Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The cost & courage of caring - stories that spark resilience.
Imagine discovering your mother
has sent money to a man she's
never met.
You ask to see her phone and she
puts it away.
He messages every morning, and
since your father died,
she says it's really been nice
having someone to talk to.
You tell her he's a scammer.
She tells you you don't
understand.
You're thinking about her savings,
her care, everything that could
happen next.
You want to take the phone out of
her hand.
And she says, it's my phone, it's
my money, you don't get to control
my life.
So what do you do?
And if she hands it over, are you
ready for what else you might
find?
Welcome back to the Caregivers
Podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Mark Ropaleski.
We're back for another week.
Today, we're looking at scams that
can imitate people your family
trusts.
Private lives we uncover when we
intervene,
and whether taking away a phone
can create another kind of danger.
We'll finish with a plan you can
start together.
If money is moving in a suspected
scam right now,
please contact your bank or the
payment provider immediately using
a number you know is genuine.
That longer family conversation
can wait and happen afterwards.
So let's talk about the scale of
the problem.
This is a multi-billion dollar
problem.
In its 2025 report, the FBI's
Internet Crime Complaint Center
recorded more than 7.7 billion
U.S.
dollars in losses reported by
people age 60 and older,
alongside more than 200,000
complaints.
Those are reports to one agency.
They do not tell us what
percentage of all older adults are
scammed and unreported incidents
are missing.
In Canada, the Anti-Fraud Center
recorded more than 700 million
Canadian dollars in reported fraud
losses in 2025 across all ages.
An older U.S.
research review published in 2017
estimated that roughly 1 in 18
older adults without cognitive
impairment who lived in the
community experienced financial
fraud or scams over a year.
Now, that is all historical
context, not a current rate for
today's AI scams.
For a family, the consequence
might be losing money intended for
home care.
It might mean an adult child
covering bills they can't afford
or an earlier move because living
at home is no longer financially
possible.
But age alone does not make
someone incapable.
Federal Trade Commission's
reporting data show older adults
were less likely than younger
adults to report a financial loss
when reporting fraud,
although their losses were often
larger.
Now, what do you do when a
familiar face or voice is
fabricated?
The tools used to deceive people
today have changed.
A scam can arrive through
Facebook, Instagram, a YouTube ad,
a search result, a dating app,
email, text, even an ordinary
phone call.
A conversation may then move to
WhatsApp.
Using any of those services is not
itself evidence of fraud, though.
What's happening today is that AI
now lets criminals generate
convincing messages, images,
voices, and video.
A deepfake is fabricated or
manipulated media that makes
someone appear to say or do
something they didn't.
Your aging parent might see a
politician they've trusted for
years appearing to endorse an
investment,
or a familiar celebrity apparently
promoting a health product.
Canada's Competition Bureau has
warned about AI impersonations of
politicians and other public
figures.
Think about why the encounter
works.
The person watching brings years
of familiarity with that face.
The scammer borrows that trust for
something the real person never
endorsed.
This can exploit any political
loyalty.
That same technology can even
bring the threat inside your
family.
The FTC warns that a short audio
clip, perhaps posted online, can
be used to clone a loved one's
voice.
Imagine hearing what sounds like
your granddaughter crying, saying
she needs money, and cannot tell
her parents about it.
Knowing her voice no longer
settles whether it's her.
AI can fabricate someone's
likeness too, and the FBI warns
about fake video used to make an
online contact seem real.
That doesn't mean every family
emergency call uses AI.
It means a familiar voice,
photograph, or video cannot be
your only check.
So how should someone proceed?
End the incoming call and contact
the person reaching out through a
number you already know.
If they do not answer, try a
trusted relative.
Agree on a private family
verification phrase as an extra
safeguard.
And always check independently
before sending money.
Other scams need no sophisticated
technology.
A friendly stranger builds a
relationship and then asks for
emergency money or offers
investment advice.
A pop-up says the computer is
infected and directs your parent
to a fake support line.
A supposed bank employee tells
them to move their savings to a
safe account.
Stop.
Stop and call the bank using the
number on the bank card.
Do not grant an unexpected caller
any remote access or share a
security code.
Check health claims with a
pharmacist or clinician before
buying or changing treatments you
already take.
You don't have to settle an
argument about whether a video
looks artificial.
Ask what the person wants.
Money, account access, secrecy, or
an urgent rush decision before
anyone can check.
That's what you need to look out
for.
But spotting the danger is only
the beginning.
What happens when you, the
caregiver, ask to look at that
phone?
What can you discover when privacy
disappears?
You might ask to see one
suspicious message and find
yourself holding access to
someone's whole private life.
Their messages with friends, their
health searches, their browsing
history,
a relationship they haven't told
you about, perhaps adult material
or intimate exchanges.
That can be deeply uncomfortable
for an adult child.
And you may suddenly know
something about your father or
mother you never wanted to know.
You might feel embarrassed, angry,
or even unsure how to act around
them afterwards.
Your parent, on the other hand,
may feel exposed in a way they
can't easily undo.
They may wonder whether you'll
tell your siblings, judge their
future actions,
or even bring this up the next
time there's an argument about
their independence.
An older adult sexuality does not
disappear because they need care.
Consensual adult intimacy or a
private relationship is not by
itself proof of exploitation or
impaired judgment.
You know, instead, focus on harm
reduction.
Look for coercion, unauthorized
charges, threats, or something
pressuring them for money or a
decision.
If intimate images are involved,
take threats seriously.
People can be blackmailed with
real images or fabricated ones,
save those threatening messages,
and seek help.
Don't make humiliation part of the
response at this point.
Even without fraud, seeing this
information can rewrite the
relationship.
The parent who once protected your
privacy may now be asking you to
respect theirs.
You may find yourself becoming an
investigator when you wanted to
just remain their child.
So getting back to our story,
maybe before opening the phone,
just agree on the task at hand.
Ask, can you show me the message
asking for money?
You can hold the phone.
We don't need to open your other
conversations.
For a spending concern, you could
say, let's look at the charges
together.
You don't have to show me your
browsing history.
And if you accidentally see
something unrelated, just stop
there.
That's private.
We don't need to go through that.
Don't circulate it around the
family.
If help is needed, share only
what's really necessary with the
appropriate person.
Now, you may need somewhere to
process your own reaction to all
of this without exposing your
parents' private or intimate
details.
A counselor can help you work
through the discomfort if it's
really necessary.
So back to our story again.
Consider what your mother, in that
opening example, is losing.
You see a criminal.
She may see a person who actually
asks about her day.
If admitting the scam also means
admitting loneliness and
surrendering privacy, she has a
lot to defend.
You could say, thank you for
telling me.
Let's work out what we need to do.
That's a much better starting
point than how could you fall for
this.
Now, there are some other
circumstances where things can get
drained.
And that's recurring charges.
There's another problem that may
never look like a dramatic scam.
Because it really isn't.
We call it subscription creep.
And it's something all caregivers
should be aware of.
Many subscriptions are ordinary
purchases from legitimate
businesses.
But they can still become
unwanted, unused, duplicated, or
just too expensive for the
person's budget.
A trial becomes a monthly charge.
A streaming service goes
unwatched.
Supplements keep arriving.
And that introductory price ends.
Someone could actually accumulate
a dozen subscriptions without any
single purchase feeling serious.
Say, there are 12 charges
averaging $15 a month.
That adds up to $180 a month, or
close to $2,200 per year.
So with their permission, review
several months of bank and card
statements,
app store subscriptions, and other
payment services.
Look back over a year for annual
renewals.
Normalize that process.
And tell your parent that you'd do
it for your own accounts.
For each recurring payment, ask,
What is it?
Are you using it these days?
What does it cost now?
And do you want to keep it?
Let your parent decide which
pleasantries matter to them.
Your job is not to cancel
everything just because you
wouldn't buy it.
Cancel unwanted services through
the actual provider or
subscription account.
Keep confirmation and check later
statements.
Because deleting an app does not
cancel its subscription.
And if a charge is unauthorized or
continues after cancellation,
contact the payment provider
immediately about disputing it.
You can often investigate a charge
without investigating someone's
private life.
That boundary matters when you
start considering monitoring their
device.
Now what about protective
software?
Is that a do or a no-go?
Well, parental controls can sound
like an easier answer.
But blocking a website,
restricting purchases, and reading
every private message gives you
very different powers.
Start with the specific risk.
For tendencies towards accidental
purchases, explore purchase
approvals or transaction alerts.
If you're suspecting a fraudulent
contact, preserve the evidence,
then block and report the account.
A time limit on an app does not
establish whether someone using it
is trustworthy.
Features vary by device and
service.
Some products that are built for
children's accounts may not
support an adult arrangement.
So check what a tool actually does
before paying for it.
Test the consequences.
Blocking unknown callers might
also silence a hospital.
Restrictions could interrupt
transport and grocery orders.
Agree on what it can see, who
receives alerts, who holds the
passcode, and when you will review
that arrangement.
Check what information the
software company collects, too.
An agreement with your loved one
might be,
We'll restrict purchases together.
I won't read your messages.
We'll review this in two weeks.
Consent to help with settings is
not blanket permission to search
everything.
Secret monitoring can expose
sensitive information and damage
trust.
And remember, being a relative
does not automatically make
someone safe to hold that access.
An agreement given under a threat
to withdraw essential care
is not a sound basis for voluntary
consent.
In the end, you need to be
realistic about your workload.
Who checks alerts while you're
working or while you're asleep.
An app can quietly make you feel
responsible every minute for every
future loss.
So agree on what you can
reasonably do and find a backup
contact your parent accepts.
And if those measures fail, is
taking away the phone the answer?
We need to ask ourselves, what's
the cost of taking the phone away?
The cost of taking the phone away
needs to be an option we discuss
honestly.
In some circumstances, a temporary
pause or a simpler device may be
part of an agreed-upon safety
plan.
But removing a phone altogether is
a major intervention.
For someone living alone, it may
hold their friendships, video
calls with grandchildren,
music, games, private
conversations, and the small
decisions that make a day feel
like their own.
It may also be how they call for
help.
If they fall or feel unwell or are
stranded, what happens when the
phone you removed was the only one
they would have had close at hand?
Before any restriction, work out
how they can reliably contact
family and emergency services.
Test ordinary calling and contact
shortcuts.
Do not place a test emergency call
without instructions from your
local service.
Consider small changes first.
Removing a payment method with
agreement.
Disabling a risky feature.
Or choosing a simpler phone
altogether.
A basic phone can still receive
scam calls, mind you, and it may
not replace the services they
relied on.
So ask what will fill the evenings
if you remove their main source of
company or entertainment.
We'll find something.
Is not much of a plan for the
person left sitting alone.
Sometimes you're weighing serious
risks on both sides.
There may be no setting that makes
everything safe.
The decision in the end should
preserve as much independence and
enjoyment as possible with a clear
reason, proper authority or
agreement, and a date to
reconsider it.
Now that's all great, but what if
your parent actually refuses help
altogether with this problem?
What if your parent just says no?
A refusal or a decision you
dislike does not by itself
establish incapacity.
And being their caregiver does not
automatically give you authority
to confiscate their property,
control their accounts, or install
monitoring.
If they can make this decision,
offer something smaller.
Perhaps they'll call the bank with
you, accept help from a friend, or
agree to verify unexpected
requests before sending money.
Be clear about your own limits
too.
You can offer support without
promising to replace money lost or
putting your household's finances
at risk.
If there are new changes in
memory, understanding, or
judgment, seek a clinical
assessment sooner than later.
Capacity relates to the particular
decision.
A diagnosis alone does not settle
every question.
And if decision-making ability is
impaired, seek advice about the
legal authority and safeguards
where you live.
A power of attorney has limits and
does not automatically authorize
every kind of surveillance.
If you do report suspected
exploitation to the bank or
appropriate local safeguarding
service, you can raise a concern
even when the bank cannot actually
disclose account details to you.
So how about a practical plan for
this week?
You don't have to solve all of
this in one conversation.
Start with one manageable
appointment to review safety
together.
As a family team, first agree on a
pause for unexpected requests
involving money or account access,
especially if there's urgency.
Establish and verify through a
separate trusted contact route.
Choose a backup person so you're
not the only possible source of
help.
Second, agree on privacy before
you touch their phone.
Decide what you're checking and
what stays private.
If your parent would rather work
with someone else they trust,
consider that option.
Third, review recurring charges
and make targeted security changes
together.
Update the device, use unique
passwords and multi-factor
authentication, and ask the bank
about suitable alerts or payment
limits.
Use the bank's formal arrangements
for authorized assistance rather
than casually sharing banking
passwords.
Fourth, protect the things the
phone makes possible.
Check how your parent will reach
help.
Keep in touch and enjoy their day
after any changes.
And finally, agree on what happens
if a scam gets through.
Contact the bank or payment
provider immediately and ask
whether the payment could be
stopped or recalled.
Recovery isn't guaranteed though.
Save messages and receipts before
deleting or blocking anything.
If someone obtained remote access,
stop using that device for banking
and get trusted technical help
immediately.
Change exposed passwords from a
secure device.
And if in immediate physical
danger, contact emergency
services.
In Canada, report to local police
and the Canadian Anti-Fraud
Centre's reporting service.
In the U.S., report to the FTC and
for internet crime, the FBI's
Internet Crime Complaint Centre.
Official links are in the episode
notes.
What stays with me is that a phone
can bring danger into someone's
life while also keeping them
connected to it.
The caregiver might be frightened
of what happens if they don't
intervene.
The person receiving care may be
frightened of how much of their
life disappears if they do.
I would start with an agreement
that makes asking for help less
frightening.
If something goes wrong, tell me.
We'll deal with it together
without humiliating you.
That won't prevent every scam.
It may mean the next worrying
message comes to you sooner, while
there's still time to act.
Have you faced this with someone
you care for?
What helped you protect them while
respecting their privacy?
Share the experience without
posting anyone's private messages
or account details.
If this episode helped you, please
follow or subscribe to the
Caregiver's Podcast wherever
you're watching or listening.
Leave us a rating or review and
share it with another caregiver
who might need to hear this
conversation.
If you'd like to support our small
independent team, you can buy us a
coffee through the link in the
show notes.
I'm Dr.
Mark Ropolesky.
Thank you for listening and until
next time, take care of yourself.
Because you matter too, and you're
not alone.
Before we wrap up, I wanted to
remind you of something important.
The conversations you hear on this
podcast are here to inform, to
support, to spark reflection.
We're not a substitute for
professional medical advice, care,
therapy, or crisis services.
Listening to this podcast does not
create a doctor-patient or
caregiver-client relationship
between us.
If you're facing a medical
concern, health challenge, a
mental health challenge, or a
caregiving situation that needs
guidance,
I encourage you to reach out to a
qualified professional who knows
your story.
If you're ever in crisis, please
don't wait.
Call your local emergency number
or recognize crisis hotline right
away.
You deserve real-time help and
support.
The views you hear on this show,
whether from me or my guests, are
our own.
They don't necessarily reflect any
organizations we work with, are
part of, or have worked with, or
been part of in the past.
This podcast is an independent
production and it's not tied to
any hospital, university, or
healthcare system.
Thank you for being here, for
listening, and most of all, for
taking the time to care for
yourself while you continue to
care for others.
I look forward to hearing from
you.