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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
26. Last Call for Alcohol_
Abby: [00:00:00] Hello everybody and welcome back to I Saw The Sign. I'm Abby Ham and I'm here with my fabulous co-host, THA and Jay. And today we wanted to talk about an A topic that we've both been having our own [00:01:00] feelings about. I think for a while we've talked about it. You know, we've had many conversations about this and I think it's coming up a lot more.
I see it coming up a lot more in social media and with like celebrities and different things happening, and that is our relationship with alcohol and how that affects ourselves, the people, you know, the people around us, um, the people in our lives, the loved ones who are struggling with alcohol and addiction in general.
And so that's one of the things we wanna dive into today. Yeah, it's really such,
Fallon: um, it's such a sensitive topic too. So we're, we're coming into this in like a really, you know, heart-centered space, acknowledging that. Everyone has their own relationship with this and their own experience with alcohol and that so many people are experiencing changes in that relationship.
And so just know that as [00:02:00] we're going through this episode, there's absolutely no judgment. It's. Just so much love, but it's also something that is really important that we need to be speaking to. And it's not anything that other people aren't talking about. And we're watching society change the way in which they relate to alcohol.
And I know for me, I was quite a few years ago, I started to really recognize that I just wasn't feeling. Like despite hangovers or anything like that, I just started to feel more disconnected from life anytime I drank. So I would say for the last few years, I can't, Nova was little, my daughter was little When this started, um, I started to really lessen my drinking and then it would kind of increase a little bit.
And really for the last two years I have had very little alcohol because of my commitment to. Feeling more in tune with my body, being willing to feel the feelings because alcohol is numbs. It helps us [00:03:00] take the edge off. It helps us numb because it puts our brain to sleep. And it also, I just feel disconnected from God.
And so I've been so much more committed to being in the discomfort of whatever's present versus like, oh, I just need, right, like the memes about mommy wine, like Mommy needs her wine and stuff like that. What if she doesn't?
Abby: Yeah. Yeah, I know. I, um, it's, I kind of hate when I see stuff like that now because it's like we don't need to give women one more thing to feel, I don't know, bad about, like, maybe we need this in order to deal with our, you know, quote unquote deal with our children or deal with our husbands or deal with our lives.
You know, we need to numb out at the end of the day because life is so, Crazy and stressful and all of the things. Um, but similarly for me, it's, I don't think it's been about two years, but it's [00:04:00] probably been at least a year for me, maybe a year and a half of just questioning my, my own relationship with alcohol.
Just because, I mean, I grew up in a family.
I already know this.
Fallon: Yeah, I remember
Abby: you telling me this.
Fallon: Yeah. I mean, I did too, but same, my family drinks a lot as
Abby: well. Yeah, and and a lot of it is, Is, you know, stuff that you would equate with good things. You know, a lot of it is, you know, when you get together, you have wine, you eat a lot, it's, you know, eating and drinking and, you know, being loud and laughing and boisterous and all of that stuff.
And I have a big family, so, um, so it was never, it's not like it was a bad thing, um, but it was something for me where even, um, Even in past jobs that I've had, I have [00:05:00] worked primarily in industries that were a lot of men, and so. You know, in the construction world or in the building world, it's a lot of men and they already look at you as a woman, as somebody who's not gonna know as much as they do or whatever, which, you know, I cleared.
I cleared that right up. I definitely do more than all of them, but anyway, just listen. No, just side note. Just a side note.
But you know, it's like, there were, there was one, you know, one job that I worked at for three, three or so years where it was very much a, um, boys club and, you know, you were expected to come to happy hours, client dinners, all of these things and keep up. And, and it was a, such a, um, A line to walk because you had to keep up, but you couldn't get too sloppy that you were like somebody [00:06:00] who couldn't hold their drink or you got flirty because you were a woman, got flirty with other men who were there or whatever.
And I had circumstances, not with me, but with a friend of mine that was treated very unfairly because of, you know, a situation like that where she was getting hit on by men in a drinking. Situation and was not the one who was instigating anything. And yet she is the one who was kind of blamed for it, which is a side note, but just a thing that I think comes with, in a situation like that, it's common and, and for me, um, I am, as you guys know, probably I'm tall, very tall, and you look at her Instagram, Abby's angelically, tall, very tall.
Um, and I've always, it's like a weird, it's like if I had a weird pride, um, As I've been, you know, started drinking [00:07:00] to, not really anymore, but like that I could handle my alcohol. That I wasn't one of those women who had a beer or a glass of wine and got super, you know, giggly or like whatever I could, I could hang, you know, with the dudes.
Yeah, yeah. And that was like a point of pride. And now I'm like, mm. Do I care if I can hang? Yeah. Yeah. Because why? Because why? Why does this, I mean, that's a whole other topic of conditioning, but something I wanna bring up just because I think it's a pretty common mm-hmm thing.
Fallon: It is. It is. And we, women have to be so careful.
In these situations with men drinking alcohol that were not misperceived because people are looking for it, especially beautiful women. Mm-hmm. And you know, we aren't bad looking. And so I also have experienced that, you know, not to like too on horns, but also like, not to pretend that we're not. [00:08:00] Um, but I've also experienced that.
Um, you know, alcohol after hours and people getting inappropriate and then getting blamed and it's like, hang on a, hang on a second. So again, yes, a topic for another day, but just definitely something to just be aware of. And I mean, just the unfairness of that. But also I wanna come, I wanna bring it back around to really asking yourself what it is that alcohol offers you and how does it serve you.
I know I love to catch a buzz. I love the feeling of being buzzed, but it's also I'm a little bit more out of my body. Sure. My inhibition, my inhibitions, right? They're lowered. We all know this. I get a little bit more relaxed, a little bit more carefree, but where in my body, why do I want to numb a part of me to be able to access that part of me?
It's not a safe access, it's not a safe expression of the fullness of who I am when [00:09:00] I'm having to actually put part of my brain to sleep again, like no judgment, and I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I'm probably never gonna have a glass of wine or catch a buzz again. I don't know. Right? I, I don't drink very often.
Like, and when I say very often, I mean like maybe a couple times a year, but I just am something I, I just really look at for myself. Why do I like that feeling so much from something that is actually poisoned for your body. Mm-hmm. You know, and that's a hard truth, right? And like, these are hard truths, but there's something to really look at, especially if you're somebody that's questioning already or really looking at like, oh, why do I like this so much?
And I, and like there's a fear too of like, I don't wanna say I have to quit alcohol. I don't, I don't want it to be taken away from me. Right. That is very true. Mm-hmm. But I also don't know that it's gonna be serving who I'm becoming if I continue to operate and giving myself permission to partake in something that I know is no longer aligned with me.
Abby: Right, [00:10:00] right. And I think when we think about the things that. Alcohol offers the things that are associated with alcohol. It's so many things that bring people joy, you know, it's like community. It's getting together with friends, it's eating good food, it's going to a party or celebrating something, you know?
And this is the bright, you know, the bright side of alcohol of, you know, being able to use it as an, uh, expression of being with loved ones or friends or whatever. Um, And so all of those are beautiful things to one and for it to offer you. And so asking yourself, do you need the alcohol or do you just need the other pieces to feel all of the joy and all of the, you know, the love and the joy and the fun that comes with those experiences.
Um, and to maybe try. Try doing it without it and seeing how it [00:11:00] feels. Yes. Because the other, and the other side of it that we have to acknowledge too, is the discomfort that comes when you tell people that you're not drinking or that you've stopped drinking or you don't, you've never drank because then it's like a fucking mirror.
Oh my goodness. For the people who do, and they're like, wow, well why? You know? And that's something that maybe you don't wanna have that conversation. Yeah. You know, when you go out to a party or an event and you just want to have a nice time and not worry about it. Yeah.
Fallon: And I, I wanna, if this isn't already clear already, I wanna just make it clear that Abby and I are really speaking from the space in which.
We, we've never, I would say, consider ourselves to have a, a quote unquote problem with alcohol. Like, we've always had a pretty healthy relationship, right? Like, we can drink and then we can kind of go without it. So we're really speaking from kind of that middle ground place of [00:12:00] like really questioning, but not because we feel like an addiction to it, or, you know, so, and I think there's so many people in this space, right, right now that can relate to this.
But yeah, because it is, it's like, oh my God, I'm gonna go meet up with. You know, so and so, we're just gonna have a couple glasses of wine and it's just this wind down and really, like you said, great, great times are associated with it. And then, yes, I will say from experience telling people that I don't drink my biggest fear that they think I'm judging them for drinking.
Right. And I'm not, I'm just like, oh, I, I get it. Like, No, this is just where I'm at in my relationship with alcohol. I don't need anybody else to be there for me to feel comfortable with it. So it's kind of this really interesting, energetic dance of like, I don't wanna be like, oh, but I'm not judging you.
It's just like I try to energetically just bring that with me, but also acknowledging that they may feel, no matter what I say, that they're [00:13:00] being judged cause I'm choosing not to. Right. Or projecting that I think I'm better than, and all these things when really it's like, it's just what feels better for me.
Mm-hmm. I like to leave something. Clean and clear. I like to wake up the next day clean and clear. I'd rather wake up tired than tired and a little bit hungover. It's just what works best for me in my body and my connection to myself and my connection to God. But yeah, it is really interesting to watch other people's, I don't wanna say reactions cause I've personally never gotten a big reaction, but I kind of get some like tilt of the heads like, huh, you know?
Mm-hmm. Um, Yeah, there's something else here that's coming through, but it'll, I'll grab it when it comes back.
Abby: Well, and I think it's also, it's our own projection of what we think is gonna happen. Yes. If we go into a situation and we don't wanna drink, cuz then we're worried about the judgment or we're thinking we're gonna get judged and so that almost then talks you out of even trying it in the first place.
Or maybe you're like, [00:14:00] okay, well maybe I'll just have one beer and sip on it. And. So that nobody asks me any questions, you know, or whatever, you know, you're trying to kind of wean, wean off or like do it in a way that that makes it easier for you. And also that's fine if that's how you wanna approach it.
Yeah. Girlfriend? Oh, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say, just to your point about what you said about how it feels like, it kind of cuts off your connection. Um, that's really what strengthened my. Feelings about it, you know, recently, in the last year or so, it's just last summer. Um, and this is was also, uh, weird because I feel like I was having kind of coming to these realizations during a time where there was a lot of celebrations, like when we're getting engaged and then we're like planning our wedding and we're doing all of these things where you would be like going out and celebrating and drinking a lot and blah, blah blah, and like summertime and you know, all of that.
[00:15:00] And. I just kept feeling like if there were, if there were times when I had more than, You know, like two beers or two glasses of wine or something. And even sometimes when it was like two glasses of wine or whatever, and I would wake up in the morning, and then I'm thinking about like stuff that I said the night before and having anxiety about that.
Like if I said something I shouldn't have said, or if I mentioned something to somebody that I shouldn't have mentioned. Oh. Or if I was too open about something. It's like the anxiety that comes with drinking and. And then also just feeling, then feeling weird about it and feeling like this, like weird shame or this weird guilt about it.
And then trying to go into the week doing the work that we do and being like, how, well, how can I be, I don't know, how can I be in a good head space and like show up in the, in the ways that I wanna show up for myself and for the people around me and the people that [00:16:00] I'm working with. And it's really hard to do that when you're in your own weird.
Feelings in your own. Yeah. Like shamey guilty. Yucky feelings. Yeah. Because you
Fallon: can't fully remember everything. Right. Cause again, and if we just wanna like talk about just what it does to the brain, I mean like, we don't need to go into that, but like, look it up. Look it up, what it actually does to the body, and it disrupts your sleep.
It disrupts your appetite, it makes you crave more sugar, right? It, it holds more like belly fat. I mean, we're just, just in general for your overall health. It's just not,
Abby: yeah, there are no benefits. There are
Fallon: literally no health benefits to alcohol. They're only No. What would we call them? Negatives, I don't know.
But they, they subtract from your overall health and wellbeing. It, it subtracts from your overall health and wellbeing. And, and I think that, so as I have weaned a lot through the years, what I began doing was, [00:17:00] Abby will get this, have you ever heard of June Shy?
So, um, so I, I switched to hard kombucha. Like early last year, um, or maybe even the year before. So I kind of made that switch that I felt better. It felt like a cleaner, cleaner way to consume alcohol. And then I would also speak or pray over it before I would consume it. It doesn't change what it does, but it made me feel like at least I was consuming it more consciously and intentionally if I was going to, and then that also made it easier.
To not drink actually, because it's like once you do it consciously a little bit more and more, you recognize that like, and we did this, I tried to have like a beer when we were in Atlanta for Taylor Swift, and remember I couldn't even Dr. I tried twice and I couldn't even drink it. It's like my body was just, my body's just literally done.
And I'm good. And I have so much fun. I mean, I was [00:18:00] totally sober. Right? And it's just you, I just wanna remind you that might be in the transition that I actually have so much fun now I don't, I have not Dr. Like I have been in a lot of social situations and a lot of really fun situations with zero alcohol.
I drink water or I'll bring like a sparkling water and it does not dampen my fun even a little bit. I enjoy it. I don't feel. Disconnected from the community that is drinking either. I still feel very much a part of everything, and so just know that that's also available to you that like it. You'll still have so much fun and you'll actually probably have more fun because you are not gonna feel like shit after, and you're just gonna be so in your body that you can't abandon any part of yourself to where you're waking up the next day being like, did I, like you said, did I overshare?
What did I say? Could have that been misconstrued, right? You're just, you just feel more clear.
Abby: Right, right. And, and I love the approach of, well, a I was gonna say, one of the books that I remember reading a [00:19:00] while ago, um, before I, when I was kind of curious about this a few years ago was, um, alcohol explained, which really just tells you all of the things that happen when you drink and how.
You know, it's like people think that if they, they have a drink on a, a Friday, then by the next Friday, um, they're like, oh, well I haven't drank all week, so it's fine and I'll just drink again now. But really it takes, um, at least a week for alcohol to leave your body. So like you're just always restarting the cycle.
Just a fun fact. Um, And
Fallon: following these hashtag fun facts.
Abby: Fun facts. Um, but I really like the approach. I read the book, um, quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker, and I know that's one of the ones that I feel like is kind of making the celebrity circuit and a lot of celebrities who are quitting drinking or talking about that and, and her kind of feeling about it.
And I think this is especially helpful for. I mean, people who do have a problem with addiction, but [00:20:00] also just women who are kind of in the questioning phase of will women and men, um, who are just like, eh, I don't know if it's serving me. Or Do I wanna cut down or do I wanna cut it out? Or do I wanna just to be something that I have on a celebration?
Like maybe I just, I buy a really nice bottle of red wine or champagne and like this is, and I. Have that, you know, glass of that with a nice dinner or whatever. Mm-hmm. And, but her kind of approach to it is it, I mean, to me, honestly, it feels like a very coaching approach, which is, it's not about, it's not about being like, Quit cold Turkey.
You're done. You're done. And if you go back to it, you're the worst. It's like, let's think about how we can add, find other things that bring you joy. Or like I said earlier, um, you know, think about the things that [00:21:00] alcohol. That the experiences that you are having with alcohol that you could just have without that bring you joy, like still doing, doing things that bring you in connection with other people and having great meals and having a lot of fun and just adding more of that to your life and seeing if you even miss it.
Yeah.
Fallon: Yeah. I love, I haven't read that book, but I love that approach. That's the kinda the way I feel like I just intuitively navigated it. Mm-hmm. Because it's like, if you take something away from me, any human, if I tell myself, right, like, I'm gonna start doing this five days a week, or I'm gonna stop doing this cold, cold Turkey, I'm just gonna, white diets don't work.
Yeah. I'm just gonna want it more. And I'm entering into a, an unhealthy cycle where my rebel's gonna come out and try to sabotage some stuff. So I love that. It's like, Let's not shame, but let's just start to play with the idea and then start to put it into practice. At one event, maybe [00:22:00] you lessen and you just have one drink and, and notice how much you want another, right.
And notice how much you might be like, Ooh, I, I don't feel buzzed enough. I want another one. And don't, don't partake in that.
So we had to take a quick pause, but. Just before, just in case the recording's kind of funny. But yeah, so you're gonna wanna self-sabotage. Obviously that's gonna be subconscious. And so another way that you can do this process and something I recommended to somebody I love very dearly recently was journal like, pick up your journal and write out all your anxieties.
Pick up your journal and write out your gratitudes for, and something she was already doing was writing her gratitudes for. Everything she was experiencing that alcohol wasn't a part of. So there's a lot of really beautiful practices and tools that you can also use as [00:23:00] well as tapping, using Brad Yates, clearing, worry, and anxiety.
Because if you do like to drink and you're gonna feel a little bit anxious pulling like, I don't wanna say pulling away from alcohol, but it's gonna feel like that. Um, Use the tools to help support you in that process so that you don't feel like you have to quit cold Turkey if you're not somebody that's feeling like super addicted, but like, ooh, I need to switch this relationship up.
Um, so that way you can do it more consciously without totally feeling out of control in the situation. Yeah.
Abby: Yeah. And I. And when you go to, if you're curious about doing this, if you're curious about trying, trying to, you know, especially right now, it's summertime. It's a time when it's, there's so much, um, so many things to gather at and you wanna just sit and grab a beer or grab a glass of rose or whatever and hang out with people.
And I find [00:24:00] so often in those situations, it's. It's, it's almost more about having something in your hand than it is about whether the thing in your hand is alcohol or not. It's just like, ooh. It's like you get into the habit of, I finish this drink, I put it down, I go to the cooler, I grab another one, and I just have something in my hand as I'm talking to people.
It's so true. Yeah. Right? Yes. And so, so it's like, like you're saying with the kombucha, it's like becoming more conscious and making conscious choices of like, If you're gonna go to the, if you're gonna go to the party and you wanna drink, maybe it's like starting with that glass of rose or starting with whatever drink you like, and then pausing at the end of it and just being like, okay, how do I feel?
Just checking in. How do I feel? And maybe I go grab a sparkling water. And then you can have something in your hand that makes you kind of feel that, that like faux sense of social lubrication, [00:25:00] but you're not drinking alcohol. And just let yourself check in and ask yours. Like, ask yourself, how am I feeling?
And do I feel good? Do I feel like I even need another class? Or do I feel pretty solid right now? Or you can go in the beginning and just, you know, grab a, grab a sparkling water, throw it in Nacuzzi, and then just go around at at the party like that and see if you even feel like you ever need a drink or if it's just a habit that is just like I, your brain, you know, the brain circuit says, I'm at this party and so I grab alcohol.
Maybe it's just I go to a party or I'm in a social setting and I grab a drink. Whether that's alcohol or not, and just, you know, get curious like with anything else. This doesn't have to be, um, a be all, end all. It's always like everything on here, it's an exploration. It is getting cur curious with yourself.[00:26:00]
It is having no shame about the choices that you do make because we just get to look at that and then decide if that's the choice we wanna make next time.
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. It gets to be feedback. If you feel shame, that's just feed, it's feedback, right? We don't have to go into a shame spiral about it. It's feedback.
And the last thing I do wanna say is I think one of the most vulnerable things we can do is let ourselves be seen in our process with people that we trust. So, Don't be afraid or be afraid and do it anyways. Actually, I don't like when we say don't be afraid, cuz it's like, just do it afraid. Tell somebody that you love, like, Hey, I'm really, I'm really questioning my relationship with alcohol right now.
So if you see me not drinking, will you just see me in that and support me in that? Yeah, letting people in on that process with you is gonna be really powerful for you. And if you're somebody that is questioning heavily, if you have a really, an actual problem with alcohol, seek help. Like this is not a podcast episode [00:27:00] about how we can help you there.
So please ask for help. Um, you know, I know like AA has been really successful for quite a few of my friends, so that's a different avenue, but I just wanna put that out there at the end of this episode. But, Yeah. If you're in it and you're like, oh, I think maybe I don't wanna catch a buzz. Every time I go out with my friends, let me tell a couple of them so that they can just know like, oh, she's in it.
Yeah, we got you. We're gonna support you. Cuz I think you'll find that there's a lot more support than you realize.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. And if you are afraid to tell your friends, tell me. Or tell Fallon Yes. Send us. Send us a DM and just say, Hey, I listened to your episode and it got me thinking and. I'm gonna try it and we'd love to just support you and send you some encouragement.
And if we're the only ones that you, you, you tell, great. You know, you can start with one. Yeah. And we'll hold it for you. Yeah. We love you. We love [00:28:00] you.