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The watercooler for ideas, opinions, and fun topics as it relates to product, design, and engineering in the world of software...and maybe more. Guess we will find out!
Alrighty welcome.
Um, I, this may look like
a completely new place.
Uh, it's because I'm in
Washington DC this week.
I didn't think that I would
be recording an episode.
Uh, but I packed my microphone.
Because I found, uh, a smaller cord.
Uh, that could travel
with me and I sought.
Uh, with the fun things that were going
on this weekend, it might be fun too.
Try to capture those before
I let it go too long.
Um, It's easy to lose some of the
details and in things to become fuzzy.
Uh, if you let things
go on for too long, so.
I am sitting in my hotel room.
Uh, quickly before, uh, my company
offsite starts this morning and, uh,
there's some things that I wanted to.
To share some updates, uh,
from this week, uh, and also.
Talk about.
Uh, something that kind of tied into, I
think, I think something that made this
week possible which is some lessons that I
learned losing a hundred pounds in a year.
This is not like a bragging episode.
It's not actually about losing weight
But it's about Some of the things that
learned That changed my, like, Outlook.
On professional things and
like relationship things.
So.
We're going to talk about what
happened this week and tie those
into some of the lessons that I had
been thinking of sharing anyway.
About losing weight.
And how that's kind of like.
Pushed me to be better in,
in other areas of my life.
Anyway, my name is Wilking.
King.
And this is episode
four of strong opinions.
Weakly held.
Let's do it.
Okay, let's talk.
About this week, what a week?
Uh, so, uh, for those of you
who don't know this week,
uh, is my company off site.
I work at crunchy data.
I'm a design engineer.
We do manage to Postgres.
Uh, and, uh, my offsite, I live in
Alabama, Montgomery, Alabama, and
our, my offsite was in Washington, DC.
Uh, and for those of you who don't
know that, uh, Washington DC is.
Slightly north.
Uh, north east of Montgomery.
Uh, but Monday I had a layover in Dallas.
Which is very, uh, west of Montgomery.
Uh, I had purposefully set up a layover.
In Dallas because, uh, like months
ago, uh, because I was like, Hey, Like
Erin lives in Dallas, Aaron Francis.
Uh, and I'd love to just
grab some lunch with him.
So like let's grab some lunch.
Uh, see if he's interested in doing
that, he said, that'd be awesome.
So, um, I had scheduled some lunch and
then about a month later, Uh, we realized
that that's when a larrikin was happening.
Uh he's but he, he said, well,
there's actually a basketball
game happening that Monday.
If you're going to have a layover,
why don't you just go ahead and.
Come on by, uh, and you
can just come hang out.
We can talk and chat
for a bit at the game.
Uh, that'd be fun.
Me being a big basketball fan thought.
Absolutely.
That sounds like a blast.
So I pushed, pushed my layover.
Sorry.
Push my layover.
A little bit.
Uh, so that I could make
it to that basketball game.
Uh, and if any of you have seen on
Twitter, I somehow ended up as a coach
and, uh, one of the players on the team.
Uh, the terminal team who was playing
against, um, playing against the
level team, it was a blast ills.
So much fun.
Um, and I.
My wife just laughs at me because,
um, when I, when I was so excited
about, uh, Being the coach and
getting to play in the game.
She came home from kindergarten.
That's what not as a student.
Uh, she's a kindergarten teacher.
And I came down the stairs,
just like so excited and she's
like, oh, what's going on?
Why are you so excited?
And I said, well, I get to play
basketball on Monday in Dallas.
You have to pee.
Basketball and Dallas, what do you mean?
I explained the situation to her.
And should you mean you delayed?
Your flight.
To your actual job.
To go play basketball with
imaginary friends from the internet.
She's hilarious.
And the answer to that was yes.
Because if I went, then they
wouldn't be imaginary friends.
Um, and this kind of like gets into,
um, One of the things that, uh, I
wanted to kind of talk about later.
Um, which is, uh, These lessons
that I learned I've lost.
A hundred pounds in the last year.
And it was something that before
I did that, I didn't think
that I could possibly do that.
Uh, and so there has been just a lot
of like learning and a lot of growth.
Uh, about myself throughout this process.
And I just want to share some of those.
Those things not to say like,
Hey, you need to lose weight.
But just to say like, Hey, like, Uh,
there's this category of things that
you learn about yourself when you
try something that you think is hard.
And.
Push through it and do it.
Um, So I want to share some of those.
Um, but before I do that also,
I just want to like make a quick
shout out to like all the awesome
people that I met, um, at Lira con.
Uh, lyric on is I was, uh, I made a joke
that, uh, I did a lightening comp cause
I was only there for the basketball game.
And then I went back to
the airport and flew out.
So I didn't actually get to stay for
any of the conference, but I think
I'll definitely be, um, making.
The trip back to Lira con next year.
Um, but got to meet Kayla Porzio.
Uh, Justin Jackson, they were both on the
terminal team with me and it was so fun.
Uh, Matt Stouffer.
And met Erin.
Um, Jesse.
And just so many great.
Um, fun and awesome people.
If you came and said, Hey
to me, I appreciate it.
Um, I had a lot of really good talks.
One interesting thing about Lira con and
the people that I was talking to is that.
Um,
Everyone's doing something real.
Like they're either.
They either are part of larval.
So they're working on the,
the software and the framework
to make Louisville better.
Or there they're using Laravel
to do like a real business.
Like they're not, it's
not all these people.
Uh, just working on, on software
for the sake of software.
It's like, we are just using software.
Uh, as a means to build something
that we are actually interested in.
Which made for a lot of really
interesting conversations.
Um, I could probably have like a whole
episode just talking about lyric on and
all the people that I got to talk to.
Um, so I'm going to get moving on.
To the lessons learned, but I just had
to, had to stop make a quick shout out.
Um, it was great getting to meet you all.
Um, so.
Let's talk about lessons learned from
losing a hundred pounds in a year.
The first one being.
Um, realizing that I had lost sight
of my ceiling for what I could do.
I think I'd gotten to
this point of, of being.
Complacent.
Because of.
Like I was not happy with my weight.
But I was, I just had this like, mindset
of like, well, things aren't bad.
You know, Um, and that had
bled that bled over to.
That bled over to my work.
Um, and there's this, this story
I think that I shared with.
Um, I might've shared
it in another episode.
Uh, but I had.
During this process.
Uh, right at the beginning.
I had started.
Uh, I applied for this tailwind job.
Um, And throughout that process, I was
trying to share my work and looking
through like my past work and it just hit
me that, you know, I hadn't done anything.
Interesting.
In a while.
Um, I used to do a lot of
interesting things and then
something changed at some point.
Ah, interesting.
Is relative.
Uh, things that like were interesting
to me, like I just used to build a lot
of projects and build a lot of things.
Um, And I had stopped doing that at
some point, and I didn't realize it.
And I had stopped, uh, trying
to like put myself out there.
Uh, with, um, social media and I just.
Kind of like fell off the.
The face of the internet.
Um, and when I saw this posting.
I was just so excited about it.
Uh, And when I started looking
through my work, I realized, I
don't think I'm good enough, you
know, like in that motivated me.
To to want.
To get back to doing that.
Now I didn't get the tailwind job.
And I think that's part of the reason why
is because I just have, I grew complacent
and I grew complacent with my weight.
And.
Going through this process
of losing this weight.
Uh, what that made me realize all
the things that are possible, again,
like my ambitions back, the things
that I think are possible for me to
do or back, um, And a year later, you
know, a hundred pounds sounds like a
whole lot, but it was really not hard.
Um, like it was.
It was a lot of work.
It was a lot of effort, but I
wouldn't say that it was hard, you
know, like it just took intention.
And, you know, small steps, which
is going to be one of the, the
next ones that I talk about.
But, um,
It.
When I got to the end of it.
You know, I got to this point
where I'm like, well, I'm not fat.
Anymore.
I reached the goal that I wanted to.
Um, but I'm not fit either,
but that wasn't that hard.
So like, why let's just keep going?
My, and my ambition changed.
And now, like now I'm saying
to myself, like, why not just
give it an another two years?
Let's push.
Push it a little further and let's
see if we can like, be fit to, um,
so like my ceiling for my ambition,
the ceiling for things that I
think I can do has just raised.
Exponentially doing this.
So that's one of them.
Uh, the next thing is, uh, Understanding
that you can only control inputs.
So.
During the process of losing weight,
like you have no control over your body.
Uh, bodies are very complex.
Organisms.
Um, and there's a lot of different factors
that go into, like how much you weigh,
not going to try to dig into any of those.
Um, but the result of that
is that your scale fluctuates
constantly as you're losing weight.
And it's not always based on.
Uh, like whether you're actually losing
weight or not, like you can be losing.
Fat on your body and your weights
can still go up due to like water or.
Um, all sorts of things.
So like what you get used to.
Happening is like, you can be on
a downward trend and then you can
have one week where your weight
just kind of goes up and down
and up and down and up and down.
And then like suddenly, like you,
you step on a scale one day and
you're like down a bunch of pounds.
Um, because your body kind of like
reregulate and when you look at this
chart over a longer period of time, it
looks consistently down to the right.
But when you zoom in, it's got all
these like little bumps along the way.
Uh, and what that kind of.
Made me realize is that.
Like you can, you can
only control the inputs.
Uh, to your goals, like.
The outputs will fluctuate.
Uh, but, but as long as you are
focused on having the right inputs,
You.
With my weight, um, especially you'll you
will get the results that you're wanting.
And that w that.
The results are going to be different.
Uh, for everyone.
And for every project and everything.
Um, But the only thing that I
can control in that process is
what I'm putting into my body.
Um, I have no control.
Over like how my body reacts to those
in the weight chooses to come off and
when the weight chooses to come off
and how the weight chooses to come
off and also something else that's
weird is like what parts of my body
lose weight at different speeds?
Like.
Um, my face and neck lost all my weight
first and then like my legs lost weight.
Whereas like the other parts of my body
were not losing the fat off of them.
So it's like, there's also like I'm
putting, I'm doing the right inputs
and I'm losing weight, but it's not
like my entire body is uniformly.
Losing fat and shrinking.
And I think that's the same with like
a lot of work that we do where, um, the
more you can be putting in the right
inputs and working hard on a project.
Uh, and like the output,
the results of that.
Um, may you might be finding success,
but you might not be finding success
where you expected to find that success
or in the ways that you expected.
That success to present itself.
Uh, the results to present itself.
And so you've got to just, uh, be patient.
Uh, and also like take advantage of.
How, how that is working for you.
Um, Another lesson.
Is that.
Um, When you do something so
big as like losing weight.
Uh, that's of that scale.
Uh, your weight is not the
only thing that's changing.
Um, your routines and your
priorities are changing.
The reason I was the way that I was and
it had, it was nothing to do with like,
Um, Like it wasn't like, oh, well, if
I just want to lose weight, then I can
keep I'm going to be the same person,
but I'm just going to lose weight.
I had to change my priorities.
I had to change like the, the
activities that I did during the day,
the food that I was eating in my day.
And by changing the type
of food that I'm eating.
You know, you've that, in
my case, it required me to
learn a lot of like cooking.
I like how to cook foods, how to.
Um, Be able to identify like foods
that I like to cook, uh, ways
that I like to cook, et cetera.
So like you, you have to learn all
these things and it's, I think that's
the same with like any big goal.
Like with this podcast for.
Incense.
You know, like I can see as this goes on.
Um, as I hopefully get more of
you listening and more people
interested in it, like maybe that my
interests change in like the type of.
I want to do some interviews with this.
I don't want it to be just by myself.
Maybe that means I now want to like,
travel and do like in-person podcasting,
who knows Things could change.
But like the thing itself, when it's
something as monumental as like weight
or a business, Or a big project.
That's not the only thing
that's going to change.
So you've got to have this awareness
that like, For instance, like.
The reason why I mentioned this
one is because you've got to have
awareness for the people around you.
Um, because choosing to lose weight.
Is a change to like routine,
like I mentioned in life.
Uh, and if the people that are in
your life, aren't ready for that.
Or haven't gotten on board with that.
Um, That can back in.
Be a struggle.
Um, So.
Talk to talk to the people around you make
sure like y'all are all on the same page.
Um, because I don't think I
could have done this without
the support of my wife, granted.
She was not the happiest at the
start because I told her I was doing
it, uh, when she was eight months
pregnant with our third child.
And she just looked at me,
uh, And said, um, I hate you.
You would choose right now when I'm eight
months pregnant to start doing this.
But she was, she was just.
Um, I think mostly joking.
But, uh, but she's been a huge
support and I definitely could not
have done any of this without her.
The last two points are
kind of the same point.
Something as big as this.
Doesn't happen overnight.
Uh, and that's the same with, I'm assuming
how it's going to be with this podcast.
I'm on episode four.
And I don't think there are a lot of you.
Um, but there could be one day.
Uh, and the, the beauty of a podcast is
like, I can be 50 episodes in and get like
a whole influx of listeners at some point.
And y'all all in the future.
Come back and listen to this episode.
So if you are in the future, Um,
Coming back to listen to this.
Hey, um, it works focus.
And patients and consistency compound
and taking things one bite at a time.
Uh, LOL.
I didn't realize that, uh,
it was like, Uh, good food.
Wait, joke.
Um, But.
As it relates to losing the weight.
Uh, I focused.
Uh, on.
Doing like a small, small
things for small steps.
Uh, the first thing that I did was just
start eating, tried to eat less food.
And after I started eating less food.
Um, and started feeling
consistent about that.
Then I started trying
to eat the right food.
And then once I started eating the
right food, then I was like, well,
let's move some exercise into this.
And I started with just going
on 30 minute walks every day.
Uh, and at some point I was like,
man, this 30 minute walk is easy.
Like let's do some weightlifting.
So I started with like a very basic like
Peloton program that was like, Telling
me exactly what to do when to do it.
And then I eventually
got bored of doing that.
And after I got bored of
doing, doing that, I like.
By that point was like, well, I feel
like I'm pretty good at this now.
Like, let's do something harder.
So it's like, I took these small,
small bites that compounded over
time to like, just become part of my.
Like the fabric of my day.
And it then became easy
to like, want to do more.
Because I got.
I got.
More confident in doing that.
I got more competent in doing that.
And over time it just compounded to
like the things that I'm doing now,
if I thought about doing them at the
start would have just been like insane.
Like there's no way I could have done it.
Um, but it's because I took,
took baby steps to get there.
Uh, and then the last one is
like, it's, it takes patience.
Like, It took a whole
year to lose this weight.
And I think that the, these,
these things like patients.
Um, focus.
And just consistency.
Compounding is.
Something that has helped me.
Decide to take on other projects.
For this part, like this
podcast, for instance, I know
that it's going to take time.
And I've just got to ship.
I heard somebody say that, um, when you're
starting out with con making content, what
you're doing is you're making a binge.
Binge catalog, basically that.
If you work consistently.
Uh, your patient and you
continue to focus on it.
Uh, far enough down the road.
You're creating something that
when somebody finds you, they
have a whole backlog of content to
catch up on and get to know you.
And.
Be a fan of yours.
So, you know, that that
plays into content.
I think it plays into product work.
Um, When you are building a product.
You're not going to.
You're not going to know what you
need to build right out of the gate.
Like you might have an idea of like
the general shape of a product.
Um, And a problem that you want to solve.
But, uh, you've got to just ship.
Uh, incrementally and ship something
that, uh, is based on what you know today,
but the second that you ship something
and people start using your product.
You're going to.
Learn the ways very quickly,
the ways in which your product
doesn't solve the problem for them.
And so there's patients in consistency
and in shipping small work.
Uh, in that area too, that that helps you.
Create better products, uh, is not by not
trying to take on everything right away.
Uh, ship.
Ship what solves the problem now?
And talk to people.
Uh, be consistent and patient
and over time, your product.
We'll we'll grow to solve.
Uh, A lot of valuable
problems, um, for our market.
Uh, and then like the last thing that it.
It's true in is in your relationships
like in, with my children.
Um, It's true with my
relationship with my wife.
Um, But the one that kind of it.
Me and my wife talk about
all the time is like how true
this concept is with our kids.
There's.
Like this phase where they start.
They grow and they discover this new.
Um, Like, uh, they, there.
Sorry.
They're developing.
Uh, and they learn this new behavior that
is not necessarily a positive behavior.
Um, so for instance, Um, one of the
ones recently is our two year old.
Uh, just kind of discovered,
um, Being grumpy.
Uh, we, the other morning he was.
He woke up early.
Because he wasn't feeling well.
And we were laying in bed
and he was just like, he did.
He wanted to go watch something.
And he didn't like that.
We were telling him he can't watch
something that we're just going to lay
down quietly for a little bit longer.
And so he's.
Oh, I don't want to, I
want to watch something.
And then he kind of gets quiet for like
10 to 15 seconds and we're like, oh, okay.
Like maybe, maybe that worked.
Maybe he's listening.
Maybe he's listening to us and
he's gonna lay down and be quiet.
And all of a sudden we just
he's beside us and he just goes.
Um, grumpy.
And so like, this is like this
development, um, that he he's discovering
these emotions, these feelings in
the, like how to name these concepts.
And we don't want to.
It's a F it's okay.
That he's grumpy, but
we don't want him to.
When he's grumpy be unkind
to, uh, his siblings.
And so that's just something that,
uh, you know, like we, you don't.
He tell him, no, we don't
hit when we're grumpy.
Uh, that doesn't mean he's
going to stop doing that.
Uh, It takes two to three
weeks of just consistent.
Every single time it happens,
correcting the behavior and
telling them why we don't do it.
Uh, telling him it's okay.
It's okay to feel grumpy, but we don't
let our, our anger, um, show itself
in how we treat others around us.
And.
It just, you.
Have to just be.
Consistent and, you know, two to three
weeks later, he's no longer showing that
behavior every time that he feels grumpy.
Now, of course, he's a kid.
So like it still happens.
Uh, but it's not, um, it's no longer
like his default re re response to that.
And it's the same with, uh,
that's our, our two year old, our
five-year-old, I mean, we've gone
through this cycle every time.
Like.
Every time something comes up.
That's like, oh man,
like this is a tough one.
We're trying to, and you feel like
you're, you're a broken record
trying to correct to your kid.
Uh, eventually they just figure it out.
Um, if you are consistent,
And if you continue to tell.
Uh, stick to.
What you're trying to teach them.
So it's the same way
with learning new, new.
Like if you're trying to learn a
programming language or you're trying to
learn a new framework, or you're trying
to like, learn how to design better.
Uh, it's just patient consistent action.
Um, And giving, giving yourself time.
I think that's like the biggest,
I think that's the biggest thing.
The biggest growth lever that I've
learned from losing all this weight is.
Giving yourself a longer time horizon.
To grow.
Um, or to get better at something.
So I think that kind
of wraps up everything.
Uh, That I want to share
on this, this topic.
Um, but as always, I
want to hear from you.
This I have officially got
this, uh, podcast over in,
uh, ripple.fm by Brian castle.
That's where, uh, we can have
chats, like ask me any questions
you have or follow me on.
Twitter ask me questions there.
I'm at, uh, w king underscore underscore.
I'll put the link.
Below as well, but.
Follow the links there.
Comment.
Uh, if you're watching the YouTube
video comment, their comment and
ripple comment, wherever you want to.
I'd love to hear from y'all.
Um, but this wraps up another
episode of strong opinions.
Weakly held.