Dare to be different

Have you ever felt weird? Like you didn't fit in. We're encouraged to be a peculiar people but it can be hard sometimes. And as church we also often strive to fit in. What would it be like if we embraced our difference? Can our differences make a difference in the world? 
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What is Record Live Podcast?

Record Live is a conversation about life, spirituality and following Jesus in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

 Hi there, everyone. I'm Jared. And I'm Zanita. We are your hosts of Record Live, a podcast where we talk about church, faith, and living well. We believe as

followers of Jesus, faith is more than just a set of beliefs. It's a way of life, something we put into practice.

Let's go live.

 Hello everyone and welcome back to another week of Record Live.

Today, we are talking about a fun topic, I think. Yeah. Of course, this week, Dare to be Different, and it is inspired by an article that, Tracy Burdkart wrote in, it's a bit of a throwback, it's a few issues of the record back.

To start off the conversation, Jared, , since we're talking about, daring to be different, I thought maybe you could share with us, something about yourself that is different or unusual or something that, maybe in your life you felt you stood out a bit.

Uh, my party trick at high school was to clap with one hand.

Nice. Can you show us? Would you like a demonstration? Yeah,

I'd love one. Let me give it a go. It's been a little while since I did this. Let's have a look. You ready? I

can

also clap with one hand with two hands.

Oh man, so cool. I was always jealous. I never had party tricks growing up.

I don't know how that sound came through, through the mic. That was actually good. My, my, my sounds probably less than it was, a few years ago, cause I'm at a bit out of practice, but yeah, that, that was always fun to pull out when people, I don't know why you pull those things out, but I don't know, kids do weird stuff.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you. What about you Zanita?

What about me? Well, I was having a conversation with someone a few weeks ago and we were talking about things that things that we did as kids with our family that we thought or we just assumed every other family did. And I remember whenever we would go out with my mom, whether we were like in the bush or just like in suburbia at the shopping center, she would throw us into this hypothetical, like survival kind of situation.

And so she'd be like, she'd be like, okay, kids, you've only got one pack of noodles and like this much water, you're lost. You don't know how to get home. The sky is gray. What are you going to do? And so we would have to like.

Um, and I just thought everyone's parents did that because they were concerned for their safety. But it actually , it made me like in my older adult years, I've started like training myself to survive. And I think it's probably come from that. Like, I don't know where else it would have come from. But a few years ago, I like trained myself to be able to sleep on like hard ground so that if I was ever in an emergency, I could still sleep.

Thank you. And people thought that was kind of weird when I would just not go into bed and I'd just be on the floor, I don't know. So, I thought it was like wise, but other people thought it was weird.

It just, it just goes to show like we have this veneer of the fact that we're all the same.

We think, and we often say that. People are all the same, underneath. We're all really the same. We're all, fundamentally a similar in our needs and our wants and our desires. But the cultures, the family cultures that we come from are so wildly different. Like you have two. Individuals who come together and become, , one flesh as the Bible calls it.

And then they have children sometimes and raise those children and they've both come from completely different upbringings and then somehow find ways to make that work. And then the kids have that influence from sort of both of the cultures. And so we say, Oh, we're from the same country. We're from the same suburb.

We're from the same church. And we think that everyone's a bit like us, but we discover that. They've actually had really different experiences and really different,, inputs into their lives. . I don't know if it's comforting or scary to think about.

I imagine, maybe you can speak into this.

I imagine that not until you get married and have kids do you start to realize some of those things from your childhood that you thought were normal, but

Yeah, and , it's, it's not always that you think, Oh, well, that wasn't actually normal. I think one of the problems is you often think that was normal and everyone else should.

conform to your normal. So, and I guess that's where a lot of conflict comes. We're not talking about relationships today, but conflict can come because you just think it's normal to pile all five of your family members onto the two seater couch, because everyone wants to be there. And then your spouse might be like from a family where everyone sits in their own chair and has their own space.

And, and so you realize like you think it's normal. And then you realize, hey, not everyone conforms to your normal and then conflict can come if you want to start pushing other people to conform to your normal.

So interesting. I feel like we've, diverted the conversation from what the article was about already.

A little bit. A little bit. It's

fine. So what was the article about,, in a nutshell, what are we talking about today?

Well, Tracey was talking about how she's kind of reflecting on her experiences, as an Adventist, how we do certain things and live a certain way that to others can look a little bit odd.

And she was specifically touching on, like, when she went to school and was like a vegetarian or kept the Sabbath,, for people that weren't of her faith, that was weird. Especially back when. Vegetarianism wasn't a thing. , I remember when I was a kid, you would go to a restaurant and there would be like one thing on the menu to pick from.

Now there's 20, and I just get overwhelmed, but like... That's kind of besides the point. The point is that like, it's become a lot more popular now, so it's, we don't really have that, at least with that side of things, but we still do have differences that stand out and that people are like, why are you doing that?

,

perhaps to combat that feeling of weirdness, Adventists have always been kind of proud to be different, like one of our favorite stories in the Bible, I would say, and I'm speaking,, on behalf of the whole denomination, which I may not have the right to do, but I feel like our One of our favorite stories is the story of Daniel and how he asked for vegetarian food instead of the king's rich foods.

How his friends stood up when everyone else was bowing down. And I feel like as Adventist kids, that some of those stories are drilled into us. Like you will encounter people who want you to do things that they want you to do. Don't be ashamed of being different. Don't, you should be proud.

We've called our episode today, dare to be different, but I know people talk about daring to be a Daniel, , that's quite a common theme for, youth talks or camps or, , events that people have, daring to be a Daniel. And, I think that's been an attempt to equip. us as children, as Adventist children, to know that there will be situations that we find ourselves in where we're different.

We have different choices. But that's okay. We're trying to make it okay to feel better about

that. Yeah. I was listening to a, a sermon recently and the guy was saying that. As a boy, he was going to school and he was getting picked on for being like a church boy, and he was only really young, like under 10 years old, and so these kids would come and they would tease him every week and call him names and all this, and he used to just cry because he was being bullied, he didn't know what to do, and he'd then go home to his mum or grandma and he would be crying and being like, they're teasing me, they're being mean, and she said, she was like, Be proud of your differences.

And so he changed his attitude. Went back to school and all of a sudden was like, Yeah, this is what I do and it's awesome. And they didn't know how to react. And I think it's a cool idea because I think sometimes we can be a little like embarrassed because we don't want to stand out or we don't want things to be awkward or sometimes it just seems weird for people who

haven't grown up that way. And so we can hide it. But I think there's something cool about being proud of it. Not to the extent that we're like flashing it around necessarily, but just owning

it arrogant about it. I think is what you're saying. I think maybe we all had this experience. , maybe not. But I had some bullying like really early in my The Primary school experience. And that did impact me. And I think in some ways it still does, , all of us carry scars from our childhood in terms of who we think about, how we think about who we are and that, , one of the things that I.

It made me sort of think was, okay, maybe I'm different, but I can't necessarily, you know, I don't know. It, it was funny cause I became friends with some of those people that were bullying me like down the track. And I think it, it wasn't necessarily being proud of my difference, but it was just being true to who I was.

And eventually, I had a teacher in late primary school say to me, well, kind of say to the class, cause they were getting into all this, , You know, these childhood politics, who's dating who, and they were fighting each other and they were all getting upset about things that were happening.

And I kept myself out of that because it wasn't really my scene. I was happy not to be cool and follow people's opinions because I just wanted to do my own thing. But it actually meant that, , I was friends with some of the less desirable, the nerdy kids. I was also friends with some of the popular kids.

They would. They would come to me for friendship because I just stayed in my lane. I just stayed true to what I wanted to do and who I was. And I remember my teacher was actually mentioned that I don't think it's necessarily something that I had noticed or knew about myself until he pointed it out and said, this is really.

admirable, like more of you guys should be like Jared because it's better to do your own thing and be true to who you are, rather than chasing after people's opinions and popularity , and whatever, whatever. I remember that stood out or stuck with me because I'd gone from this kid who was kind of.

Been bullied and sort of didn't feel like, yeah, that it was easy for me to be at school to forging my own space where other people were drawn to what I was doing because I wasn't chasing the crowd. I wasn't following the popular thing to do., It's not always easy, Zanita, to just do what you want to do.

You know, my mum was the choir leader and so of the school and has done that for so many years. And I was the only boy by the time I was in year seven, which is still in primary school in South Australia. , I was the only boy in the choir in the whole primary school choir. And that was hard. Some.

Days, I didn't want to go to practice or performances because I had no, didn't have many friends in the choir , but I enjoyed singing with the choir and I enjoyed being there and I enjoyed,, going on the trips with mom , and having that opportunity. So like, it wasn't easy.

It was something I wanted to give up a number of times that year because I was felt very isolating. But at the same time, it builds your character, I think, to have that experience, to be like, well. This is who I am. This is what I want to do. Yeah. I'm gonna stick with it.

Hmm. How did you push through that discomfort of recognizing that you were different or recognizing that things were a bit weird?

I think I'm pretty stu. I think I'm pretty stubborn. Not in a traditional stubborn sense, Well, it's probably my. Fear of failure, my fear of rejection means that I will stick out something if I'm there. So as uncomfortable as it is, I'll just stick it out. I'll just make it finish, make it work.

And then you find ways to motivate yourself. You find ways to fuel yourself, I think, as you go along. For example, like I reached a certain point and I hadn't. Gone to the club or had alcohol or certain things that, many people have tried, even if they choose not to live that lifestyle and I hadn't so I thought, this is a good opportunity.

I'm going to stick it out now, even if I'm getting tempted, in other times, because I want to be able to say to my kids, there is an option, not even to try it, not even to go there, not even to start opening that Pandora's box. So,, Everyone says, Oh, you try it once, whatever, whatever, it's fine. You can make a choice.

But for me, it's like, well, I don't have to make that choice. I want to stick it out. And so that then gives you fuel. If you say no, or you say yes, a few times, it becomes easier down the track to stick to that because, ,

I like that idea of like, being different, but being consistent, because I feel like sometimes people try to be different, like, you know, you have those people who , they are different, and we all are different, obviously, but then you have those extra people who are like, rebelliously different sort of thing.

And I think as well, I remember someone actually saying this to me, like this idea of being consistent because this is where I was going. It's like most people, they're just constantly changing their beliefs.

They're constantly changing like their values. They're constantly changing and this, that, and the other. And so, for a few years they live like this, and believe this, and ra ra, and then a few years later it's completely different, and, it becomes hard to , place trust in people in a way, for example, You don't drink like your whole life or you have certain like values that you live by your entire life that don't change When people need help or when people want someone to talk to about something they know to come to Jared kind of thing Well, I hope

so

Because you're like Different but your differences are consistent.

They're not just constantly like does that make sense?

I do think it's really important for us as Christians to demonstrate some kind of Difference, but also consistency, , if we're inconsistently different, if we're just different in this thing, but not in that thing. And, people can find that we're wishy washy, but if we, if we, people might think we're weird.

But they'll come to us in a fix, like when they get into trouble, when they have a downtime or something like that. I think those are the times when people seek you out. If you've been, I think consistent is a good word, if you've been steadfast stable. Mm. , and you've demonstrated that to them over a period of time, people are not always.

As interested in what you say, what you write, what you project as what you actually do, what they actually see you doing in your behavior. That doesn't mean it's easy. You can feel very like the odd one out. I was at an event on Saturday night. It was a really good event. A lot of money was raised, a fundraiser for a family who, , They're facing a cancer battle and, they're really struggling.

But most people at the event, I would say 95 percent of people were drinking and you do feel like the odd one out in some senses, it's like not really the scene. It makes you a bit uncomfortable. You're not used to being around people who are a bit, , they have less inhibitions. Let's say they, they're more open and interesting in their conversation styles in their way of.

interacting, and it is a very different feeling, but I think,, I mean, Jesus was in places where people , were labeled by , the good people as partiers and wine sippers. He was called a, like a drunkard and things. And Yet he was still loving on those people. He was still there, but it didn't mean that he was necessarily doing all the things they were doing.

, and so I think we've got to, we can make it uncomfortable for other people. If we're like judgy in our difference, if we're like, Oh. I don't drink, , alcohol's bad. If we start spouting the cancer effects of alcohol, or we tell people, start trotting out domestic violence statistics, what alcohol, like in the middle of a group of people who are drinking, that's not really.

Using our difference to the best effects that we could be using it, if we're uncomfortable, that's fine, we just have to find ways to engage into love and to connect, and to somewhat get through our discomfort to become more comfortable being uncomfortable so that we can be there for the people that need us.

In those times when they're maybe struggling with something, if we're never in those places, if we're never outside of our comfort zone, we don't actually find opportunities to connect with people who aren't different to us. And the reality is that we will never make disciples or expand the kingdom if we're not actually sharing Jesus with people that are different to us.

If we're only ever talking about Jesus amongst ourselves.

Yeah, it's a good point. I remember, I used to have this fort on the beach, that we used to invite friends to, we had this thing called fortnight fortnight and every fortnight we'd go to the fort and we would have like a fire and you know, we had a lot of friends outside the church.

So people would come, they would bring drinks and like, we wouldn't drink. And,, I remember we were all like laughing about something. I think we made up a, I didn't know what we were laughing about something and they were. When they found out that we weren't drunk, they were like, What? How are you having this much fun?

Like, is it possible to have this much fun? And so like, we had never said anything. We'd been doing these things for months. And they never really I'm sure they've noticed, never really said, none of us had said anything about it. And it was kind of like, we weren't making it weird.

We were just letting the fruit show for itself. And then, I think it was like a year later, like multiple of them stopped drinking because they were like, Oh yeah, we just kind of like. Notice that you guys never drink, but you're still able to have fun. And it was cool. So it was like, you can make it weird.

Like we could have definitely been like, Oh, this is so awkward. But we just kind of like,, owned it. Like I said in the conversation before, but, and it had an impact on them. And so I think we could have also been like, man, like you said, don't you guys know how bad alcohol is? Like, don't know what it's doing to you.

And that would have created like a wall between us kind of thing. I wouldn't have given them a good impression. And I think

and there, and there is a place to need to, we can't, there is a place to say, please don't bring alcohol to, to, to my event because it's a church event , or, you know,, but if you're in a third space, what they call a third space, like if you're in a public place, if you're on the beach at the fort,, and I'm curious, was that like big sticks or what was the construction of this fort?

Was it a sand fort or the driftwood forts? Yeah, that's so cool. , But if you're in a, in, in a place like that, you can't dictate what other people choices that they make. But I think you're right. , it took months. You said it took a year or two , and people just stopped drinking. It's like that witness has been silent and you don't realize that's going on for them.

The Holy Spirit's leading them to that direction, but it's about consistency because if you don't do life with them, I'm a big believer in doing life with people. If you don't do life with someone, you can't. Influence them. And the reality is you can't do, if someone, we're just picking on that one particular thing, but there could be any manner of things that you can influence someone,, in their behavior.

But if you, for example, don't drink and don't ever attend anything where there's alcohol or they,, you don't hang out with anyone who drinks, how can you influence anyone to stop? How can you influence anyone to consider their choices?, Yeah, if you're not building those relationships. If you're not living life with them, if you're not doing life and that's why it's really important.

Hmm.

It's a cool point.

So Zenita. Is it something that we need to be intentional about? Like, I want to be different. Cause I think some people wear it as a badge of pride. Like I'm a peculiar person. I am different. Or is it something that should happen as an outflowing of just our connection with Jesus or is it a bit of both?

I mean, ,

I don't know, I've mentioned this before. Some people, they like. Want to be especially different. I don't know if that's really what we should be aiming for. Like, I think we should own our, like, I am different to you, Jared, in hundreds of different ways, kind of thing. And so, , owning the way in which I'm different is gonna be much better than trying to be like you.

Because if I try to be like you, I'm just gonna be a second best Jared. Like, I'm gonna be, like a second hand version of you, basically. Versus if I just, own my own, gifts, my own differences, my own values,, my own whatever. I don't know, like you can literally have a hundred things, but, you're never going to be like as good or effective in your life.

I think if you're trying to be like someone else, or if you're trying to be like a different kind of person, and so I think it's much more about figuring out who you are and like what God wants you to be. And owning that versus trying to fit into some other space.

I think, and I think that's a really important point because it's like being the best version of yourself.

Yeah, great way to put it. That's what you're saying. Yeah. And , that's so important and that's so hard in this day and age because so many people are comparers. They're comparing themselves to others. They're on Instagram. They're on, these platforms that are designed to, and advertising, there's advertising everywhere.

And advertising is designed to make you feel like you're missing something. You need something to make you happy, or you need something to make you better. And I mean, we all utilize advertising. We've got ads in record advertising, not evil as such, but it's just, , it's. Trying to highlight needs that you might have that you can fill with certain things.

And the reality is, if we have that bombarding us at all times, it's very easy to then try to want to be something else. We try to live up to that inadequacy that we feel. We try to be someone else. We try to go on holidays or buy houses because other people are doing that thing. And we feel,, dissatisfied.

With ourselves because we don't have what we see other people enjoying and I think that's the flip side of this conversation It's actually okay to embrace the fact that you don't have everything that everyone else has If you're the best version of yourself Yeah, because As we started discussing, we're all so different, there are people that we look at enviously who have things on Instagram that would kill to have what we've got, but we don't realize it.

Like it may be that they travel a lot but wish for some stability or some closer connections, , it may be that they were in a relationship that they wish they could experience like something like that, or that we have a close relationship with our parents or, you name it, we may have, , or our relationship with God.

Our Christian faith, they may want something to answer the questions that they have in their heart, but they're filling it with something else instead. And so we look at that and go, I wish I had what they had, but they may think the same about us and that doesn't get anyone anywhere, rather than being the best version of ourselves, that is when we're truly living to what God has given us.

And we're. You know, the parable of the talents, where like actually investing our talents to be the best version of ourselves, we're finding growth and investment rather than comparison and, , spending ourselves on things that aren't, they're not worth what we think they are in the end,, when we get them, when we hold them in our hands, we go, uh, this isn't as satisfying as I thought it would be.

Because this is not me, it's just what I think everyone wants me to be.

Yeah, it reminds me of, , the story of Joseph. Because, Joseph had something that his brothers didn't have. He was from, like, a different mother, but he also had different aspirations and possessions. He had dreams that they didn't have. , and his brothers hated that difference. And I think that's the thing, sometimes people... They won't like your differences,, but a lot of the time if you like stand to that and you're consistent with that, eventually they might come around and respect what is different. Like not always, but like I think people do respect when we , When we are consistent, basically what we've been saying and when we are like the best versions of ourselves and, I used to , I used to I went through a period where I started making my own clothes and like I literally Had the same shorts pattern and the same top pattern and I just made the same two items of clothing in Five different colors and I would wear the same thing every day like just in different colors And I was just doing it to save money.

I thought it was cool to make my own clothes I remember someone being like Do you wear the same thing every day they were kind of like annoyed that I was doing and I was like I could have responded two ways. I could have been like, oh my goodness I'm gonna like never wear these things again and could have been really embarrassed or I could have been like yeah, it's awesome.

Like I'm I don't have to think about what I wear every day and depending on how I responded would have also Made them respond in a different way., and so I don't know, I guess like you just have to own it.

Yeah,, I think the word that you mentioned that is really important is the respect word. , often what we gain by fitting in is Social status, momentary happiness, there's different things that we can gain. But what we often lose is respect because if someone knows us for being a certain type of thing, they might still needle us. They'll push us. Hey, try, try my chicken nugget. , I know you don't eat meat, but, have a bite.

, see if you like it. Try, try my drink,, just. Just have a sip to , see what you think it's okay,, it's not going to hurt anyone.. They might think you're cool and you fit in , and stuff for the short term, but. I think you lose respect when you chase other people's opinions.

I think you gain respect when you are willing to stand by what you believe. You may lose short term, short term benefits, but I think the respect is something that is hard to quantify. It's hard to measure. We spoke to Suki about , the women of the Reformation, these sisters in arms.

And I've, I was reading the book for that interview and I've since read, a couple of other chapters. And the thing that stood out to me is that those people in the Reformation, they had something that they valued so highly that they were willing to give up everything, money, land, family, comfort to, to, to have Jesus, many of them basically.

And They valued that so highly, but there is the pressure to conform. There is the pressure to change, to just, do that. But one thing that I have for them is respect because they stuck it out. They were consistent. And I think a lot of other people. were influenced and impacted by, we can't help but admire those who are different.

We don't write books or songs or write movies about people who did the same thing that everyone else did. We remember those who are different and that's a challenge to all of us, each day to embrace that and to be, the best versions of ourselves that we can be.

Yeah. And I think knowing like the women in the reformation, knowing your why also helps for this.

Like if you're just doing things. Because it's like tradition or because, I don't know, you got told to do it, people aren't really going to have as much respect if you don't, , have a reason for it, and so,, you can apply that to a lot of, coming kind of full circle back to Tracy's article, she talked about, , things like vegetarianism and the Sabbath and blah, blah, blah, if someone was to ask you, like, why do you keep the Sabbath?

And if you were just to be like, oh, I don't know, just because, The Bible told me so, like, versus like, Oh, well, I do it because, rah, rah, rah, why do you keep this out of this Jarrod's?

Guilt free, guilt free time away from work, not thinking about, you know. Problems, the community that it brings, the anti commercialism, there's a whole host of reasons that I think are more compelling than my parents taught me to do that or the Bible told me to do that.

Yeah, but I guess if you're doing something intentionally.

Consistently, and people will respect that if there's like, community. Oh, that's awesome. Everyone values community or , yeah. ,

it's been an interesting conversation, Zenita. We're running out of time, but... Is there anything you just want to leave us, something we should think about this week that we can live out in our lives, in, in our lives of being different?

Hmm, I don't know, I guess like, on that idea of being your best self, you're gonna go further being yourself than trying to be someone else, and so. Yeah, I would just, , take ownership of that and who you are. Think about the ways in which you're different that are awesome. That will be a real blessing to those around you.

Just step up. What about you, Jared? Have you got any last words of wisdom? Any practical

advice? . Echoing what we said, I think something that stood out to me was respect, gaining respect, being respectful of others differences as well., that's a really important thing. So, something we can practice during this week is finding ways to respect others differences, but also to gain the respect of our peers by being unashamed of the things that we do that are different, that set us apart as Christians, as Adventists, as followers of Jesus.

I like it.

Awesome. \