiritual journey for to in this case
save my life and save my family Thank you.
What are you doing travis in this
moment to be gentle with yourself?
I'm thinking I'm going to
go to the gym after this.
Good for you.
I love that's my saving grace is the gym.
Well, I am honored and I'm humbled
by you accepting the invitation.
And that means the world
that you share your story.
And I look forward to reconnecting
and you know, I have your
back and respect you deeply.
Appreciate it.
Dr.
Ryan.