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Orthodox Christian Parenting, hosted by Faithtree Resources Executive Director (and mom of four!) Michelle Moujaes, is a weekly podcast for parents and grandparents navigating the holy struggle of raising kids in the Orthodox Faith. Each episode offers honesty, encouragement, and practical wisdom from the Church—creating space to exhale, freedom from the pressure to be perfect, and openness to grow as you raise children who are deepening their knowledge and love of Christ.
Welcome to the final week of our special Summer Clip series here on Orthodox Christian Parenting. It has been such a gift to revisit these conversations with you over the last few weeks and we are so excited to be back with you for Season three. Today, we're sharing a moving conversation with Doctor. Rick and Dima Esper. They joined us to talk about the intersection of faith and suffering and what it looks like to raise children when your own life feels like it's falling apart.
Michelle Moujaes:The espers share their personal journey and you'll hear them talk about the importance of being honest with our children about grief. About how to find the strength to keep praying when words won't come and the reality that God is often closest to us in our brokenness. It is a powerful reminder that our faith isn't a shield from life's storms, but the anchor that holds us through them. This is a conversation that will stick with you. Let's listen together.
Dr. Rick Esper:I was born with a congenital heart defect.
Michelle Moujaes:Did you know that when you were born with it or you found it out later?
Dr. Rick Esper:There is a abnormal communication or a hole between the top two chambers of my heart. A lot of people have this, but their hole is a very it's like a pinprick the size of a pencil tip. My hole was about an inch and a half wide. I had surgery. I'm laying in bed.
Dr. Rick Esper:I'm not sure I got any blood thinners I may not have.
Dema Esper:For the kidney
Dr. Rick Esper:stone? I formed a a clot in my vein from laying around. You're not moving your blood. The clot drained back into my heart. That's normal.
Dr. Rick Esper:Instead of getting pumped into my lungs, which would have happened, it went the wrong way through that hole into the system side of my heart and got pumped into my brain.
Dema Esper:And that's when the morning he was about getting ready to go to work. He went to go kiss Anthony goodbye. And I had just finished nursing and, you know, we thought, great, here goes our day. And when he went to go kiss him, he went back. And then all of a sudden, passed out, and he said, I feel really dizzy.
Dema Esper:And those were the last words I heard him say. And and then he passed out. I thought maybe he was hypoglycemic.
Dr. Rick Esper:Some juice.
Dema Esper:I was like, I you need some juice. I was like, worried. Like, he just passed out. And luckily, like, that was happening right before his workday. So the the event, even in that moment, we little did we know, was blessed that it happened in front me.
Dema Esper:And that allowed me to get in touch with his brother. He said, call the ER, call the ambulance, and he was taken there immediately. So within that
Dr. Rick Esper:So I go there, they thought I was having a stroke on the CAT scan of my brain. And they gave me what they call clot busters medicine to break up the clot in my brain artery, blocking a blood flow, but it didn't work. My partner was there getting ready to start his day. And he arranged for me to be transferred to the Cleveland Clinic, which is right next to us. So I had a procedure with a catheter where the catheter was put in my artery, my groin, slid backwards up to an artery in my body, into my brain artery.
Dr. Rick Esper:They put a catheter and then they plucked out the clot. That was causing the stroke, and they aborted it.
Dema Esper:And luckily, like, all of that happened literally within, like, five and a half, six hour.
Dr. Rick Esper:Like Probably about four hours.
Dema Esper:And reperfusion to that area very soon after in that time frame. So
Dr. Rick Esper:There was amount there's a lot of blood there's a lot of brain that could have been saved.
Michelle Moujaes:So you're saying that it's atypical that it would have been treated that quickly, but because it was, that actually preserved a lot of your brain function.
Dr. Rick Esper:A lot of people would be like, oh, is this guy having a stroke? Well, maybe he is. Maybe he's not. What do you wanna do? By that time, four hours have gone by and the guy's Yeah.
Dr. Rick Esper:Fried.
Michelle Moujaes:Okay.
Dema Esper:By the grace of God, that day, he literally orchestrated the event in a way that he preserved him and gave him grace and mercy in the
Dr. Rick Esper:Well, let let's just talk about what happened.
Dema Esper:No. That's important to know. It was very evident in the event that there was grace and mercy even in the event that was traumatic.
Dr. Rick Esper:So I was paralyzed. I couldn't move my left side. I didn't know my left side was there. One third of my brain was cratered. What was it?
Dr. Rick Esper:A few weeks? It had to been about a month or two in bed paralyzed.
Dema Esper:By he ended up at Cleveland Clinic in there for a week.
Dr. Rick Esper:There was a lot of swelling in the brain.
Dema Esper:And kinda had a very critical condition for about the first three to four days where the brain is trying to accommodate for the stroke,
Dr. Rick Esper:and there's a lot to See, the brain after an injury, tissue swells. So the brain started swelling and you swell if your brain swells against your skull, the skull isn't gonna give. So when the brain swells, your brain is gonna get pushed down through the hole It's in the bottom of your called a herniation. It's fatal. So they were thinking about doing surgery, take out part of my skull, but didn't have to do that.
Michelle Moujaes:But Rick, were you awake at this time? Like, did you know what was happening?
Dr. Rick Esper:I didn't know. All I knew all I remember is waking up in the ICU saying, side was it? And my daughter was there at my bedside, and I just kind of stroked her hair. And then I couldn't move my left side.
Dema Esper:The ability for them to transport him to Cleveland in the midst of me trying to get there and all of that happened, Even, you know, they called for consent and, you know, I allowed them, you know, please go ahead with the procedure. So by the time I got up to Cleveland Clinic, it was already done and he was in the ICU. So now at that point, that was from, like I said, the car accident, February, a birth of a beautiful young boy, and then here, a stroke in April. So in about a month span, all of this transpired. So it was quite in enduring, I would say.
Dema Esper:By the time, I should say yeah. Very much so. At that time, we both were identifying ourselves through our profession. And it was at those moments when we both were scaled back and really kinda had to reclaim kind of who we were individually, but who we are together. And it just was that type of moment of like, wow, life is just gonna stay here.
Dema Esper:And we didn't know how long it was going to what it looked like or what it was going to look like. But I think that stroke recovery and if anybody does go through any kind of major trauma or illness or something like this, is that what you look like now, you just know that it's not always gonna look like that in the end.
Dr. Rick Esper:Well, you know what? They would say to me, like I said, they would say I would they come in and say, doc, it's time to get ready. And I say, leave me alone. They said, doc, okay, listen. Your wife is coming here.
Dr. Rick Esper:If your wife sees that you are not ready for PT and you're in your pajamas, we are gonna they used a different language. They said, but we're gonna get in trouble and you're gonna get in big time trouble. So please, for God's sake, get up. Fear of her temper
Michelle Moujaes:No. I love it.
Dr. Rick Esper:Got me up.
Dema Esper:Well, you have to remember when he arrived. He almost was like a celebrity there. You know? And it got to the point where so many of his colleagues and friends and even coworkers and people in the office wanted to come and see him. And, you know, I had mentioned I said, you know, I think at this point, he needs his privacy, and we need him to recover to bring him home.
Dr. Rick Esper:The point I wanted to make is that the motivation like, what are you gonna say? I don't want this to happen to me. It happened.
Dema Esper:Mhmm. We had to power through.
Dr. Rick Esper:It happened to you. Are you gonna sit in bed and and not do anything? Work to get better.
Dema Esper:And then that was the fuel.
Michelle Moujaes:What I love about your story is that when that motivation wasn't there for you, Rick, as your partner and your spouse, she had enough for the both of you. And it seems like she did not let wallowing in sorrow or suffering be an option for too long, which I love.
Dr. Rick Esper:There was some tough language you used to motivate.
Dema Esper:Think, Michelle, thank you. That's most kind. I think that is what happens. I think you get into that, mode where And I use the analogy almost kind of like an Like, we go to think about our ancestors and our families who come from you know, kind of, like, migrating here, and they had that tough resilience to them.
Michelle Moujaes:Mhmm.
Dema Esper:And I remember, like, at times people would be like, I can't believe what you're doing. I said, well, this you know, God doesn't give you more than what you can handle.
Dr. Rick Esper:In the moment.
Dema Esper:You you just have it. You just have to do it. And I think through God's grace in those moments, I was being able to challenge that energy of of of, like, hope to say, we're gonna make this work. We're gonna make him better so he can come home. And I and I think that is what I would hope others can do in the moment.
Dema Esper:It's like, yeah, you do you almost mourn. I remember father Shahuuk from Livonia said, Dima, I don't know why at this moment you've been given this challenge where you are now going to be the mother and the father. And I said, wow. You know? And you do.
Dema Esper:You had to kinda, like, take on both. And through that strength and that hope, you know, of of him coming back is what I think fuels you at times.
Michelle Moujaes:When you and I first talked about this story, which is it was one of the most moving conversations I've had in a really long time because what I think you did so beautifully was you took what would, you know, arguably arguably be a really tough situation, and you've used it to help transform you more into the image of Christ. And you've intentionally fought through the struggle and done what the church so beautifully teaches us, which is fall and get back up, fall and get back up even quite literally. And I just wonder if you could speak for a minute about that process where you just started to submit. Cause it sounds like you were kind of pissed at the beginning and you were already saying, not doing this. I'm not doing it.
Michelle Moujaes:We're gonna just it's gonna go away. But at what point and how did that transformation kind of come about?
Dr. Rick Esper:It took, probably at least a year. I was really angry, really mad, really angry at God. I remember screaming at him in a dream I had, just screaming at him. You better do this. You better give me back my function.
Dr. Rick Esper:But over time, it just sets in. And I would also add to what you said. I think that God is the one that made it so that I changed. It's not like I it's not like I did anything. I just tried to take what I got and keep moving forward with it.
Dr. Rick Esper:But then after a long time you realize, okay, you know what? It dawns on you. I'm not going to get my hand function back. My whole left side is always gonna be stiff. It ain't gonna be like it used to before.
Dr. Rick Esper:This is gonna be like this until the day I die. Am I gonna be bitter and angry all the time for something that I can't change? No. And gradually over time, just saying to myself, well, it's not gonna get better. It's gonna be like this.
Dr. Rick Esper:Things get better gradually because I've been going to therapy and getting the frozen shoulder stretched out. It's a lot better than it used to be, but the function is not going to come back. You realize it's not going to get the way I told God I want at the beginning. When I said to God, here's what I want you to do for me. I'm gonna give, you know, thy will be done, but here's my list of what I want done, Lord.
Dr. Rick Esper:Thy will be done. Here's number one. Number two, then you realize, okay, it's not, I'm not allowed to make the recommendation on what's gonna happen. Not up to me.
Dema Esper:Well, and I think also in the suffering, Michelle, a lot of times, you you start to see the grace and the mercy, and then you you you change your your perspective to say, you know what? It's a blessing we're able to do these things. It's it's God's gift that we were even given this. And I think that's the transformation of submission when you change your mindset to for acceptance and then a lot of gratitude and and and you get you get to the point where you say, wow. This is given to us.
Dema Esper:How did we get so blessed to have all of this?
Dr. Rick Esper:It's a built in thorn in the flesh.
Dema Esper:It reminds us a lot. And I think that suffering then led us as a couple to be in the midst of others' suffering. And I think when you get to see humanity and the frailty of illness at such a young age in our couple, as a couple, we were the youngest people going through, like, stroke therapy at times. You know? He was one of the youngest
Dr. Rick Esper:All these 80 year old people.
Dema Esper:Yeah. And you say to yourself, wow. Like, you're right. You have this young family, and here's this prominent cardiologist, you know, and it strips you of your pride. And I think, you know, the pride lessons, the submission comes in, the gratitude.
Dema Esper:A lot of this all kind of builds in to relentless saying God's will is is being done, and we're going to just take what we have and use it as as our grace and our, you know, submission to him.
Michelle Moujaes:How do you find strength to keep showing up for your children on days when your body or mind feel like it has betrayed you? Actually, I feel like that's a Rick question. Yeah. That's a Rick question.
Dr. Rick Esper:I force myself.
Michelle Moujaes:You force yourself. Okay.
Dr. Rick Esper:I just force myself and say, it's this my this is what I signed up for. And I just say that Jesus prayer, please, God, help me do this. Please help me do this. Make the sign the cross.
Dema Esper:There are days you are not showing up your best. I've done it, and we've all done it. And you remorse for maybe the way you approach something, or you felt like, wow, I could have been better in those moments. I think what those days look like are days where you're very vulnerable. And those are the days where I would just say, wow, I wasn't my best self yesterday.
Dema Esper:And, you know, take a day back, do a personal inventory, find where you can, you know, look at that day of that what how what and and just say to your children sometimes, I know I didn't show up the best that day, or I didn't feel the the you know, well enough to handle that situation. But now that I have a day behind me or two days behind me, I just wanted you to know we use a lot of apologies sometimes in parenting.
Michelle Moujaes:Just Absolutely.
Dr. Rick Esper:Yeah.
Dema Esper:You just apologize. And and then when they see that, I think that also teaches them that
Dr. Rick Esper:Sometimes I have sometimes I have lost my temper with my daughter. Yeah. Hurt hurt her feelings. And then sometimes I go off and then I when I calm down, I say, okay, that was bad. How was I selfish?
Dr. Rick Esper:How was I fearful? How was I resentful? How was I dishonest? And I'll say to her, you know, Catherine, I apologize. After I calm down, I think about it.
Dr. Rick Esper:Catherine, I did I was selfish because I did this. I was dishonest because I acted like this. I was fearful. I was resentful. Please forgive me.
Dr. Rick Esper:I was wrong.
Michelle Moujaes:I think that's beautiful. Yeah. Because I mean, that's repentance being taught in action. Yeah. Right?
Michelle Moujaes:When you're, when you have enough humility to come before your children and say, yeah, I didn't get that right. I'm gonna try I think that's a beautiful way as opposed to let's memorize facts about forgiveness and repentance. Like that's it in real time, which I love. Yes. That's it.
Michelle Moujaes:The faith in action.